Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Article

[mia1181]

I had to read this article for my Family and Couples Counseling class and thought it was an interesting and thought provoking read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/27/fashion/27love.html


Who should you love more, your husband or your children?

 

[icekid]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

mia!!!!!!!! I was just thinking about you and wondering where you ran off to, how school is going, how your nephew is, and if you're knocked up yet..

I think I read this article long before even considering TTC. Who SHOULD you love more? I don't think there is a should. But I can say the love my child is so different than the love for my husband that it is difficult to compare in a quantitative manner. Since my baby is still very young, he really is the center of both my and hubby's lives. Over time, I expect this will change somewhat and we will begin to regain more of us. But I would never say that I love hubby more. We both say we love each other and our little man equally, but very differently

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I agree with icekid. The love for husband and the love for children are different. I, personally, cannot imagine life without DH or my kids. I don't feel the need to choose between my DH and kids. It can be balanced.

 

[mia1181]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Icekid!!!

I just found my way back to PS and I just saw little Jumper what a cutie!!!! Congratulations!

I'm good but TTC is still on hold for us My nephew never moved here because his parents wouldn't let him, so now he is living with his mother in a camper in someone's driveway But at least he has his mother who does love him and is trying the best she can. But school and work for me has been overwhelming so I don't mind waiting until that is over before starting to TTC (I'll be finished in August!). Meanwhile, hubby is making some changes in his career so we want to wait and see where we are financially after that transition. We are thinking next year would be perfect because I'll be in a better position in my career to go on maternity leave. Thankfully, we have been so busy that I don't have time to obsess about having a baby. Interestingly the tables have turned a bit and hubby has been having bits and pieces of baby fever. Now he's the one that is concerned about getting old and not having a family to show for it. So yeah, same old story here... Waiting, waiting, waiting!

As for the article:

Not actually having had children myself, I think that love for your children is just different than love for a spouse. However, I do think it's important to not lose that focus and structure of being a couple because when the children grow up and move away it will be just the two of you again.

 

[Laila619]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I adore my sweet baby boy, but my husband is still first. I think it's especially important to keep a marriage strong and happy after kids come along, so that children can grow up in a happy and stable two-parent home. Also, they see what a happy marriage looks like and then hopefully go on to have good marriages themselves someday! However, I wouldn't say I love my DH *more* than my little boy because I love them equally...just that DH and the marriage come first. Also, I'd say that if a woman is married to a selfish jerk, none of this applies, lol.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Here is the test in my mind.

Imagine you are in a situation where you can save your child or your spouse, not both, from being eaten by a water buffalo. Who would you save?

Imagine losing your spouse. How would that feel? Imagine losing your child. How would that feel?

I do think that the love is different in quality, but in my mind there is a heirarchy of.. importance?.. not sure the exact word... that puts kids above spouse, or it should. I think of this as different than protecting, nurturing and supporting your marriage, like Laila is talking about, and more like a primal responsibility or duty. I love my husband, but my duty is to support and protect my kids above anyone else.

Or maybe that is not love, but another emotion?

 

[Pandora II]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

That article kind of annoys me...

I adore, respect and am madly in love with my husband. He's my best friend and the thought of ever being without him terrifies me. We're extremely physically affectionate with each other, he's very romantic and we spend almost all our outside work time together.

On the other hand, we haven't DTD since Daisy was 3 months old and that was just the once. Before that it was our honeymoon when I was 10 weeks preggo (and we felt we ought to because it was our honeymoon! ). Don't get me wrong, when we get round to it, it's great and we always think 'hey we should do this more often' but it just doesn't easily fit in our lives. We're generally too tired or too busy and having Daisy in bed with us isn't great for nookie - but is lovely and snuggly and getting the big impish grin in the morning is something I will miss when she grows up and moves out! The good thing is that neither of us care, our relationship is based on far more than sex. The author of this article seems to think that to have a good marriage you need to be having good sex and lots of it...

Anyway, I love my husband and my daughter with the same intensity but in different ways. I can say that if something awful was to happen, I would be completely and utterly destroyed and devastated but I would be able to deal better with the loss of my child than the loss of my husband. My daughter was born of both of us and has her own developing personality which I'm sure will delight and irritate me in fairly equal measure (or at least I hope so) but we didn't choose her. I did chose my husband.

DD - In the 'eaten by water buffalo' scenario I would obviously save my child because it is my duty to protect my child and would also be my natural instinct as a mother, it doesn't change my feeling that I would deal worse with the loss of my husband.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

And now I just read the article.

The author seems to put a lot of stock is sex and passion as a defining feature of being in love, and if that is the definition of love then of course every woman lover her spouse more than her kids. But she also would choose her spouse in the two hypotheticals I posted above. If I am totally honest, that just seems bizarre to me. I love my husband in much the same way she talks about her husband (minus perhaps the constant sex ), but I would save my son, and frankly, I would want him to save our son too if the choice came between me and our son. I want him to "love the kids more" and would be disturbed if he did not.

I seem to recall that kids from these types of marriages can feel left out of their parents passion. I can see that. Does the intense love a couple feels for one another have to be simply dyadic? Can't it be all encompassing to include the kids as well as the spouse in the zone of "most loved"? Why does it have to be one or the other?

Pandora Interesting. I would mourn my husband but I can imagine moving on, marrying again if I had to. Losing a child... I shudder to think.

 

[Pandora II]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Perhaps it's because I grew up in a family where my siblings and I knew that our parents loved us dearly and would pretty much do everything they possibly could for us. However, it was always pretty obvious that my father loved my mother more than he loved us.

In a way I found that healthy. I've seen a lot of marriages where the kids arrived and the parents barely had time for each other anymore and the kids were all that counted. Not that the parents were fighting or anything, it just seemed that a couple who before did things together had morphed into 'sperm donor' who now went out with his friends and 'mother' who now spent every moment with the kids.

I always said that I would never marry if I couldn't have a marriage as good as my parents and I'm fortunate enough to have a very similar one (or it seems that way so far).

Another 'what would you do'? If you were a man and your wife was in labour and something went wrong and you had to choose between saving the life of your wife or your nearly-born child, who would you choose?

Does who you would chose to save change over time? If you were in a house-fire and you could save either your husband or your week-old baby would you make a different choice than choosing between your husband and your 2 year-old?

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Hi Mia! It's good to see you again! I haven't read the article yet but I wanted to say hi. I'll post again once I read it.

 

[ljmorgan]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Definitely an interesting article. This seems to be a hot topic lately, and the correct answer is supposed to be "my husband comes first" lest you appear to be a frigid child-indulging martyr.

My child comes first. My child's needs will come before my husband's, and even mine. If there is one piece of bread in the house and we're all starving, my child will get the piece of bread. If my husband and my child were both dangling off of the edge of a cliff and I could only save one of them, I would save my child. I love my husband immensely but our child is the proof of our love, our child holds our hope and promise of the future. We have discussed that cliff scenario in detail and agreed! I brought it up to him once because I remember my mother and father telling me when I was an older teenager that they would gladly drop each other off of a cliff to keep me hanging on. I remember thinking "wow, they must really love me, because I know how much they love each other."

I can speak to this somewhat because my husband and I lost our first child, and we have both faced life-threatening medical conditions. Our daughter was stillborn, dying the day before her birth. The loss of a child is so unnatural and devastating. I would have gladly traded my life for hers, and in the days immediately after her death my anger at the injustice was overwhelming. My husband and I have both had serious health conditions that would cloud our future if we let them -- in my early 20's I had an aggressive bout with bone cancer (that can reoccur or spread at any time) that I thankfully survived with the help of radical surgery, my husband has a benign brain tumor that was problematic during his teen years (fixed through surgery) that can become more menacing should it grow in size. We do not take each other for granted and recognize what a blessing our time is together.

I think this topic is really misleading as presented by the article because just because my child is my top priority, does not mean that my marriage is on the back burner. Just because my child would get the last piece of bread in the house does not mean that my husband and I do not actively work on our marriage with alone time, date nights, romance, etc. Once you bring a child into the world your responsibility is to provide and care for them to the best of your ability meeting their needs as best you can. This is not to say that romance is dead! You can teach your children that marriage is important, you can take care of your spouse, you can put effort into having a happy marriage. I'm not sure why this article and other sources put these two areas at odds with each other.

 

[Sha]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Definitely an interesting article. This seems to be a hot topic lately, and the correct answer is supposed to be "my husband comes first" lest you appear to be a frigid child-indulging martyr.

My child comes first. My child's needs will come before my husband's, and even mine. If there is one piece of bread in the house and we're all starving, my child will get the piece of bread. If my husband and my child were both dangling off of the edge of a cliff and I could only save one of them, I would save my child. I love my husband immensely but our child is the proof of our love, our child holds our hope and promise of the future. We have discussed that cliff scenario in detail and agreed! I brought it up to him once because I remember my mother and father telling me when I was an older teenager that they would gladly drop each other off of a cliff to keep me hanging on. I remember thinking "wow, they must really love me, because I know how much they love each other."

I can speak to this somewhat because my husband and I lost our first child, and we have both faced life-threatening medical conditions. Our daughter was stillborn, dying the day before her birth. The loss of a child is so unnatural and devastating. I would have gladly traded my life for hers, and in the days immediately after her death my anger at the injustice was overwhelming. My husband and I have both had serious health conditions that would cloud our future if we let them -- in my early 20's I had an aggressive bout with bone cancer (that can reoccur or spread at any time) that I thankfully survived with the help of radical surgery, my husband has a benign brain tumor that was problematic during his teen years (fixed through surgery) that can become more menacing should it grow in size. We do not take each other for granted and recognize what a blessing our time is together.

I think this topic is really misleading as presented by the article because just because my child is my top priority, does not mean that my marriage is on the back burner. Just because my child would get the last piece of bread in the house does not mean that my husband and I do not actively work on our marriage with alone time, date nights, romance, etc. Once you bring a child into the world your responsibility is to provide and care for them to the best of your ability meeting their needs as best you can. This is not to say that romance is dead! You can teach your children that marriage is important, you can take care of your spouse, you can put effort into having a happy marriage. I'm not sure why this article and other sources put these two areas at odds with each other.

I haven't read the article as yet, but this post pretty much sums up how I feel!

 

[iheartscience]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I thought that article was going to be about this study I learned about in one of my undergrad psych courses.

According to the study, (and forgive the wording because I can't remember exactly how the authors put it) adults had a harder time getting over the loss of their spouse than they did getting over the loss of a child. It stuck out in my mind because everyone (myself included) would think that the loss of a child is much worse than the loss of a spouse, but by whatever measures the investigators were using in this study, the opposite was true.

I can't do a lit search now, but I'd be interested to read the whole article. If I get the chance tomorrow I'll try to search for it and post it here.

 

[mia1181]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Pandora- I agree that it is silly how the author seems to think that how often a couple has sex determines how healthy their relationship is. I believe it's not how often a couple has sex but whether each partner is satisfied with the quanitity and quality of sex.

DD- I honestly can't imagine a person choosing their husband over their child to save from the water buffalo. Besides maternal instinct, it makes sense that you would save the one who has their whole life in front of them. Plus the husband is an adult, it is his own responsibility to keep himself out of danger. Children need to be protected by adults plain and simple.

Zoe! Hi there! Thanks for stopping in to say hi! I'm happy to be back.

Lindsey- That is really sweet about your parents telling you they drop each other to save you! Especially because you also knew that they loved each other. That really seems like a great balance. The children should come fist but also see that their parents love each other too.

 

[noelwr]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I'd probably feel the same way if I was married to Brad Pitt.

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

DD and Pandora - interesting hypotheses you brought up. They got me thinking. In the water buffalo case, I would without a doubt save my child(ren). That's my job as a mom, to protect. In the situation where a man has to choose between his wife and unborn child, DH will most likely choose to save me. Did that mean DH loves me more than I love him? No, because he will most likely save our child(ren) in the water buffalo scenario too. If I and my unborn child were at risk of dying during L&D, I would want DH to save our baby. I think the main difference between the two situations is the bond/love between a father and his unborn child is not the same as the bond/love a mother has with the unborn child. We can feel the baby in our bellies, but it's more surreal/less tangible for the fathers.

I, too, was annoyed with the association of sex frequencies with being in love.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I am neither a mother nor a wife, but I found the article and the posts very interesting.

Honestly, at this point, I think I'd probably save my FI rather than any child. I mean, I can have more children, but I only have one FI.

My FI is a biologist and he believes that if I were put in a situation where I was forced to make a snap decision, maternal instinct would overwhelm me and I would immediately save the child. I am sceptical... But like I say, I'm not a mother, I have not experienced maternal instinct, so to me this is all speculation.

Like many of you, I don't think that having sex equates to being in love. However, I firmly believe that unless both partners are comfortable with the quality and quantity of the sex, problems are bound to occur.

One of my best friends used to be a prostitute. Most of her clients were nice, decent, middle-class men whose wives had been overcome by babyfever and promptly lost all interest in sex. Now, you may think this would never happen in your relationship, just as many people don't think it would happen in theirs, but the truth is, it does. Men need to have sex. If they're not getting it from their wives, or if it's not the type of sex they want, as frequently as they want it, they're getting somewhere else.

 

[Jennifer W]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

What a bizarre thing to make an and/or choice about. My child and husband are part of a package - neither of them comes 'first.' Or last, come to that. We aren't a couple who happen to have a child, we're a family. This would be true whether I had sex after every meal or only on my birthday. Who dreams this stuff up?

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I guess I'm weird. If I had to ask my husband I bet we would both say that we put our children first. But no child or children take 24 hours of the day. You DO put them to bed, don't you? Other than the exhausting first year of a child's life, I don't see loving my husband and loving my children as being incompatible at all. In fact our love of our children has deepened and made our love for each other more meaningful and vice versa,it's a big circle. Our joke is that our house is our spaceship. We are all on the spaceship and no one is getting kicked out.

I don't really like the hypotheticals. If it were a water buffalo coming of course I would go for my kid first; it is my job as a parent to protect my child (and I expect my husband to have the upper, lower body strength to get out of the way!)
It is devastating to lose a spouse. My husband read the Joyce Carol Oats article (New Yorker?) about her losing her husband, and admitted he cried when he read it because he identified with it and gave it to me to read. But we are adults. We signed onto this deal. Our children are innocents and our responsibility (plus I know I would never be the same if something happened to them).

My husband's father's parents were like this. They were obsessed with each other, joined at the hip. They only had 1 child because once he came they realized they didn't want any children to take away from their relationship/attention to each other. I know he was loved, but rather neglected. They would go on vacations without him. He was not allowed into their "inner circle". When one died, the other died within a few months. Her point is that it is good for a child to know their parents have a good relationship, well it can be true but not if the child feels excluded from that relationship, and allowed that level of love. I think if two people feel so intensely about each other, maybe they should not bring children into the picture.

 

[Pandora II]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I am neither a mother nor a wife, but I found the article and the posts very interesting.

Honestly, at this point, I think I'd probably save my FI rather than any child. I mean, I can have more children, but I only have one FI.

My FI is a biologist and he believes that if I were put in a situation where I was forced to make a snap decision, maternal instinct would overwhelm me and I would immediately save the child. I am sceptical... But like I say, I'm not a mother, I have not experienced maternal instinct, so to me this is all speculation.

Like many of you, I don't think that having sex equates to being in love. However, I firmly believe that unless both partners are comfortable with the quality and quantity of the sex, problems are bound to occur.

One of my best friends used to be a prostitute. Most of her clients were nice, decent, middle-class men whose wives had been overcome by babyfever and promptly lost all interest in sex. Now, you may think this would never happen in your relationship, just as many people don't think it would happen in theirs, but the truth is, it does. Men need to have sex. If they're not getting it from their wives, or if it's not the type of sex they want, as frequently as they want it, they're getting somewhere else.

Sorry but that is just not true. I know many man who don't have high libidos. My husband is one of them - before we had our daughter I was always the one more likely to initiate. There are plenty of threads on PS about women whose husbands just aren't wanting sex every hour of the day. We are just conditioned to think that men are this way.

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I am neither a mother nor a wife, but I found the article and the posts very interesting.

Honestly, at this point, I think I'd probably save my FI rather than any child. I mean, I can have more children, but I only have one FI.

My FI is a biologist and he believes that if I were put in a situation where I was forced to make a snap decision, maternal instinct would overwhelm me and I would immediately save the child. I am sceptical... But like I say, I'm not a mother, I have not experienced maternal instinct, so to me this is all speculation.

Like many of you, I don't think that having sex equates to being in love. However, I firmly believe that unless both partners are comfortable with the quality and quantity of the sex, problems are bound to occur.

One of my best friends used to be a prostitute. Most of her clients were nice, decent, middle-class men whose wives had been overcome by babyfever and promptly lost all interest in sex. Now, you may think this would never happen in your relationship, just as many people don't think it would happen in theirs, but the truth is, it does. Men need to have sex. If they're not getting it from their wives, or if it's not the type of sex they want, as frequently as they want it, they're getting somewhere else.

Sorry but that is just not true. I know many man who don't have high libidos. My husband is one of them - before we had our daughter I was always the one more likely to initiate. There are plenty of threads on PS about women whose husbands just aren't wanting sex every hour of the day. We are just conditioned to think that men are this way.

I would also hope that men has the self-control to not stray. Cheating is a choice; it's not a given.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I am neither a mother nor a wife, but I found the article and the posts very interesting.

Honestly, at this point, I think I'd probably save my FI rather than any child. I mean, I can have more children, but I only have one FI.

My FI is a biologist and he believes that if I were put in a situation where I was forced to make a snap decision, maternal instinct would overwhelm me and I would immediately save the child. I am sceptical... But like I say, I'm not a mother, I have not experienced maternal instinct, so to me this is all speculation.

Like many of you, I don't think that having sex equates to being in love. However, I firmly believe that unless both partners are comfortable with the quality and quantity of the sex, problems are bound to occur.

One of my best friends used to be a prostitute. Most of her clients were nice, decent, middle-class men whose wives had been overcome by babyfever and promptly lost all interest in sex. Now, you may think this would never happen in your relationship, just as many people don't think it would happen in theirs, but the truth is, it does. Men need to have sex. If they're not getting it from their wives, or if it's not the type of sex they want, as frequently as they want it, they're getting somewhere else.

Sorry but that is just not true. I know many man who don't have high libidos. My husband is one of them - before we had our daughter I was always the one more likely to initiate. There are plenty of threads on PS about women whose husbands just aren't wanting sex every hour of the day. We are just conditioned to think that men are this way.

Well, you're telling me that your husband is comfortable with how infrequently you have sex. I don't see how this disagrees with what I said? If you're both comfortable with it (as you have indicated) then clearly it works for you.

A key point in this article is that many women lose interest in sex when they have children. I was merely sharing that, in my experience, men who are not happy with their sex lives look elsewhere. Some turn to ****, some have virtual relationships, some have physical affairs and others use prostitutes.

Obviously sex is not the be all and end all of every relationship and I know that we are conditioned to believe that men want sex all. the. time. but it is important to acknowledge that a fulfilling sex life is important.

Some people are happy with once a year, others need it once week, some may need it every hour. Every couple is different and needs to find what works for them. But so many women fixate on their children to such an extent that they don't make time for sex... And then are shocked when they find out about the **** habit/virtual relationship/affair/hookers.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I am neither a mother nor a wife, but I found the article and the posts very interesting.

Honestly, at this point, I think I'd probably save my FI rather than any child. I mean, I can have more children, but I only have one FI.

My FI is a biologist and he believes that if I were put in a situation where I was forced to make a snap decision, maternal instinct would overwhelm me and I would immediately save the child. I am sceptical... But like I say, I'm not a mother, I have not experienced maternal instinct, so to me this is all speculation.

Like many of you, I don't think that having sex equates to being in love. However, I firmly believe that unless both partners are comfortable with the quality and quantity of the sex, problems are bound to occur.

One of my best friends used to be a prostitute. Most of her clients were nice, decent, middle-class men whose wives had been overcome by babyfever and promptly lost all interest in sex. Now, you may think this would never happen in your relationship, just as many people don't think it would happen in theirs, but the truth is, it does. Men need to have sex. If they're not getting it from their wives, or if it's not the type of sex they want, as frequently as they want it, they're getting somewhere else.

Sorry but that is just not true. I know many man who don't have high libidos. My husband is one of them - before we had our daughter I was always the one more likely to initiate. There are plenty of threads on PS about women whose husbands just aren't wanting sex every hour of the day. We are just conditioned to think that men are this way.

I would also hope that men has the self-control to not stray. Cheating is a choice; it's not a given.

Yes. Just like one makes a conscious choice to make time for sex.

Do you view a man using the services of a prostitute as cheating?

If anything, I think it's masturbation with a human aid.

 

[Laila619]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I, too, was annoyed with the association of sex frequencies with being in love.

I think what she means is that most of those women don't even *want* to have sex with their DHs anymore after the baby comes along, whereas she still does.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Do you view a man using the services of a prostitute as cheating? : Yes.

If anything, I think it's masturbation with a human aid. [/quote]

So you think another human being is equivalent to a rubber dildo? Odd. i've never been personally worried about getting arrested, getting stds, being physically attacked, or wrecking my marriage from using a dildo, but that's just me.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Also, did anyone get the feeling from the article this woman was bragging about how she has a great sex life (to the extent she can't talk about it with her "girlfriends" and how much she and her husband love each other, more than those pesky irrelevant sattelites of children? Seriously sister, alot of women out there have good sex lives with their husband, even after having children. they just don't feel the need to write an article about it.
I think their narcissism suits each other very well.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I read this as another one of those "I'm trying to make a living as a part time writer, so I made up some crap to write about" articles.

In DD's example, I think it's a biological imperative to protect your offspring before yourself. We want our children to live longer than we do. Plus, how could I live with my husband knowing he let our daughter die, or vice versa? He wouldn't even have to wonder. Of course I would want him to save our child/ren if forced to make that awful choice.

 

[Kay]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I love both my husband and child intensely, but differently. I would not say one was more important than the other, but since she is only 2, DD requires a lot more time and attention. DH and I both spend the majority of our "non-working" awake hours playing with, feeding, bathing, etc. DD. As she reached age 2 and became more independent, we had a little more "alone" time. As a result, baby #2 is now on the way.

In the water buffalo scenario, I would save DD. It is my job to protect her. DH probably wouldn't forgive me if I saved him instead. However, as much as the loss of a child would be devastating, I would find it harder to lose DH. We have been together 17 years and he is my life partner. If I had the option to sacrifice my own life to save both of them, that is what I would do. DD is so close to DH, that I think she would miss him more, and, selfishly, I would not want to survive him if I had the choice.

If it came down to saving my life or that of our unborn child, I think DH would choose me. Although he would mourn the loss, he just isn't as connected to the unborn child yet. With my first pregnancy, I wasn't sure if i would prefer DH to save me or the child in that scenario. With my second pregnancy, I know I would want DH to save me. I feel a stronger duty to my already born child. It would not make sense for our daughter to lose her mother so that DH could raise 2 by himself.

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

I, too, was annoyed with the association of sex frequencies with being in love.

I think what she means is that most of those women don't even *want* to have sex with their DHs anymore after the baby comes along, whereas she still does.

Laila - you are right. I just think that statement is all her assumptions. Personally, some days I am too exhausted by the end of the day to have sex, but that is not to say I don't have the desire to. So the same could be true of her "friends".

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Loving your DH more than your children: Interesting Arti

Yes. Just like one makes a conscious choice to make time for sex.

Do you view a man using the services of a prostitute as cheating?

If anything, I think it's masturbation with a human aid.

Well, I consider any times that a man is involved with another human being physically (includes going on dates, kissing, etc) as cheating, without the consent of his spouse. The line of emotional/mental involvement is not as clear cut. I can only assume that you were joking with last line. But if you are not, then you are much more acceptance than I am.