Adoption Thread

Congrats, IG, on becoming an aunt! You're right- he looks HUGE! I hope to read your own story very soon.

As an aside, I found a book called On The Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman that really spoke to me, both as an adoptee and an adoptive parent. It's not written specifically for adoptees but I thought it was especially nice to read to my daughter about what could've happened on the night she was born, since we don't know anything about her birth.

"On the night you were born,
the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in
to see you
and the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been
anyone like you...
ever in the world."

Oh, Logan, I am so glad that you like that book! I thought it was so amazing! I got that for B when we were in process and forgot all about it! I think it will have to resurface soon:-) Maybe from Santa:-)

IG thank you for the update! I think of you often, and think of young D and how scared she must be feeling about the upcoming birth. Thank goodness she has a mom who seems to be supportive and have her best interests at heart. I am still hoping with all my being that this ends with a successful adoption, for your sake, for the baby, and especially for that sweet 14 year old girl.

Written by Bella_mezzo » December 10th, 2011, 5:31 pm:Oh, Logan, I am so glad that you like that book! I thought it was so amazing! I got that for B when we were in process and forgot all about it! I think it will have to resurface soon:-) Maybe from Santa:-)

Bella, so glad someone else sees an adoption connection. My husband thought I was crazy, so I was starting to wonder if I was imagining it. I'm seriously not a sentimental person, but reading it just might bring tears to my eyes. Or maybe it's (non-existent) allergies. Yep, that must be it. Allergies.

Oh, thanks for the book recommendation! I am ordering it now for our granddaughter's first Christmas! She'll be five weeks old then!

Logan - what an awesome passage...it brought tears to my eyes! I'll have to pick that book up for our baby's collection!

Dreamer - Thank you! D's mom does seem to have her best interest in mind and for that I am thankful. It's easy to just think about the baby in these situations but D has really been in my thoughts. She is so young and is going through such a grown up situation. We are required by law to pay for counseling for the birthmom should she choose to have it (but probably would offer if we weren't required). I sincerely hope that she accepts the counseling or that her mom takes her because this is such a huge thing and she may or may not feel all the emotions that go along with placing a child for adoption right after the birth.

IG, gosh the baby's birthday is getting so close! I hope that D accepts counseling. This is just one of those things that it's so difficult for your mind to comprehend completely. I'm sure counseling will help her understand and hopefully help her through whatever feelings and roadblocks are ahead.

I just wanted to make a general comment on this thread. I just spent the past couple of hours on and off reading every single post. And all I have to say is Wow!

You all have such strength, and what a beautiful gift you are giving and receiving as well. I have two cousins who are adopted from Korea, and I always wondered at how amazing it was for my aunt and uncle to have been able to experience giving a LIFE to a child that otherwise would have nothing. It brings tears to my eyes.

I have enjoyed reading your stories, Bella, IG, AGBF and Pennquaker. And if I left anybody out, it wasn't intentional .

IG, I have you in my thoughts, as I believe your day is close at hand.

I love this thread, it's full of beauty and hope, and happiness.

Written by isaku5 » December 6th, 2011, 6:20 pm:

Written by AGBF » December 6th, 2011, 5:13 pm:
PS-It is funny (amusing) although not coincidental (since my being an adoptive mother is what draws me to the threads on adoption on Pricescope), that my daughter called while I was typing my response to IG above. She wanted (among other things) to complain about her birthmother to me. She felt her birthmother had been very rude in her last e-mail to Whitney (my daughter), chastizing her as she did once before when Whitney asked too many questions about her birthfather! Her birthmother had told Whitney that she should'nt be so interested in her birthfather and his family, since he had had no interest in her, and should be more interested in her adoptive parents! Whitney was incensed.

I had to help her to recognize that her birthfather had treated her birthmother like dirt and that it was natural for her birthmother to be jealous when she saw Whitney fascinated by the man. I explained that her birthmother had endured pregnacy and childbirth and since Whitney had reached out to her that her birthmother had responded with warmth to Whitney, wanting her in her life and sending gifts and letters to her and to me.

Whitney said that her birthmother, like her birthfather, had thrown her out!

But sanity prevailed in the end as I again went over all the things her birthmother had done for her. It is hard for a 19 year-old girl to see things from the point of view of her birthparents, though!!! I hope you don't mind this detour from stories about impending adoptions. It is a story about an adoption!

Aw, Deb, you've said and done all the right things for Whitney. She's at that age where she's 'fascinated' by her past. She's not able yet to understand how the whole story has worked its way along. She's looking to YOU for the truth and you are giving it to her bit by bit (which is all she's able to handle right now). For an adoptive child, she wants to know why she was given away and she seems to be fixated on that right now. That's must be very hard for her to comprehend and you to hear.

You're doing a wonderful 'job' of being there for her no matter how difficult it is. She needs PROOF that you love her more than her birth parents did and that's the tough part for you (or like anyone else in your situation). I'm certainly not a mental health care expert, but it sounds to me liket you've done everything right. Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully she'll come to the conclusion that you care for her much more than her birth parents did and you will never abandon her.

Thanks very much, Isabel. I've been meaning to respond to this for a while. I really appreciate your kindness. Things are moving along here. Whitney and I both picked out Christmas cards for her birthmother, and she picked out an inexpensive bracelet ($19.99) that she mailed with her card. I am looking for a cross on a chain that I plan to send without my daughter's knowledge. She may, eventually, hear about it from her birthmother, but I don't want to be the one to tell her I am sending it. If you want to see what I am looking at, you can take a look at the "Crosses" thread.

Link to thread:
http://www.pricescope.com/forum/jewelry-pieces/crosses-t108913-180.html

I am having a little trouble deciding on the right cross. I also considered a nativity bracelet from James Avery, but that might be harder to mail in the way I hope to mail it (inside a letter envelope)!!! My fear is that the more attention one draws to a package going to Colombia, the less likely it is to reach there! However, I could be mistaken!!!

Deb/AGBF

Written by Logan Sapphire » December 10th, 2011, 1:32 pm:Congrats, IG, on becoming an aunt! You're right- he looks HUGE! I hope to read your own story very soon.

As an aside, I found a book called On The Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman that really spoke to me, both as an adoptee and an adoptive parent. It's not written specifically for adoptees but I thought it was especially nice to read to my daughter about what could've happened on the night she was born, since we don't know anything about her birth.

"On the night you were born,
the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in
to see you
and the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been
anyone like you...
ever in the world."

Info about the book above for those interested:

I was shopping at Kohl's the other day and they had a whole display of books by this author near one of the check-out areas. I haven't looked in the book again, but I think it was some kind of special charitable thing Kohl's was doing to donate money. I saw the book above on the shelf and immediately recognized it after looking it up after I read about it here. I believe it was only $5.00 in hardback. If I have time, I really need to look up the other books and reviews on Amazon and go get more of them if I have time. But I did want to let those of you who have a Kohl's in your area know about this!

Thanks, Diamondseeker!

I just thought of something- the book references Heaven once and has a citation to the Bible inside the front cover, so it does have a slight religious bent to it, if that matters (either for or against) to people. Just thought folks might like to know. It is a touching book, though.

Diamondseeker - thanks for the info on the book!

Prana - Thanks! I sure hope it is close.

I, too, read through this entire thread the last few days and I was just bawling my eyes out. I'm so touched and so thankful for all of the support I've received from you all throughout this journey. You all have been more supportive than people I know IRL in some cases. I'm beyond grateful to each of you and I don't think I could have gotten this far without your support. A huge THANK YOU to each of you!

Today is FULL TERM! I'm happy the milestone is here since it's just a relief to know that the baby would most likely be ok if born today but also because the finish line is in sight! Today I will pack for the trip and DH will install the car seat so we are ready once the call comes. I spoke to S on Friday since D had an appt on Thursday. Baby is head down and D is having braxton hicks. Dr. will start checking D internally at this week's appt. Not too much longer to go! I'll keep you all posted.

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 18th, 2011, 10:36 am:Diamondseeker - thanks for the info on the book!

Prana - Thanks! I sure hope it is close.

I, too, read through this entire thread the last few days and I was just bawling my eyes out. I'm so touched and so thankful for all of the support I've received from you all throughout this journey. You all have been more supportive than people I know IRL in some cases. I'm beyond grateful to each of you and I don't think I could have gotten this far without your support. A huge THANK YOU to each of you!

Today is FULL TERM! I'm happy the milestone is here since it's just a relief to know that the baby would most likely be ok if born today but also because the finish line is in sight! Today I will pack for the trip and DH will install the car seat so we are ready once the call comes. I spoke to S on Friday since D had an appt on Thursday. Baby is head down and D is having braxton hicks. Dr. will start checking D internally at this week's appt. Not too much longer to go! I'll keep you all posted.

yay!

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 18th, 2011, 10:36 am:Diamondseeker - thanks for the info on the book!

Prana - Thanks! I sure hope it is close.

I, too, read through this entire thread the last few days and I was just bawling my eyes out. I'm so touched and so thankful for all of the support I've received from you all throughout this journey. You all have been more supportive than people I know IRL in some cases. I'm beyond grateful to each of you and I don't think I could have gotten this far without your support. A huge THANK YOU to each of you!

Today is FULL TERM! I'm happy the milestone is here since it's just a relief to know that the baby would most likely be ok if born today but also because the finish line is in sight! Today I will pack for the trip and DH will install the car seat so we are ready once the call comes. I spoke to S on Friday since D had an appt on Thursday. Baby is head down and D is having braxton hicks. Dr. will start checking D internally at this week's appt. Not too much longer to go! I'll keep you all posted.

I am on the edge of my seat! Will be checking this thread like clockwork!

cheers--Sharon

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 18th, 2011, 10:36 am:
Today is FULL TERM! I'm happy the milestone is here since it's just a relief to know that the baby would most likely be ok if born today but also because the finish line is in sight!
...
Baby is head down and D is having braxton hicks.

Dr. will start checking D internally at this week's appt. Not too much longer to go! I'll keep you all posted.

I can't believe this is already upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,
Deb

Oh wow, IG!!!! I'll be praying for you and your hubby, the birthmother, and the safe arrival of the baby! Please let us know the minute you find out anything!

IG, Full term!!! That's fantastic news! I'll be watching this thread for news from you. You have a pretty intense following, in case you haven't noticed. Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers to you for the holidays. Stay strong and graceful as you have throughout this whole process.

~LC

Wow, full term! That is fantastic. What a milestone! I just know this is the baby for you and I can't wait for you to meet her! ...and to hear all about it.

Thanks Asscherhalo, Puppmom, LC, Deb, Sharon, and Diamondseeker.

My anxiety levels have been through the roof since Sunday. I'm so afraid of going through heartbreak again. I just want to be put out of my misery.

Sorry for being a Debbie Downer, hopefully it'll pass soon.

I understand your feelings and I think it would be strange if you didn't have them. I have had a close friend go through a similar journey and I will be so happy for you when you have your rightful happy ending. Just know that we are thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way!

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 20th, 2011, 8:36 pm:

I just want to be put out of my misery.

During my adoption journey, I was there-for other reasons than yours-for so long I don't know how I survived it! Try to have faith. Those of us who have done it are here to tell you that it is going to happen for you. It really will!

Love and hugs,
Deb

IG, perfectly understandable that you're anxious. Go easy on yourself. There's nothing that anyone can do to make this waiting part easier. But just know you have a lot of friends thinking about you. Stay strong and keep believing. It's natural to be nervous and hopeful at the same time. Hugs, I'm really praying this baby will be the happiest end to your long journey.

~LC

IG-I just wanted to say that I am thinking about you!!!!

IG, if you're on Facebook, there's a group that was just created called Adoptive Family Support. You have to request to join. It's mostly domestic adoptive families and it seems to be a great resource for everyone. From what people have posted, they've all experienced the ups and downs of waiting.

Thank you all for replying. I was really upset last night...more upset than I've been through this whole process really. I realize that I'm just terrified/nervous/hopeful/anxious/happy and a whole host of other emotions all at the same time. I just let myself cry and I do feel a little better this morning. I so appreciate you all.

Thanks for the recommendation Logan, I'll check it out today!

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 21st, 2011, 8:10 am:Thank you all for replying. I was really upset last night...more upset than I've been through this whole process really. I realize that I'm just terrified/nervous/hopeful/anxious/happy and a whole host of other emotions all at the same time. I just let myself cry and I do feel a little better this morning. I so appreciate you all.

Thanks for the recommendation Logan, I'll check it out today!

HI:

Positive vibes across the miles.....

kind regards--Sharon

IG "This too shall pass" is a mantra and way of thinking I have adopted since becoming a parent. It helps me though the hard times, and it helps me savour the good times. Your bad feelings will pass! Good ones will come. More bad times. Parenting, and waiting to become one, is full of extremes! But one thing is constant... this too shall pass. Hugs lady!

Written by ImperfectGirl » December 21st, 2011, 8:10 am:
Thank you all for replying. I was really upset last night...more upset than I've been through this whole process really. I realize that I'm just terrified/nervous/hopeful/anxious/happy and a whole host of other emotions all at the same time. I just let myself cry and I do feel a little better this morning. I so appreciate you all.

Thanks for the recommendation Logan, I'll check it out today!

Your reactions are so natural, IG! And Logan's idea is brilliant. I don't use Facebook, so that would never have occurred to me. I just know that I truly needed the support of real life adoptive mothers as I was waiting! I found my support among the mothers in the Latin American Parents Association in Connecticut (which I do not think even exists anymore!). It was a group of volunteers who had adopted from Latin America and wanted to help others who wanted to build families through adoption. The reason the focus was on Latin America was that at that period in time, that was the primary source for babies to be adopted internationationally. If I had not had those women to lean on, I would have gone mad, I assure you! We got together once a month, without children, just to socialize. Women who had already adopted babies and women who were still waiting to adopt babies were all welcome. We met for dinner at one restaurant or another and became friends.

That was apart from what the group did, which was to sponsor events for people who wanted to see the children and who wanted to come and find out what they would have to do to adopt from Latin America, etcetera. (Those were the formal LAPA activities; our group was informal.)

One of the great things about my informal group was that a lot of women in it were, like me, waiting for a baby...but they had already adopted one or more children from Latin America and, thus, knew the ropes! They were calm and knew that although there might be all kinds of weird glitches in an international adoption, that it would work out in the end! They saved my life! I so much wish you could have this kind of camaraderie, too!

Love,
Deb

In wanted to add a book to the ones being recommended for adopted babies! I am actually an adoption book aficionado, and have some real collectors items in my, "library" like a terribly beat-up copy of The Foundling Fox which has been out of print for decades, but is simply wonderful!!! Another classic (still in print) is The Mulberry Bird. But I didn't come to discuss those or the many others I love! I wanted the adoptive parents here to know that they can make a book for their children. I finally found the exact template I used for my daughter's book. I am sure that there are other places to buy it on-line, but here is one.

Link to book:
http://www.allaboutmepublishing.com/baby-create-a-book-personalized-childrens-book/

The parents simply answers a few simple questions (such as who from the adoptive family saw the baby first) and a beautiful story with all the facts is written for your child to hear again and again. Whitney (my daughter) never tired of hearing her story!

I would invest in it if I were adopting!

Hugs,
Deb

IG,

I know I've never posted on this thread (at least not that I can remember), but I wanted to send you an extra hug and let you know that you have more people praying and sending positive thoughts your way. I check this thread at least once a day to see if D has gone into labor and can't wait for you to have your little girl!

Merry Christmas!