Children and Food Issues

[KimberlyH]

Most of my family members are overweight and I was at one time as well. I am concerned that my daughter is going to have food issues and so have spent a lot of time thinking about how we'll present food items that aren't healthy to her. I don't want to forbid sweets and junk altogether because I believe it will create a whole different set of problems, but I do plan to keep junk food intake to a minimum, which shouldn't be too difficult because aside from my recent cookie obsession we tend to eat very healthy foods. I have some ideas about how I want to approach this, such as not referring to any food as "treats" (I want treats to be trips to the zoo, special time with us, etc. not food related) instead explaining that certain foods make us grow healthy and strong and others don't, so we only eat the ones that don't sometimes.

So how do you deal with junk food and your kids? What works for you? What hasn't?

 

[Mara]

Obviously I am in the same boat you are Kim...so interested to see what Moms have done.

But my plan is to just treat all foods equally, even sweets and just hope that he doesn't have a raging sweet tooth. So far he seems to like veggies more than fruits which is great. I gave him a taste of rice and beans and he made a yuck FACE. Is this really my 1/4 mexican child??

I also don't plan to give juice if I can give water, but when I do give juice have it be really watered down. Also, our foods are generally pretty healthy --figure if he eats what we eat vs giving him his own kiddie meal, he'll learn he can enjoy all types of foods. aka I don't plan to make him his own 'chicken nuggets'.... but if we are having TJ's fish sticks for dinner one night (which are actually pretty healthy), then yep he has them too. You can make your own burgers easily which are 1000% more healthy than fast food and probably tastier too.

When I was young we had limited resources for food due to lack of money so I think there was more emphasis on 'treats' being sweets because the other food was not that interesting. But nowadays we eat such a diverse range of foods on a daily basis, that sweets or fatty foods aren't necessarily the end all to be all.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Ditto Mara. I don't have kids yet but I think with anything teaching by example and through moderation is the best way. You want to teach them healthy habits, so let them have snacks and other things, but provide a variety of food as options and don't necessarily assign "treats" to events (like ice cream to celebrate). And regardless of what anyone says, there are healthy alternatives to sweet snacks and desserts. You don't have to have ice cream and cookies for dessert every night. A piece of fruit works just as well, but you have to introduce fruit as a dessert option vs a healthy snack. Sometimes it takes making it different for this to be successful. There's no way I could ever think of a singular apple as being dessert, but take that apple, nuke it for a few minutes and top with cinnanon and walnuts and it's magically dessert!

I think you've probably already got a good handle on things at home with the way you're already feeding LO. Sure she'll be exposed to outside influences, birthday cake and the like, but home is where the reinforcement of good habits happens.

 

[TravelingGal]

"Cookie is a sometimes food."

While I still think it's weird that Cookie Monster eats veggies, I guess it's a sign of our times that we can't have cookie monster going around eating cookies all the time. And yet, back when we did, we all somehow knew that we couldn't eat cookies all the time. And we were active. And there was usually one that ONE "fat kid" in class.

I do think that some kids just naturally prefer sweets, others not so much. Amelia would rather have a potato chip over cake any day. I, like you, believe that moderation is key. I don't want Amelia to be a gorger or pies and twinkies at someone else's house.

In our family, our tactic is to delay a lot of the junk for as late as possible. It's kind of hard sometimes when there are plenty of 2 year olds eating ice cream and cookies like it's going out of style. My friend gave her kid cookies sometime after he turned one and he ate them by the fist full (these are the small cookies). She gave him all sorts of crap because she said she thought he would love them. I thought, of course he will love it! And he certainly did. Now he's a junk food junkie.

My point is there is lots of time for that kind of stuff. When Amelia comes to me and says she wants ice cream, I'll probably introduce it to her then. But pre-2, she just didn't know about that stuff, and my mentality is why introduce it to her? There are plenty of wonderfully sweet foods that are natural...she loves fruit! I've also given her greek yogurt with honey (so I can control the sugar), and baby yogurt when she was younger. I have yet to give her juice at home (she has it at preschool). I want her to enjoy water...I think it's so important for kids to learn how to hydrate without it being calorie ridden every time.

I had to teach her how to bite (she went to occupational therapy for eating) using salty foods, so that got introduced earlier than I would have liked. I just gave her the portion and when they were gone, it was gone. Somehow along the way, she's gotten used to that and for now, seems content with a small portion of any "junk" that I give her. I think that will change at some point, but I'll cross that bridge when she gets to it. I like your idea Kimberly of foods that make you grow vs the ones that don't.

As far as combating obesity, I really believe that although food is they key component, so is teaching your kid to be active, and cultivating that love. It's hard sometimes to get my a** off the couch, but I push myself because I want Amelia to love the park, beach, whatever. I know that as kids get older, they might prefer sitting around watching TV or playing video games, so part of my plan is to not have those so much as an option. I held off TV for Amelia for a long time. The recommended age for kids to start watching TV is 2. I'll tell you now, that's a hard rule to follow! I think Amelia was over 1.5, and even now she gets one hour of TV a day, tops. Sometimes none. Sounds like a lot until you look around and realize kids are watching 2-4 hours of TV a DAY at her age.

As for video games, TGuy and I have SWORE she will not get a handheld game thingamabobbie. People have told me, yeah, you wait until she's older and all her friends have one. And I get that. Again, we'll cross that bridge when we come to, but for now, nope.

Sorry about the off track to activities when I know you were asking about food. In a nutshell, I just say hold off on the real junk for as long as possible, don't use the sweets as a reward, and don't bribe the kid with sweets for eating what she's supposed to eat. I know plenty of kids who get a chip or a cookie in between bites of dinner.

 

[oobiecoo]

I'm interested in this and don't want our daughter to have the weight issues that run in both my family and DH's so I'll be following this thread.


Tgal- My parents swore they'd never buy me a nintendo type thing and it actually worked until I was maybe 8 or so I guess. I got a handheld gameboy and 2 games only. HOWEVER... not having my own game system at age 4, 5, 6, etc and not having the latest games or game systems my whole life really made a huge difference in how I view those things. Mine was pretty much for long car trips only... not sitting in a restaurant waiting for our meal or to spend 4 hours playing after school. I think its great that you don't want to buy one for Amelia, but even if you do give in then she won't necessarily be hooked onto it 24/7 if you treat it right.

 

[TravelingGal]

I'm interested in this and don't want our daughter to have the weight issues that run in both my family and DH's so I'll be following this thread.


Tgal- My parents swore they'd never buy me a nintendo type thing and it actually worked until I was maybe 8 or so I guess. I got a handheld gameboy and 2 games only. HOWEVER... not having my own game system at age 4, 5, 6, etc and not having the latest games or game systems my whole life really made a huge difference in how I view those things. Mine was pretty much for long car trips only... not sitting in a restaurant waiting for our meal or to spend 4 hours playing after school. I think its great that you don't want to buy one for Amelia, but even if you do give in then she won't necessarily be hooked onto it 24/7 if you treat it right.

I'm totally fine with those things for long car trips, etc. Or even just to play with for a reasonable amount of time after what needs to be done is done. But I can't stand seeing kids following around their moms at grocery stores with those things in hand, barely looking up to see if they're going to crash into my cart.

So yes, I think you're right. All those fun things are for just that....fun time. Sitting around waiting for dinner isn't playtime. I want my kid to have social skills!

 

[fieryred33143]

I'm surprisingly really strict with the things that Sophia eats. I say surprised because I have a terrible relationship with food and don't practice the same rules with myself. But with Sophia, it's just different. I always remind myself that right now she doesn't have a voice when it comes to the things she can eat. She's at the mercy of whatever we make for her. So if I give her junk food that messes up her tummy, it's really a poor reflection on me KWIM?

We were chatting about this about a week ago. Sophia loves mac-n-cheese and we are trying to get her off of the purees and on to regular food. So I decided to make her some mac-n-cheese and sneak in veggies.

1) I have never thought of adding vegetables to my mac-n-cheese for myself and
2) I've never made homemade mac-n-cheese. I've always had either the kraft or velvetta (sp?).

I think when you're responsible for another person's health, you take more time to really consider what is healthy and what is not healthy.

 

[Mara]

I'm surprisingly really strict with the things that Sophia eats. I say surprised because I have a terrible relationship with food and don't practice the same rules with myself. But with Sophia, it's just different. I always remind myself that right now she doesn't have a voice when it comes to the things she can eat.

I think when you're responsible for another person's health, you take more time to really consider what is healthy and what is not healthy.

Ditto this big time. I was actually thinking about this topic on the drive into work... like for example thinking about when J would be able to 'eat what I eat'...I was thinking about the day he will eat the same breakfast I would. And I thought, wow it might actually make me eat even healthier--if I have to give him what I am eating. Because I already was super anal about what the DOG eats pre-kid--only the best, most researched, full of protein not filler, organic blah blah blah... I am the same way about the kid. I don't see me being much different in the future because as you said Fiery, it's up to ME to make sure he's getting the right stuff. When he can make his own decisions it's one thing but for now, it's all me. And why wouldn't I give him the best? And I am surely not going to be making 2 meals in our household every night or morning.... so if we all decide we all eat the same stuff, it will prob make our eating even better because I will want to make sure he's getting all the nutrients he can and really no filler.

And Ditto TG on being ACTIVE. I was always a rail thin kid not because of what I did or didn't eat but because I was sooo energetic and rambunctious. I hardly watched ANY tv. Saturday morning cartoons and that was it. And that will be how J is. We don't watch TV with him. And he won't have a Gameboywhatever... our friends have these 2 cute boys and we went to lunch with them recently. The kids hardly ever looked up from their little handheld toys. Never interacted with us. Never showed interest. I thought it was the saddest thing ever. They are great, well behaved kids--but wow, a little too checked out with technology.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

With James I am much more strict about limiting junk than I am with myself. I feel that as his parent it is my responsibility to see that he's eating healthy food and getting enough physical activity. He never had any juice until he was nearly 2, and even now we only give him V8 V-fusion (fruit/veggie blend) or very watered down 100% juice. Otherwise he has whole milk or water. I am also lucky in that James is not an overly picky eater and loves fruits and veggies equally. Unless DH and I are having fast food for dinner James eats whatever we eat, and if we are having fast food then we will make something healthy for James like grilled chicken with mixed veggies, which is very easy and doesn't take a lot of time.

As far as exercise goes, at 2 James is pretty active and loves to run around - inside or outside. He does not watch tv at all, but I think it's more or less because he's just too busy playing to care about what's on the screen. We've never put him down in front of the boob tube with a video or cartoon on. Sometimes I wish he would watch a little tv just for a bit of a break

 

[KimberlyH]

TG, food and activity go hand-in-hand, it's absolutely relevant to this discussion so glad you brought it up. J and I walk once a day, since I'm breastfeeding and eat like a pig at trough I committed to 30 minutes every day and I stick to it. Sometimes we go a lot longer, sometimes 30 minutes is plenty. And we live 2 blocks from a monster park, which was one of the selling points of our house, outside activity for the whole family. I think the sedintary lifestyle has much to do with our weight issues as a society, we are consumers in every sense of the word now as opposed to producers.

We will probably let J have a cupcake on her 1st birthday, and then no more sweets for a while. Juice won't be an option unless it's fresh squeezed from our orange tree. Water is my drink of choice (wine doesn't count in this discussion) and will be her only choice for quite some time.

Fiery, I absolutely feel that heavy sense of responsibility (for everything and everyone if you asked my husband!). I feel guilty eating cookies in front of her now, because I don't want to set a bad example.

Mara, from our time together in the HL threads I think we eat pretty similarly (but I don't share your love of Taco Bell). Fast food is pretty rare in our house, lots of protein/veggie dinners, fresh foods, cooking from scratch. John is an excellent cook and we have our own veggie garden, which will be a great teaching tool for Jane as she gets older. John can't wait to garden with her. Moderation is so important, I didn't learn it until my 20s with regards to food, and I still forget sometimes, when I'm upset and eat 6 cookies in one sitting (BLECH!).

HH, same idea as sprinkling a bit of sugar over strawberries and that being after dinner snack. or sliced apples with cheese. There are lots of healthy choices that are delicious. My biggest concern is that I don't want her to tie food to happiness or comfort and I want to be sure I don't subconsciously teach her to do so. My mother (and most of my family) are obsessed with sweets and I don't want to pass that along to her as my mom did to me, it's been quite a challenge to change my mindset.

Diva, thanks for sharing what works for you guys. The V8 drinks are a great alternative to sugary juices.

 

[Mara]

the veggie garden is a great idea! i actually would love to start one this next spring with J... i think it will be a great activity for us to do together and i have read it helps the kids want to eat more veggies if they can see them coming off the vine etc.

lol I just ate Taco Bell!!

 

[KimberlyH]

John has always loved to garden, was taught by his aunt at a very young age and wants to pass it along to Jane. We have heirloom and regular tomatoes, squash, 4 different kinds of peppers and a bunch of other stuff. We don't buy many vegetables because he grows so much, it really is fantastic and he enjoys it so much. I, on the other hand, kill every plant I touch. I managed to grow 1/2 a ficus.

Taco Bell is all yours, I do not enjoy fast food.

 

[TravelingGal]

Kimberly, love the garden idea.

I attempted to give Amelia cake for her first birthday (c'mon, every 1 year old should be able to have cake her on first bday!) but she wasn't interested. Wouldn't even try it. For birthday number 2, she took a bite then refused to have any more. Some kids just don't have a sweet tooth early on. Other kids love it and you get those awesome 1st birthday pics with cake smashed all over the kid's face!

Yes, I do find the sedentary lifestyle is often quite the obstacle to overcome. It doesn't matter if the kid wants to be active...since we no longer live in a society where we can just shoot the kids off to the park alone, that means we have to get up and go too. And since childrearing can be exhausting, it's often much easier to plop on the couch and say, "hey kid, let's watch TV" because the kid will usually be thrilled with that.

There's a reason that overweight kids often seem to have overweight parents. The habits have to start with us first. As others mentioned, I give Amelia healthy foods...going out of my way to buy healthy and make healthy for her. I was terrible with myself. One day, I joked, man, if I ate like she did, I'd be model skinny! 3 months ago I started modeling my foods very similar to hers, with decent portion sizes. I'm 15 pounds down.

I don't care if grown ups are overweight or not. Heck, I have been overweight for the first time in my life and that's my choice. But children have no tact and can be cruel. I want to equip my daughter the best I can to battle (and of course ENJOY!) childhood and to become a responsible adult.

 

[KimberlyH]

TG, what I've noticed while working in schools is that being overweight has become more normal, so while some kids will pick on others for being so, it's not as big an issue because it's so common.

We're lucky that both my husband and I enjoy being active. I like to jog and walk, we both love to hike, a typical weekend activity for u s has always involved the outdoors, so it's not a stretch for us to do that with our kid.

I'm an acceptable BMI at the moment, but I am overweight in my own eyes, and I'm not thrilled about it. I know how to get rid of the weight, but I'm in a holding pattern until I stop breastfeeding. I could drop the cookies, but in general I eat really well, just a lot because I'm so flippin' hungry all the time.

 

[TravelingGal]

TG, what I've noticed while working in schools is that being overweight has become more normal, so while some kids will pick on others for being so, it's not as big an issue because it's so common.

I guess that's a good thing...I think?

 

[KimberlyH]

TG, what I've noticed while working in schools is that being overweight has become more normal, so while some kids will pick on others for being so, it's not as big an issue because it's so common.

I guess that's a good thing...I think?

I'm sure my perception is skewed because of the district where I worked and my own life experiences but bullying in general seems less common now then when I was a kid, or at least less tolerated. The biggest issue amongst girls appeared to be material possessions (too many s's? it's 3 am, I'm not sure) and with boys physical ability, who played sports. Weight has always been and likely will always be a reason to pick on soneone, of course, but because it's more normal to be overweight their seem to be more popular kids who are overweight now, and what kids constitute overweight to be seems different then it was when I was a kid.

 

[steph72276]

I really believe in balance when it comes to food. A is 5 now, and he eats more of a variety than I ever did as a kid. He eats sushi, cous cous, asparagus, etc. And I really do feel like it's because we never made him his own "special meal" unless it was truly something he couldn't handle, aka spicy things. As far as sweets, this is what we do...I hardly ever buy pre-packaged sweets. So if he wants a "dessert" he can have grapes, strawberries, apples, or yogurt which he loves. I do make homemade desserts every few weeks or so and he does get those, but he knows that it's an occasional thing, not an everyday thing. And I do talk to him about how healthy foods make his body healthy and what sugary, fatty foods do to his body. Make sure you give the reasons behind it, not just "you can't have sweets today because I said so." Oh and I love the garden idea, we have one too and A is really involved in helping it grow so he wants to try everything when it's time.
As far as being active goes, we have had A involved in sports since he was 2 and he loves it. It really has built up his confidence quite a bit. On days where he doesn't have sports, we meet friends at the park, go to the beach, etc. We are starting to ride bikes to and from his school instead of riding in the carpool line. It takes effort (and massive amounts of coffee for me to get motivated), but there are lots of ways to make being active fun.
As for the handheld game things, we have put that off too mainly because our eye doctor told us how he sees sooo many more young patients these days and it is directly related to those oftentimes. That was enough for me to hold off, but so far he hasn't asked for one.

 

[Jennifer W]

Steph, I think you hit on something really important there -variety. I don't like the idea of making different meals for Amelia, so she eats what we eat, no exceptions. It does mean that DH and I eat more carefully too.

I don't offer candy or chocolate bars etc, or bought cakes and biscuits, because they have more problems than just fat and sugar, I think. She doesn't really know that these things exist, so I don't see any reason to tell her. I do bake a dessert once or twice a month and otherwise it's fruit or yoghurt. Food is confined to mealtimes, to avoid it being a treat, or comfort thing. If she's hungry and asks for a snack, it has to be eaten at the table, to avoid my habit of mindless grazing. I'm lucky - A likes to eat and is willing to try new foods, plus she loves fruit best. I'm not kidding myself - it's luck, nothing more!

Activity is really easy for us right now. Basically, if A is awake, she's moving. Fast. As she gets older, we may need to plan more activities and introduce more structure, but for now she's happy to spend an afternoon running around our garden and playing on outdoor climbing toys. Hand held gaming things / games systems will enter this house over my rotting corpse.

Of course, on the rare occasion when I've given A something sugary and sweet (two birthday cakes so far) she's inhaled it. So much for my plans...

Jen

 

[mrssalvo]

my kids get the same meal as we do. I make the big girls eat raw spinach and 2 other veggies with dinner. Jake is only 2 but i put the same things on his plate. he won't eat most veggies these days but I keep offering at once he's a bit older I'll make him eat them. We limit desert to a few nights a week. I have a big sweet tooth and like a little something sweet so I allow my kids to have it too, if they eat all their veggies. If they choose not to eat the healthy dinner food they get no desert. Same goes for Jake. On the nights he does eat a good dinner I will allow him to have a cookie or something with the rest of us. I totally agree with the importance of activity. My kids swim and we are at a pool every day after school for an hour and a half. We come home eat dinner, baths, books and bed and they have no time for TV or to play video games. I struggle with the same issues though because I don't want to be so restrictive on foods/treats that they go nuts when they are away from me. But, I figure I am responsible for what they eat when they are home and if the junk isn't in the house they don't even have to worry about making a bad choice.

 

[mrssalvo]

mommy brain going on..I promise I really do know how to spell "dessert"

 

[swingirl]

Here's my perspective. Don't use any food as a reward. Dessert shouldn't be used as a reward. If a child chooses not to eat something (like vegetables), maybe he is full or just doesn't like the item. Why should he force himself to eat something in order to get more food? I don't think people need any desserts. Dessert is a reasonably new concept (20th century) and between restaurants pushing the dessert menu in front of your face and parents trying to bribe their kids to eat more food than they really want, our society has created food issues. I think you should eat enough at the dinner table that you should be full. Why train a kid to "leave room" for dessert or pack it in on a full stomach?

Once you eat your main course, I don't understand why you need to top it off with sugar? And why then put extra sugar on fresh fruit when fruit is already full of sugar?? If you do this, you are creating children with a palate for food sweeter than it was meant to be.

I think the problem is with mixed messages. Parents want to keep their own questionable eating habits but have a different set of standards for their kids. And a lot a of their information on nutrition is based on TV commercials and restaurants where profit, not health, is their motivation. But kids learn by example. So if they see you eat like a pig at trough, they will too, and if they are offered dessert regularly, they will accept it as the norm.

Here is a trick I used on my son when he was about 5 and into dinosaurs. We were having mashed potatoes and broccoli. I put a piece of broccoli in the clump of potatoes, standing it up like a tree. I asked my son to pretend he was a T Rex (they had tiny little useless arms) and eat the tree. He held his hands down, dipped his face into the plate with his mouth around the broccoli and devoured it just like a T Rex. In his mind he didn't eat broccoli, he ate a tree.

Now my kids actually like vegetables, but I cook them well. I don't like half raw vegies.

 

[steph72276]

Swingirl, do you allow your kid's an occasional dessert? My fear is that if I'm too restrictive, when they get out on their own, they may start to go crazy because these were "off limits" foods growing up. It's a hard balance to try to steer them away from sweets but at the same time have a healthy relationship with food. I think being too restrictive makes kids have that "all or nothing" kind of attitude that can lead to bad habits later in life.

 

[Mara]

I actually agree re: desserts in general. I was thinking about this recently. Like... why do we expect a dessert to finish off a meal? Was the meal so crappy that you have to look fwd to a sweet treat at the end? Hopefully not!

Even fruit as a dessert to me is a dessert. It's the inherent thought of the 'dessert' to round out the meal. I would love if J didn't need to have a dessert and/or didn't have that mindset that dessert is necessary. Eat a great meal and be ok with that and move on.

I used to always think that dessert was a must--have a crazy sweet tooth. For whatever reason during preg that kind of went away and after birth it was the same way. I think my hormones are 99.9% back to normal and thankfully I still feel that way. It's liberating actually. I don't go into a meal, even an amazing meal...thinking 'what's for dessert'. I can actually turn dessert away and feel fine. Sometimes when I do have dessert I think that was really not even that good. Sometimes I DO love it. That said now I have a crazy love for fast food instead of dessert. ugh!

I would love to infuse this same kind of 'if I want it great if not it's ok too' mindset with J. Just gotta figure out how I guess.

 

[swingirl]

I wasn't brought up with dessert so when we had kids it seemed very normal to me to get full on your mean course. Then the meal is over. The idea of a "reward" after a meal is very foreign to me and I don't like the taste of sweetness when I am full. But milk and cookies a few hours later or a dish of ice cream is fine because you aren't stuffing yourself, stretching out your stomach and developing the habit of being unsatisfied until you've had the sweet.

So my kids just grew up not expecting dessert. Sure we have dessert at other people's houses if invited for a formal dinner. But they don't eat a lot of sweets, by their own choice, and they are young adults now.

I never made a big deal about what they ate but they were offered regular homemade food that the whole family ate. When they were little if we went to a restaurant they ordered off the adult menu. No nuggets, no grilled cheese, no fries or other junk. They could have an appetizer, salad or split a main dish. That way they got to try fancy stuff I didn't cook at home. They knew it was a special treat and usually ate whatever the waiter brought. They tried some really wacky dishes and a few times left the table hungry but in the long run it worked because they aren't afraid to try new foods. My kids accept dessert as a special thing and not a given.

I took the approach that in New Guinea eating insects is a treat. The native Americans ate raw buffalo liver as a reward and in Africa young boys drain a cup or so of blood from one of their cows to drink, a wonderful source of protein and fluid. So "treat" and reward are all relative.

 

[Jennifer W]

Swingirl, kids menus are my pet peeve in restaurants. What exactly is that about?!

We had lunch in one of the nicest restaurants I ever saw a while back, specialising in Scottish seafood. Exceptional fine dining, except for the children's menu. Deep fried in breadcrumbs or fries. I wouldn't feed that to my child generally, but in a restaurant like that? What were they thinking? The staff made a big fuss of getting us a child's portion of good fresh fish and vegetables, too (of which she ate every bite). We won't be going back.

 

[elrohwen]

I don't have kids, but I wanted to pop in and second what Swingirl said about not offering dessert as a reward for finishing meals. I know so many people who feel they *have* to have a dessert after meals and I don't want to instill this into my kids.

Growing up, we did often have cookies and things after dinner, because my mom does have a sweet tooth, but it was never tied to whether or not I ate my dinner. Somehow I ended up without a sweet tooth myself, so I rarely eat dessert - maybe once every months? If that. I also only eat homemade desserts, because I figure if I'm going to eat it, I might as well put some time and effort into making something great - I plan to continue that plan with my kids. Plus, making cookies is fun for everyone once kids reach a certain age. Buying junk food is too easy - having to make it yourself puts it just far enough out of reach that it can't be a daily thing.

I also love that all of you feed your kids whatever you're eating. So many people seem to feed their kids gross frozen food every night (fish sticks, nuggets) that should be eaten rarely if at all. I never understood why someone would make a meal for the grownups and a separate one for the kids.

 

[swingirl]

Swingirl, kids menus are my pet peeve in restaurants. What exactly is that about?!

We had lunch in one of the nicest restaurants I ever saw a while back, specialising in Scottish seafood. Exceptional fine dining, except for the children's menu. Deep fried in breadcrumbs or fries. I wouldn't feed that to my child generally, but in a restaurant like that? What were they thinking? The staff made a big fuss of getting us a child's portion of good fresh fish and vegetables, too (of which she ate every bite). We won't be going back.

Agree. I always told my kids the whole point of going out to dinner is to be able to pick something you wouldn't normally eat at home. What a waste of the experience if you get something that comes frozen from Costco. We call it "kid food" because once we were invited to a party with parents and kids from our elementary school. There was a beautiful spread of food set out. Then we were introduced to a table in the kitchen filled with "kid food": nugguts, crackers, cookies, dip, etc. My kids weren't eating anything and complained to me that there was nothing to eat. So we directed them to the "real" food where they packed their plates with shrimp, vegetables, salads, meats.

Both my kids can bake and cook. My son made a cake in his dorm (community kitchen) and my daughter bakes (from scratch) for her friends. But around Christmas time when there are cookies and sweets around they go stale. And Halloween candy used to get thrown out after a few months because it didn't get eaten. I think they just developed a palette that wasn't sweet-based and are more appreciative of savory flavors.

 

[KimberlyH]

Thanks for the additional thoughts, swingirl, mrsalvo, and steph.

Swing, I am absolutely against food as reward, for finishing meals or any accomplishment. I also agree parents should eat as they expect their children to. I eat dessert most nights. I typically have something a few hours after dinner. I'm on a yogurt (not frozen, regular yogurt) kick right now, sometimes it's pudding, less often it's something not so great like a bowl of ice cream. I have no problem with my kid doing the same as she gets older. I'm a big believer in everything in moderation. Just to clarify, I put sugar on strawberries because I think they're sour, I wouldn't put sugar on pears or bananas. I also don't believe a child should be forced to eat something they don't like. The rule in our house will be you have to try three bites before you can say "I don't like it" and then you can move on if you truly don't. I don't force myself to eat foods I don't like and I don't think my kid should be forced either. I also don't believe a child should be forced to clean their plate, that is one of the most unhealthy habits a person can adopt, in my opinion. It was my grandfather's rule in his house and I think it was horrible. One should stop eating when they are no longer hungry.

Jennifer, in general I eat very healthy, but I find myself making better choices than ever because I'm breastfeeding and I think, in a roundabout way, whatever I eat is what she is getting, and if I don't eat well then I hurt myself because she gets the good stuff first. I don't doubt that this pattern will continue, because I was a healthy eater prior to becoming pregnant. I don't see the need to give little ones sweets, as you said she won't know it exists, why show it to her?

Again, thanks for the additional thoughts, everyone. It's interesting to hear how people handle this as our culture is so tied up in food and I want to make sure I help my daughter have a healthy attitude about eating.

 

[steph72276]

Swingirl, now I get what you're saying. I thought you meant you never allow them any sweets. Yeah, we don't do dessert after dinner as a reward either. In fact, I used to be in the habit of "needing" something sweet after dinner, but now I just chew a piece of gum and it has the same effect for me.

Kimi, we also do the 3 bites of veggies rule. In fact, I had to battle it out with A last night over eating his 3 bites of zucchini. He's usually good about veggies, but I don't think he liked the texture because it was steamed. I did make him eat his 3 bites though. Oh and I never make him clean his plate either. I had to do that as a child and it literally pains me to throw away food not eaten, but I have learned to serve smaller portions first and see if I'm still hungry afterward to combat that a bit. I don't want to pass that mentality onto my boys.

 

[swingirl]

I actually never forced my kids to eat any food. I suggested they taste what I served but I never insisted. I hate the look and smell of anchovies and I would never need to taste one to know it's ucky! Same goes for squid and papaya. I don't need to try them. So I never bought into the force-a-taste and think it's probably a good way to get a kid to avoid something since they are already grossed out by some feature: either the look, smell, texture, etc.

But my kids used to come out of the woodwork if I was sauteing something in butter and onions. I got an, "Oh what are you making? That smells really good." Broccoli, green beans, zucchini, potatoes, even brussels sprouts, just about anything. Granted, they didn't always like the final product but they did taste a lot more vegetables.

I have a theory. If you cook at home from the time your kids are born, they will become accustomed to the smells of your cooking. I believe that is a big advantage to cooking from scratch. Everyone in the house gets to smell the ingredients and when it's served their brain is more familiar with the smell and more accepting of the food. It's what "comfort food" is all about. The memories of smell as well as taste.