Moms in the delivery room?

[curlygirl]

It was just me, DH, the doctor and nurses. I couldn't really imagine having anyone else in there. I spoke to my mom about it just to get her thoughts and she said she would NEVER want to see me like that! My father was horrified that DH would even be in there--in the "olden days" the dad hung out in the waiting room while the woman gave birth which is what my father did when both my sister and I were born.

 

[fieryred33143]

FI was the same as Tao's husband. He didn't even want to see videos of births and made it very clear that he didn't want to cut the cord. When she was crowning, he asked "is that her head?" followed by "she has a lot of hair!" And he cut the cord. The only part that grossed him out a little was the placenta but by then he was with DD taking a million pics so he didn't see much (or see me being stitched up, he didn't even know I tore until weeks later when I told him).

Your DH will be fine! Plus, sex trumps all :p I'm sure that even if he is traumatized he'll get over it quickly lol!

Oh forgot to mention about dh being by head vs legs. I may be wrong but if you get an epi, he may have no choice but to hold up one of your legs. I suppose if you have someone else there, he can be by your head.

I think the idea of the baby being born in a room filled with love is a good one. My only issue is whether or not those people will respect your space. I was probably the fourth person to hold DD after she was cleaned up and swaddled because there were already visitors. And I had to breastfeed in front of FI's 2 aunts for the first time because it was their "turn" to be in the room. There's just too much going on in those first few hours to have so many people around.

P.S. Having people there was not by choice. I wanted no one to visit but MIL was mad at me so she called the whole family. A story for another day lol :/

 

[packrat]

I wasn't sure if JD would be ok being in the room during the c section the first time but he was confident about it and watched it. I kept asking him if my insides were gross. No way would my daddy have been ok in there, not with me and not with mom if she'd had to have sections. Mom said he was scared being in w/her when we were born. Kept patting her hand and saying it's ok. Dad's like this massive control freak and when something is taken out of his hands he's at a loss. He came in when I was in labor with London, and I remember his eyes being huge and he didn't want to come farther in than just in the door. He patted my hand and said it's ok. His face looked really waxy and he was sweating. He didn't stay long and I was so upset. Mom's like, well, you're his baby girl and he can't do anything for you, he doesn't handle that well.

I wonder how my brother will be when they have kids.

 

[geckodani]

I'm so glad you shared that story, gecko! It brought tears to my eyes, and I'm not even preggo! I've always thought id want just DH there wheneve I give birth, but more and more I hope to have both our mothers. I'm freaked out about pooping during pushing...ugh. I know how honored they both would be, so hopefully I can figure it out once the time comes. There would be so much love in the room...what a great environment for the baby to come into the world with! Both our moms are pretty level headed, tho, so I can imagine them both focusing on me, then the baby

Charbie, I'm not going to lie, I definitely saw more of my sister than I probably ever needed to (but then again we shared a bathroom growing up and aren't very body shy people). And I have a much, MUCH better idea of what to expect when it's my turn. It's definitely messy. But the moment when his little head appeared, my BIL and I just kind of looked at each other in amazement (totally surreal), and down at my sis who was working harder than I have ever seen anyone work in my life, and then he was out, and we found out the gender (my BIL's voice was shaking when he told my sister that they had a son) and it was amazing and who the heck cares how messy it was.

There was a funny moment when I first arrived, and my sister told the nurse assigned to her that I would be staying. She gave me this sideways look like she was going to object, and then asked me if I had ever been present at a birth before. I said, "Nope, and neither has she (she being my sister)." My sister just cracked up and the nurse looked taken aback, and then laughed and said fair enough. Fun times.

And everyone worrying about pooping, don't. It's so not a big deal. Anyone present will be focusing on you and the soon be born child, not any extranneous bodily functions. And if they're not, well, then they shouldn't be there.

 

[taovandel]

I don't know if you'll think my husband is that great after I tell the rest of the farting story. I farted during the first few trial pushes (Trial for me because the epi was too strong and I couldn't do anything...so they turned everything off and wanted me to wait a bit before pushing again) so during that waiting time my husband decided to go out into the waiting room and tell my family and his mom that he had finally heard me fart! I couldn't even be mad at him he was so happy about it!

And D: I told my husband to be on the look out for the poop and to let me know later if I pooped or not. He said, sadly, that no I did not.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My mom came one day before my due date but I was a week late so she ended up staying 2 weeks. The majority of first time moms do go over their EDD. DH ended up by my head, my mom held a leg, and my nurse the other. It wasn't planned. Just sort of happened that way.

 

[Jennifer W]

We phoned my parents later that day to let them know that Amelia had been born. That's as involved as I could cope with any third party being. I went home within 24 hours, so no visitors in hospital. I think the three of us needed time to bond and be a family together.

It wasn't DH who wasn't in his element, it was me. He was as good as anyone could possibly have been and I still got all annoyed with him at various points. Now, he has to love me and stay with me forever, but my mother doesn't and our relationship wouldn't have survived.

 

[cara]

Well bravo to the ladies that wanted their moms in the delivery room with them. My mom and MIL were across the country, but I would have preferred it to be just my husband anyway. He's the one I rely on now and I was glad that it was just the two of us welcoming our little guy into the world. Also he's a doctor, and while it is different when its your wife not a patient, I wasn't very worried about him getting grossed out or anything. I'm also not one of those ladies that never farts (how do you do that?) so that wasn't an issue

My mom and I have an okay relationship, but something about pregnancy and childrearing has brought us back to a she-lectures-me-on-stuff pattern that wouldn't have gone well in the delivery room. I'm pretty sure she would have been judgey on me getting an epidural and such.

 

[KimberlyH]

Pooping: My husband is squeemish and didn't bat an eye at the poop. I had an epidural and no clue I'd deficated, just smelled something rank and stated "I didn't know child birth smelled?!" or something. My mom told me what it was, I became embarassed and my husband just said "It's normal" and that was the end of it.

 

[y2kitty]

My mom and I were in the room with my sister and her husband when their daughter was born. I did not know having your sister come was so uncommon! I had no idea I could have refused, though now I can say "I was there when you were born" to my niece.

 

[Bliss]

Geckodani!!!!! What a beautiful story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an honor to be asked to be present and support your sister. You are an amazing person - I can't imagine how amazing of an aunt you are! Thanks for sharing that story... it sounds like such a powerful experience with all the highs and the lows. I have never witnessed a birth and I can't imagine what it's like to welcome a little being into the world. Wow!

Dreamer, I think your husband is a rock star. That is so great!!! I love how he found your sexy during pregnancy and after... so sweet! And wow, I bet that makes him sexier to YOU, no? You definitely have a seriously amazing husband...way to pick a winner! DH wants to see everything and I'm fine with that. LOL on the Hunter crowning photos! My mom would have done the same thing! Wow! I wish DH were more into lovin' during pregnancy (ha!) but he's terrified of hurting the bebe and I understand that. We had a loss before her so we're both a little cuckoo now about being extra careful! He does love my new body, though! I am grateful that he finds me beautiful even when I feel like overstuffed luggage. So you're not a grossy? I can be a grossy with the humor but not around DH - we both find it absolutely hilarious and delightful when the other slips up, though! BTW, I am LOVING your story in the preggo thread. "Are you a boy or a girl?" "Cuz it's OK if you are." THAT IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!! No wonder your DH thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread! That is seriously ADORABLE and endearing!

Oh Charbie, how sweet. Don't worry about pooping! I worried a lot about it, too. But now as I get closer to the due date I'm just so impatient to get to the finish line I don't care if I poop a yule log on the table! OK, that was seriously gross. LOL! For some reason, the pooping doesn't bother me at all. It's the stretching of the sacred parts during the birth that scares me!

Curlygirl, I know! My dad wasn't present for my birth because hospitals made dads wait outside. It didn't seem to affect the bonding process at all, though! Still, I bet he would have loved to have been there. How times have changed! I'm so glad DHs are allowed because I think it's important to see what we go through and to share that process. Otherwise, they'd think we just magically wave a wand and present them with a baby! I feel that part of the awe, joy and sheer worship a lot of dads feel for their wives comes from being present during labor. I know so many dads who speak with loving reverence when they describe how strong and beautiful their wives were giving birth. I think it definitely changes how they see us and brings the couple closer together.

Fiery!!!!!!! What is UP with meddling MILs???? GAH!!!! She was so wrong to call all the family members to intrude on your special time with your DH. I hope if you ever have a second, she will stay far away! But wow, clearly none of her witchy ways prevented you from having the most beautiful little girl in the world! I am always struck by her beauty and intelligent face when I see your avatar. Thanks for the advice about DHs! Time for him to go through the rite of passage and see the gory but amazing process of giving birth! Hehehehe about sex trumping all. I'm sure it will! The next thing is how scared I will be to DTD again after giving birth!

Packrat, your poor dad!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sure my dad would FREAK out, too! Something about seeing their little princesses in pain - no, I think there's a reason why dads are rare in the delivery room. Your JD is a champ!!!!! I wonder if DH will pass out if I end up getting a c-section? I see him passing out due to being afraid of losing me or seeing me cut. He reacts worse to my pain than to his own.

Taovandel, your husband is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! That just shows how much he loves you and thinks that everything you do is amazing and worthy of being shared. I can totally see DH proudly announcing that he heard me fart for the first time. Besides, that is a major feat! During the pregnancy, DH has heard me fart about 4-5 times and by the 5th one... I didn't care anymore! I just blamed the bebe! I said it was her. I have found this experience to be so humbling. We don't burp or fart in front of each other unless by mistake and then there is merciless teasing... but I am now in a place where I've let go of that because I can't help it anymore! I've taken over the master bathroom as my "office" where I am in there peeing seemingly every hour at night so modesty went out the window long ago! Never thought I'd say that!

Tacori, you are so lucky. I think I'll try to fly my mom up a week or two before the due date because she is so nervous about missing the birth. Maybe we'll do an open ended ticket or something? I wish she lived in the same city! You planned it perfectly! I hope our bebe comes a little later, too. She is punching and kicking so much I feel like she is going to bust out sooner, though!

Jennifer, your experience sounds nice and intimate. No fuss, no drama. Nice going! I often wonder if I will turn into a screaming banshee I wouldn't even recognize myself during L&D? Or will I be the zen goddess breathing through each wave of contractions? Who knows??! Maybe somewhere in the middle?

Cara!!!! Another no fuss, no drama lady! You know, you ladies may have the perfect formula for a stress free birth! Maybe for our second it will just be the two of us... but all of your stories are so encouraging either way!

KimberlyH, that is really nice of your DH! I wonder what DH will say if I poop? I'll bet he'll be too focused on the birth and won't notice it at all until we talk about it later. Realistically, I'm sure he won't bat an eye. But later, he will probably tease me and say it was awesome.

Herekittykitty, another sister honored to be at the birth! What a special bond you two must have!!!! I wish I had a sister!

Sounds like you ladies are some amazing women and mothers! It sure gives me strength and helps me prepare mentally. Thank you!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Bliss, my mom was only going to stay a week. She also lives out of state. I can't remember how she changed her return ticket but she was not planning on staying for two weeks. Luckily her boss is really cool so she has some flexibility. I am really close with my mom so I was so glad she could be there. My MIL came the second week we were home which was nice to have the help but I cried so hard when my mom left. I was really scared to be a mom without my mom around, but it gets much, much easier.

 

[Bliss]

Tacori, that is so amazing. How wonderful that she stayed an extra week for you! I hope my mom can be there in time for the birth - she's asking to come and stay with us two weeks *before* the due date just in case. But I don't want to drive DH crazy because we're planning on her staying for a month once the baby's here...and it would be insanely long if she came early and the baby came late! That would make it two months! LOLOLOL He would be like this ---> Hahahahaha! I'm super close to my mom, too. She was here last week and I still bawled when she left. My friend says her mom stayed for two weeks and she cried and cried when her mom left. I can imagine being scared, too! In fact, I'm already scared of her leaving and she's not even here yet!

How beautiful it is that you two are so close and can be there for each other. I am grateful all the time that I can count on her in this way. I just know that she will always be there for me no matter what... awww, brings a tear to my eye!

I think we'll ask MIL to come after my mom leaves. Maybe we'll take a week to ourselves before. In a way, I feel like MILs get the short end of the stick! They're just as much Grandmas as our moms are but I think a lot of first time mamas have them come after their biological moms. It makes sense for most since I know my mom will be there for me and to help me recover and care for the baby. MIL will be helpful for sure but I think she'll be more about the baby and I won't get much help in the recovery process!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Bliss, I love my mom. Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your mom too. I wish there was a way to know when you will go into labor but unless you are having a c-sec it is a tough one to guess. The majority of moms I know were late but of course you could go early. Maybe your doctor would have an idea when you get closer (if you are already dilated, etc). That is great your mom can stay so long!!! My mom and MIL have different skills. My mom was good at being there for ME, cooking, and my MIL was great at helping me with the house (cleaning, laundry). Together they would be the perfect mom. Haha.

 

[geckodani]

Bliss- I really hope that your mother is able to make it in time! It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship, and that having her there would be very special. If it's any consolation, I was worried I wouldn't make it for my sister and then I ended up hanging out for 12+ hours so there's probably time to get her there, assuming there's a flight available etc. It's so hard to tell though!

 

[Octavia]

Tacori, that is so amazing. How wonderful that she stayed an extra week for you! I hope my mom can be there in time for the birth - she's asking to come and stay with us two weeks *before* the due date just in case. But I don't want to drive DH crazy because we're planning on her staying for a month once the baby's here...and it would be insanely long if she came early and the baby came late! That would make it two months! LOLOLOL He would be like this ---> Hahahahaha!

This happened to some friends of ours (same time frames and everything) and it actually ended up putting quite a strain on their marriage. The husband wasn't the biggest fan of his MIL to start with, but now he downright loathes her. Apparently she took over, refused to let them parent the way they wanted to, and prevented a lot of daddy-baby and "new family" bonding. I'm sure your mom will be more respectful of boundaries, but I think it's important to be careful of your hubby's feelings and wishes, too. It's been sad to see my friends struggle because of the way everything went down.

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about it anytime soon, but I can't imagine having my mom there. I love her, but we're not super close and she's more irritating than comforting to me in stressful situations. I'd actually rather have my dad there during labor. I probably won't, though, because it would upset my mom and they live pretty far away anyway. During delivery, I'm kicking everyone but DH and essential medical personnel out, for sure.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I had my kids at a hospital, but had a midwife group (there were four midwives who rotated through my prenatal visits) and so there was a different kind of atmosphere. I felt more connection to those ladies than I would have if a relative came in. I asked my DH not to come in but he did once we determined I'd need a c/s. With my second son, I chose to have a repeat c/s and again DH was in there with me.

My mom wasn't there. We weren't on talking terms at that time. I'm glad she wasn't there b/c she's controlling and would have tried to take over. I had written up a birth plan and wanted a natural labor, but after hours of pitocin, demanded morphine (I was afraid of an epi), so after an hour of swearing, etc., they gave me a dose, which barely did anything and the second dose, one hour later, was pointless, so then I got my heavenly epidural. AHHHH.

Oh, I did hire and have a doula in there but she was a dud. Sat there eating candy bars and chatting with the nurses.

 

[fieryred33143]

Bliss-you are very sweet and such a joy to have you on PS Can't wait to "meet" your LO!!

My mom was my lifesaver. It did mess things up a bit with FI because he got into the routine of having my mom do everything and so he did nothing. Very dark time in our relationship.

But as far as she goes, she was just amazing. She drove down the day she was born and stayed for about 5 days. The day after she left, she called to see how things were going and I was crying in the phone. Baby blues hit me hard and the sleep deprivation was something fierce! She was there 5 hours later and really helped me establish a routine. It wasn't that I was incapable of taking care of my daughter alone, I was just so deep in a fog that I couldn't figure out how to balance the strong desire of wanting to sleep on top of needing to eat, take a shower, get fresh air...be a human.

Plus, she loved being there. For her, it wasn't spending time with her grandchild as much as it was taking care of her baby. It had been several years since I needed help that badly from her. She says that she felt like a "mommy" again.

Anyway, if you can balance your mom and your DH I think it'll be a great experience for everyone involved.

 

[Dreamer_D]

My mom also lived away when I had my son. We planned for her to come a few days before my due date, on the assumption that I would probably go over with my first, but when my due date was changed to a week earlier we moved her trip again, and it turned out she arrived the day I went into labour! She stayed 10 days and was a lifesaver. I am really hopeing she can do the same again this time around. She will be a big help around the house, and taking care of Hunter or the new baby to give use time to breath or spend solo time with eitheer kiddo.

 

[mtjoya]

For me it SHOULD HAVE BEEN: DH, mom, doc & nurses.
It really was: DH, his mom, mom, doc & nurses. You can guess why it should have been.

 

[SB621]

When I gave birth in July only my DH, Doctor and nurses were there. This was our first child and my DH was deployed to the sandbox for most of my pregnacy so it wasn't an option- i needed this moment to just be us to start out little family. however, if i get pregnant again- i would throw around the idea of having my mom or/ and his mom in there with us. My DH is an only child so this would mean the world to my MIL. as for my mother, she is blind and lives half way around the world from me. My baby will be 7 months old when she finally gets to see him. So I feel that I owe her something special for the next one...i know this is probably not for everyone, but for me it will probably work. I guess we will see what happens when i get pregnant, though i'm not in a rush right now.

 

[Pandora II]

The hospital I had Daisy in has one of the largest maternity units in the country and has a rule on a maximum of 2 named people in the delivery room from the time you are admitted until you are taken down to the post-natal ward or are discharged. You have to submit the names in advanced and they can't be changed during the labour & birth.

The whole birth centre is so busy and handles many high-risk births as they have a level 3 NICU and so they don't want people wandering the corridors when they're rushing people to theatre etc. It also increases infection rates and is generally disruptive. Plus if there is a problem you don't want the room full of people.

Even though I was high risk, it's normal for the midwife to deliver the baby, the OB only steps in if there is a reason to. They came to visit at one point and said they hoped they wouldn't be seeing me again! As soon as things didn't look quite right my midwife was straight down to see them though, otherwise she didn't leave my side. Other than her I just had DH and a junior doctor (seeing his first birth!) in the room - oh and my father and OB friend on the phone. We didn't tell anyone else I was in labour as we didn't want constant calls to see what was happening (thank goodness as 54 hours was a long time!).

I was amazed how many people were in the Operating Theatre when I was taken there - 3 OB's, 4 nurses, anaesthetist, my midwife, a full neo-natal team as Daisy was opiate dependant and possibly + for hereditary spherocytosis, DH... and the poor junior doctor who I doubt is choosing to do obstetrics after the experience!

DH held my hand throughout, and then once Daisy was born he went with her - and the nice junior doctor held my hand and talked me through what was going on till DH came back with Daisy - at which point I passed out!

Due to a massive haemorrhage Daisy and I were both transfered straight to ICU where I stayed for 36 hours - there only the husband/partner is allowed to visit and the baby cannot go anywhere in the unit without the mother so DH couldn't even have taken her out of ICU even if there were people in the waiting area to see us.

Once I got down to the post-natal ward I didn't feel up to visitors until 2 days later and then only 2 + the father are admitted at a time during visiting hours and no children under 16.

So, I was very glad in the end that it was just me and DH!

My sister is having my dad as her birth partner in January as she and the baby's father aren't together (she only found out she was PG at 7 months which was a bit of a shock and nightmare and she still hasn't really come to terms that she is having the baby. I hope things are better once he arrives!)

My American SIL is pregnant and is booked at the same unit as I was. She has been a bit shocked when she found out that she would only be able to have one of her parents with her during labour - she obviously wants her DH - so I'm guesssing that it is more normal to be able to have a lot of people with you in the USA?

 

[littlelysser]

Well, I'm an American and I had my DH, my mom and my sister. So I suppose I'm confirming your theory, Pandora.

I was in labor for 12 hours and DH was there for all of the labor. My mom, sister and dad came over in the morning. C was born at 12:20 and they got there around 8:00. I loved having all the support.

By way of background...DH is SUPER squeamish. We didn't know if he'd make it through the delivery upright, even though he was at my head, so my mom was there are backup. My sis is a nurse and wanted to be there as well. I'm really close with my family and my mom is and has been a great support. My mom was a pro at rubbing my back and legs and just helping me stay calm.

For the actual delivery, DH was sitting down, at my head, and my mom and sister were down where all the action was happening.

Oh, and my dad left when it was time to push. The L&D nurse told him that first time moms take a while and that he should go and have a sandwich somewhere...imagine his surprise when we called him 20 minutes later to tell him that C was here!


But really, I think it all depends on what you are comfortable with. I know many hospital have a 2 person rule during delivery, but I asked if my sis could be there too and it was no problem at all.

 

[taovandel]

We were told two people at a time also...but found out a bit later that more could come...it was just something they said because most of the time the new mothers didn't want that many people in at one time...so it was their way of kind of policing the situation without embarrassing the new mother--they would just be like "Sorry, Hospital policy".

We told her to keep up the story. haha!

 

[NovemberBride]

Although I am very close to my mother, it was important to me that it be only DH and I when we met our DD for the first time. I wanted that time alone as a family. Both of our parents were in the waiting room and came in once we were settled in our room. I think it's a personal decision, but I am wondering for those of you who had your mom's there, how did your DH's feel? I think my DH would have been disappointed if my mom were there. He loves her, but he felt as I did that it was our first moments together as a family. If I had wanted her there, he would have agreed, since I was the one giving birth, but my feeling is that it was his DD being born as well and his feelings were important too.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I would feel most comfortable with either just my husband or my husband and my little sister. I love my MIL, and she loves me, but I think I'd prefer to not have her see me like that. My mom and I are very close, but I don't think I want her in the delivery room because she is not very mobile and may feel uncomfortable or be in the way. I know she'll be at the hospital the whole time I'm in labor though and right outside if I need her... unless I'm overseas when I give birth. If I'm overseas, and my husband is deployed, I might have to have my MIL in the room with me. My mom doesn't fly, and my sister would be working. Even if the idea of having her seeing me naked and pooping isn't so appealing to me, she is a retired nurse and I know she'd be a big help at the house if I was on my own with a new baby. Plus, I wouldn't want to be all alone with my crazy hormones and sleep deprivation after going through a delivery.

As for where the husband stands, I think that I'll just leave it up to him. He probably will say he doesn't want to look, but I know I couldn't resist a peek if someone said, "Here's the head!" so I bet he'd end up looking. He isn't immature about it or anything, but he definitely does not express any interest in knowing about periods or tampons or other feminine issues. I assume he will refrain from talking about the specifics of childbirth as well.

 

[diamondringlover]

I only had my husband, drs and nurses didnt want anyone else there.

 

[KimberlyH]

NB, my husband and mom don't have the best relationship but he wanted her there. We talked about it at length and if he'd said "No" I would have been fine with it. I was suprised by how willing he was for her to be present.

 

[emilyalyse]

Ideally, I would *love* to have both my mom and my sister with me (along with my husband of course) during the delivery. Both of them WANT to be present as well... but being that they live 12 hours away from where I will be giving birth, *and* my due date falls smack in the middle of legislative session (my mum is a lobbyist) it's not sounding very likely that they'll be able to make it unless our little one decides to come right on his delivery date (which is a Saturday)... or I have an obscenely long labor.

One of the reasons I'm so keen on having female family around is that, well, I know my husband. He is *not* good with seeing me in pain (I always had very VERY severe cramps during my period... on multiple occasions he's attempted to load me into the car to go to the ER. lol). He's also got the weakest gag-reflex known to mankind. It will not surprise me in the least if he either a)passes out or b)vomits during the birth. It's nothing against him! lol... it's just the way he is.

So, yes, I would greatly appreciate the female-family support, particularly if my husband becomes "indisposed" during the birth.

 

[Winks_Elf]

One of the reasons I'm so keen on having female family around is that, well, I know my husband. He is *not* good with seeing me in pain (I always had very VERY severe cramps during my period... on multiple occasions he's attempted to load me into the car to go to the ER. lol). He's also got the weakest gag-reflex known to mankind. It will not surprise me in the least if he either a)passes out or b)vomits during the birth. It's nothing against him! lol... it's just the way he is.

ROTF! Wait until he gets a sight of the first meconium diaper...that stuff is like tar!