Non family member and labor...

[MustangGal]

So a close friend is pregnant, and due this month. If she doesn''t go into labor by next Thursday, she''ll be induced. She has no family here (and isn''t that close to them anyway), and has asked me to be at the hospital with her. Her husband will also be there. Since my own labor is the only one I''ve been to, what should I do as a spectator? Did any of you have "extras" in the room, and can you give me tips on anything they did that hepled? I don''t want to get in the way or be a bother, but she did ask me to be there. I just don''t want to step over the line and be the annoying friend or anything...

 

[neatfreak]

Well first I would ask HER what she thinks she might like you to do. Be her advocate with the dr? Get her ice chips? Hold a leg? Sit in the waiting room and do nothing?

I think she will probably have a good idea of what role she might like you to play.

 

[MustangGal]

She only mentioned "someone to talk to since last time DH just wanted to play with the equipment". Her DH is an engineer

She''s pretty young (22), and on the indecisive side, so I doubt that even if I asked she would know what she wants. It''s her second baby, and a different friend was there the last time.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''ll be interested in your experience. My friend with the triplets has hinted that she would like me in there with her during the c-section delivery of the babies. She''s trying to get the green light from her docs, but I''m not sure it is going to happen since there are going to be so many bodies in that delivery room and they are strict about who goes in during the operation. Most likely will be just her and her DH, but I think it would be neat to be there, so if she asks I''ll go (and have camera in hand.)

 

[fieryred33143]

First, this is so wonderful of you MG!


As you know, you really don''t know how you are going to react once in labor. You may be the lady that flies through it with a smile, completely keep to yourself without wanting to talk to anyone, curse everyone out, laugh hysterically, etc. So I would try to see what her style is and adapt. FI was wonderful in this aspect (well he was my rock throughout the whole thing but this is one example). I kept to myself and didn''t want to be talked to except for important questions. People kept trying to hold conversations with me and FI would ask them not to. And he didn''t get offended when we spent our entire time in silence.

Ask her ahead of time what she would be comfortable with you doing: up by her or down near the action, if you KWIM. When I got the epi, I needed someone to hold my legs because I had no control over them. FI spent his time down by the action which I prefered.

It would be nice if you could keep track of everything she has when she goes in to the room and help her collect it all at the end. When we were moving to the recovery room, I had to spend my time going "where are my slippers, are they in the bag? Grab my toothbrush from the bathroom please. Etc."

I''ll see if I can think of anything else.

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh and yes to the camera! FI was able to take photos of Sophia once he wasn''t needed anymore (lol). I have a bunch of pics of her while they were giving her a bath, measuring, weighing, etc. but none of her when she was first delivered and placed on my chest. Those pics would have been kept private but it would have been nice to have. Also please make sure to get a family photo as soon as you can. FI didn''t think to ask one of the nurses to take a pic and I certainly wasn''t thinking about it so we didn''t get one

 

[Blenheim]

MG, how nice of you! Inductions can be long, and so it sounds like she may just want the company. If that''s all she says that she wants for now, I''d just be receptive to things changing in labor and just pay attention to her cues.

Personally, I would have appreciated having someone help take care of DH (getting him food and drink, standing in for him so he could go to the bathroom) because I needed him and he didn''t leave my side for several hours at the end, and I know that he could have used a little help. Also, pictures (if she wants them of course). I have like two photos of me in labor and no G-rated "after" photos, and that''s probably my biggest regret about my experience. Come to think of it, even if she''s indecisive, you could ask her if there''s anything that she would have changed last time around and then see if you can help her out with that.

 

[upgrade]

What an honour to be asked! I was a spectator at the birth of my niece and it was the most amazing experince. Much more enjoyable than being the one in labour! For my sister, I just tried to be encouraging, be a cheerleader and do what she asked. There were a few of us in the room in addition to her dh and some of the extras really got in the way of her dh and were leg holding when he wanted to do it, etc... I would say if you go into it wanting to be as helpful as possible while making sure the two of them have the starring roles, you''ll do great. And take a camera! I took (g rated) pictures of the new parents meeting their daughter for the first time, from across the room so as to be unobtrusive. Lots of shots of them staring at her and at eachother. It''s not a perspective you''ll get on film without someone else present.

Good luck!

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

I think you can cover whatever bases that her DH isn''t covering at the moment. If he is rubbing her shoulders you can get her a drink of water. If he is holding her leg while she pushes, maybe you can be up near her head putting a cloth on her forehead if she is hot. I think talking to her is a good idea. I know my mom wasa big help to me when I was in labour because DH didn''t have a clue what was going on!

 

[somethingshiny]

I asked a friend to be there when I was induced along with my DH. My friend actually became my "get that person out of my room!" girl. I would just give her a sign and the offending person was removed immediately, including my mother. She was also able to give DH a break during a long labor. He felt like he could go get a meal since she was with me. And, really, just having a woman in the room who had a child (and been induced) just made it easier. When you''re in labor you really want someone who can relate because you know your DH CAN''T!

My cousin always wanted company during her inductions because she planned on having an epidural immediately and just wanted someone entertaining to be there with her.

Check with your friend to see what she wants, and be prepared if she says she wants you to film it.

She may just want someone there who isn''t going to pass out or freak out.

Good luck!!