What if you don''t register?

[hikerchick]

FI and I are thinking about not registering. Here is why:
We are both in our 30s and have accumulated lots of "stuff" already.
We don''t have a real NEED for anything though most of our "stuff" is second hand, hand me downs, etc we are not lacking anything.
Also, we are seriously considering taking 7 months away to hike the Appalachian Trail together and are in fact trying to cut down our stuff so as not to store everything. Registering will just add stuff and we''d rather not have this.

We have lots of friends and family who would never NOT give us a gift because atleast in our culture it is considered tacky to not give a gift. Most real close family just give money as I usually do these days. Usually, the money thing is just word of mouth but some still give gifts of their choosing.

Has anyone NOT registered? What happened? Did you get a lot of stuff you didn''t want? Did people just give you money? If you got lots of unwanted stuff, what did you do with it all? Is it bad manners to just donate the gifts you don''t need, can''t use, etc to a charity?
Also, I have heard of down payment registries. How do these work?

Sorry, lots of questions here but there seem to be so many rules and it seems people get readily offended or think poorly of those not on the up and up on this stuff.

 

[Gypsy]

Well.. Bed Bath and Beyond will give you cash back for registry returns.

My parents didn't register (Mother's second marriage). I would not recommend it. People have no idea what to get you so you get 7 vases, 3 toasters, 5 blenders and 20 picture frames.

 

[Blenheim]

Have you thought about registering at REI?

ETA: http://www.rei.com/giftregistry

 

[Mandarine]

Hmm..tough one. My sister didn''t register, but they did ask for cash (per my other posts, it''s not tacky to do that back home). Anyway, if you make sure word gets around that you want cash and your friends and family are ok with that then I would say go for it.

I think it is kind of worst to have a "fake" registry that you just have so you can get cash back. What about when people ask you "oh, let me see that lovely vase I gave you?"...or something like that, I would feel so horrible saying ""oops, sorry, we changed it for cash".

Have you thought of other type of registries (like a honeymoon registry or something like that?)

M~

 

[tanyak]

I think a lot of it depends on where you are and what is commonly done in your circle. Some people simply don't give cash for weddings, particulary down south where I live. So if you don't register, you might end up with a lot of white towels, sheets, picture frames and Lenox crystal.

If you live in an area where cash gifts are more the norm, you might not have that trouble.

I think REI is a great idea. Or maybe gift cards Lowe's or Home Depot or something like that.

 

[hikerchick]

Yeah, I figured it would be a problem to not register . . .
I don''t want to end up with a bunch of "stuff" we don''t need.
Though the cash back from BB&B sounds so tempting, I am afraid something like what Mandarine describes would happen and I would be mortified to have to say we exchanged it for money.

The REI or L.L. Bean registry is a great idea and we thought of this BUT here is the problem with that . . . yours truly has a gear addiction problem and owns 7 sleeping bags, 9 tents, 3 stoves . . . you get the idea. The only things we could still buy from REI would be a canoe and 2 kayaks, each of which will run more than $800-$2000 each . . . ouch !!!

Thanks for the ideas, I appreciate them.

Also, does anyone know how a house down payment registry works? Anyone done this?

 

[jcrow]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:11:58 PM
Author: Gypsy
Well.. Bed Bath and Beyond will give you cash back for registry returns.

My parents didn''t register (Mother''s second marriage). I would not recommend it. People have no idea what to get you so you get 7 vases, 3 toasters, 5 blenders and 20 picture frames.

we didn''t get CASH back at BB&B. just a thought.

 

[Gypsy]

You didnt' Jcrow? Oh. Well. Scratch that. I thought you could from them. DRAT.

RE: tacky... well, it might be. Or sneaky. But well, I don't think many of our guests would be rude enough to ask... where is the X I got you... except for my grandmother (and I'd keep whatever she got me). By the time we get married we are going to own most of what I would register for... except some high ticket items. I was planning on exchanging the low $$ items and getting a couple higer ticket items. Cause I think it would be rude to register for only $150 and above items. I do know that I've hinted at a honeymoon registry and gotten HORRIFIED reactions. "That's just like asking for money! You can't do that." SO... tacky or sneaky... it's what I'm planning on doing.

 

[dtnyc]

You should probably register for some traditional gifts if you are inviting anyone above the age of 50 to your wedding or else you will get stuff you didn''t register for- we registered for all traditional gifts and still got plenty of non-registry items.

Some people really like to give a gift that the couple will always be able to look back on (ie not towels, gift cards, etc-something that will last.) I found that the singular items (like vases, serving pieces, etc) were bought before the dishes, stainless place-settings because people like to give something you can look at and say Aunt Edna gave us this.

I actually sold a lot of our "old" stuff on craigslist (toasters, blenders, everyday dishes, etc) to make room for new wedding gifts. It''s nice to start out your married life (no matter what age you are) w/ some new stuff.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:34:35 PM
Author: Gypsy
You didnt'' Jcrow? Oh. Well. Scratch that. I thought you could from them. DRAT.

store credit.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:34:46 PM
Author: dtnyc
You should probably register for some traditional gifts if you are inviting anyone above the age of 50 to your wedding or else you will get stuff you didn''t register for- we registered for all traditional gifts and still got plenty of non-registry items.

Some people really like to give a gift that the couple will always be able to look back on (ie not towels, gift cards, etc-something that will last.) I found that the singular items (like vases, serving pieces, etc) were bought before the dishes, stainless place-settings because people like to give something you can look at and say Aunt Edna gave us this.

I actually sold a lot of our ''old'' stuff on craigslist (toasters, blenders, everyday dishes, etc) to make room for new wedding gifts. It''s nice to start out your married life (no matter what age you are) w/ some new stuff.

yeh, we upgraded our things as well.

 

[decodelighted]

We didn''t register ... and on our wedding website we had a little section called "booty" ... if people clicked on it (presumably to find out where we are registered) .. we had a cheeky note about having too much "stuff" -- the only present we wanted was their presense ... but that there would be a box at the reception with a hole __ x ___ big ... and a list of suggested deposits: Cards, Pop Tarts, Tickets to exotic locale .... also a list of things NOT to deposit: Liquids, incriminating photos, anything currently on fire.

People got the idea.

Oh, and I''m almost 40 -- I don''t give a **** about etiquitte

 

[sumbride]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:36:30 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/2/2007 2:34:35 PM
Author: Gypsy
You didnt'' Jcrow? Oh. Well. Scratch that. I thought you could from them. DRAT.

store credit.

Were the items you returned from your registry? They swore up and down, frontways and backways, that we would get cash for returns on our registry.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:43:50 PM
Author: decodelighted
We didn''t register ... and on our wedding website we had a little section called ''booty'' ... if people clicked on it (presumably to find out where we are registered) .. we had a cheeky note about having too much ''stuff'' -- the only present we wanted was their presense ... but that there would be a box at the reception with a hole __ x ___ big ... and a list of suggested deposits: Cards, Pop Tarts, Tickets to exotic locale .... also a list of things NOT to deposit: Liquids, incriminating photos, anything currently on fire.


People got the idea.

Oh, and I''m almost 40 -- I don''t give a **** about etiquitte

Deco, you are AWESOME . . . I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the wording and the message and it''s delivery . . . I particularly love the poptart thing as FI lives on them and so if we got a few hundred poptarts, we''d actually have use for them. Do you mind if I steal this idea and the wording?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:48:00 PM
Author: hikerchick

Date: 5/2/2007 2:43:50 PM
Author: decodelighted
We didn''t register ... and on our wedding website we had a little section called ''booty'' ...

Do you mind if I steal this idea and the wording?

Not at all ... here it is *exactly* ... when they clicked on the booty tab they went to a page that said

-------------------------

Bring ... it ... on.
And by that, we really mean - please come. That''s the important part.

But we did want to mention that in lieu of the traditional "gift table", we''ll be displaying a lovely box. And in that box there will be a slit. A slit approximately one inch by ten inches.

Humble Suggestions of What to Put In The Box
silvery packets of Pop-Tarts
plane tickets to exotic locales
congratulatory cards
loose gemstones
photos & negatives of either the bride or groom in compromising positions

Humble Suggestions of what not to put in the box
copies of said photographs attached to a blackmail attempt
your own plane tickets home
overdue blockbuster DVDs
anything liquid or currently on fire

 

[labbielove]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:52:36 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/2/2007 2:48:00 PM
Author: hikerchick

Date: 5/2/2007 2:43:50 PM
Author: decodelighted
We didn''t register ... and on our wedding website we had a little section called ''booty'' ...

Do you mind if I steal this idea and the wording?

Not at all ... here it is *exactly* ... when they clicked on the booty tab they went to a page that said

-------------------------

Bring ... it ... on.
And by that, we really mean - please come. That''s the important part.

But we did want to mention that in lieu of the traditional ''gift table'', we''ll be displaying a lovely box. And in that box there will be a slit. A slit approximately one inch by ten inches.

Humble Suggestions of What to Put In The Box
silvery packets of Pop-Tarts
plane tickets to exotic locales
congratulatory cards
loose gemstones
photos & negatives of either the bride or groom in compromising positions

Humble Suggestions of what not to put in the box
copies of said photographs attached to a blackmail attempt
your own plane tickets home
overdue blockbuster DVDs
anything liquid or currently on fire

Deco, I am DYING LAUGHING!!!
I hope you don''t mind if I steal this idea too- we have a fun website FI is having a blast making and this would be a perfect way for us to say what we want......

 

[hikerchick]

Deco, thanks again . . . I will be stealing that wording. It is humorous and gets the point across without being "tacky" (in my opinion of tacky anyway)

 

[decodelighted]

You both have my blessings! Go forth & be cheeky!

FYI -- we *did* get some PopTarts, but not as many as we''d suspected me might ... no loose gemstones (dammit) .. but a couple people did bring INCRIMINATING PHOTOS!!!

Luckily it was all in good fun!

 

[jcrow]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:44:21 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 5/2/2007 2:36:30 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/2/2007 2:34:35 PM
Author: Gypsy
You didnt'' Jcrow? Oh. Well. Scratch that. I thought you could from them. DRAT.

store credit.

Were the items you returned from your registry? They swore up and down, frontways and backways, that we would get cash for returns on our registry.

maybe it was just my bb&b store? who knows? and yes, the items returned were that on our registry. we got multiples of one item in particular. when returned, we got store credit.

 

[jcrow]

deco. you crack me up.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/2/2007 4:25:49 PM
Author: decodelighted
You both have my blessings! Go forth & be cheeky!


FYI -- we *did* get some PopTarts, but not as many as we''d suspected me might ... no loose gemstones (dammit) .. but a couple people did bring INCRIMINATING PHOTOS!!!

Luckily it was all in good fun!

deco, so what DID you get? Fess up. Money or only gag gifts?

 

[kcoursolle]

Have you thought about registering at your favorite charity? Since you don''t really need anything, it would be a nice way to give back.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/2/2007 5:00:40 PM
Author: kcoursolle
Have you thought about registering at your favorite charity? Since you don''t really need anything, it would be a nice way to give back.

Yeah, I love the idea of this but the reality is that we could use the money . . . with $65K in loans to pay back from college and paying rent in Boston, a car payment and financing a wedding by ourselves, any little bit helps . . . so though we don''t "need" any material things not because we have a ton but because we just really aren''t into "stuff", any money we get will be a huge help to us at this time in our lives.

I really think Deco''s idea will work for us quite well . . .

maybe if I worked for a drug company and made some serious dough none of this would even be an issue . . . but sigh . . . academic research still has a firm claw in me . . .

Thanks for the idea though, we have considered it.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/2/2007 4:47:54 PM
Author: surfgirl
deco, so what DID you get? Fess up. Money or only gag gifts?

$$$, $$$ & more $$$

We paid off our new refrigerator that was nearing the end of its 1 yr. 0% interest & made the rest our "honeymoon fund" - as we weren''t planning to take more than a long weekend until we "recovered" from the wedding costs! And now: HELLO IRELAND [

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 5/2/2007 2:32:23 PM
Author: jcrow

Date: 5/2/2007 2:11:58 PM

Author: Gypsy

Well.. Bed Bath and Beyond will give you cash back for registry returns.


My parents didn''t register (Mother''s second marriage). I would not recommend it. People have no idea what to get you so you get 7 vases, 3 toasters, 5 blenders and 20 picture frames.

we didn''t get CASH back at BB&B. just a thought.

We didn''t either and I made returns in 2 different states.

 

[boston_jeff]

There are cash registries, if you think that would work with your guests...

http://www.aperfectweddinggift.com/

 

[neatfreak]

Deco, that is the BEST thing I have ever heard. Love it.

 

[Pandora II]

In the UK we have lots of registry places that do goats and chickens for people in 3rd world countries or eco-projects like planting trees in your name.

One I''m thinking of doing for friends "who have everything" and wouldn''t like the antique silver I normally do, is to order boxes of organic vegetables or nice cheeses to be delivered every month for x many months. It''s the kind of little extravagance that I keep thinking I will do for FI and I and so much better/better for you than ANOTHER toaster!

 

[KimberlyH]

Deco, you are so fabulously witty. I love it.

hiker, we didn''t register. DH had lived on his own for 20+ years when we got married, I had been on my own for several years and we already had enough stuff. Through word of mouth we asked that no one do anything but show up (and gave the names of a few of our favorite charities to people who pushed us). We got a few gifts, some donations and a lot of cards, just how we wanted it.

 

[Independent Gal]

I checked out that cash registry site (apperfectweddinggift.com) and they take a 7% commission. SEVEN PER CENT?!? That''s robbery. Registry-sharking. What a scam. Shame on them.