Has anyone neeed to do this?

[bee*]

I''m really sorry to hear this Nytemist. I agree with PP, it''s time to get yourself to New York and be happy.

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/27/2009 2:42:48 PM
Author: Pandora II
Remember you only get the one life, and you deserve to spend that being as happy as possible.

That is perhaps the best and most important advice on here.

I''m sorry to hear that you''re going through such troubles, nytemist, but I am inspired by how strong you are being. You deserve to be happy, as does your DH, and if you aren''t making each other happy, then perhaps it''s best to part ways.

*hug*

 

[Steel]

I am sorry, I do not remember your previous posts so do not know your history.

So speaking generally I have this to say: you already know what to do. Love is never enough and one person does not a marriage make.

I agree with the view that if the marriage is not to succeed then it is better to leave and find new happiness.

 

[nytemist]

SDL, I have lost some of the person I am. My best friend asked what happened to me; that I am not as fun as I used to be. I know it''s because I''ve been so consumed with this. Thank you and everyone for the words of advice.

We talked on Friday and I said that I can''t continue the way this is. I''m not sleeping, I''m eating badly if I ever have an appetite and drinking more than I should be. I said that until there is a time that he can sit down with me and have a talk about our future, like any normal married couple should be able to do, then I am not moving back in. The harder thing I''ve done is give myself a deadline. I have crap going on in my own life, with trying to my MT license renewed and find a new job, even in these bad times and I''m hoping that is done soon. When that date comes and there is still no real progress, I am done. He was really upset with my decision to not come back to the condo, he''s like "so I''m supposed to have a wife, but she doesn''t live here? What am I supposed to do?" I said well I was supposed to have a husband but for that past roughly 5 or 6 months I''ve had a roommate. Then he says what do I tell my parents? I said you can tell them how spineless you have been and that I got tired of it. Interesting how it took this for him to really wake up. Saturday he called me and asked me out on a date for Saturday and went bowling. We had fun, haven''t gone out and had an evening like that in a long time. Of course he though I was going home with him and got mad when I said no, nothing has changed since yesterdays talk. I said I have no problem still hanging out on Friday at our favorite bar, but until you are a supportive husband who communicates with me, I''m not living in all that tension. Now when he calls me at work to say hello, he makes it a point to say I love you. I''m scaring myself because it doesn''t have the effect that it should. I know I was way past my limit of tolerating this situation, but now I wonder if I got to the point that I don''t really care. I hope not, since I do love him and we could be amazing together- we were before we got married.

By the way, this is why I missed the last Boston GTG. I would have loved to see everyone and I love Fajitas and Ritas, but I would have been such a downer to be around.

 

[mercoledi]

Thank you for the update. At least there appears to be some communication and understanding at this point. Stick to your guns and do what you need to do to be a happy and fulfilled person. If he can participate in that, great. If not, I know you can do it on your own.

We did miss you at the GTG, rather than thinking you''d bring everyone down, maybe we could have brought you up a tad. I always nearly wuss out of going to those things, almost walk away when I get to the door, and I''ve been so thankful to have gone and participated each time.

Stay strong!

 

[FrekeChild]

nytemist,

It seems as though he''s trying to put a little bit of effort into the relationship now, but he doesn''t get why when he puts a little in, he doesn''t get what he wants back out.

After reading your update, it seems as though you still love him, but that you aren''t in love with him anymore--thats from reading between the lines, but still an assumption, so if it''s wrong, I apologize. I''m just afraid that if he manages to get you to come back (which, honestly, isn''t sounding that likely at the moment) that he''ll be great for a month or so, and then go back to the way he was before.

I went back and read through some of your relationship history and it sounds like it''s been a bit on the tumultuous side, and like some other posters before me, I''m not really surprised it''s gotten to this point. Regardless, it is so so so hard to go through and I hurt for you because your words are so sad, hurt and angry. People deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy. You are still the wonderful fun woman you were before, it''s just kind of hidden underneath everything else at the moment. And that''s OK. You just can''t expect everything to go back to normal right away.

Gosh, I''m rambling. I hope that I made some sense. And I hope that you work this out for what is best for you.

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

Let us know how you''re doing.

 

[teapot]

Nytemist, I am sorry that you are going through this. I think you are doing the right thing now. You are making your expectations clear and you have a plan. I know this can''t be easy for you, but as long as you do what''s right for you, you will be happier in the long run. ((( Hugs )))

 

[nytemist]

Thank you all for the support again. On one hand I feel much better that I''ve decided to stop putting up with the crap and get it together just for myself. The other hand it hurts to no end that we have come to this point. Having a weekly date has brought back some of the old him, more attentive and does little nice gestures, but he still isn''t seeing what has driven me to where I am. Maybe things will change before I reach my limit, but in case it doesn''t I''m getting myself prepared.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/1/2009 3:21:30 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/27/2009 2:42:48 PM
Author: Pandora II
Remember you only get the one life, and you deserve to spend that being as happy as possible.

That is perhaps the best and most important advice on here.

I''m sorry to hear that you''re going through such troubles, nytemist, but I am inspired by how strong you are being. You deserve to be happy, as does your DH, and if you aren''t making each other happy, then perhaps it''s best to part ways.

*hug*

Thritto. Nytemist, I am also sorry to hear that you''re contemplating separation, but I wanted you to know also that I can relate (somewhat). I am going through a divorce myself. Feel free to read my Who''s Who thread (it''s long, but the last two or three pages are where I finally talk about my current situation)...I am like you, I didn''t want to "bring people down" with my tales of woe so I just stayed off that topic completely and at one point I took a PS break while I sorted things out.

I wish you the best, and hope that everything works out for you.

 

[movie zombie]

please ask an attorney this question! i know that here in california that unless one files for a legal separation, both remain responsible for all bills.....which means that if hubby runs up a debt during this period of time you are not living together, you will get to help pay for it. unless you file that paper, its as if you are living together whether you are or not. please protect yourself!

mz

 

[Porridge]

I haven''t posted on your threads before because I haven''t been around all that long and everyone had already said what I was thinking. But I''m really glad for you that you have reached the point where you recognise that things have to change now or that''s it. I''m sorry you had a rough few years, and I can imagine this whole thing would lower any self-esteem, so I hope you consider some methods to help you realise what a wonderful, intelligent woman you are.

Best of luck with the process. I think you are doing (or thinking about doing!) the right thing.