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Nanny share... would you do it?

meresal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 13, 2007
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Not, would you use one... but would you RUN one?

I am a SAHM who LOVES spending all day with my little one.

Last night, a friend of mine who has a 4 month old and just opened her small law firm, called and asked me if I wanted to watch her son 2 or 3 days a week for some extra cash.

I am torn. I have had issues with depression before, and I have a small worry that I will slip into a feeling of being overwhelmed, and possibly some issues with feeling like I am not spending as much one-on-one time with my son, as I would like.

With that said, I am also hold up on the fact that I do not think that working for friends is a good idea. Part of the reason I enjoy not working, is that I can visit family whenever and for how ever long I would like to. If I was watching her son, I would not feel comfortable asking her for that kind of time off, eventhough she already said it wouldn't be a problem.

Not that DH and I need it, but an extra $850 a month would be kinda nice. It would cover our new car payment, and leaves quite a bit extra to put directly into savings every month.

I am still trying to figure it out.


For the moms out there, if one of your friends offered this to you, what would you do?
 

anchor31

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Yes, I would do it. Of course, having to care for a second child is a lot of work, but I don't think that having your friend's baby at home 3 days a week is not going to prevent you from having quality time with your son. Maybe you can start with one day, see how you feel about it? It could make it easier for you if you ask her to provide her child's food. Especially when he's a little older, I think it would be great for both children to have each other as playmates! The extra money would definitely be a huge motivator for me, but then again, I'm broke. :wink2:
 

Octavia

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Mer, this doesn't really sound like a nanny share, which I think of as being 2+ families going in together on a nanny. For example, if your friend had said, "I'm thinking of getting a nanny, would you want to leave your baby with her (or him) two or three mornings a week while you run errands?" This situation is just whether you want to take on babysitting/child care provider duties for anotherchild in addition to your own. Itdoesnt sound like you really want to. No shame in that. If you don't think you could handle it or just plain wouldn't enjoy it, and you don't need the money, say no. Or give it a trial run but make sure your friend knows it's just for a couple weeks, so she can look for backup options if it doesn't work out.
 

Jennifer W

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Yes and no (unhelpfully). For me, it would be the biggest no you ever heard. Never ever. For someone with the right temperament and personality though, yes, it could be great.

Since you're happy at home with a LO, maybe it would be really good for you? I agree with Anchor, that it could be great for your son, too. I suppose my biggest question would be how do you like the kid? If he's fun and giggly, it could be really enjoyable.

The working for friends aspect isn't great, but look at it another way - you'd be working for yourself, and your friend would be your client. She wouldn't be employing you, she'd be purchasing a service. It's quite a compliment that she'd ask, too.

The reasons it would be a no for me -I found it hard going being at home with a LO all day, and I only did 3 days a week on my own. It was only because it was my own (cute, adorable) baby that I coped at all. I felt overwhelmed, isolated, bored and depressed a lot of the time. I could not have coped with another child in the mix. I know my limitations!


So, to answer the question, I personally wouldn't do it in a million years and there isn't enough money in the world to make me want to consider it, but if it's something you would enjoy, I see no reason not to and the extra money would be really nice.
 

meresal

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Thanks Anchor! We don't necessarily need the money, but we also arent millionaires, so it's not like we couldn't use it. I sent her an email asking for a breakdown of the days and times that she would need each week. Maybe it just seems like alot right now, since I don't know all the specifics.

Octavia- Nanny share was the best I could come up with. I would be the nanny, who is "sharing" time with my son and one other person. lol.
Right now, you are right, Im not all that trilled to be tied down with a "job". However, the more I think about it, the more doable it seems. I mean, its not like he is a newborn, he is 4 months, which means he palys on his own, and will become mobile in the next few months... which means I won't have to be holding him a whole heck of a lot.
 

phoenixgirl

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Our best friends have a 6 month old and will need care for him in another 6 months, so I've thought about this. I've decided to offer to take care of him when he's sick and can't go to daycare because I know from experience how hard it is to lose all your sick days taking care of your LO (mom will be working over an hour away), but not to care for him full time. Part time, hmmm, I don't know. I think I could do one, maybe two days a week max. Definitely not three, because then the "nanny share" days outnumber the "you and your LO" days.

Our situation is that my husband works on commission, and when I was working and stressed out all the time after C was born, he was earning a lot less than he is now. He's somehow managed to double what he used to make now that I'm SAH and he can focus solely on work (not that he doesn't help out at home -- he gets up with her and puts her to bed -- but he used to have to take her daycare, stay home with her when she was sick, etc.). Anyway, if I were frazzled and stressed out from taking care of somebody else's kid, then it would actually set us back financially because he would have more stress at home and would probably give up more than $850 a month in unrealized income. But if his salary were fixed, then $850 extra a month sounds nice. To think of it another way, that's $10k a year, right? How much would that change your lives? Now that I think about it that way, I'm less excited. To work two, possibly three days a week, yet to make a pitiful fraction of what I used to make (and I was a teacher, so I wasn't making anything to write home about!) doesn't sound great. On the other hand, $10k can pay down a lot of mortgage, or really accelerate savings. If you're making $80k a year but you're only saving $5k a year, then even though it doesn't sound like there's a huge difference between $80k and $90k, you've actually tripled your savings.

Am I making any sense? :razz:

I'd want to know the following before making a decision:

*Will she pay a fixed rate per week or by the hour?
*Does she have somebody else to take him if she gets stuck at work, or are you it until she can get there?
*Can he nap in the car or stroller, or does he need to be at home for naps?

The thing I'd worry most about giving up would be our flexibility. How often do you leave the house? A few times a week, once a day, more than once a day . . .? C and I generally leave 2x a day. Lugging another baby around would definitely make that more difficult, and it would definitely make it a lot harder for me to work out during the day. But on the other hand (I am terrible at sticking to one point of view!), I'll have to deal with that when I have another kid anyway.

The same friend just asked me to spend 60 hours copyediting a book for her, and I'm only getting $10/hour, which again is rather pitiful when compared to how much I used to make. But I figured it couldn't hurt to use my brain, and she's my friend and I want to help her out. So I'm not entirely opposed to doing things for a little extra cash *if you feel good about it.*
 

Pandora II

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meresal|1296842443|2842999 said:
Thanks Anchor! We don't necessarily need the money, but we also arent millionaires, so it's not like we couldn't use it. I sent her an email asking for a breakdown of the days and times that she would need each week. Maybe it just seems like alot right now, since I don't know all the specifics.

Octavia- Nanny share was the best I could come up with. I would be the nanny, who is "sharing" time with my son and one other person. lol.
Right now, you are right, Im not all that trilled to be tied down with a "job". However, the more I think about it, the more doable it seems. I mean, its not like he is a newborn, he is 4 months, which means he palys on his own, and will become mobile in the next few months... which means I won't have to be holding him a whole heck of a lot.[/quote]

Wow, I'm jealous - Daisy didn't do that till a few months ago and still wants to be held a lot! Also, trust me, it's 1000 times easier when they are not mobile!

Personally no-way. I may be influenced by having a challenging child. It is all I can do to cope with one who runs off, throws temper-tantrums and is very needy. I just couldn't do it with two. How would you deal with two who were running riot?

I also would be very wary of looking after another parents child in case anything went wrong. Even if they just fall over and whack their head. Daisy spends half the time looking like a battered child as she's always bashing into things, falling down stairs or tripping over. I know the cause of every bruise and don't worry as it's pretty normal. But I'm not sure a first-time mother would be happy picking their kid up with a black eye and grazed knees at 6 months!

If it was a case of a friend saying they'd got a nanny and did I want to go halves then... hell yes!
 

Puppmom

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In short…no way! What happens when said friend has to work late and your feeding her kid dinner? Or he’s sick and she can’t get to pick him up right away? Or C is sick and you have to call her in the morning and *put her out* since she’ll have to find a Plan B in a jiffy? Or you want to take C to the zoo or children’s museum and you have to pay for both kids? Or you realize you need to run to the grocery but only have one carseat and no double stroller? Or you had a really rough night with C and you want to allow him to sleep late so you can too? Or you just don’t feel like watching her kid anymore but you feel obliged?

I can seriously think of a million reasons NOT to do it and the only reason to do it is money. Since you don’t need the money, then I would definitely say no. Even if I needed the money, I would still think long and hard about it.

I may be a little biased because I used to pick up a friend’s child from daycare twice per week because she went back to school. I was supposed to watch her for half an hour until her DH got off work. Next thing you know, I’m feeding her dinner and getting her in her PJs so she was ready for bed when her dad came to get her! Then, I started getting Saturday afternoon phone calls…I just stopped answering the phone!

One last thing – I think I would have a hard time not *favoring* my own child over another and I don’t think that’s fair to the other child.
 

MuffDog

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I agree - I wouldn't do it for that kind of money. Once in a while, sure (i.e. like a babysitter), but if she is going back to work and you will be her regular nanny 3 days a week, I think it could end up being a) a lot of work, b) stressful on the relationship with your friend, and (c) potentially stressful on your relationship with your hubby.

Currently, you handle your baby and your house while your husband works, right? If all of a sudden you were busy taking care of another LO, a lot of your house stuff would probably fall to the wayside, you would feel like your 'job' should take priority to things like laundry, etc, and that might strain the system you have in place with your hubby.

If you were hard up, for sure. But once you factor in the extra stressors, I don't think the money is worth it.

Just my 2.5 cents.
 

junebug17

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I don't think I would. This isn't just doing the occasional favor for a friend, this is a job, complete with responsibility and requiring commitment, week in and week out. This woman would be relying on you so that she could get to her job and honor her own commitments, so even though she's assuring you it wouldn't be a problem for you to have some time off, I think it would be. You would basically have to block out the days you were watching the friend's child. Errands, appointments,and most chores would have to be done on your "off" days. You'd have to decide if you would remain housebound while you were caring for her child, or if you would venture out. That introduces other complications that others have touched on (stroller, the responsibility of driving someone else's kid etc.) What if her child was ill? How about yours?

You'd lose a lot of the flexibility you now enjoy. I don't know, I just think it would affect your lifestyle more than you realize. I might feel differently if I really needed the money, but if not I think I'd pass.
 

dreamer_dachsie

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Not a chance in... you get the point. I was a SAHM for 10 months with my son and found it fun for the first 4-6 months then incredibly boring. Mind numbing actually, and for me what I missed was most definitely not another child to care for! ;)) haha... I craved adult company, mental stimulation. So for me personally adding another kid would have made it worse because then I would not even have been able to have my freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted, which was one of the only perks in that period for me. So no, I would not be a caregiver for another person's kid.

But if you enjoy being a SAHM and like kids a lot and think it could be fun, it could be worth trying out temporarily.
 

Octavia

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I forgot to add before that I would not provide regular childcare for someone else without being insured/bonded, which is probably more hassle than it would be worth. Occasional babysitting or playdates are one thing, but this is essentially part-time in-home daycare, which would make me uncomfortable. But I'm a lawyer, so the thought of potential liability is always on my mind! :rolleyes: YMMV...
 

MichelleCarmen

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My kids are a lot older so the dynamics were different in the situation I encountered. A mom of a close friend of my son's asked me to watch her two kids. They are the same ages as my kids. The kids were wonderfully behaved and everything went really well. What I found to be the issue was it was VERY awkward being paid by a friend who's kids we invited over to play anyway.

Just re-reading your post, it seems like your decision is made, you just want reaffirmation that saying no is the right thing. If you guys don't need the $, then really all that watching your friend's little one will do is bring unneeded stress into your life. I know it can be hard saying no to friends, so maybe this is part of the issue for you, too... !
 

MichelleCarmen

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MuffDog|1296848845|2843134 said:
I agree - I wouldn't do it for that kind of money. Once in a while, sure (i.e. like a babysitter), but if she is going back to work and you will be her regular nanny 3 days a week, I think it could end up being a) a lot of work, b) stressful on the relationship with your friend, and (c) potentially stressful on your relationship with your hubby.Currently, you handle your baby and your house while your husband works, right? If all of a sudden you were busy taking care of another LO, a lot of your house stuff would probably fall to the wayside, you would feel like your 'job' should take priority to things like laundry, etc, and that might strain the system you have in place with your hubby.

If you were hard up, for sure. But once you factor in the extra stressors, I don't think the money is worth it.

Just my 2.5 cents.

Speaking of DH's. How does yours feel about this? Mine wasn't too enthusiastic about me watching other kids b/c he felt it took time away from our kids AND, and this is a biggy, he didn't want to come home to four kids every day (LOL!).
 

Sabine

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No way. My reasons have all been covered by what others have said, so I'll basically leave it at that.

How old is your LO again? If they are really close in age, I would maybe consider it when they are older and can actually play together, but I wouldn't have been up for it with a 4 month old.
 

megumic

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Depends on your friendship, but first and foremost, is this good for your family. And second, will you end up resenting your friend? I'd leave money out of the picture and decide based on all other things considered. Tough call.
 

Haven

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Mer--It doesn't sound like you want to do it. I know I wouldn't even entertain the idea of caring for a friend's child on a regular basis unless I seriously needed the money. Not a chance. There's no harm in saying no.
 

Guilty Pleasure

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For me, it would depend on the friend. I also agree with the previous poster who mentioned concern about liability. That would actually be my greatest concern in the matter. My second concern would be the flexibility of vacations or leaving home for a few days if a friend is counting on me. Next, I would consider my daily routine and how greatly it would be affected... grocery shopping with two infants? no way. I think my last big concern would be a business relationship with a friend in regards to her being late or the job creeping up into more and more responsibility for the same pay. How do you confront a friend when you feel you are being taken advantage of? And even if everything goes smoothly, when does this arrangement end? How do you tell someone that you don't want to be a nanny anymore? So, it would depend on the friend and her situation.

It's funny that "one-on-one" time didn't even cross my mind as something to be concerned about. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher and used to dealing with a roomful of needs at once, or maybe it's because I'm not a mom and don't really know what it's like to have my own child. I don't see people with two small children (or twins for that matter) having any problems with giving them the attention they need though, so I personally wouldn't be concerned about that. The liability and mobility would be issues, with the awkwardness of being in business with a friend third.
 

Blenheim

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I just skimmed the replies and so I don't think that anyone else has mentioned this angle, but if you are thinking of doing this and watching the other child in your home, you would also need to call your homeowner's insurance and ask if they would still cover you. The company I used to work for had a clause that your coverage was null and void if you had a home daycare, and what you are describing would fit their definition of a home daycare (if you are watching the other child in your home). You may need to purchase extra liability insurance from a specialty carrier or something, and if you are only watching one child, then that could really eat into your net earnings. Also, I think you may be required to get licensed with the state as a home daycare if you are watching any extra children in your home on a regular basis -- I am sure these laws vary by state, but I would want to know what my state's laws were before agreeing to anything. With ours, you would need to do a certain number of hours of training a year, have a backup provider in case you're sick, be subject to random state inspections, have your home baby-proofed to the max (ETA - I think pets and kids need to be separated at all times as well). I am sure that people do this off the books all the time (in fact, I think our next door neighbor does, and it is exactly what you are describing - 2 days a week), but I would definitely think about all of those details and how you would want to handle them.

I think that there's a lot less legal hassle if you watch the other child in his/her own home, but would you really want to be over there instead of in your own house 2-3 days a week?

Just more things to think about.
 

zoebartlett

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Three days a week sounds like a lot. Do you think your friend would consider 1 or 2 days? If I was in that situation, I might agree to fewer days but I wouldn't say yes to 3. You'd lose your ability to visit family whenever you'd want and that could cause resentment towards your friend in the long run if you're held to a set schedule. If you do agree (no matter how many days), make sure to iron out all the details ahead of time.

ETA: Blen -- Meresal would be considered an in-home daycare provider? I mean, yes, that's what she'd be doing, but I just thought it would be a less formal, official thing. I never thought of it from the angle you pointed out. Interesting.
 

makemepretty

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Absolutely not. I'm a SAHM with children who are in school so that leaves my days open for errands, etc. I have refused to be a daycare for family members(unless it is an extreme emergency for one day and the child can not be sick). There are so many problems with that. You want to help but it would be so hard to do. For one thing, when someone pays you, it's a job and expect them to complain about something. Real daycare's usually are a bit like preschool now, they learn so much. If your child is sick and you don't want to watch another one, what would they do? Or would you be ok with them bringing their sick child to you and getting your family sick? I know one of my family members gives their child motrin if they have a low fever and sends them off to daycare, I am a firm believer if the child is sick(fever), a parent needs to stay home with them, not pawn them off on someone else.

Just say no, say you just can't imagine being able to handle two small little ones right now. Some things are not worth the money and you would lose a friendship over this.
 

sctsbride09

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I wasnt sure if I should post this because it wasnt exactly the same situation as you, ( I dont have kids yet) but I think it might help. A while back I posted on PS asking for advice on how to tell my best friend I didnt want to watch her kid anymore. It started in the beginning as me watching her kid for a day here and there (without pay though, so also different from your situation), and escalated to 2-3 times a week (over a year span ). I ended up getting really resentful, my DH was resentful about someone elses child having so much of an influence on our routine, and not to mention it COST me money to watch her kid, when I actually sat down and did the math. Anyhow, Im sad to say that although I did stop that arrangement, the friendship did not survive. And this was someone I knew for years. If I could go back, I wouldnt have done it. Also, like some of the others have mentioned, the liability issue is terrifying. I know that was constantly on my mind. Not only that, but when I had to go places in the car, I was so scared because if someone hits me and kills someone elses kid in my car, how would they ever forgive you? How would I forgive myself? Way too many reasons to say no. Especially since you have your own child.
 

Blenheim

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Zoe - She may be considered it from the perspective of her home insurer and the state. it really depends on where she is and who her insurance is with, and so I can't really say whether she is or isn't, but if I were thinking of watching an extra kid, I would want to consider that angle of things and decide how I wanted to approach it. I know that people do it all the time without going through the "proper" channels, but it's the kind of thing where if she has, say, a roof claim and an adjuster notices home daycare equipment or another kid over there and reports it back to the company, they could cancel her insurance. If she has a liability claim related to the other kid - and I have seen liability claims for well over $100,000 for visiting guests slipping on ice or getting bitten by pets - then it could get even messier. And if she needs a special rider or policy for liability, then they may require the appropriate licensing as well.

My aunt watches her granddaughter a couple days a week, and I really doubt that she has done all of this research and I personally don't think that what they are doing is a big deal, but I know that some of the underwriters where I used to work would have flipped out upon hearing of that situation. So, just something to think about.
 

Haven

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Mer--I'm not trying to be an alarmist, but there are so many reasons I wouldn't watch another person's child, especially alone and in an informal sort of situation. (Licensed day care providers are a totally different thing, and especially if there are two adults present.)

The main reason I wouldn't do this is because of my fear of being wrongfully convicted of some crime if something were to happen to the child when he was in my care. As I said, I'm not trying to be an alarmist, and I didn't bring this up in my last post because I know it sounds extreme, but that would really be my fear--something awful would happen to the child that I could not prevent and did not cause, and I would be held to blame for it. Accidents happen, after all, and that would be my greatest fear.

Anyway, as I was reading today's paper I thought of your thread and figured I could share this article, which pretty much illustrates why I have a fear of caring for other people's children on my own:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/06/magazine/06baby-t.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

I hope nobody finds it horrible that I'm sharing this. I think these considerations are very important for anyone thinking about caring for another person's child.

I unfortunately have personal experience with this sort of situation, which is probably why I fear it, myself. (I was not the care provider, but a friend of the parent.) Feel free to ignore this article or write me off as a crazy person for having such fears, but caring for another's child is such an enormous responsibility.
 

Pandora II

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Haven - that is exactly what goes through my mind. It's also a reason that I was so grateful to be able to be a SAHM for the first year and why if finances allow I would always try to go for a daycare over a child-minder.

The thought of spending 11 years away from my children like that poor woman for a crime that I didn't commit and didn't actually exist is so frightening. I also wouldn't ever want to have to wonder if someone who I trusted had hurt my child.

I'll be interested to see what happens in the Rueda case - I've always be sure that neither she nor Lousie Woodward were guilty.

Oh, and that is another thing - I am very wary about ever letting Daisy be an au pair or anything of that sort as a holiday job. The odd bit of babysitting is fine anything more than that... not fine!
 

meresal

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Thank you all so much for your replies. I apologize for my absence, we have been out of town for the last few days.

After reading all of your replies and thinking things thru, I have decided to decline her offer.

She planned to drop her son off at my house in the mornings, which does bring the liability issues into play. However, it pretty much came down to the friendship factor, and the fact that I enjoy being "unemployed" right now. Like many of you said, I like being able to pack up with my son and run to the store, mall, lunch, etc. If there was another little one, though he is a wonderful sleeper, I just don't think it would be as easy as it is now. I don't want to have to "plan" my errands for my days off.

I was quite shocked that she asked me to watch her son. Very flattered, but shocked. I am a pretty easy going mom. I let my child wander, not out of my sight, and kind of do his own thing. She is not this way. Her son is 4.5 months old, and she has still not let anyone else drive him in a car. She also analyzes her child often. Worried about this, and worried about that. I think one of you mentioned the child getting hurt, and honestly she and I aren't good enough friends for me to know how she would react. That is scary, considering kids are going to get hurt. (C got his second fat lip this weekend, and these are the things that I have just come to terms with, since he is crawling and drools at the same time. However, I'm not sure that she will see it the same way.)

As for my husband, he didn't really have a say. He just thought it was very flattering of her to ask. ::)

Thank you again everyone! Haven, I am about to check out that link.
 

zoebartlett

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Blenheim|1297020839|2844937 said:
Zoe - She may be considered it from the perspective of her home insurer and the state. it really depends on where she is and who her insurance is with, and so I can't really say whether she is or isn't, but if I were thinking of watching an extra kid, I would want to consider that angle of things and decide how I wanted to approach it. I know that people do it all the time without going through the "proper" channels, but it's the kind of thing where if she has, say, a roof claim and an adjuster notices home daycare equipment or another kid over there and reports it back to the company, they could cancel her insurance. If she has a liability claim related to the other kid - and I have seen liability claims for well over $100,000 for visiting guests slipping on ice or getting bitten by pets - then it could get even messier. And if she needs a special rider or policy for liability, then they may require the appropriate licensing as well.

My aunt watches her granddaughter a couple days a week, and I really doubt that she has done all of this research and I personally don't think that what they are doing is a big deal, but I know that some of the underwriters where I used to work would have flipped out upon hearing of that situation. So, just something to think about.

Thanks so much for the explanation. I hadn't even thought about the liability issue but it does make sense.
 
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