shape
carat
color
clarity

Spouse''s recreational drug use? Insight/Advice needed...

lilyfoot

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 19, 2009
Messages
1,955
Can I just say, I didn''t realize so many adults did this??
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
My husband smoked ALOT in high school and college... I asked him to stop, because he becomes very quiet when he smokes and I don't like it. I like having somone to talk to. His friends still do though, and he'll smoke maybe once a year if I am out of town. Perfectly cool with me.

You seem to be ok with him doin it outside of the house, and he is pushing the envelope by trying to bring it into the house.

I would not be able to stay with someone that was fixated on drug. He has decided that trying to get you to let him do it at home is more important than you being happy.

He is putting his drug before you. That would be my walking point.

ETA: Just saw that you all have talked. Glad to hear you have worked it out.
 

movie zombie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
11,879
congrats on the talk and its results. you were strong and clear.

now, it would seem, it would be necessary to establish rules for house guests BEFORE they become a house guest: your house your rules. if she or any future guest can''t abide by those rules, then its the highway. her problem not yours.

mz
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,222
Date: 6/21/2010 12:08:01 PM
Author: lilyfoot
Can I just say, I didn''t realize so many adults did this??

Lilyfoot, I''m not totally shocked about this, but that is due to my own experience which relates to the OP''s.

So, I went through a similar situation with my ex-H. When we first met, I didn''t know he smoked pot at all. We moved in together and he never smoked it in front of me or at home. I can''t remember all the circumstances leading up to this, but we got married and bought a house and suddenly he was smoking it all the time! Gradually I had been discovering that he was getting high more frequently, but since he didn''t do it inside our apartment I didn''t realize the amount of times he was doing it per day...until we bought the house and I guess he felt like he could do it anytime, anywhere since it was "his" property.

I started coming home from work to find him and a friend/neighbor''s husband in the basement smoking almost every single day. I told him several times I wanted it to stop happening in the house. I didn''t care if he did it when he was out with the guys, but told him it needed to taper off (he was in his mid 30''s by this time, I mean, come on.) I tried pot a few times in college, I laughed hysterically for ~5 minutes and then fell asleep. He seemed to not be able to function without it, and obviously that was a sign of addiction. I told the wife of the other couple that her husband was over at my house every single day, she promptly denied it and our friendship suffered, but that husband stopped coming over.

We had other marital problems. The smoking got worse. He stopped going to work every day. He started cancelling business trips and lying to his employers that he''d actually gone on the trips. He got fired. I got laid off a week before that. He continued to smoke.

F/Fwd to a couple months later. He was on the way to a job interview and he had actually purchased someone else''s "clean" urine off the internet. He wanted me to help tape the contraption to his body. I was so utterly disgusted and freaked out by this that I wouldn''t do it. There was a terrible fight over it.

Almost one month later I left the marriage. We had other issues, of course, but his addiction was a huge part of why things would not work. I hate the drug and that is why. I don''t know how I feel about the legalization of it. Probably wouldn''t change my thoughts, honestly. As long as it is still an addictive substance, AND IT IS, I don''t think the legal issue will change my stance.

I dont'' know what a clear answer is for you, OP. I just hope you and your husband are able to work out the issue.
 

ImperfectGirl

Shiny_Rock
Trade
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
309
Date: 6/21/2010 12:08:01 PM
Author: lilyfoot
Can I just say, I didn''t realize so many adults did this??
Ditto...
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,041
Addiction involves have negative consequences as a result to the excessive use of [fill in the blank]. It also includes not wanting/being able to quite. Drugs or alcohol are not the only things people can be addicted to. So, I think it is important to look at the mental component, not just the choice of substance (for those who believe pot should be legal). This is about dealing with someone with possible dependency/addiction issues. 16 % of people have addiction issue(s). Research says every addict/alcoholic affects 4 people (low estimate IMHO) which means the majority of people are either fighting addictions or love someone who is. I would hate to see this thread turn into something that it was never intended to be.

***getting off my soapbox now***
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,250
Date: 6/21/2010 4:44:41 PM
Author: ImperfectGirl

Date: 6/21/2010 12:08:01 PM
Author: lilyfoot
Can I just say, I didn''t realize so many adults did this??
Ditto...
I think it varies by region and also social circle. In BC where I grew up it was ubiquitous, whereas in southern Ontario where I went to grad school it was much less common.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
25,250
Date: 6/21/2010 2:19:59 PM
Author: movie zombie
congrats on the talk and its results. you were strong and clear.

now, it would seem, it would be necessary to establish rules for house guests BEFORE they become a house guest: your house your rules. if she or any future guest can''t abide by those rules, then its the highway. her problem not yours.

mz
Yes, big ditto to this.
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top