Traveling husbands???

[luvmyhalo]

My husband travels for work a little less than 50% of the time. He''s considering a position that would be 65% travel. We have a 22 month old daughter and we keep fairly busy with friends in the area. We''re pretty far from family but I kinda like it that way! I think I can handle it but if anyone has a similar situation, I would loooove to hear how you make it work!

 

[Octavia]

No advice from me, but I''m also interested in hearing what people have to say. My FI travels off and on right now, but if he ends up being able to do what he really wants, he''ll be traveling A LOT more. I''m not so concerned about it for now, but I am worried about when we have kids -- I''m definitely not SAHM material, and I don''t want to be a quasi-single parent. We''ve talked about it, and we know we can make it work somehow, but you still never know until it''s real...so hearing how real people make it work will be very helpful to me, too!

 

[Sabine]

Wow, that is a lot of time! What exactly is the frequency/length of the trips on average? For the past 2 years, my dh has been doing rotations out of town for months at a time. Most of them were close enough that we could see each other on weekends, and I think the longest we went without seeing each other was 2 straight weeks. We were both surprised at so hard it was for us. Even though we could talk on the phone every day, we both found it difficult to stay connected over the phone (one person would be thinking about work or trying to make dinner, etc.) However, it is doable! DH is in the navy, so we will be having to do more separation, but I don''t think I could do it if there wasn''t a definite end point in sight.

 

[luvmyhalo]

Right now he is away M-Th every other week so usually its not for more than 4 days at a time. It is hard to stay connected, I am NOT a phone person! Every time he comes home, we have to re-connect which is harder than I thought. We have a very good, healthy relationship so I''m not really worried about that. However, we do need to be better about having Date Nights. It''s so important to be alone with one another and have adult conversation!!!

I''m more concerned about losing my mind being at home so much with only a 2 year old to talk to! I have a bunch of friends that we get together with often. But its the evenings mostly that get pretty lonely.

With this new position, the longest he''ll be away will be 2 weeks at a time but mostly it would be about 4 days or so. The 2 week trips would be international travel with the opportunity for our daughter & I to come along. I''m a SAHM Mom with noooo desire to go back to work so I need to fill the days and nights with things to keep my LO entertained, which is NOT always easy!!!

I''d love to hear what advice anyone has to give!!!

 

[hibiscus]

Date: 11/6/2008 8:29:38 PM
Author:luvmyhalo
My husband travels for work a little less than 50% of the time. He''s considering a position that would be 65% travel. We have a 22 month old daughter and we keep fairly busy with friends in the area. We''re pretty far from family but I kinda like it that way! I think I can handle it but if anyone has a similar situation, I would loooove to hear how you make it work!

My hubby travels 4 days a week on average. It use to drive me nuts for months eventhough most of my time is taken up with work and my now 14 month old girl. I use to miss him LOTS (i still do but after 2 years, am so use to him traveling). We keep in constant contact via sms, phone call every evening and emails on a daily basis. I run a business from home, so work and my lil'' girl takes up a lot of my time. I mingle with neighbors, friends, house chores, pets, yard work, play-dates)) is enough, sometime I wish I have more just 24 hours in a day.

Nonetheless, I look forward to him coming home. We make it a point to do things when he''s back. We do grocery shopping together, head down to the club house, do our walk-jog in the morning together with our daughter and dog, head down to the lake etc. We make meals together on the weekend and sometime he makes dinner, meet friends etc. It really helps to look forward to doing things together when he''s back.

I schedule my work travels when my hubby is home, so he can take turns to care for our child. Of course, there are days when every hobby, work, friends, pets, this and that to keep me occupied and yet life is just seem a lil'' bit lonely... It happens, its just one of those things..

Jen

 

[brooklyngirl]

I was curious to the responses to this thread, because I travel for work every work every week. FI drives me to the train station every monday at 6am, and pics me up on Friday at 6:30pm.

While I''m away he takes care of our dog and takes him to the dog park for an hour or 2 after work, has joined a billiard group, and on occassion goes out with his coworkers after work.

He''s not really a phone person, so we don''t talk on the phone so much, but we email a few times during the day, and we call each other before we go to bed.

When I''m home on the weekends, we do everything together -- cooking, cleaning, shopping, hanging out with the dog, etc. The weekends always seem so short, and it feels like we don''t have time for anything. I try to make sure that during the weekend I make him food for the week, do some laundry, and cleaning, and generally spend some quality time together. On some weekend we even get to watch a movie

It''s tough, but handling it for the time being. I think I''ll start looking for local employment after the wedding.

 

[Burk]

My husband travels most weeks for 3 days or less. I don''t have much in the way of suggestions but just wanted to say I can totally relate (even though your DH is away more than mine). One thing I found when I was home with my daughter (I''m home during the summer-I''m a teacher) is it was important for me to get a sitter every once in a while and do something for me (get a pedicure, manicure, just go grocery shopping without DD) because with DH gone it''s like being a single parent and it''s hard.

 

[luvmyhalo]

Thank you all for your replies! I really needed to hear that others were in a similar situation and were making it work.

Hibiscus - Your DH''s travel schedule sounds like what mine will be with this new position. He''s been traveling with his current job for about 2 years and when my daughter was younger, it was SOOOOO hard! I think I''m used to it now, especially with my daughter a little older. She''s starting to talk (A LOT

) and she keeps me company. I even enjoy having the time to my self some days but I still get lonely

Do you find it difficult to re-connect once he comes home? One of the things that''s kinda hard is that when my husband gets home, he expects me to be ALL over him! I DO miss him but I get used to him being gone. Do you guys have Date Night?

Brooklyngirl - It''s so interesting to hear your point of view! I know that traveling is exhausting. Do you get lonely when you''re finished with work? How do you spend your evenings?

Burk - You are sooooo right about needing some ME time! About 2 months ago, my daughter started going to Pre-School one day a week. That has made life sooooo much easier for me. I get my mani/pedi, go shopping, etc.... It''s really a great mental break. Sometimes I think DH doesn''t realize how draining it can be to spend all day & night with a toddler. She''s approaching 2 years old (January) and is becoming quite sassy

I love her to the moon and back but having a day apart is really good for both of us!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

My Husband is gone 5 out of 7 days of the week. It is hard, but I try and think of it as "what would we really be doing if he was home every night?" I don''t mean that ugly in any way but we both have busy lives and he does help me when he is home but he works hard all week and comes home to hang out with me!

 

[luvmyhalo]

That's a great way to look at it Kathryn! If he were here every night, I think we would slip into a boring, monotonous routine.

A think a little time apart is good for a relationship. I think I'm just wondering at what point does it become detrimental?

 

[luvmyhalo]

Here''s my partner in crime!

She''ll be 22 months old next week.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 11/7/2008 4:46:06 PM
Author: luvmyhalo
Thank you all for your replies! I really needed to hear that others were in a similar situation and were making it work.

Hibiscus - Your DH''s travel schedule sounds like what mine will be with this new position. He''s been traveling with his current job for about 2 years and when my daughter was younger, it was SOOOOO hard! I think I''m used to it now, especially with my daughter a little older. She''s starting to talk (A LOT

) and she keeps me company. I even enjoy having the time to my self some days but I still get lonely

Do you find it difficult to re-connect once he comes home? One of the things that''s kinda hard is that when my husband gets home, he expects me to be ALL over him! I DO miss him but I get used to him being gone. Do you guys have Date Night?

Brooklyngirl - It''s so interesting to hear your point of view! I know that traveling is exhausting. Do you get lonely when you''re finished with work? How do you spend your evenings?

Burk - You are sooooo right about needing some ME time! About 2 months ago, my daughter started going to Pre-School one day a week. That has made life sooooo much easier for me. I get my mani/pedi, go shopping, etc.... It''s really a great mental break. Sometimes I think DH doesn''t realize how draining it can be to spend all day & night with a toddler. She''s approaching 2 years old (January) and is becoming quite sassy

I love her to the moon and back but having a day apart is really good for both of us!

Traveling is tiring, BUT, before we moved to CA, I was on a project (I work for a large consulting firm) where I drove 1.5 hrs each way. Even though I got to be with FI every night, it was beyond exhausting, because even if I only spent 8 hours at work (this never happened, it was always ~10) I would only have an hour or 2 at home to shower, eat, and get ready for the next day, that we didn''t spend any time together, and I was so exhausted on the weekends.

Now that I''m travelling, I think I am a lot healthier, and more balanced because I have a few hours in the evenings to myself, and I get a full night''s sleep, which I could never do when I was commuting.

With that said, some weeks I really miss FI, and our doggie, and just need a hug and a good lick from the dog (especially if I''ve had a rough day). That aspect of it really sucks, but I did catch up on a lot of TV (we don''t have a tv at home since no one watches it) -- it''s what I end up doing after work, if I don''t work late.

I thought I would have more time for PS, but usually, I just don''t feel like looking at my laptop after a long day.

 

[hibiscus]

Date: 11/7/2008 4:46:06 PM
Author: luvmyhalo
Thank you all for your replies! I really needed to hear that others were in a similar situation and were making it work.

Hibiscus - Your DH''s travel schedule sounds like what mine will be with this new position. He''s been traveling with his current job for about 2 years and when my daughter was younger, it was SOOOOO hard! I think I''m used to it now, especially with my daughter a little older. She''s starting to talk (A LOT

) and she keeps me company. I even enjoy having the time to my self some days but I still get lonely

Do you find it difficult to re-connect once he comes home? One of the things that''s kinda hard is that when my husband gets home, he expects me to be ALL over him! I DO miss him but I get used to him being gone. Do you guys have Date Night?

Brooklyngirl - It''s so interesting to hear your point of view! I know that traveling is exhausting. Do you get lonely when you''re finished with work? How do you spend your evenings?

Burk - You are sooooo right about needing some ME time! About 2 months ago, my daughter started going to Pre-School one day a week. That has made life sooooo much easier for me. I get my mani/pedi, go shopping, etc.... It''s really a great mental break. Sometimes I think DH doesn''t realize how draining it can be to spend all day & night with a toddler. She''s approaching 2 years old (January) and is becoming quite sassy

I love her to the moon and back but having a day apart is really good for both of us!

Hi Luvmyhalo,

We would love to have date night once a week. Unfortunately, I can''t leave my daughter alone. She bawls like there''s no tomorrow. We have a nanny come over whenever I''m too busy with my work or have to do some traveling. We hope we can have a date night once she gets a little older. The last date night we had was 7 months ago.

Yes, I do find it hard to re-connect at times. I wish he would be around the entire week each month.. You are right about still being lonely no matter how you keet yourself occupied. We are trying to keep the spark going by doing things together whenever he''s home. That said, I rather think about what meaningful things to do on those 3 days he''s home than contemplate with the thoughts of four lonely nights.



ps. your lil'' girl is gorgeous!

 

[Catmom]

Two weeks ago my husband was in Japan for the week. Last week he was gone for 3 days in Ohio. Next week he will be gone for 3 days in Atlanta. The week after he is gone for the week to Korea. Etc., etc., etc. Our kids are grown now or it would be much tougher on us. We''ve learned to be very independent and to take care of pretty much everything home wise. He works hard and really enjoys his job and these days is extremely happy that he even has a job. When he is home we do pretty much everything together. When he is away we talk on the phone every day or IM each other every day so we are still in touch. We are counting down though. 7 more years untill retirement for him! He won''t know what to do with himself and I won''t know how to handle having him around all the time.

 

[MMMD]

My DH used to travel 3 out of 4 weeks a month. It was hard when my kids were babies but I think it was good for our marriage to miss each other. Now I kind of think we take each other for granted now that he only is away for a few days every six weeks or so.

 

[Burk]

My daughter will be 1 in January!

I don''t think men get how draining it is to be a SAHM.

It''s great that you are able to go have "me" time while your daughter is at preschool. And by the way, your daughterr is absolutely adorable!

 

[softly softly]

Well I can''t give any practical advice myself right now, but I''m going to be needing some myself as my husband starts a new job this week that will mean he will be away from home (on the other side of the country) for 9 days and then home for 5 from now on.

My two kids are 4 and 2.5, so I''m guessing I''ll be feeling very glad to see him when he gets home. I think it is going to be a hard adjustment for us all.

 

[MrsG]

Ladies, I am so happy I saw this thread today!! I apologize in advance for my long post.

I have a 7 year old daughter and 2 step kids that live in a different state with their mom. For the last 4 months I have been a SAHM and also finishing up my degree. And until August I also worked full time. My husband travels for work A LOT! His trips tend to vary in length from 3 weeks to 3 months at a time. In the last 2 years he hasn''t been home for longer than 4 weeks (but usually it is 2-3 weeks) and this year he''s been gone for 6 months total. It''s incredibly difficult, because he often misses holidays and other important dates for us. This year alone we didn''t get to spend New Years together because our daughter and I were out of the country and he wasn''t able to come with us. And then he was gone on Valentines Day, our "dating" anniversary (we got married a little over a month ago, so it was important), Mother''s day, his birthday, my birthday, first day of school, his daughter''s birthday, Halloween and his son''s birthday. We got engaged in February and he left 3 days later for 6 weeks. We had to cancel our wedding plans for next year because he got an out of country assignment and we couldn''t keep the date. So we had a small wedding in September of this year and he left on yet another trip 2 weeks later.

It''s a crazy schedule, but somehow we make it work. Thankfully he is a phone person and so am I. We talk daily and most days more than twice a day. He works in Southeast Asia a lot and an 11-12 hour time difference works to our advantage, so he calls me in the morning and at night. We also skype a lot and send e-mails (big yay for blackberry). We managed to fit in a 3 week vacation into his work schedule during the summer, so that broke apart his 3 month trip and didn''t feel so long after all. When he is home, we take family day trips with all of the kids, try to spend all weekends together, go out on dates when we can get a baby sitter.
What I find difficult is getting "used to him" again when he gets home. My routine changes significantly when he is away and, as much as I hate saying it, a lot of times I feel like a single mom. I get stressed out with everything I have to do, but my evenings are dedicated to me and what I have/want to do and that changes to "us" time when hubby comes home. It takes me a few days to readjust.
I keep myself busy while hubby is away, but I do get lonely. We moved here from the West Coast, where I had a lot of friends and a fantastic support system. We don''t have family in the area and I haven''t made a lot of friends where we live now. Most days I don''t have time to even think about it, but when I do I get sad and sometimes a little bitter.

Next month we are moving to Indonesia and hubby''s schedule is going to be very similar to Luvmyhalo''s - gone during the week, home on weekends.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

When my DH and I started dating, he was traveling at lot. I did the math once, and it figured out to be like--in the first 4 months we were together all the time he traveled added up to be like 1 month--so I always joked that we''d actually only been together for 3 months.

I usually tried to fill my time with friends, or my own job. Of course I missed him, but that was part of his job.

His travel has calmed down a lot.

 

[onvacation]

Date: 11/8/2008 9:44:20 AM
Author: Catmom
Two weeks ago my husband was in Japan for the week. Last week he was gone for 3 days in Ohio. Next week he will be gone for 3 days in Atlanta. The week after he is gone for the week to Korea. Etc., etc., etc. Our kids are grown now or it would be much tougher on us. We''ve learned to be very independent and to take care of pretty much everything home wise. He works hard and really enjoys his job and these days is extremely happy that he even has a job. When he is home we do pretty much everything together. When he is away we talk on the phone every day or IM each other every day so we are still in touch. We are counting down though. 7 more years untill retirement for him! He won''t know what to do with himself and I won''t know how to handle having him around all the time.

Wow, your DH is not one for jet lag, is he! What troopers your whole family must be.

 

[onvacation]

Date: 11/10/2008 5:35:21 PM
Author: onvacation

Date: 11/8/2008 9:44:20 AM
Author: Catmom
Two weeks ago my husband was in Japan for the week. Last week he was gone for 3 days in Ohio. Next week he will be gone for 3 days in Atlanta. The week after he is gone for the week to Korea. Etc., etc., etc. Our kids are grown now or it would be much tougher on us. We''ve learned to be very independent and to take care of pretty much everything home wise. He works hard and really enjoys his job and these days is extremely happy that he even has a job. When he is home we do pretty much everything together. When he is away we talk on the phone every day or IM each other every day so we are still in touch. We are counting down though. 7 more years untill retirement for him! He won''t know what to do with himself and I won''t know how to handle having him around all the time.

Wow, your DH is not one for jet lag, is he! What troopers your whole family must be.

Meant for students, but I bet your husband can relate?

 

[Catmom]

Date: 11/10/2008 11:14:13 PM
Author: onvacation

Date: 11/10/2008 5:35:21 PM
Author: onvacation

Date: 11/8/2008 9:44:20 AM
Author: Catmom
Two weeks ago my husband was in Japan for the week. Last week he was gone for 3 days in Ohio. Next week he will be gone for 3 days in Atlanta. The week after he is gone for the week to Korea. Etc., etc., etc. Our kids are grown now or it would be much tougher on us. We''ve learned to be very independent and to take care of pretty much everything home wise. He works hard and really enjoys his job and these days is extremely happy that he even has a job. When he is home we do pretty much everything together. When he is away we talk on the phone every day or IM each other every day so we are still in touch. We are counting down though. 7 more years untill retirement for him! He won''t know what to do with himself and I won''t know how to handle having him around all the time.

Wow, your DH is not one for jet lag, is he! What troopers your whole family must be.

Meant for students, but I bet your husband can relate?

HA, that is perfect!!!

 

[Lottie]

My husband is away 2-3 nights a week travelling for work and I guess you just get used to it. We have a 10 month old daughter and I do feel desperate for a break sometimes but then so does he from the travelling. We really make an effort when he is home and his position enables me to be a full time mother which I am grateful for, I definately think things like emailing pictures of our daughter doing funny things helps him to feel that he is not losing out and we never take each other for granted. But I would love for him to remember that our house is NOT a hotel!!!!!

 

[Lottie]

Date: 11/7/2008 2:01:34 PM
Author: Burk
My husband travels most weeks for 3 days or less. I don't have much in the way of suggestions but just wanted to say I can totally relate (even though your DH is away more than mine). One thing I found when I was home with my daughter (I'm home during the summer-I'm a teacher) is it was important for me to get a sitter every once in a while and do something for me (get a pedicure, manicure, just go grocery shopping without DD) because with DH gone it's like being a single parent and it's hard.

Burke my daughter looks a little like yours (similar hair colouring), how old is she? Neve is 10 months - am trying to get her picture on my avatar.

 

[luvmyhalo]

It''s so good to hear that all of you are making this work. It''s definitely empowering to know that it can work and can actually be a positive thing! At least, that''s how I''m looking at it right now. Ask me next week, I''m not sure I''ll have the same answer!

Being apart gives us a chance to miss one another and we make the most of the time we have together. There are still some tough, lonely times but overall, its really not that bad.

If at ANY time any of you are having a tough time with DH being away, please use this thread to vent, laugh,cry etc... I think we can all relate to one another''s situation. I know I''ll need some words of encouragement from time to time!