potty training.....help!!

[upgrading mama]

I am sure those of you who have passed this stage with your children either chuckled or groaned at the title of this post!!!
potty training.....ahhhh, what an undertaking!!!!

I began to potty train my now 2 1/2 yr old boy, Andrew, about 3 weeks ago. We have been very causually using the big potty for several months, as I wanted him to be comfortable around it. Before bath time he would sit on it and usually not do anything but every once in awhile, he would pee/ it was great we would all cheer and he would be so proud.

He is an advanced little boy, began to walk a 9 1/2 months, climbed everything by about 11 months, including the rungs of the monkey bars, and was an early talker.

At 2 1/2 he has even been learing to speak greek (my 1st language).
so now to the ''dirty'' business, pun intended.

He has been peeing on his little potty for 3 weeks with great success. for the 1st week I left him with no bottoms on so he wouldn''t forget he had to go sit on the potty. Then by week 2, we put on underwear and he would take them off when it was time to go. Week 3 we added pants on top all things great!
The only times he wears a diaper are at naptime and bedtime. He hasn''t hardly left our house, either bc I didn''t want to be going back in diapers, but in the rare time he did leave, we put on a diaper, and often it would be try.

Problems, so far only 2 small poops on potty. Usually, he goes in his diaper after his nap or this week, he has been pooping on the floor!!! thankfully, most of our house is laminate flooring but the bedrooms have carpet.
The worst incident occured a few days ago. He pooped behind the kitchen table and then came and told me. I ran over to see it, scolded him, put him in his room so I could clean it. when I was done, I went to his room to talk to him and let him out only to see he had pooped in his room and rubbed it all in to the carpet!! pushing a toy all through it and a book, it was so disgusting!! I was fuming, and frustrated.
Hubby put him in the tub so I could go after the carpet.

We didn''t have this trouble house breaking our dog!
so, to all of you have been through this, what can I doooo??????

What sort of incentives did you give him??????
Here is a picture of Andrew at work...lol

 

[eks6426]

Have you tried letting him use the regular real toilet yet? I had issues with my son similar--although not quite as bad..no rubbing in carpet) and what finally worked was letting him use the real toilet and getting to flush his poopy away. He really liked to flush the toilet. I got a seat that went on top of the real toilet so that he didn't fall in. It worked like a charm and also ended the nasty job of cleaning out the kiddy potty.

 

[KimberlyH]

I am not a mom and have no personal experience in this area, but I did have a co-worker whose son was not taking to potty training (I''m talking months and he was almost three) so she kept a jar of M&Ms by the bathroom door and he got to choose the color he wanted every time he used the toilet. I am not so sure this is a method I would use, but I''m not a parent and desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

[chrono]

I wish I could share some words of wisdom, but unfortunately, I am in the same boat! My son is 3.5 years old and has no problems with peeing in the potty. He uses the adult toilet with a special child''s seat and loves to flush. The problem I am having is also with the pooping. He has yet to even poop in it once. We''ve tried the M&M bribery which he is very excited about but he still won''t go. Many times, he''ll do it in his diaper, then tell us. If we "catch" him in action and rush him to the toilet, he''ll refuse to "go".

 

[swingirl]

Your son is obviously too young to get potty trained right now and scolding only adds to his stress. Potty mistakes doesn''t mean he''s being naughty. And playing with poop is VERY common for boys and girls. It''s just a fun thing to work with, like clay. Just because he is smart and ahead with walking/talking doesn''t mean he is ahead in everything. Boys potty train much later than girls. It''s physical control AND understanding that is needed. I have a son and have had a lot of communication with boy''s moms. We all agree boy potty training takes longer and starts later. Many boys will pee in bed past the age of 6 or 7. When I had sleepovers for little boys (elementarty school age) I always made sure they went to the bathroom before we turned off the lilghts and kept the plastic liner on the matress. And many boys came over with a "heads-up" that they were accident prone so no liquids right before bed.

You need to take this slower and not get so disgusted with accidents. Remember, potty training is for your convienience. There is no benefit for a 2 year old to poop and pee on command.

 

[hlmr]

Sorry to hear you are having such trouble, Sophie.

I dare say he is just not ready yet for pooping in the toilet. I would keep focusing on the wonderful job he is doing peeing on the potty and perhaps offer the big toilet for pooping when he seems more ready.

Boys do seem to be a bit older when they are ready for potty training than girls, so he is doing well so far.

My best advice would be not to get discouraged, focus on the positive progress he has made, and not give too much attention to any mishaps. When he does go poop in the toilet, give him lots and lots of praise.

Also, him showing you where he went poop is a positive step, as he is cognizant of going. Next time that happens, you could thank him for showing you that he went poop on the floor, and ask him if next time he could call out for you when he starts to feel like he needs to poop, or if the poop starts coming out. Again, lots of praise if he does call you, even if it is too late to get him to the toilet.

Good Luck!

 

[oshinbreez]

Sounds like you got a problem.

Many years ago when I was training my son, I would use training pants on him. Back then they were blue terry cloth. I didn''t use diapers at all when potty training. We would let him see after we would poop in the toilet so that he would understand that''s what mommy, daddy, and sissy (big people) do. Of course there was always alot of clapping,cheering, and hugs when he would use the potty. I really didn''t have trouble with either of my kids. My daughter was potty trained at 15 mos, and son at 18 mos. As soon as they started walking, I was trying to get them out of diapers...

 

[upgrading mama]

thank you everyone for your input so far.

I do think that I *could* just go back to diapers full time. After all, he is only 2 1/2 and it would definately be alot less work. Now, he is on the potty every little while even if it is for just a bit of pee. But I really do think that he is capable, and ready to switch.

He has been accompanying me in the bathroom since he has been walking,mainly bc he would cry if I closed him out hahaha

I always let him flush for me and he loves to do that. He even coaches me and shushes me so he can here pee, etc.. (sorry for the graphics ). I guess my dilemma is that I don''t want to stop bc I have also been told that once you start you shouldn''t stop. He is such a smart little stinker, last night I put him to bed and he ran to his door to tell me he needed to "Go pee" so that I would open the door! Just a glimpse of what is to come I guess


I am not one of those parents who is in the "milestone" race, meaning I am not trying to do it, just so I can say, "oh Andrew did ''this'' by ''such and such'' age." actually, I have waited a few months from when I think I could have started. He shows interest in going on the potty, loves to be praised for doing it successfully, and loves to praise us, too.

MY 1 yr old little boy is a pooping machine so I was changing him the other day and I teased him and said, "georgie, it is time to use the potty" and Andrew got a big kick out of that. We have sat Georgie on it for fun and andrew tells him he is a little boy and (Andrew) is a big boy. That makes me happy

I will have to try some incentive program (lol- it sounds like air miles or something). The m & m''s is a good idea, and I think I will try it. I will just have to get out and buy some tomorrow probably.

keep the ideas, and opinions coming!

 

[Girlrocks]

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that I am just starting to potty train. This is my 3rd time around so I am a lot more relaxed about it then my older kids.

With my older daughters (twins), they were trained at 2 yrs, 7 mos. One of them, however, refused to poop on the potty. She wanted to put a diaper back on or a pull-up. I went along with it for a while but then after about 6 months, I got it into my head that I should put my foot down about it. I would not budge. She would sometimes hold the poop in for 6-7 DAYS!! This caused horrible cycle of being constipated, then when she would go to the bathroom it would hurt, so she would hold it again for 6-7 days, become constipated, go and it would hurt, etc. By doing this, she has had damage done to the muscles in her lower bowels and about 2 years ago, had a rectal prolapse (where a few inches of the lining of your intestines actually comes out of your body). She is 6 1/2 now, and still has problems with constipation, she takes Miralax (sp?) daily for 2 years now. I wish that I had never fought her on the issue!

I am of course not suggesting that this would happen to your son, but (and especially if this is your first child, I''m not sure) everyone thinks that 2 1/2 is the magic age for some reason that all kids need to be trained and it''s just not the right age for some kids! As long as your child does not have any developmental delays, he''ll train when it''s the right time for him, and as my mom told me, no kids ever go to kindergarten in diapers!

With my 3rd child now, I am much more relaxed and just letting her tell me when she''s ready. Believe me, once he''s trained, it''s still not easy! You have to map out all of the bathrooms in a mall, when you''re driving, etc. and when a 3 year old tells you on the interstate that they have to go, they mean NOW and not at the next exit!

For my older two and now with my youngest, M&M''s were the trick. I kept a covered candy bowl on a shelf in my bathroom and they got 1 M&M for pee, 2 (or 3) for each poop in the potty.

Good Luck!

 

[mrssalvo]

I''d probably put him back in diapers and not bring it up again for a while. I think when kids are really ready, they just do it and they don''t have tons of accidents. He''s still young at 2 1/2. When we potty trained my 4 year old, we let her take the lead, never pushed her, offered no reward and didn''t bribe her. Just asked every once in a while, do you want to go on the potty? one day, she said she wanted to and did. That was it, she only had 2 accidents ever. I have another one that''s potty training now, she does get a sticker on a special calendar every time she goes but if she doesn''t, no biggie. I''d just drop it for a while and see what he does. My little brother wore diapers until he was almost 3 1/2. One day he said he didn''t want to any more and he never had one accident. I hear that boys are harder than girls too so just be patient and give him some time. Good luck.

 

[oshinbreez]

I think potty training might have been easier when my kids were going through that stage. In the early 80''s there wasn''t much on the market in the way of disposable diapers, and the were awful expensive. Neither of mine could wear them. They broke out everytime I''d put them on them. So I had to use cloth diapers with the rubber pants. The only time they wore disposables was on long outings. I was so tired of having to wash diapers by the time they began walking. The diapers out now keep a baby reasonably dry even after they wet. I know when my son would poop in his terry training pants, he would throw a fit. They''d sag on him and he''d take them off right away. I don''t know if you can even find them in stores anymore. But maybe they''d help.

 

[MINE!!]

LOL..... WHen I read the title I though...LOL.. potty training sucks. I have no tips for you sorry. My girls potty trained like a charm, but I have a freind who has teo boys that wanted to rip her hair out during PT....Good Luck to you.


Be consistant is what I say.

Peeing is ALWAYS the easier of the two. Even with my girls, peeing was always the one they caught on to the fastest. Be consistant. My daughters had a specail "potty" song that they only sang on the potty.. (even once in a while I hear my oldest humming it in the bathroom...LOL) We also did 1 M&M for pee and 5 M&M for poos... it went really well, we would not let them have M&M''s any other time and they thought that getting M&M''s were the greatest.

With my experience in Childcare and what I have heard from friends, boys are harder to potty train.... And they are finding the AVERAGE child does not really "get" it until about 3 or so. Though I am sure there are some that PT earlier. Both of mine were potty trained by 2 1/2. But my freinds boys didn''t "get" it till about 3 or so.

 

[movie zombie]

i did everything right and everything wrong....then i figured it out: i was the one that had the need for her to be potty trained....she didn''t. she was always cleaned up, comfortable, and smelling nice if she didn''t cooperate. so as cruel as it may seem, i decided it had to be her need and i quit changing her and cleaning her up. within two weeks she was potty trained for both wet and solids. once it became her need, it was simple. call it tough love.......

movie zombie

 

[mrssalvo]

haha MZ, that is funny and so true which reminded me that my now almost 3 year old really hasn''t cared to potty train until recently when I ran out of diapers. I ran into walgreens and bought the cheapest off brand b/c I didn''t want to pay the mark-up on Huggies or Pampers there. anyway, they don''t absorb as well at all and she could actually start feeling the pee pee and started commenting that she was going which I think sparked the interest for her.

so Sophie, maybe put him back in cheapo diapers and see if it''s uncomfortable for him, especially since he''s experienced not wearing them.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Interesting thread. I have a daughter who will be three in Feb. So far, I put her potty seat in the bathroom and I occasionally ask her if she wants to try it. She usually says no. She has said yes a few times but I am not really convinced so I am waiting until I am sure. I kind of figure it is easier to do it at once than to stop and start. I feel I need to be committed so I want to make sure she is first. But these tips are going to help me when we do it.

 

[justjulia]

My daughter was ready at 2.5, but my son was 3. We did both by enticing with m&m''s. Worked like a charm.

 

[jorman]

My nephew mastered poopoo and pee pee on the potty with incentives.

His mom made a chart with each day of the week and hung the chart right by the potty. (the big potty with the special seat for little kids and a step stool for easy access)

Everytime he pottied successfully he got to put a sticker on the chart for the day.

Everytime he pooed, he got 3 m&ms.

Worked like a charm.
Hurray!

 

[Small]

Potty training SUCKS! Pooping was the most challenging I will say that and I still have one to train...I know he''s going to be harder

My daughter trained for peeing pretty quickly. I started really hitting training hard last January and she FINALLY is fully trained as of July. So it took us 7 mos

And like you we did the casual bathtime/morning/before bedtime sits on the potty with no pressure but the pooping just wasn''t going well. She didn''t do anything like your son did...i would have pulled my hair out LOL. But she did hold it in for days and I knew that wasn''t helping her. We gave her some mineral oil to help get the ball rolling and it wasn''t until July when we switched her from her crib (she''s a small girl and her crib was very high so this is when she started to try to climb out the sides) to her big girl bed that she decided to go poop on the potty. It was amazing the transformation.
From what I''ve read pooping is very much a control thing for them. it''s the one thing they can control over all else and not until they are ready will they poop on the potty. I know Im not much help but I can say with certainty from experience that what I''ve read was what happened with my daughter. My ped told me girls tend to be fully trained earlier by 2.5 years and boys mostly by 3 years or after. He''s still young. I definitely wouldn''t regress the training as it may be harder the next go around but I would not stress the pooping as much. I would have him in pullups and such and not push him about it. He WILL do it...he''s just not ready yet. But definitely keep going forward with your training. If you put him in diapers it''s just going to confuse him and the one thing I know (I did going back and forth training not training) is that you have to be CONSISTENT in order to succeed at it. Good luck. My son is 19 mos and he sits on the potty and says potty but I''m so not ready for his training. I hear boys are just harder

 

[Christa]

I agree that at 2 1/2 he probably isn''t quite ready. I know I caused myself unnecessary stress with my first child--bought a potty when she was 15 months and barely walking, tried to get her to use it for the next year and a half.

When she was finally ready at almost three she went from full-time diapers to dry even at night in two weeks. So my advice would be to save yourself the aggravation and back off. Remember this is one of the few things it''s impossible to physically MAKE him do, and you don''t want to turn it into a power struggle.

That said, though, I''d try to come up with some amazing prize that you can point to and say "See that? When you go in the potty like a big boy you can have that." Then leave it alone and let him think it''s his idea.

A funny story that doesn''t really apply here (I guess it kind of does . . . in a way) is about my #2 daughter. She was one of those who was potty trained when she felt like it and would have "accidents" when it was easier (grr). The turning point was when we went to the circus and she was so impressed by the ladies who rode the elephants and wore sparkly panties that all it took was some Hanes and glitter paint and she never looked back.

So I guess the moral of that story is if you can find something that motivates him, run with it!

Good luck . . . and thanks for reminding me that I really don''t miss having babies and toddlers THAT much.

 

[upgrading mama]

thank you all so much, for the tidbits here.. I am glad I could provide some comic relief for some of you too, and be glad you are past this stage!!haha

I think for now we will stick with pee on the potty, because he does prefer to be without a diaper/pull up and likes to wear underwear. I have been telling him to tell me if he needs to poop and I will put a diaper on him bc it is ok. But he has pooped 2 more small times on the floor.. grrr

the problem is, he is so irregular with when he goes, I just don''t know when it will happen. I still need to go and buy some m & m''s....

 

[cutes814]

Hrm... I don''t have much advice since it wasn''t too hard for Alyssa when we PTed her. She was 18 months when we first started. We took out the diaper and put her in her pants. Took her to the little potty every 2 hours and asked if she needed to go. After about 2 weeks she started going on her own.

Everytime she needed to do #1 or 2, she would tell us to take her. She did have a few accidents during that time though. All #1''s so it wasn''t as hard as your situation right now.

I remember this one time, after 3 weeks or so, she was completely trained and then she had a pee accident. She didn''t tell me, but she ran to her room and stood facing the wall, sniffling. I heard her so I went to her. It was so cute because she was silently crying because she felt ashamed that she had an accident after being trained already. I comforted her and told her it was okay, but to not hold it in too long. Told her to tell me when she senses it a little bit, not when she is about to explode. I will never forget that moment.

Good luck with your little boy.

 

[Christa]

Date: 10/28/2006 9:58:44 PM
Author: Milly
Hrm... I don''t have much advice since it wasn''t too hard for Alyssa when we PTed her. She was 18 months when we first started. We took out the diaper and put her in her pants. Took her to the little potty every 2 hours and asked if she needed to go. After about 2 weeks she started going on her own.

Everytime she needed to do #1 or 2, she would tell us to take her. She did have a few accidents during that time though. All #1''s so it wasn''t as hard as your situation right now.

I remember this one time, after 3 weeks or so, she was completely trained and then she had a pee accident. She didn''t tell me, but she ran to her room and stood facing the wall, sniffling. I heard her so I went to her. It was so cute because she was silently crying because she felt ashamed that she had an accident after being trained already. I comforted her and told her it was okay, but to not hold it in too long. Told her to tell me when she senses it a little bit, not when she is about to explode. I will never forget that moment.

Good luck with your little boy.

This might be the difference here . . . "everyone" says boys are harder. Of course, I have two girls and a boy, and my son was the easiest.

One day he said "I want to wear underwear", so we got some and he did. Really, though, I think the difference with him was that he was my 3rd and I didn''t feel like pushing it with him. He was almost 2 1/2 when he came up with that, and we hadn''t really tried to train him yet.

Sophie, a friend of mine has a son who loved to poop on the floor and smear it around, too, though. Not unusual at all. Try not to let it get to you . . . says me, six years from my last potty-training experience.

 

[reader]

For my daughter, also nearly 3, we put on her bathing suit and decorated her potty like a throne. The only time we had accidents was when we used pull-ups. She told me later, that she thought if it was a diaper like thing that she had to go in it.

 

[AGBF]

I am rushing to work, but will write more later. I adore MZ, but feel she is way off the mark here. I agree with all of those who say he is too young.

One tip: give him fingerpaints!

Also: a tip for you. Buy Selma Fraiberg's The Magic Years and Toilet Learning!

The latter is not by Fraiberg!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Ellen]

I''m not sure what advice I could give, as you''re in the middle of it now. Only thing for sure is, be patient, this too shall pass.

I had 3 boys, I let them tell me when they were ready. All 3 were 3 years old, but it took less than a week, with minimal accidents during and none after. In my opinion, it''s worth waiting, less stress on everyone!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

What I found was that I had to change to training pants. No diapers or pull-ups except perhaps at night. I never used the little potty either. We used a stool in front of the regular toilet and had a child seat securely attached to it. They loved that!

While I do not believe in pushing children who are not developmentally "ready", I don''t feel 2.5 is too young to start. What I do think is that kids want control early on, and they can exert their control in this instance moreso than in anything else except maybe refusal to eat something. So I do consider some form of behavior modification is appropriate, and a combination of rewards (M&M''sand praise, etc.) and the letting them stay uncomfortable for a short while (messy training pants and not too much attention, even negative) may be what it takes to get some kids trained. My kids all trained fully before age 3.

 

[AGBF]

Your son will be able to substitute the fingerpaints, which are nice and messy and squish in one''s hands, for other objects he would like to play with during this stage of his development. Don''t rush him with the potty/toilet. If he feels you are pushing him, toilet training can become a power struggle. You really don''t want that. Back off if he exhibits any stress whatsoever!

Incentives are great. Charts in themselves- if they have glittery stars-can be rewarding, and of course m&m''s or another tangible reward will reinforce what is on the chart.

I scattered little potties all around the house and did it over Christmas vacation when I had oodles of time. You really need to be available every second and so does the potty!

Good luck!

Deb

 

[Miranda]

Oh, Sophie! That poopie story rang a bell for me!!! My now 12 year old used to do that. So foul! Nothing nicer than mashing fecal matter into the carpet!!! I have heard/read several times that if you start to toilet train children at age 2 they will be done at 3 and if you start at 2 yrs. and 10 mos. they will be done at 3. I think it is a generalization, but, there could be some truth to it. Maybe your sweetie just isn''t ready. Or maybe it''s just a fun game to see what he can make mom and dad do. Oh my, I don''t know. There''s no right answer. My oldest son was trained at 2 yrs. 11 mos. My second son trained himself at 2 yrs. 2 mos. My daughter was done at 2 yrs. 10 mos. I think Mrs. S was onto something about the less than cozy diapers. There are also pull ups that let them feel the wetness. I do think someone implied that neglect would be a solution, but, that''s actually against the law. Tough love with a 2 year old??? Puhleeeeeezzzz! That just sounds mean and scary. There are more valuable lessons for children to learn! Handling this with love and compassion should do the trick no matter how long it takes. Good luck!!!

 

[reader]

Its not neglecting it for hours on end, but you can just not make a big deal out of having to change a diaper the exact second it gets wet. Give it five minutes so they can feel that wet and soiled isn''t comfy..and handling it matter-of-factly "Yes, wet and soiled is uncomfy" instead of a Big Deal "Look at the awful mess you made!"
Depends on the kid: mine is one that would make a big deal if you did, good or bad, and at 13 is still that way about any illness real or imagined. (If there is a kid with a cold, she thinks she has a fever in about an hour)

 

[Miranda]

Date: 10/30/2006 9:04:26 PM
Author: reader
Its not neglecting it for hours on end, but you can just not make a big deal out of having to change a diaper the exact second it gets wet. Give it five minutes so they can feel that wet and soiled isn''t comfy..and handling it matter-of-factly ''Yes, wet and soiled is uncomfy'' instead of a Big Deal ''Look at the awful mess you made!''
Depends on the kid: mine is one that would make a big deal if you did, good or bad, and at 13 is still that way about any illness real or imagined. (If there is a kid with a cold, she thinks she has a fever in about an hour)

No, not wet, but, soiled gets rashy quickly. You are right...Matter of fact is the name of the game!

I just read your throne idea. So perfect! I wish I''d have thought of that a year ago for my "princess"! Maybe it''ll work for Sophie''s prince!