What do you register for when you have what you need?

[PintoBean]

Our engagement party with immediate family is coming up in a matter of weeks. Since we have finally decided on a time frame for the wedding - somewhere between October 2012 and Feb 2013, people have started asking about registries and engagement gifts.

Fi bought a co-op 2 years ago, and when he moved in, his family bought him a LOT of the things we would normally register for - pots, pans, cutlery, silverware, linens, etc. As a matter of fact, they got him MORE than I would have deemed necessary for 2 people in a 2 br apartment. For example, 10 full sized towels, 2 sets of corelle dishes that come in sets of 4. In the past 2 years, we have bought all the furniture we need as well.

I just don't see a point in getting more things, perhaps "nicer" versions of things we have right now, when there isn't any room for the stuff, and I wouldn't use it. Right now, for example, the dishwasher serves as storage for all the extra cutlery and flatware we aren't using!

Where we live, people usually gift cash for a wedding, and but things from a registry for engagement gifts and/or wedding showers.

I have heard of honeymoon registries, but since we're new at our jobs, when we do take off some time next year, it will be for the wedding (most likely destination within the US), and since the honeymoon will be a while after the wedding, we haven't given it much thought, and I don't think we should bother registering for it because of this.

Truth be told, if I could, I'd friggin register my student loans and Fi's mortgage! Cash is king right now, and the more money we can accumulate for the destination wedding, the more we can put towards reducing room rates and other costs for our guests (after photography, flowers, food, etc).

What would you do??? Looking for some inspiration!

 

[vc10um]

Are you guys outdoorsy people? DH and I thought about registering at REI before we realized we didn't really have any place to store the things we would have registered for. I also highly recommend using amazon.com for your registry...since they sell pretty much anything and everything, you can get pretty obscure!

Have any home improvement projects coming up for the co-op? Painting/redecorating/renovating? If so, what about registering at Home Depot or Lowe's?

 

[sonnyjane]

This probably isn't what you're looking for, but I recently attended a wedding of a couple that had been living together for a few years already, so they already had their home established. They did a honeymoon registry, but they also did a charity registry. They had five or six different charities (wounded veterans, humane society, cancer research, etc.) and you could make donations in their name since they said they didn't really need much else. I ended up donating to their honeymoon registry, but many people gave to the charities.

Also, I have another friend that wasn't sure where she was going for her honeymoon at the time she sent out her invites/registry info, but she was working with a travel agent. Her TA was able to set up an account through a website that was a honeymoon registry, but it was non-specific. In other words, it was just donating cash into a travel fund and she could use it later when they booked a trip. They ended up getting a good deal on Belize and had several hundred dollars in their honeymoon account from the registry. Something like that might work for you if you aren't sure where you're going yet.

Some people have said that honeymoon registries can be tacky, but I really find them very reasonable for my age group, an age group that, like you mentioned, is just struggling with student loans! I don't need any towels or pots and pans - I'm strapped for cash!

 

[Novel]

Like Sonnyjane, I've seen honeymoon registries that are really just cash registries, and straight up cash registries. I was worried about it myself, but my mother and her friends are really into it, so I'm considering it (along with a regular registry). I think if one of my friends did it I'd be happy to not have to buy them a pizza stone (done that!) and can just give them cash.

 

[PintoBean]

Are you guys outdoorsy people? DH and I thought about registering at REI before we realized we didn't really have any place to store the things we would have registered for. I also highly recommend using amazon.com for your registry...since they sell pretty much anything and everything, you can get pretty obscure!

Have any home improvement projects coming up for the co-op? Painting/redecorating/renovating? If so, what about registering at Home Depot or Lowe's?

REI and other outdoorsy stores is a GREAT idea! It's been a LONG time since I've been skiing (try 10 years), and I've really wanted to get into that with my Fi. Although we may not be able to get equipment, we can register for all the necessary ski "outfits" (for lack of a better word right now) and accessories (gloves, socks, etc.). That's just for starters... I'm really excited about checking REI out!

Home Depot and Lowes is a great idea, too. I know that Fi has borrowed some of his dad's tools in the past, and this may be a perfect opportunity to expand his tool kit.

 

[PintoBean]

This probably isn't what you're looking for, but I recently attended a wedding of a couple that had been living together for a few years already, so they already had their home established. They did a honeymoon registry, but they also did a charity registry. They had five or six different charities (wounded veterans, humane society, cancer research, etc.) and you could make donations in their name since they said they didn't really need much else. I ended up donating to their honeymoon registry, but many people gave to the charities.

Also, I have another friend that wasn't sure where she was going for her honeymoon at the time she sent out her invites/registry info, but she was working with a travel agent. Her TA was able to set up an account through a website that was a honeymoon registry, but it was non-specific. In other words, it was just donating cash into a travel fund and she could use it later when they booked a trip. They ended up getting a good deal on Belize and had several hundred dollars in their honeymoon account from the registry. Something like that might work for you if you aren't sure where you're going yet.

Some people have said that honeymoon registries can be tacky, but I really find them very reasonable for my age group, an age group that, like you mentioned, is just struggling with student loans! I don't need any towels or pots and pans - I'm strapped for cash!

Sonnyjane - this is a GREAT idea! We adopted our furbaby from a no-kill shelter in September - she has been nothing but a joyful addition to our growing family. I would love to give back to the shelter. I know they have a list of things they need on a revolving basis, so those guests that are vehemently against gifting "cash" can opt to donate goods, while others can gift cash or both! And then I could pick a few other charities for "variety".

A non-descript travel fund - I'm so happy that they exist!

 

[PintoBean]

Like Sonnyjane, I've seen honeymoon registries that are really just cash registries, and straight up cash registries. I was worried about it myself, but my mother and her friends are really into it, so I'm considering it (along with a regular registry). I think if one of my friends did it I'd be happy to not have to buy them a pizza stone (done that!) and can just give them cash.

I figured people around my generation would be open to cash gifts, and was worried moreso about those of my mother's or grandparents' generation. I'm glad to hear that your mom and her friends are really into it.

I think that I COULD use a pizza stone - we always have frozen pizza from Costco stashed in the freezer - and we do go through it quite often. LOL! (Although now that the wedding is within a defined timeframe, pizza may become more of a pipe dream...) Who am I kidding - LOVE pizza!

 

[PintoBean]

I'm so inspired with the ideas offered up so far! They are helping me focus and getting me REALLY excited about the registry, when it almost seemed like a pain in the pittutie earlier this morning. Keep the suggestions rolling, pretty please!

Now, is there a good website to use that would let me consolidate all these "different" types of vendors and entities and funds? I recall stumbling on something like this when I did a google search a while back, but I would feel more comfortable with a site that someone has had experience with.

 

[4ever]

I've been looking at notanothertoaster.com for our honeymoon registry, but you can use it for pretty much anything I think, including charity donations but I believe you would get all the donation money and it would be up to you to donate the final amounts to the charities people have chosen.

I don't don't want to ask for cash because as a guest I don't think I'd like that. I'd want to know exactly what the money was used for. We are doing a honeymoon registry but not for cash and not for the stuff like flights and hotel rooms etc that we obviously need. We are picking heaps of really neat activities we want to do on our holiday (but maybe otherwise could not afford to splurge on) and giving people the option to "buy" that experience for us. We are working on adding things for all budget ranges, from cocktails at a swim up bar, theme park tickets and a scenic helicopter ride. It is very fun putting this registry together but it is a lot more work than going to a shop for an afternoon and choosing stuff you like for your house. The goal is that after the honeymoon we will make and send each guest a postcard made of a photo of us doing whatever they payed for us to do with our thank you note of the back telling them all about how much we enjoyed that activity.

 

[PintoBean]

I've been looking at notanothertoaster.com for our honeymoon registry, but you can use it for pretty much anything I think, including charity donations but I believe you would get all the donation money and it would be up to you to donate the final amounts to the charities people have chosen.

I don't don't want to ask for cash because as a guest I don't think I'd like that. I'd want to know exactly what the money was used for. We are doing a honeymoon registry but not for cash and not for the stuff like flights and hotel rooms etc that we obviously need. We are picking heaps of really neat activities we want to do on our holiday (but maybe otherwise could not afford to splurge on) and giving people the option to "buy" that experience for us. We are working on adding things for all budget ranges, from cocktails at a swim up bar, theme park tickets and a scenic helicopter ride. It is very fun putting this registry together but it is a lot more work than going to a shop for an afternoon and choosing stuff you like for your house. The goal is that after the honeymoon we will make and send each guest a postcard made of a photo of us doing whatever they payed for us to do with our thank you note of the back telling them all about how much we enjoyed that activity.

I just did a quick once over of notanothertoaster.com. It states that you can try it for free, so I'm taking that to imply that there is a fee associated with using the site? If I'm assuming correctly, would you happen to know what the fee is like? Is it a flat fee, or sliding? Thanks!!

 

[4ever]

It's a flat fee of $150. Read their FAQ for what that includes and what they do.

 

[amc80]

We didn't do a registry. We are having a destination wedding and didn't want guests to feel like they had to get us something and spend a lot of time and money to attend our wedding. So far, we've received either cash or gift cards...and one picture frame. We've gotten quite a few compliments on our decision not to register. I know your situation is a little different since you said people tend to give cash for the wedding and gifts for the shower, but if you really want cash, I'd consider not registering.

 

[lovebug1031]

I'm so inspired with the ideas offered up so far! They are helping me focus and getting me REALLY excited about the registry, when it almost seemed like a pain in the pittutie earlier this morning. Keep the suggestions rolling, pretty please!

Now, is there a good website to use that would let me consolidate all these "different" types of vendors and entities and funds? I recall stumbling on something like this when I did a google search a while back, but I would feel more comfortable with a site that someone has had experience with.

You can do this on both www.thethingsiwant.com (i use this often!) and www.wishpot.com (my best friend uses this one). I'm sure there are other websites, but these are the two I know of off hand.

 

[vc10um]

I'm so inspired with the ideas offered up so far! They are helping me focus and getting me REALLY excited about the registry, when it almost seemed like a pain in the pittutie earlier this morning. Keep the suggestions rolling, pretty please!

Now, is there a good website to use that would let me consolidate all these "different" types of vendors and entities and funds? I recall stumbling on something like this when I did a google search a while back, but I would feel more comfortable with a site that someone has had experience with.

You can do this on both www.thethingsiwant.com (i use this often!) and www.wishpot.com (my best friend uses this one). I'm sure there are other websites, but these are the two I know of off hand.

amazon.com also has a toolbar that you can install that will add items from other websites to your amazon.com list and when people click on them to purchase them, it will send that to that other website. I didn't use it because we were only registering there and BB&B and I didn't think two registries was too many for people to handle!

 

[PintoBean]

We didn't do a registry. We are having a destination wedding and didn't want guests to feel like they had to get us something and spend a lot of time and money to attend our wedding. So far, we've received either cash or gift cards...and one picture frame. We've gotten quite a few compliments on our decision not to register. I know your situation is a little different since you said people tend to give cash for the wedding and gifts for the shower, but if you really want cash, I'd consider not registering.

Hi Amc80!

We are doing a destination wedding, too! I did not want a registry at all, and wanted to tell the guests that coming to the wedding would be enough of a gift. HOWEVER, Fi's mom was appalled at the idea of no registry and vehemently stated that people WILL bring gifts. Again... ??? She explained it as, even if people were coming to our wedding at a local reception hall, they would still have to come from out of town and get a hotel, anyways. Since we are having an engagement party, and have narrowed a time frame for the wedding, Fi's mom has oft noted that people are asking about the registry because they want to get us something. For someone who started off thinking that she wouldn't have a registry, its been a lot to think about it, especially on top of 60-70 hr work weeks.

My mom, on the other hand, was not born in the US, and does not like the idea of "fishing for gifts" - which is how she sees engagement/wedding announcements and registries. Then again, she's a bit of an odd duck, anyways, and may be pulling the "different cultural background" card, even if it is not apropos (b/c she's done it in the past to me !).

Then add into the mix the fact that we have everything we need in the apartment, its been... fun (?) - inject sarcasm - trying to come up with stuff to put in a registry to make Fi's mom happy. You would think that picking out potential presents would be fun! Somehow this has turned into a chore!

Poor Fi paid no mind to his brother's wedding ordeal, and is just plain confused about what the heck the registry is for - lol...so he has not been so helpful! He doesn't want anything, and is already hard to shop for for the holidays b/c he has everything (what more would he want than me? ).

Eloping is starting to look better and better - surprise - we're getting married - no time to register or plan or do anything! HAHA!

 

[PintoBean]

I hope I don't sound too whiny or crazy right now - I'm just really tired and needing to vent from working 4 hours on Saturday and over 8 hours on Sunday on top of a regular work week because I was covering someone else's project.

This wedding stuff is frustrating b/c working so much has left me little time to really think and plan things for the wedding, and it's a bit much with my mom being underwhelming in supporting and participating, while Fi's mom has been a bit too overwhelming in her zeal for the future nuptials.

And being so tired has caused me to only focus on the things I find "burdensome" or cause me worry - Fi's mortgage, my student loans, and still being "new" at the job. I am losing sight of joyous things .

Umm... can I register pricescope vendors??? As diamonds increase in price, it's like an investment, right? I mean, my 401k is nosediving, but my bling? It's doing great! HAHA!

 

[mrswahs]

I felt the same way when we started off registering. When we moved in together (to our apartment) we bought all new things so I felt like we didn't NEED anything new. Well, we got an OK knife set so I registered for a really nice one... which btw, once you have real knives you'll never go back We also had a $200 cookware set that we bought from macys 2 years ago, but we ended up buying a new $600 Calphalon cookware set with the giftcards we got from the wedding and it's incredible. Upgrades on things that you might not think that you need at first may end up being your favorite items! Especially now that we have a new house, we'd rather have new nice things. A few of my other favorites that we got were really nice serving platters and trays, and for the most part the rest was cash.

 

[Gypsy]

Do you need nicer furniture? I just registered for a ton of stuff at the store with the best return policy and the nicest furniture I liked (so the top four would be Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma and Restoration Hardware, and Pottery Barn). I registered for a lot of things in the 50-100-150 range. Then returned almost all of it for merchandise credit and bought furniture. Cause that's what we needed.

If there are any that let you return for straight cash... register there. Return what you don't want pay for the wedding.

Or if you don't want to be underhanded. Just have your bridal party and families put out the word that "they are young and starting out and in this economy cash is really what they need, although they have registered here... cash is always appreciated." My mom did that and we got quite a few nice checks. And DH's family is cash only at weddings anyway.

 

[amc80]

You know, something you might consider is fine china, real silverware, etc. Crystal glasses. Expensive, fancy stuff that you'll have forever but I'm guessing don't have now.

 

[Haven]

If you are blessed to have everything you could need or want, then I think the most appropriate thing to say to people who ask is "We are so lucky to have everything we could possibly need, so we didn't register for gifts." That way you can graciously send the message that you do not need or want traditional gifts.

I heard of a bridal shower here on PS where the hostesses arranged for a "Night Out" bridal shower, or something of that sort. They asked the guests to purchase gift cards to local venues so the couple would have reasons to go out on fun date nights during their first year of marriage. My family is very much against gift cards as gifts, but I LOVED the idea.

My own bridal shower hostesses gave me a holiday shower, and every guest was assigned a holiday. It was amazing, I now have housewares for every holiday of the year. Loved that shower.

 

[amc80]

I heard of a bridal shower here on PS where the hostesses arranged for a "Night Out" bridal shower, or something of that sort. They asked the guests to purchase gift cards to local venues so the couple would have reasons to go out on fun date nights during their first year of marriage. My family is very much against gift cards as gifts, but I LOVED the idea.

My own bridal shower hostesses gave me a holiday shower, and every guest was assigned a holiday. It was amazing, I now have housewares for every holiday of the year. Loved that shower.

Those are both great ideas!

 

[PintoBean]

Do you need nicer furniture? I just registered for a ton of stuff at the store with the best return policy and the nicest furniture I liked (so the top four would be Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma and Restoration Hardware, and Pottery Barn). I registered for a lot of things in the 50-100-150 range. Then returned almost all of it for merchandise credit and bought furniture. Cause that's what we needed.

If there are any that let you return for straight cash... register there. Return what you don't want pay for the wedding.

Or if you don't want to be underhanded. Just have your bridal party and families put out the word that "they are young and starting out and in this economy cash is really what they need, although they have registered here... cash is always appreciated." My mom did that and we got quite a few nice checks. And DH's family is cash only at weddings anyway.

I like your ideas! I DO want nicer furniture, but I wanted to leave that for when we move into a house...some day (and leave the current furniture behind if there are takers). It was a bit of a hassle moving furniture into this apartment because the stairwells and apartment doorway are narrow, and the elevator is a passenger elevator - no freight elevators. So unfortunately no new furniture for now

However - I will look closely at store policies for returns - that would be awesome if I could find stores that don't leave me stuck with credit only.

I hope Fi's parents will be ok with spreading the word that gifts are good, but cash is king! My side of the family generally gifts cash, so that should be ok.

 

[PintoBean]

I felt the same way when we started off registering. When we moved in together (to our apartment) we bought all new things so I felt like we didn't NEED anything new. Well, we got an OK knife set so I registered for a really nice one... which btw, once you have real knives you'll never go back We also had a $200 cookware set that we bought from macys 2 years ago, but we ended up buying a new $600 Calphalon cookware set with the giftcards we got from the wedding and it's incredible. Upgrades on things that you might not think that you need at first may end up being your favorite items! Especially now that we have a new house, we'd rather have new nice things. A few of my other favorites that we got were really nice serving platters and trays, and for the most part the rest was cash.

Mrswahs! You got me thinking - last x-mas, Fi's parents gifted us with giftcards to the Viking school. We took a basic knife skills class - it was really fun, and I enjoyed learning about knives and actually handling a good knife for once. I found the school and store a bit pricey, but the registry would be a fantastic opportunity to register for ONE good knife (to replace not one, but TWO butcher blocks with so-so knives), AND take more cooking classes with Fi!

With each reply posted, I am getting less stressed and happier with the process -

 

[PintoBean]

You know, something you might consider is fine china, real silverware, etc. Crystal glasses. Expensive, fancy stuff that you'll have forever but I'm guessing don't have now.

I'm a bit obtuse, but I always saw my mom's "nice" flatware and glasses remain in boxes in a cabinet, so I just equated that as "useless" growing up. Once in a blue moon, some flatware that I had never seen before would emerge out of nowhere when we'd have guests.

I was happy to have some corelle b/c I can drop it without it breaking (total klutz), but is it ok to eat use fine china, real silverware, crystal glasses for the not-so-special occasions?

 

[PintoBean]

If you are blessed to have everything you could need or want, then I think the most appropriate thing to say to people who ask is "We are so lucky to have everything we could possibly need, so we didn't register for gifts." That way you can graciously send the message that you do not need or want traditional gifts.

I heard of a bridal shower here on PS where the hostesses arranged for a "Night Out" bridal shower, or something of that sort. They asked the guests to purchase gift cards to local venues so the couple would have reasons to go out on fun date nights during their first year of marriage. My family is very much against gift cards as gifts, but I LOVED the idea.

My own bridal shower hostesses gave me a holiday shower, and every guest was assigned a holiday. It was amazing, I now have housewares for every holiday of the year. Loved that shower.

Ahhh... Haven - you are absolutely right - we are blessed, so why not explain as so?

I LOVE the Night Out idea - we LOVE eating out, and use the opportunity to catch up with friends and family. And that way, the giftcards we get can in turn be used for the enjoyment of the giver, as well as the receiver.

The holiday shower sounds super cute! Fi has a knack for baking - we could get fun stuff like tree-shaped cookie cutters for x-mas, or bunny shaped cookie cutters for easter - I'm not religious, but I am always game for finding a reason to have cookies!

 

[Haven]

You know, something you might consider is fine china, real silverware, etc. Crystal glasses. Expensive, fancy stuff that you'll have forever but I'm guessing don't have now.

I'm a bit obtuse, but I always saw my mom's "nice" flatware and glasses remain in boxes in a cabinet, so I just equated that as "useless" growing up. Once in a blue moon, some flatware that I had never seen before would emerge out of nowhere when we'd have guests.

I was happy to have some corelle b/c I can drop it without it breaking (total klutz), but is it ok to eat use fine china, real silverware, crystal glasses for the not-so-special occasions?

We registered for china, received four settings as gifts, and haven't used them yet.

I think some couples are far more likely to use china than others, and it is a bit difficult to predict whether you'll be one of them. My sister and her husband were married in June, received full sets of china, crystal, and silver, and they use it all ever Friday night for Shabbat. So, they were wonderful gifts for them.

I'm still not sure whether I'll really use my china once I have a full set. I collect handmade ceramic dishes, so I always prefer to use those!

 

[Haven]

If you are blessed to have everything you could need or want, then I think the most appropriate thing to say to people who ask is "We are so lucky to have everything we could possibly need, so we didn't register for gifts." That way you can graciously send the message that you do not need or want traditional gifts.

I heard of a bridal shower here on PS where the hostesses arranged for a "Night Out" bridal shower, or something of that sort. They asked the guests to purchase gift cards to local venues so the couple would have reasons to go out on fun date nights during their first year of marriage. My family is very much against gift cards as gifts, but I LOVED the idea.

My own bridal shower hostesses gave me a holiday shower, and every guest was assigned a holiday. It was amazing, I now have housewares for every holiday of the year. Loved that shower.

Ahhh... Haven - you are absolutely right - we are blessed, so why not explain as so?

I LOVE the Night Out idea - we LOVE eating out, and use the opportunity to catch up with friends and family. And that way, the giftcards we get can in turn be used for the enjoyment of the giver, as well as the receiver.

The holiday shower sounds super cute! Fi has a knack for baking - we could get fun stuff like tree-shaped cookie cutters for x-mas, or bunny shaped cookie cutters for easter - I'm not religious, but I am always game for finding a reason to have cookies!

I really wish we had one of those Night Out showers. I think it's a wonderful way to encourage newlyweds to keep up their date nights. It works especially well for couples who are moving to a new place, too.

I loved my holiday shower. I highly recommend it for anyone who is throwing a shower in the future!

 

[mrswahs]

I'm happy to hear we all could help! The only thing I regret NOT registering for was some sort of China like has been said on here. We have really neat hand-made japanese dishes that came from my parents' business but we don't have any nice china. This wouldn't be a big deal if we didn't just buy a house that has a built-in China cabinet. LOL