DH Debacles - Is this okay????

[partgypsy]

Oops, I didn''t read your addendum. I''m sorry you are going through this. I don''t have anything more to add that what other people have already said.

 

[asscherisme]

I agree with others, I think he is an acoholic. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents and you can''t imagine what growing up living with that is like. Pure hell. I agree with others, its a pattern and its ultimatium time if not for you, for your son. If he keeps doing this and your son sees you accepting it, what kind of example is it for him? Coming home drop dead drunk every week? Not coming home many times a month? NOT OK!!! Plus it affects your son''s future relationships and what he sees as normal. You don''t want him to see what you are living as normal.

I think others were harsh for your reaction. If it was a one time thing, yes overreaction. And harsh. However, hearing bits and pieces of what you have been living with, its understandable how mad you were. I can tell you that there were times near the end of my living with my husband where I did not like who I was around him. He made me so angry and upset it took everything inside me to not explode at him. And I did not always succeed. Counseling helped me a lot.

If he is unwilling to talk to you about it, and he is unwilling to go to counseling, is your counselor who knows more facts able help you?

I can tell you that my counselor helped me to see that things with my husband would NEVER get better and there would never be peace in my home until he was out. It was not alcohol, but rage issues and other private issues that were a danger to my kids and I.

Regarding the car, that could put you at risk.

 

[movie zombie]

whether or not he currently is an alcoholic, he has problems and is trying to escape his problems with this behavior. unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you can''t force it to drink: if he won''t go to counseling, he leaves you no choice in my opinion but to do what is best for you and your child. he''s already halfway down a slippery slope and unless he wakes up and admits to a problem and seeks help, things will get worse, you''ll be a very angry mother, and your son will have a very bad roll model not only from his father but about how relationships function.

good luck. this is not easy. sometimes love just is not enough. and unless two people are working on a relationship, there is no relationship.

movie zombie

 

[LitigatorChick]

I don''t know if I am kidding myself, but I kind of saw this as "borderline" behaviour. He is in sales in the oil-patch, and it is very much a hard drinking boys club. So I kind of figured it was part of the job, but it was getting a bit too much, especially this last bit.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 10/6/2008 8:53:15 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
Further information obviously required.


My DH goes out drinking about 3 nights a week. He is ridiculous drunk about once a week. He fails to come home until 6 or 7 about once a month.


I got more information later - he in fact had his keys, and cannot recall either sleeping in the car or why he did so.


My comment was annoyance with him. This is more of the same and I wanted him to move so I could go to work.


Counselling - great idea!!! Anyone have any idea how to make a 32 year old man go to counselling, either with me or alone? I''ve asked, he has refused. I go on my own.


Input?

I agree that three times a week, every week, is really OTT.
You are in the UK, right? The culture is very pro-drinking, from what I experienced of it. And his workmates totally reinforce that..? How often do his peers go out and get drunk? Does he drink with the same friends every time, different groups of friends, or alone? If friends can''t make it, does he go alone? Has his behaviour changed greatly over a period of time? How is his work life going in general?

Ok, counselling... as a woman married to a rock hard thick head myself, I feel for you in the counselling department. Could you contact AA? Does your counseller have any advice? Could you contact his mum, and ask for her help? Enlist his best mate?

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 10/7/2008 1:03:14 PM
Author: movie zombie
whether or not he currently is an alcoholic, he has problems and is trying to escape his problems with this behavior. unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you can''t force it to drink: if he won''t go to counseling, he leaves you no choice in my opinion but to do what is best for you and your child. he''s already halfway down a slippery slope and unless he wakes up and admits to a problem and seeks help, things will get worse, you''ll be a very angry mother, and your son will have a very bad roll model not only from his father but about how relationships function.

good luck. this is not easy. sometimes love just is not enough. and unless two people are working on a relationship, there is no relationship.

movie zombie

Ditto.

 

[movie zombie]

ok, he''s a member of a hard drinking group. if you knew this when you married him, its a bit late to change him, espeically if he doesn''t want to change. remember before you try to change someone else how hard it is to change yourself. however, you seem to be indicating that the behavior has escalated and/or become more severe.

if he says he doesn''t have a problem, he doesn''t have a problem. you do have a problem though because this behavior bothers you. the best you can do is either accept the situation or continue to work on solutions that take care of you and your child. if his drinking is more important to him and he won''t go to counseling with you to save your marriage, that pretty much says it all. you''re in control of your life and the life of your son.

again, good luck. this is not an easy position and none of the solutions are easy. take some time for yourself and don''t rush any decisions about anything. i think you said you''re seeiing a counselor. this is a good thing.

movie zombie

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I have no additional advice--you''ve been given some great advice. Would you consider going to some al-anon meetings (for those w/ alcoholic friends/family members)?

I just want to say that I''m really sorry. This must be a really rough time for you--you''ve been dealing with this for a very long time and must be exhausted.

 

[cara]

Don''t just threaten to leave if he doesn''t go to counseling until you are ready to leave - if you can''t follow through, then your threat will be empty.

I would not call this a "midlife crisis" - that misdirects from the specifics we have: alcohol abuse and deteriorating marriage.

But do please go to Al-Anon and personal counseling for yourself to help you reach the point where you can see that your husband''s behavior is destructive and no good for your son or your marriage.

Lest you hold off too long on confronting your husband, however, my warning story: My mother asked my father for years to go to counseling. He didn''t want to because he didn''t believe in counseling and thought she was the problem and saw counseling as a way for her to manipulate him into doing what she wanted (probably some truth to that.) Mother went alone sporadically and finally left after many, many years, but was so done with the marriage by that time that she didn''t want to do any counseling with my father toward getting back together. Even though her moving out finally shocked him into wanting to go to counseling with her - he was willing to finally change many of his behaviors but it was too late for them.

Anyway. The love in your marriage is leaking out, and the longer you wait to confront the problems head-on, the more repair work will be needed to save it. However, to confront the problems you must be prepared to face the fact that you alone cannot fix things. You cannot force a grown man into counseling and you cannot make him stop drinking. You also must confront the fact that you may have to leave your marriage if he isn''t willing to do his part - for your sake and for your son.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 10/8/2008 12:38:52 PM
Author: cara
Don''t just threaten to leave if he doesn''t go to counseling until you are ready to leave - if you can''t follow through, then your threat will be empty.

I would not call this a ''midlife crisis'' - that misdirects from the specifics we have: alcohol abuse and deteriorating marriage.

But do please go to Al-Anon and personal counseling for yourself to help you reach the point where you can see that your husband''s behavior is destructive and no good for your son or your marriage.

Lest you hold off too long on confronting your husband, however, my warning story: My mother asked my father for years to go to counseling. He didn''t want to because he didn''t believe in counseling and thought she was the problem and saw counseling as a way for her to manipulate him into doing what she wanted (probably some truth to that.) Mother went alone sporadically and finally left after many, many years, but was so done with the marriage by that time that she didn''t want to do any counseling with my father toward getting back together. Even though her moving out finally shocked him into wanting to go to counseling with her - he was willing to finally change many of his behaviors but it was too late for them.

Anyway. The love in your marriage is leaking out, and the longer you wait to confront the problems head-on, the more repair work will be needed to save it. However, to confront the problems you must be prepared to face the fact that you alone cannot fix things. You cannot force a grown man into counseling and you cannot make him stop drinking. You also must confront the fact that you may have to leave your marriage if he isn''t willing to do his part - for your sake and for your son.

Best of luck to you.

Amen.

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 10/8/2008 9:46:02 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I don''t know if I am kidding myself, but I kind of saw this as ''borderline'' behaviour. He is in sales in the oil-patch, and it is very much a hard drinking boys club. So I kind of figured it was part of the job, but it was getting a bit too much, especially this last bit.

Litchick: first off, let me say I am so sorry you are going through this.

Second off, don''t accept this b.s. rationalization. My dh''s line of work has always been with the hard-drinking boys club. Now, Steve likes to down beers with the fellas just as much as the next guy, but realizes that kind of behavior has far reaching effects. Health, relationships, career, etc. 4 of the guys he works with have had by-pass sugeries, strokes, heart attacks, etc from a life of excessive drinking & steak dinners on a very cushy expense account a few times a week. Its a hard life & he has been able to climb the ladder & earn respect without having to drink heavy or eat like crap. Sure, he''s having 2 beers & fish for dinner while the fellas are downing scotches & eating steak (but my dh doesn''t like hard booze...he''s a beer & red wine fella, nor does he care for red meat that much)

Steve is 43 now & he''s been in the heavy iron industry since he was 24. Somehow he''s managed. He misses "cocktail" hour on the road because he leaves to go workout at the gym before meeting up for dinner.

I guess I''m rambling, but I''m trying to say, your dh doesn''t have to stay out and drink. He CHOOSES to.

Now having a baby drastically changes your life & he could be struggling with that. I notice my own alcohol consumption has increased a lot after the 2nd one came. Much to my concern. I''m not drinking to get drunk, but I found myself having 2 glasses of wine EVERY NIGHT after the kids went to bed. (but I use small glasses, so its a real 4oz pour...not those big balloon glasses....) I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I switched to lemon tea & honey instead most nights. But some days are tough & you just want something to take the edge off. Alcohol is a sneaky devil. Its socially acceptable, and addiction can just sneak up on you out of nowhere.

Drinking & driving is something I am MILITANT about avoiding. If I''m going out with the girls and I''m driving, I have ONE drink before switching to clubsoda & lime. I''m terrified of DUI. If I''m at my parents house & driving the kids, I forgo the wine altogether even though I know 1 glass won''t get me drunk, I just don''t want any alcohol in my system if I''m operating a car with my children in it.

And even if my children aren''t in the car, drinking and driving is dangerous. You need to drive that home to him. DUI is expensive & embarrassing & the worst case scenario (hurting or killing another person) is devastating.

Ok, rambling again.

You guys need to have a heart to heart. I doubt you''ll get him into therapy, but can you send M to someone''s house for the night & the two of you hash it all out.

Try to avoid name calling, swearing, etc. Get a game plan of how you''ll talk about things. "I feel like you are out too much drinking--how is this affecting you? What do you think is the cause of it, what are you willing to change, how do you think this affects me & our son?" etc....and then LISTEN. Openly.

If he refuses to change his behavior, ask him what he expects you to do and how he would feel if the tables were turned.

Good Luck...

 

[Jas12]

Litchick--as a fellow Canadian who has friends in alberta working in oil, i know how common alcoholism is. In a word: rampant. However, it is usually the case for the guys working the fields up in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but drink /gamble away the copious amounts of money they are making. Your DH has to come home to a wife and child so i think it is obvious that this is not okay for a family man (or anyone really) My DH works in the trades and they sometimes even drink *on the job site* but he would never, ever, come home drunk to me. I am not saying this as a "my husband is better than yours" statement but more to second what diver is saying--it''s not the profession, it''s the person making the choice. He is escaping from something and you need to get at the root of it. I really hope he''ll go to counseling with you. What does he tell you when you ask him to come along. Is he defensive, dismissive, scared?

Hope you have a nice, relaxing thanksgiving weekend (no inlaws i hope --you deserve it

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his "work". He can''t quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.

I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.

I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.

Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his ''work''. He can''t quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.


I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.


I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.


Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

What does your therapist say about this? To *me* the biggest red flag is your last sentence. A marriage is a partnership and if it isn''t anymore, then you need to do some serious soul searching to decide if you really should be IN a marriage with this man. Big hugs.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 10/18/2008 12:23:57 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his ''work''. He can''t quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.


I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.


I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.


Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

What does your therapist say about this? To *me* the biggest red flag is your last sentence. A marriage is a partnership and if it isn''t anymore, then you need to do some serious soul searching to decide if you really should be IN a marriage with this man. Big hugs.

+1.
movie zombie

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 10/18/2008 12:38:34 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 10/18/2008 12:23:57 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his 'work'. He can't quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.


I can't talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.


I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.


Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

What does your therapist say about this? To *me* the biggest red flag is your last sentence. A marriage is a partnership and if it isn't anymore, then you need to do some serious soul searching to decide if you really should be IN a marriage with this man. Big hugs.

+1.
movie zombie

Yup. +2. I believe in fighting for your marriage, but I also believe there are times when a woman, and her child, are better off on their own. I was raised by a single mother because my biological father is not a suitable parent or partner, and although it is hard, it can be done. Being financially stable makes it easier as well. One of my closest friends has a 2 and a half year old and she finally dumped her sad sack husband... it is amazing the changes that have taken place. She is less anxious, she never gets sick anymore (bad relationships make you ill), and she is happy and contented. Better yet, her boy is thriving and he is becoming happier and more outgoing now that mom is no longer so stressed. Most of the crap in her life came from him, and with him basically out of the picture (he sees his son once a week now but I give it 6 months before he disappears), she and her son are doing wonderfully and she feels less lonely now with him gone than she did with him there. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to live in a stressful, uncomfortable, lonely situation. Life is simply too short for that.

 

[chiapet]

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick

I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.

I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.

Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

I''m glad that you''re focusing on yourself and your son. That''s the best thing to do when DH is not ready to deal with his problems. Good luck and I''m very sorry that you''re dealing with this.
My dad is an alcoholic and my childhood was awful (ie, parents fighting constantly, dad coming home drunk and throwing furniture at us, etc). My brother is now following in my dad''s footsteps and drinks excessively. It''s amazing how much kids learn from watching their parents'' behaviors.

 

[chiapet]

Date: 10/18/2008 9:16:19 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 10/18/2008 12:38:34 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 10/18/2008 12:23:57 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his ''work''. He can''t quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.


I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.


I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.


Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

What does your therapist say about this? To *me* the biggest red flag is your last sentence. A marriage is a partnership and if it isn''t anymore, then you need to do some serious soul searching to decide if you really should be IN a marriage with this man. Big hugs.

+1.
movie zombie

Yup. +2. I believe in fighting for your marriage, but I also believe there are times when a woman, and her child, are better off on their own. I was raised by a single mother because my biological father is not a suitable parent or partner, and although it is hard, it can be done. Being financially stable makes it easier as well. One of my closest friends has a 2 and a half year old and she finally dumped her sad sack husband... it is amazing the changes that have taken place. She is less anxious, she never gets sick anymore (bad relationships make you ill), and she is happy and contented. Better yet, her boy is thriving and he is becoming happier and more outgoing now that mom is no longer so stressed. Most of the crap in her life came from him, and with him basically out of the picture (he sees his son once a week now but I give it 6 months before he disappears), she and her son are doing wonderfully and she feels less lonely now with him gone than she did with him there. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you don''t have to live in a stressful, uncomfortable, lonely situation. Life is simply too short for that.

Dreamer, well said! I kicked my soon to be ex husband out in April and filed for divorce. I am now much MUCH happier and, as you mentioned, less lonely! Sometimes it''s definitely better to be alone than to be in a bad marriage/relationship.

 

[Gailey]

Date: 10/17/2008 11:57:36 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone. No doubt, he is escaping from life through his ''work''. He can''t quite comprehend that he has a wife and a child. I believe it is all too much for him.

I can''t talk to him about this, as he is not in a place emotionally to have a productive discussion. I am very much alone with my counsellor in this discussion.

I am working on myself at this point and focussing on my work and my son. I am going to succeed and prosper despite any of his actions.

Thanks everyone. This is very hard to deal with alone....

LC,

I feel for you I really do. I don''t think you and I have communicated before. I am fairly new to this board, so I feel a little bit nervous about jumping in with a bunch of advice.

This last post of yours is especially sad and it is why I decided to jump in. I am thinking that you are also in a very competitive working environment and my guess is that you haven''t said a lot about your family situation to the people you spend most of your day with. Family members of "drinkers" have it tough and quite often don''t want those around them to know whats going on because they are ashamed. Ashamed of their family member, ashamed of themselves for not being able to make them change. All of which can be very isolating.

I am the daughter of a lifelong alcoholoic father who never admitted he had a problem. My sister also had a drinking problem and finally decided to quit 6 weeks ago and I am so proud of her. I am lucky, didn''t get the gene. Any enjoyment I ever had from alcohol has long since been overshadowed by the migrianes it exacerbates.

I don''t know if your husband is an alcoholic or not. It''s immaterial really, the fact is whatever the label it''s crucifying you. And you need to make this all about you. You and your son, what you want and what''s best for the two of you.

You don''t mention in your posts if you still love your husband, I''m guessing that you do. Whether you do or not, it''s a huge step to pack up your child and leave. Despite some of the polarising views expressed in this thread, it isn''t easy to turn your back on the life that you have built. Ultimately only you can know if you want to stay and try to effect a change in your husband or if you want to leave and build a new life. I would not presume to advise you either way.

When you wrote your first post it was either just before, or just after the start of the global financial meltdown that is occuring. The fact that the price of oil has fallen through the floor cannot be helping your personal situation. If your husband felt pressure at work before, then it must be worse now. I see things getting much much worse before it starts to get better. Calgary has been riding on a wave of prosperity ever since I moved here 11 years ago and I think a lot of Calgarians think that the financial chaos that is happening elsewhere is not going to be that much of a big deal here - I don''t think that is true. The reason I bring this up is because firstly it''s only going to have a negative effect on your husbands drinking pattern and secondly, you need to keep this in mind when you are planning what you want to do for you and your son.

I see that you are talking to a counsellor and I hope that is helping you. I''ve never been to Al-anon, personally the thought of sharing all of this painful stuff with a bunch of strangers who are equally as damaged by drinking just didn''t appeal to me. That''s not to say that they don''t help, I just don''t know. I do know that it wasn''t right for me. That being said, I carry scars.

Lastly, you and I live in the same city and although we don''t know each other, please don''t feel alone. There are a huge number of people on this board who support you and are proud of your own achievements. You were so brave to bring this up and I hope that some of the responses you have received give you comfort and courage. I will help you in any way that I can.

Good Luck.

Gailey

 

[honey22]

I don''t know about any previous issues with your hubby, so I can only comment on this particular situation. It sounds like you were both out of line. He should have attempted to call you and let you know where he is. You don''t know why he was in the car, as others have said, he could have been trying to avoid waking you, who knows. Yes, it''s unacceptable that he just doesn''t come home and he should provide an explanation and an apology.

Bearing in mind, I have no insight into your relationship, but I don''t think you reaction was that great either. Were you not concerned about him? For all you know, he may have been drugged? Attacked? Who knows, highly unlikely yes and he was probably just being a shit, but I would give my partner the benefit of the doubt in this case. That said, this may be the 100th time you have given him the benefit of the doubt.

This is def something you both need to discuss. I would be very concerned if my FI just didn''t come home one night. I really hope you guys can work this out, for both your sake and of your child.

 

[Gailey]

Date: 11/20/2008 8:23:41 PM
Author: honey22
I don''t know about any previous issues with your hubby, so I can only comment on this particular situation. It sounds like you were both out of line. He should have attempted to call you and let you know where he is. You don''t know why he was in the car, as others have said, he could have been trying to avoid waking you, who knows. Yes, it''s unacceptable that he just doesn''t come home and he should provide an explanation and an apology.

Bearing in mind, I have no insight into your relationship, but I don''t think you reaction was that great either. Were you not concerned about him? For all you know, he may have been drugged? Attacked? Who knows, highly unlikely yes and he was probably just being a shit, but I would give my partner the benefit of the doubt in this case. That said, this may be the 100th time you have given him the benefit of the doubt.

This is def something you both need to discuss. I would be very concerned if my FI just didn''t come home one night. I really hope you guys can work this out, for both your sake and of your child.

With respect Honey,

I think LC was just about at her wits end when she lashed out at her husband. Did you read her other post about how often he goes on these drinking binges?

I''m lucky, I''ve been married to 15 years to a great guy who has not driven me to such extreme lengths. And before that I was married to another great guy who did drive me to despair.

Personally, I think it''s harsh to admonish LC for her outburst. I''d like to say that I''d have behaved differently in her circumstances, but in truth not only would I have told him to get out of the f***ing car, I''d have probably knocked "seven bells" out of him as well.

And that''s at the grand old age of 47 and after 25 years of marriage experience.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 11/20/2008 8:23:41 PM
Author: honey22
... That said, this may be the 100th time you have given him the benefit of the doubt.

Pretty close Honey, he''s basically drunk somewhere between 100 to 140+ days out of 365.

I''d be out of there myself unless he agreed to an in patient treatment facility. You just made partner. The longer you work, the more likely he''ll end up with split custody and you end up paying HIM alimony.

 

[crown1]

this thread was dead for a month why open it unless op responds? not correcting anyone just calling attention that it has not had recent activity and may be something she wants to let go.

 

[movie zombie]

or maybe she''s lurking her own thread....sometimes its nice to know people are still thinking about you.....

movie zombie

 

[LitigatorChick]

Hi all;

Been very busy, so I haven''t been hangin'' out here much. So I missed all of this.

Same crap with DH lately. Just looking after me and my little man first and foremost. DH has little interest in either of us, so all good there.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/25/2008 12:07:27 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Hi all;


Been very busy, so I haven''t been hangin'' out here much. So I missed all of this.


Same crap with DH lately. Just looking after me and my little man first and foremost. DH has little interest in either of us, so all good there.

All good? That doesn''t sound so good to me! But I am happy that you are taking care of yourself and Miller. Things have their ways of working themselves out...I hope that your husband starts to realize what he''s missing out on.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Maybe he will, maybe he won''t. I can''t change him or make him see the error of his ways. I can only worry about my behaviour, which will be kind and loving to him. I can have a great relationship with Miller, and ensure he is not negatively impacted.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/25/2008 2:45:19 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
Maybe he will, maybe he won''t. I can''t change him or make him see the error of his ways. I can only worry about my behaviour, which will be kind and loving to him. I can have a great relationship with Miller, and ensure he is not negatively impacted.

Sounds like a plan! Even if your husband doesn''t come to his senses at least you have adorable Miller out of the deal!

 

[purrfectpear]

He only has about 3 more years to dry out. Miller doesn''t need to see daddy drunk

 

[Steel]

Best thoughts from me that everything works out for the best - whatever that may be.