Only Child!

[labellavita81]

sooo.... just looking to get some advice (maybe a smack in the face?) regarding a situation.
My husband and have always said we will only have one child. We discussed it and agreed on it.

Now that my first has turned 2, I have started to get this overwhelming feeling about having another one. I never thought I would ever feel this way. This feeling I am having is so strong it is keeping me up at night.

My husband is dead set against it. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do? How did you cope with knowing 1 would be all you will have?

 

[lliang_chi]

LaBelle,

I have not insight, as I have just one 6 month old now, and couldn't imagine having another right now. But, that being said, you should have a discussion with you husband to help you root out WHY you're having this overwhelming desire. This is NOT a lobbying campaign, this is a, "OK LaBelle, you said you want to have another kid, why's that? What are you feeling? Are you worried: what if something happens to LO? Are you nostalgic: I miss the tiny baby days? Are you pragmatic: When we get old it's a lot for just one person to shoulder care for aging parents?" Etc.

This is not the time for emotional plays, "But don't you remember how she wouldn't STTN? He's such a great kid, why don't you want another?"

In a different vein, DH and I had agreed before marriage that we wanted to plan for 2 kids. Now that we have our first, I've actually talked to him that IF everything is manageable, I'd be open to having 3 because as it stands DS will have a TINY family, very likely not have any cousins. I come from a very large family, so I'd love him to have other relatives around him growing up.

 

[swingirl]

Why were you initially so set one having only one? Finances? Over-population? Don't like noise and commotion? Your age? Bad childhood experiences with siblings?

Maybe thinking about your original reasons would help open a dialogue with your husband. You must have shared your reasons initially.

 

[bubbly1126]

I'm right there with you except my husband isn't dead set against having another overall... just dead set against it right now... or in the next couple years.

This is not okay for me but all his reasons are valid which makes it extra hard to sway him otherwise. His reasons are: Finances. Two children would be feasible but he wants to make sure we can ALWAYS provide for our DS at all times. The world we live in. Let's face it, it's a scary place. Sickness. He is terrified of our next child not being healthy. I can agree with all these reasons, but it doesn't hinder my hunger for another child.

I could go on and on. But I feel I am in a similar boat as you and won't be of any help. I'm sorry.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

There are sooo many things we decide on in advance when there is absolutely no way to know how we'll feel until we have experienced it. Others are things like...I love my career and would never stay home with a child, or I would never work when I have a child, or I want one child or I want 4, etc.

Do you do more of the child care or does your husband? In my case, my husband worked long hours and I always had more of the responsibility. So he was flexible in regard to how many I wanted. At 40 and 3 kids, he did say we were done as far as he was concerned!

I think it is important for spouses to be open to the needs of the other. Unless the family is in poverty and can't afford to feed their kids and provide adequate health care, I don't see why adding a second child would be that big of a deal. I do think it is a good idea for many reasons.

I hope he will change his mind since it is such a strong desire for you!

 

[ponder]

There are sooo many things we decide on in advance when there is absolutely no way to know how we'll feel until we have experienced it. Others are things like...I love my career and would never stay home with a child, or I would never work when I have a child, or I want one child or I want 4, etc.

Do you do more of the child care or does your husband? In my case, my husband worked long hours and I always had more of the responsibility. So he was flexible in regard to how many I wanted. At 40 and 3 kids, he did say we were done as far as he was concerned!

I think it is important for spouses to be open to the needs of the other. Unless the family is in poverty and can't afford to feed their kids and provide adequate health care, I don't see why adding a second child would be that big of a deal. I do think it is a good idea for many reasons.

I hope he will change his mind since it is such a strong desire for you!

Very well said. DH and I always talked about having just two kids. After 7 years of marriage we decided to try. We had DD#1. I never dreamed that I would want another so badly or so SOON. DD#2 arrived 16 months later. Then DH was adamantly, irrevocably DONE. But I wasn't. I again had that desperate overwhelming desire for a 3rd, he didn't. I pretty much sat him down and explained that there weren't a lot of things in my life that were essential to my life and my happiness. This wasn't a passing fancy. I knew I would regret for the rest of my life not having one more and I was afraid that this would breed resentment and unhappiness in our marriage. DS arrived 16 months after DD#2. I then scheduled his vasectomy for the following month. I am done. Life is a little hectic, but fulfilling.