Post by Galateia » April 21st, 2008, 5:26 pm
I need some advice.

Near my workplace is a jewellery store that is closing down and liquidating their inventory. (75% off for most items) I dropped by to check out their wedding bands; thinking that I could get our bands for cheap and then tuck them away until the wedding, which is about five years off or so.

Sure enough, my heart's desire for matching w-bands (classic yellow gold domed band) can be had for $80-09 dollars for mine and $100 for his. No way I'd find a deal like this outside a close out; I'm tempted to score them now and just sit on them. Trouble is, he's 1000+ miles away and I'll need him to get measured for ring size.

Enter difficulty. My guy just hates, HATES, the thought of having to wear jewellery, even if it is a w-band. Like asking a cat to swim in deep water. Me bringing up the subject made him all dreary over the prospect that one day he will have to deal with the peeve of having something on his hands; he hates to even wear a watch.

Then he emails me the next day telling me that his dad, out of the blue, offered him his great-grandfather's wedding ring, whom he was named after (they have an unusual name). My guy gets all excited at the prospect of inheriting his namesake's wedding ring. "Cool" and "appropriate" were the words he used "considering it's my namesake's and all" and he loves old things.

My response: ImageImageImage

I don't feel it's appropriate at all, but I'm struggling with feeling like a huge bridezilla. I do not like the thought of him using his heirloom ring at all.

It's hard to explain my feelings exactly, but I feel like it should be "with this ring, I thee wed" and not "hey can I borrow that ring that already belongs to you for a second?" The ring should be a symbol of a new family being created between the husband and wife; that's why they each wear the ring their spouse gave them as a symbol of their marriage. That's how I feel about it, at least.

If it was my great-grandfather's ring, I would feel differently, then it becomes a symbol of joining the two families together, not him bypassing a connection to me in favour of linking back to his own family.

Am I making any sense? I feel like I am struggling with instinctive beliefs and not being able to intellectualize them particularly well.

If it was both his great-grandfather and -grandmother's rings being offered I would accept because the matched set and the blessings that came with it were being passed down to us as a couple, or I give him a ring from my family history and he gives me a ring from his, but this feels like it is a connection being made back into his own family history that might as well have nothing to do with me at all. And it will make our wedding rings unconnected to one another. I will not be wearing my e-ring with my band, I prefer the look of the band by itself on the hand and being identical to the spouse's, being less a fashion statement than a clear statement of marriage.

I prefer the idea of a pair of matched rings being newly minted to celebrate a new beginning. Am I being being a jerk for being less than thrilled about all this?Image

Thanks.
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Legally cohabitated

Time elapsed: 24 months of separation hell
Cost of process: 3k
Finally being together: Priceless