Calling Pandora (or other UK-based ladies)!

[mayerling]

Pandora, thanks for all your help in the JBP thread. I thought I should start a new thread asking you for UK-specific things so as not to tire and bore all the ladies over at JBP.

My first question - and I'm sure there will be more to come - has to do with pay after the birth. So I'm basically considered self-employed and have had this status for over a year now. I pay NI and did so back when I was in full-time employment as well. So from what I've read I'm entitled to maternity allowance of £123-something per week for 26 weeks. Is that true? Have you come across this during your political work? Anyway, so I wonder how I can claim for this. Is it at a Job centre? Is it before the baby is due? After the baby is due? Also, do you know how the payment happens? Do they transfer money to my account every week? Do I have to go to the job centre to collect a cheque?

I'm also considering going home to actually have the baby - though this might not be possible as there is a chance I might be in full-time employment by then - but if I do, would this affect my right to get MA? It would only be for a few weeks. But do they check or care if I had the baby here? Or do they check that I'm in the country before they release the allowance? I'm not sure why this would matter as I'm a taxpayer and NI contributor in the UK and my permanent residence is in the UK, but I would like your opinion on this.

I guess this is it for now. Thanks!

 

[Pandora II]

Pandora, thanks for all your help in the JBP thread. I thought I should start a new thread asking you for UK-specific things so as not to tire and bore all the ladies over at JBP.

My first question - and I'm sure there will be more to come - has to do with pay after the birth. So I'm basically considered self-employed and have had this status for over a year now. I pay NI and did so back when I was in full-time employment as well. So from what I've read I'm entitled to maternity allowance of £123-something per week for 26 weeks. Is that true? Have you come across this during your political work? Anyway, so I wonder how I can claim for this. Is it at a Job centre? Is it before the baby is due? After the baby is due? Also, do you know how the payment happens? Do they transfer money to my account every week? Do I have to go to the job centre to collect a cheque?

I'm also considering going home to actually have the baby - though this might not be possible as there is a chance I might be in full-time employment by then - but if I do, would this affect my right to get MA? It would only be for a few weeks. But do they check or care if I had the baby here? Or do they check that I'm in the country before they release the allowance? I'm not sure why this would matter as I'm a taxpayer and NI contributor in the UK and my permanent residence is in the UK, but I would like your opinion on this.

I guess this is it for now. Thanks!

If you pay NI then you are entitled to Maternity Allowance for 39 weeks.

Here's a link to the forms you need to complete: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017811

Payment is usually every 2 or 4 weeks in arrears (you can choose) and direct to your bank account. You can start claiming up to 14 weeks before the birth (or whenever you stop working) but you must claim within 3 months of having the baby. Your midwife will give you a load of forms that you need to complete to prove you are actually pregnant when you get to about 18 weeks IIRC.

Remember that you also get free prescriptions and free dental care during pregnancy and for the 1st year after the baby is born.

Honestly, I would have the baby in the UK, otherwise you will have a load of stuff to do when you get back picking up all the forms to get the Health Visitor, The Red Book, child benefit plus registering the baby as British so they have rights to things - easy if both parents are British but a PITA if one is not. You get a lot of it as a matter of course because the midwives do the paperwork and the rest you get given the forms when you leave the hospital for things like registering the birth - I've no idea how you would go about getting Child Benefit if you didn't have the baby here.

Plus if there are any complications you will have complete continuity of care for both yourself and the baby. And all your antenatal care will have been here.

The UK has much better statistics on things like maternal death rates than the USA, plus your chances of having unnecessary interventions or a c-section are much lower here - a lot of that is due to having the entenox which is such a good form of pain relief that far, far fewer women opt for an epidural and are therefore able to move around during labour rather than being on their back in a bed.

Postnatal really is the only downside to maternity care - and if you are really worried about that, a lot of hospitals have Private Suites where you pay through the nose (St Thomas's is about £700 a night) but get fantastic care. Hiring a doula is also another option and they will help you with everything after the birth like establishing breast-feeding, as well as being an advocate for you during labour. Or there are people you can hire to come and help out at home for a few days.

Things like nappy changing, bathing, how to hold the baby etc will be covered in antenatal classes - hilarious watching all the men putting nappies on dolls.

Places like Mumsnet are a great resource for getting the low-down on your hospital and recommendations of good doulas, antenatal classes etc in your area and for getting in touch with mother and baby groups.

 

[Pandora II]

I just saw in your other post that you are thinking of doing cloth diapers.

My advice would be to hold off on them until you are past the early weeks. You can get disposable nappies very cheaply from places like Lidl (my brother's wife swears by them).

Newborns can get through a massive number of nappies in a day - 12 or more as they basically poop everytime they eat and you really, really don't want to be faced with that much laundry. Plus the outlay in terms of numbers of nappies needed would be very expensive.

My friends who did cloth nappies all waited till the baby was about 3 - 6 months before using them.


I don't have any family or friends near me who could help out at all after the birth, my husband only took 4 days holiday rather than the unpaid paternity leave, my mother has MS and we also don't have space for visitors so I was very much on my own with the baby from when I came home and I was still pretty unwell and very anaemic. The midwives who came to the house were so fantastic it made a huge difference and the mental health team came out to see me regularly during the year (basically once a week) to check that I wasn't getting PPD or struggling too much.

When you have to do something, you do just do it and it's never as overwhelming as you think it might be. I actually found the 5 month mark the toughest time of all.

I never thought I was maternally minded and thought it was pretty bad that they didn't have nurseries where the baby could go so you could get some sleep in hospital - but once Daisy was here, I couldn't put her down, and no way would I have let her be taken off me, they would have had to prise her from my arms.

The whole week in hospital she literally spent in my arms. I did have issues in that she was pretty much a 'heroin baby' and going through withdrawal and so screamed the entire time with this terrible high-pitched scream and barely slept at all. I'd also had a 3 day labour and so was exhausted by the time she even arrived.

Most babies sleep a lot in the first few days/2 weeks so a lot of people get to recuperate a bit then. You also have massive amounts of hormones that are designed to help you deal with the lack of sleep. You also learn so fast. I'd never put a nappy on in my life and within 3 days I could do it in the dark.

 

[mayerling]

If you pay NI then you are entitled to Maternity Allowance for 39 weeks.

Here's a link to the forms you need to complete: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017811

Payment is usually every 2 or 4 weeks in arrears (you can choose) and direct to your bank account. You can start claiming up to 14 weeks before the birth (or whenever you stop working) but you must claim within 3 months of having the baby. Your midwife will give you a load of forms that you need to complete to prove you are actually pregnant when you get to about 18 weeks IIRC.

Remember that you also get free prescriptions and free dental care during pregnancy and for the 1st year after the baby is born.

Honestly, I would have the baby in the UK, otherwise you will have a load of stuff to do when you get back picking up all the forms to get the Health Visitor, The Red Book, child benefit plus registering the baby as British so they have rights to things - easy if both parents are British but a PITA if one is not. You get a lot of it as a matter of course because the midwives do the paperwork and the rest you get given the forms when you leave the hospital for things like registering the birth - I've no idea how you would go about getting Child Benefit if you didn't have the baby here.

The UK has much better statistics on things like maternal death rates than the USA, plus your chances of having unnecessary interventions or a c-section are much lower here - a lot of that is due to having the entenox which is such a good form of pain relief that far, far fewer women opt for an epidural and are therefore able to move around during labour rather than being on their back in a bed.

Postnatal really is the only downside to maternity care - and if you are really worried about that, a lot of hospitals have Private Suites where you pay through the nose (St Thomas's is about £700 a night) but get fantastic care. Hiring a doula is also another option and they will help you with everything after the birth like establishing breast-feeding, as well as being an advocate for you during labour. Or there are people you can hire to come and help out at home for a few days.

It never occurred to me that I would need to register the baby as British to get rights or benefits. I just assumed that since the baby would be an EU citizen it would have the same rights as British citizens. I suppose I'm not that worried about missing out on child benefit, since it's not that much, but I really couldn't do without the maternity allowance. If I can indeed start claiming before I have the baby and then it just continues to be paid into my account regardless of whether I've gone home for a month or two, then I would seriously consider just going home to have it. The family support is reason enough to consider going home for the birth. Also, great that it would be for 39 weeks! I really thought that it would be for 26 weeks for a self-employed person, and that an additional 13 weeks only applied to people in full-time employment.

I wouldn't have the child in the US as my husband hasn't lived there in ages and I don't think he has any healthcare there, and even if he did it probably wouldn't cover me. Plus, I really don't think DH's family would be of any help after the birth.
I'm pretty sure I would go for an epidural and, given the option, I might have an elective caesarean - I have OCD and the thought of a vaginal birth is already leading to some bad obsessions.

I would love to be able to afford the private room or the doula but I really couldn't. It would really have to be a case of my mum coming over for a few weeks if I have the baby in the UK.

Also, is it really the case that the home visits are that good? My midwife pretty much said that if I look 'okay' she'd probably only come over the day after I get home and about a week later!

 

[Pandora II]

It never occurred to me that I would need to register the baby as British to get rights or benefits. I just assumed that since the baby would be an EU citizen it would have the same rights as British citizens. I suppose I'm not that worried about missing out on child benefit, since it's not that much, but I really couldn't do without the maternity allowance. If I can indeed start claiming before I have the baby and then it just continues to be paid into my account regardless of whether I've gone home for a month or two, then I would seriously consider just going home to have it. The family support is reason enough to consider going home for the birth. Also, great that it would be for 39 weeks! I really thought that it would be for 26 weeks for a self-employed person, and that an additional 13 weeks only applied to people in full-time employment.

I wouldn't have the child in the US as my husband hasn't lived there in ages and I don't think he has any healthcare there, and even if he did it probably wouldn't cover me. Plus, I really don't think DH's family would be of any help after the birth.
I'm pretty sure I would go for an epidural and, given the option, I might have an elective caesarean - I have OCD and the thought of a vaginal birth is already leading to some bad obsessions.

I would love to be able to afford the private room or the doula but I really couldn't. It would really have to be a case of my mum coming over for a few weeks if I have the baby in the UK.

Also, is it really the case that the home visits are that good? My midwife pretty much said that if I look 'okay' she'd probably only come over the day after I get home and about a week later!

They're not happy about doing elective c-sections here - in some places it's now not an option unless there is actual medical need. It carries much higher risks for the mother and baby than a v-birth does. Plus the recovery is generally a lot harder. I think everyone goes through the whole 'I am so not doing this, just give me drugs and a c-section please'. By the time you get to 40 weeks, you will be so done with being pregnant that you won't care as long as they get the darn baby out like yesterday. All modesty goes out the window during labour and frankly you just don't care at the time. I didn't believe people who told me this, but it really is true!

That sounds crazy about the home visits. The midwives I had came out every day for the first 10 days after I got home for about an hour each time - they weighed the baby, did some of the blood tests, checked my iron levels and brought me the right tablets once they had the results, checked that I was getting to grips with the breastfeeding and watched me do the feed so they could see if I was doing things wrong or if they could give any advice, offered to check my stitches, assessed my mental health and were just generally reassuring and nice to see. I was really sad when they stopped coming. (btw, if you want to go out one day or away for the weekend, you can. You don't have to be in for 10 days solid).

My next-door neighbour had a baby 4 weeks before me and she really struggled with feeding - the midwives organised the lactation consultant to come out to see her everyday for about 5 weeks till she felt she'd got it sorted.

I check on a few forums and it seems like everyday for the first 10 days and then if necessary for longer up to 28 days when they hand over to the midwives. Some areas did seem to get a lot less visits than others.

You might find this pdf useful which sets out what you should get! http://guidance.nice.org.uk/CG37/Guidance/pdf/English

Child Benefit is £80 a month which I use to cover the cost of all nappies, shoes (at £30 a pair it gets expensive) etc. It's £25k by the time they turn 18 so definitely sign up!

We all have to register a child within, IIRC, 4 weeks of the birth - the hospital give you a letter to take to the registrar's office to prove that you had the baby. Then they issue the birth certificates etc that you need for EVERYTHING (get at least 3 copies).

If you have the baby overseas then you need to fill in a load of forms there and when you get back here to get them registered. If you had the baby in the EU then they would have the right to come to the UK and go to school, get medical care etc, but the USA doesn't have that kind of arrangement so you would need to get the British citizenship sorted out for all of that.

You'll also need to get a passport for the baby before you could travel back - there are also restrictions on when you can fly when pregnant - airlines have different policies, but most are no travel after 36 weeks and only if uncomplicated and with a doctors letter after 28 weeks. Some also have restrictions on when you can travel with a new baby. I don't think I would want to do an international flight within 4 weeks of giving birth - you're still bleeding for a start (c-section or v-birth) and it would just be really stressful.

My SIL and her husband flew back to the USA when her daughter was about 10 weeks old and it went fine.

 

[mayerling]

Thanks for the pdf! It's quite useful.

I'm jumping ahead here, but I have a question about day care. Could I choose to take the baby anywhere or does it depend on where I live? And are there waiting lists? How long before do I need to secure a place?

 

[Pandora II]

Thanks for the pdf! It's quite useful.

I'm jumping ahead here, but I have a question about day care. Could I choose to take the baby anywhere or does it depend on where I live? And are there waiting lists? How long before do I need to secure a place?

You can choose anywhere as they are all private. The things to consider are whether you can guarantee being able to pick them up on time (most fine you £5 for every 15 minutes late you are over 6pm), what you will do if they call you to come and get the child because they are sick.

I only really know about London ones and there you really need to put their names down as soon as they're born as waiting-lists for good ones are anything up to a year and lots of nurseries don't take them till they are 2, so ones that take them younger are in high demand. I sent Daisy in October when she was near 2 and a half and I put her name down in August for a part-time place.

Some nurseries don't do part-time, or they have a minimum of 3 days a week. Mine does a minimum of 2 days, but they are super flexible in that I can do a Tuesday and Wednesday one week and a Tuesday and Thursday the next - as long as I give 24 hours notice and their staff/child ratio is still okay. Ditto with doing an extra week.

My sister lives near Brighton and put her son's name down when he was 3 month old for a Montessori in Lewes where she works.

Childcare here is expensive - my sister pays £1k a month (in London it's £1.2k minimum for Montessori). I use a cheap nursery which takes them from 2 and full-time (8-6pm) would be £850 a month. Childminders are cheaper - about £600 a month. It's worth signing up for Childcare Vouchers if your husband's employer has them. They take the money out before tax so you save a fair bit. There are maximum amounts you can buy depending on your tax-band. We get £124 a month in vouchers which covers 3 days a month, but it's one of the reasons that I work part-time for myself - going back to work wouldn't cover the cost of half the bills and mortgage plus half the childcare so there wasn't really any point... I would be paying to go to work!

Generally they close for a week at Christmas and 2 weeks in August. You don't pay for those weeks, but you do still have to pay if you go on holiday at other times. I'm away the week before xmas week and I still have to pay for the 2 days she normally does.

If you are on a low household income then you can apply for things like Child Tax Credits and help towards childcare costs. My sister earns about £19k a year and she gets £175 a week towards childcare plus a good whack in Tax Credits. Your local Job Centre/Benefits Centre can advise you if you qualify for anything (there's also an online calculator). Definitely sign up for anything going!

When the child gets to 3 you get 15 hours a week paid for by the government but there is nothing available till then. Also worth putting their name down for a nursery place at a local primary school if they have one. I had to fill the forms in this October for a place next September, there are only 27 places and last year 90 applicants so I'm praying I get one. It gives me free nursery care from 9am-3.15pm and then my current nursery will do a pick-up and look after her till 6pm for £12 a day. No-one told me about this at all, I found out by sheer chance, but it is a massive financially saving if you can find something similar near you.

(I'm also praying I get one as it's my first choice of Primary School so it would be a good transition and as there are 4 applicants for each place at the Primary School, if I get a nursery place it's a good indicator that I have a fair chance at getting the Primary place. I only live 400 metres away - but that still may not be good enough. )

Your local council will have lists of registered nurseries and childminders in your area and you can check the inspectors reports on the OFSTED website. If you need one at a year or younger, I would try and look round some before the baby is born and then put their name down shortly after birth to be sure of getting a place.

Hope some of that is helpful!

 

[mayerling]

I'm pretty sure we're not on low income. I did the calculation for the tax credit scheme and even if we only take into account my husband's salary we wouldn't qualify. But your suggestion about looking into child minders before the baby comes makes me think I should probably check it out as soon as I get back from the holidays. For some reason, though, I'm a bit apprehensive about child minders. Somehow a person on their own seems dodgier than a big establishment. What if that person is crazy or twisted or something?

 

[Pandora II]

I'm pretty sure we're not on low income. I did the calculation for the tax credit scheme and even if we only take into account my husband's salary we wouldn't qualify. But your suggestion about looking into child minders before the baby comes makes me think I should probably check it out as soon as I get back from the holidays. For some reason, though, I'm a bit apprehensive about child minders. Somehow a person on their own seems dodgier than a big establishment. What if that person is crazy or twisted or something?

We didn't qualify either - boo. We're in that great band where you earn just too much to get any of the freebies on offer and not enough to say 'Montessori nursery... but of course' and not even notice it going out of the bank each month...

Regarding crazy people - that's why we have OFSTED! They set regulations, inspect premises and carry out complete CRB checks before they can become a childminder.

I've heard good and bad about nurseries and childminders. You may have seen in the news about the paedophile ring that was bust a few years ago and a lot of the pictures were taken by a member of staff at a nursery with a great reputation. You just try to do the best you can. I did contemplate asking my wonderful Polish cleaning-lady if she'd like to become a childminder/nanny, she babysits for me and is like Daisy's 3rd grandmother. She may not be licensed, or have any qualifications, but her own kids are alive and kicking and I know she loves my daughter as much as her own grand-daughter. But ultimately I wanted the social interaction for her.

I grilled any mother whose child was on the swing next to the swing Daisy was on and asked where their kids went and their views. I managed to eliminate one place very quickly based on that and ultimately had a choice of two. I deliberately chose somewhere that was not planning to teach them French and Geography (some do) but more where she could just play with other kids. She's very bright and I don't want her going to school and being bored because she's BTDT, plus I am not providing siblings!

I guess I chose a nursery over a childminder because I'm not big on close relationships (cleaning-lady excepted). I don't want to have to worry about her husband being ill or them struggling financially and depending on my payments etc and I know I'm not going to have that issue with a nursery where I see the carers but not the business owner (unless she is a carer and I just haven't noticed) - anyway, you'll get what I mean! I also don't have to worry if the childminder is ill - that can be a total PITA.

I would do as much as you can now, before bebe arrives as it's much easier doing ANYTHING sans sprog (says the woman whose child threw up over her on the Tube having screamed for 10 minutes because I wouldn't buy chocolate) and then you don't have a mad panic like a friend of mine did when she realised that she was going back to work in 8 weeks and had forgotten to think about childcare!