Allisonfaye
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2004
- Messages
- 1,456
I have 2 daughters ages (almost) 8 and almost 10. My younger one is/has always been on the impulsive side. She is very energetic and gets a n idea in her head and has a hard time not acting on it, but she is getting better. My older one is a an introvert, very smart and just diagnosed with ADD (inattentive type). She could read 24/7. But her ADD is very bad. She has trouble completing much school work because of it. Until this summer, I never let the younger one out without supervision. We live very close to the street and I was afraid she would run across without checking first. So this summer is the first summer she has been allowed out to play alone with the neighborhood kids. So my older daughter is out playing with them more, too. So the problem is, they don't like my younger daughter. I am not exactly sure why. She doesn't have many friends at school either. School is trying to work on it, too. I try to arrange play dates but honestly, I usually let the other kid make the first overture because I know how the kids don't really like her. She often either doesn't get invited back or doesn't get invited at all or the other parents don't reciprocate. I see how they look at her when I go to volunteer at her class. (last year). She definitely has a reputation. She isn't bad. But it was hard for her to hold still in the circle and stuff like that. Now that she is in 2nd grade and doing more academic stuff, she is thriving and loves school.
So there are about 5 girls of varying ages directly around us. My older daughter plays with them fine (although she is very shy), except when the younger one wants to play, too. The group of kids runs away from her, 'ditches' her, etc. I tried to kind of stay out of it all summer, hoping it would resolve itself as she played with them more and got more mature but it has only gotten worse.Also, I didn't know if she was doing something to cause them to be mean, like be mean first. Number 1) they avoid my older daughter because they figure they will also have to include the younger one. I have tried to have them doing separate things sometimes but I can't have the younger one out all the time or busy 2) I was kind of not sure IF my younger one was doing something mean to them but I wasn't really seeing it and kids won't be mean when you are watching them anyway.
So here's what happened. I went pick her up at school and the neighbors had the waterslide up. So I told my older one to ask them if they would be nice to her and I told HER to be nice to them, thinking if she can't be included in something like THIS, it is really wrong. I don't expect them to invite her over for playdates or anything, but how on earth can I tell her that she can't go next door to play on the water slide when her sister is there, too? So when she got her bathing suit on and ran out (about 3 of them ambushed her) with these huge water gun things. (She has major nearsightedness and wears hugely thick glasses so this rendered her sightless as well). I told them I couldn't believe they did that and then another kid (who is notably mean and her age and won't play with her) came up right in front of me and did it again. I don't think she heard me ream the first kids for doing the exact thing. I asked my older daughter if this was planned and she yes, they had a 'secret girl meeting' and planned it. When we came home, she warned her sister to be nice because 'they weren't that excited about her coming'. God bless her she wanted to play anyway. I was sooo proud of my older daughter because when she saw what they had done, she told them off. It was the first time she really stood up for her, at least that I have seen. She SOOO wants to be accepted as a part of the group. She isn't strong in the friends area either.
I am just beside myself over how she has no one to play with. She is a sweet kid. As I said, she has some flaws. I get that. But she has a huge heart and she is very funny and smart. I just don't know what to do. I can't make them like her. I just want them to let her play when they are doing something that everyone can enjoy and be civil towards her.
I spoke with my neighbor about it. She wants to include everyone and told them this was unacceptable. But she thinks her daughter is a 'follower' and my daughter said she often leads these things. But I am not going to tell her that. Unfortunately, the moms of two of the others aren't all that friendly to me. I don't have any idea what I ever did to either of them. One of them has lived across the street from me for 9 years and often (more often than not) won't speak to me. ( I have heard this is not uncommon for her). I have been told the other mom would care if she heard her daughter was doing this but who knows?
I am going to add, although I don't know how relevant you will feel this is, that I live in somewhat of an upscale neighborhood and many of the people won't give me the time of day either. I know I am not the only one this has happened to. But it is all the more painful when your kids are excluded.
So there are about 5 girls of varying ages directly around us. My older daughter plays with them fine (although she is very shy), except when the younger one wants to play, too. The group of kids runs away from her, 'ditches' her, etc. I tried to kind of stay out of it all summer, hoping it would resolve itself as she played with them more and got more mature but it has only gotten worse.Also, I didn't know if she was doing something to cause them to be mean, like be mean first. Number 1) they avoid my older daughter because they figure they will also have to include the younger one. I have tried to have them doing separate things sometimes but I can't have the younger one out all the time or busy 2) I was kind of not sure IF my younger one was doing something mean to them but I wasn't really seeing it and kids won't be mean when you are watching them anyway.
So here's what happened. I went pick her up at school and the neighbors had the waterslide up. So I told my older one to ask them if they would be nice to her and I told HER to be nice to them, thinking if she can't be included in something like THIS, it is really wrong. I don't expect them to invite her over for playdates or anything, but how on earth can I tell her that she can't go next door to play on the water slide when her sister is there, too? So when she got her bathing suit on and ran out (about 3 of them ambushed her) with these huge water gun things. (She has major nearsightedness and wears hugely thick glasses so this rendered her sightless as well). I told them I couldn't believe they did that and then another kid (who is notably mean and her age and won't play with her) came up right in front of me and did it again. I don't think she heard me ream the first kids for doing the exact thing. I asked my older daughter if this was planned and she yes, they had a 'secret girl meeting' and planned it. When we came home, she warned her sister to be nice because 'they weren't that excited about her coming'. God bless her she wanted to play anyway. I was sooo proud of my older daughter because when she saw what they had done, she told them off. It was the first time she really stood up for her, at least that I have seen. She SOOO wants to be accepted as a part of the group. She isn't strong in the friends area either.
I am just beside myself over how she has no one to play with. She is a sweet kid. As I said, she has some flaws. I get that. But she has a huge heart and she is very funny and smart. I just don't know what to do. I can't make them like her. I just want them to let her play when they are doing something that everyone can enjoy and be civil towards her.
I spoke with my neighbor about it. She wants to include everyone and told them this was unacceptable. But she thinks her daughter is a 'follower' and my daughter said she often leads these things. But I am not going to tell her that. Unfortunately, the moms of two of the others aren't all that friendly to me. I don't have any idea what I ever did to either of them. One of them has lived across the street from me for 9 years and often (more often than not) won't speak to me. ( I have heard this is not uncommon for her). I have been told the other mom would care if she heard her daughter was doing this but who knows?
I am going to add, although I don't know how relevant you will feel this is, that I live in somewhat of an upscale neighborhood and many of the people won't give me the time of day either. I know I am not the only one this has happened to. But it is all the more painful when your kids are excluded.