Child Abuse

[Courtneylub]

I need some advice right away.

My friend, Nancy has a step daughter, Sam. Nancy''s husband, Brett had Sam with another women, Jenny 4 years ago. Nancy and Brett have Sam this weekend and while changing her clothes tonight, they saw bruises up and down her back. When they asked Sam what happened, she said her mommy did it to her while spanking her. I told them to take pictures of the back immediately and email it to someone or each other so that the date/time is accurate. I don''t know what they should do from here. Brett wants to confront Jenny, but I know this is a bad move. She could turn this around on Nancy and Brett or WORSE - hurt Sam again. Who should they call? What should they do??

 

[KimberlyH]

they should take photos and call the child abuse hotline and/or the non-emergency police # to ask for guidance.

 

[KimberlyH]

1-800-4-A-CHILD is the national abuse hotline number.

 

[Courtneylub]

Thank you

 

[KimberlyH]

you bet. calling won''t be easy, but neither would forgiving oneself if something more happened to her. if it turns out their suspicions and sam''s accusations are unfounded they still will have done the right thing for sam and won''t need to worry every time they don''t have her in their custody.

 

[House Cat]

He could ask mom, sure, while the child is still in his home. Depending on the story...evaluate. But, if it were me, child protective services would be getting a call and the child would NOT be going back to that home.

It is unlawful to hit your child to the point of leaving a mark.

It sounds as though Sam is in danger. What to do? Everything in your power to keep her out the abusive situation.

 

[swingirl]

Brett should consider getting full custody of his daughter. When someone is spanking a child to the point of leaving bruises they will not quit because this is their method of discipline and they aren''t in control of their temper. Child protective services probably will not take away a child simply because of spanking. Spanking is still unfortunately a common and acceptable method of punishment. It''s not illegal and doesn''t constitute abuse. If the spanking leaves permanent damage (scarring) it''s taken more seriously. In the US our laws really give a lot of freedom to the parents and not much protection to children.

But if Brett doesn''t like what happening to his daughter he will have to fight to get her.

 

[yssie]

Hope everything is okay with your friend and her daughter

 

[House Cat]

Date: 6/12/2010 3:20:08 AM
Author: swingirl
Brett should consider getting full custody of his daughter. When someone is spanking a child to the point of leaving bruises they will not quit because this is their method of discipline and they aren''t in control of their temper. Child protective services probably will not take away a child simply because of spanking. Spanking is still unfortunately a common and acceptable method of punishment. It''s not illegal and doesn''t constitute abuse. If the spanking leaves permanent damage (scarring) it''s taken more seriously. In the US our laws really give a lot of freedom to the parents and not much protection to children.

But if Brett doesn''t like what happening to his daughter he will have to fight to get her.

We''ve kind of been through it a few times with child protective service here in California. (Not because we were the ones abusing, mind you.) They told us that you can spank, but you can NOT use an object to spank your child (belt, stick, whip, etc) and you can''t leave a mark of any kind.

I do agree though, he will have to fight. We did and it wasn''t spanking that was going on. It was full on fist to face, sprained arms, etc. The excuses we were given were that CPS was so bogged down with "serious abuse" cases that they can''t possibly give specialized attention to every single case. They made a report, made a recommendation that our child not return to the home, but that was it. From there, we had to fight.

Now that I remember all of this awfulness and all of the advice given....

I think you''re supposed to try and file a police report and take it from there. You get more results from the police...if you can get them to come out to the house. You can also file for temporary restraint so that you don''t have to bring your child back to the home! When fighting for custody, if you brought your child back to the abusive home, the judge will think it wasn''t that bad.

 

[Mara]

what sort of relationship does Brett have with his daughter's mom? does he think she is the type of person to abuse the child?

i don't know that i would personally call CPS first without trying to find out more of the facts of the situation. he should just straight up ask the woman what happened and why his kid has bruises on her. then he can make a more educated next step at that point.

of course it's NOT ok for her to have marks on her, but filing a police report and/or calling CPS is an extremely serious move IMO so i wouldn't do that as a first step. but that's just me.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/12/2010 1:57:22 PM
Author: Mara
what sort of relationship does Brett have with his daughter''s mom? does he think she is the type of person to abuse the child?

i don''t know that i would personally call CPS first without trying to find out more of the facts of the situation. he should just straight up ask the woman what happened and why his kid has bruises on her. then he can make a more educated next step at that point.

of course it''s NOT ok for her to have marks on her, but filing a police report and/or calling CPS is an extremely serious move IMO so i wouldn''t do that as a first step. but that''s just me.

Ditto.

Brett should meet the daughter''s Mom and ask her what is going on.

BUT taking pics of those bruises is key.

I would imagine the 1-800 number would give him ideas of how to go about this.

I hate hearing of any child being abused...

Please keep us posted.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

In any case of suspected child abuse CPS should be contacted. In 2007, over 1700 children died in the hands of their abusers. You don''t have to know all the facts or be right to call CPS, you just have to suspect it. You don''t have to know who did it, and how it happens. All you need to tell them is the bruises you saw and anything else you might know, they can figure out the rest. It is not your job to get the facts, it is their job. And they have the means to do it. As a health care professional, if I make a report and end up being wrong, I am shielded from liability. CPS is set up to deal with over reporting. Removing the child is the last resort.

If you suspect child abuse (and if I saw those marks in my office, I would be mandated to report that by law), not reporting because you are "afraid of what CPS will do" is putting the child at risk for harm of not only serious injury or death, but long term psychological consequences, and the children are learning that this is a normal way to discipline. Abused children are more likely to abuse their own children when they grow up than children who were not abused.

Just something to think about. I have seen a few posts on here not in this thread, but others, advising people to not report child abuse because of how "awful" CPS is, and that worries me.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/12/2010 8:22:22 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
In any case of suspected child abuse CPS should be contacted. In 2007, over 1700 children died in the hands of their abusers. You don''t have to know all the facts or be right to call CPS, you just have to suspect it. You don''t have to know who did it, and how it happens. All you need to tell them is the bruises you saw and anything else you might know, they can figure out the rest. It is not your job to get the facts, it is their job. And they have the means to do it. As a health care professional, if I make a report and end up being wrong, I am shielded from liability. CPS is set up to deal with over reporting. Removing the child is the last resort.


If you suspect child abuse (and if I saw those marks in my office, I would be mandated to report that by law), not reporting because you are ''afraid of what CPS will do'' is putting the child at risk for harm of not only serious injury or death, but long term psychological consequences, and the children are learning that this is a normal way to discipline. Abused children are more likely to abuse their own children when they grow up than children who were not abused.


Just something to think about. I have seen a few posts on here not in this thread, but others, advising people to not report child abuse because of how ''awful'' CPS is, and that worries me.

I 100% agree.

 

[megumic]

Dad could also go to court and file an order to show cause for a temporary full custody order of the child, based upon information and belief that the mom may be abusing the child. This is an extreme measure, but a surefire way to protect the child.

 

[marcy]

I would call child service or the abuse hotline. I sure hate to hear about anyone getting abused.

 

[Mara]

courtney its been a few days since this was posted, can you give an update...i hope the little girl is doing ok and the dad is looking into things or taking some type of action.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 6/14/2010 11:54:18 PM
Author: Mara
courtney its been a few days since this was posted, can you give an update...i hope the little girl is doing ok and the dad is looking into things or taking some type of action.

Ditto. I pray action is being taken on her behalf. Children need a strong advocate, and hoping the dad is doing his part...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I was also hoping for an update. We just covered child abuse in my ethics class. I really, really hope SOMEONE has been informed. Sam deserves to have someone to protect her.

 

[Courtneylub]

The dad confronted the mom and she denied it of course. I never thought that was the route to take and now it''s a matter of them "keeping an eye on it". The mom could do this again and hide it a little better. She could turn around and faslely accuse the dad and my friend. The only thing he did correctly was take a picture of the bruises and email it with the date and time. My friend is disappointed with her husband, but feels her hands are tied. I tried my hardest to explain all of the reasons to call CPS, but the dad''s mind was made up. He thought he was doing the right thing by approaching the mom. I hope this is the best case senario and the little girl fell.

I live out of state and not sure what else I can do. I bluntly stated my opinions to my friend and she agreed with me. She feels like a horrible person for not reporting it herself.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/15/2010 7:52:32 PM
Author: Courtneylub
The dad confronted the mom and she denied it of course. I never thought that was the route to take and now it''s a matter of them ''keeping an eye on it''. The mom could do this again and hide it a little better. She could turn around and faslely accuse the dad and my friend. The only thing he did correctly was take a picture of the bruises and email it with the date and time. My friend is disappointed with her husband, but feels her hands are tied. I tried my hardest to explain all of the reasons to call CPS, but the dad''s mind was made up. He thought he was doing the right thing by approaching the mom. I hope this is the best case senario and the little girl fell.


I live out of state and not sure what else I can do. I bluntly stated my opinions to my friend and she agreed with me. She feels like a horrible person for not reporting it herself.

Anyone can call CPS and anonymously report the mother. If your friend feels in her gut her stepdaughter is being abused her hands are NOT tied.

 

[marcy]

If your friend feels her stepdaughter is being abused, I hope she reports it. I believe she should listen to her gut on this.

 

[megumic]

I work in family law, and although to an outsider situations often seem to have a clear answer, those involved *usually* (most certainly not always) know what is right for their family. I''m sure Dad has competing interests -- such as it''s the mother of his child, but at the same time has concerns for the care and well-being of his child. It''s a fine line and only a parent should walk it I believe.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Also...by law, you only need "SUSPICION of abuse" not evidence to file a report. The fact that he DOES have evidence makes the case even stronger. I fully understand Sam might not be abused but does your friend REALLY want to take that chance by leaving HIS daughter in a dangerous situation. Remember, anyone can make the report. Even you.

 

[lyra]

Did they take her to a doctor too? I would do that, just in case on top of the possible abuse issue, there is a medical issue causing her to bruise more easily, such as anemia or leukemia.