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uneven wedding parties--calling all the logistics people!

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doodle

Brilliant_Rock
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my family is absolutely HUGE (everyone has been married and remarried countless times, so i''m the eldest of 8 kids) while my FI has no siblings and a very small family. this is also his second marriage while it''s my first. as a result of this, my entire family is likely to show for our wedding while very little of his is. the complications of this dawned on me while we were discussing a rehearsal dinner. i know the groom''s parents traditionally pay for this, but in our case, his parents would be paying for a meal that consists of about 40 guests, over 30 of which are on my side, which i think is incredibly unfair to his parents. how do you handle the logistics of this? at our ceremony, chairs''ll be lined up to beijing and back on my side while his will have like 4 rows tops! i''m already considering asking my mother to cover the rehearsal dinner (my parents have been divorced since i was two, and she has offered to contribute, so i feel more comfortable asking her to pay for this aspect than his parents)? it also hurts me that i have met very little of his family and few of them will be attending our wedding. i know he has been married before, but he''s never been married to me, and i would like to meet his relatives. is anyone else in such a situation? any ideas on how to handle the details? i already feel guilty a) because i cut my bridesmaid list from 9 to 6 (like i said, i have waaaay too many siblings, plus i''ve had the same group of girlfriends my whole life, so i feel that i have slighted a few dear friends just to reduce numbers) while he has asked every guy friend he''s ever had plus all my brothers to stand up for him, and b)because i''m making him feel bad for issues beyond his control--he can''t help a previous marriage and that having made some of his family feel less than enthused about attending another wedding for him. i''m starting to think we should''ve eloped, and i''m getting really discouraged by everything. i guess i just need a bit of encouragement more than anything else. this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, but instead i just feel like i''m making things harder for the people i love the most.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Hi Doodle,

So sorry this is tough for you. Are you sure his family won''t want to come to wedding two? Or are you just assuming? My dad''s been married half a dozen times (ish) and his family always come out. His current wife has been married 4 times, and as her friend memorably said "I guess I better come to this one, hm? It may be your last wedding!"

Here are a few suggestions:

1) People do not have to sit on separate sides. So don''t worry about the rows issue

2) Trust me, you do not want 9 bridesmaids anyway. And if your FI asks every guy friend he ever had, he may end up with some resentful friends on his hands. It''s a tonne of work and very expensive, and if one asks someone just for numbers, not because they love you, one''s asking for trouble.

Just ask the other three girls to do something else in your wedding.

3) There is no reason that you have to follow tradition with who pays for what.
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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My wedding was mostly attended by "my side" so we had the ushers seat evenly. The only people that were specifically on sides were the immediate family, i.e. mothers, grandmothers, etc... everyone else was to be spread around accordingly. It worked and nobody was offended by it. We did it specifically because DH was worried about looking like he had nobody there.

In the same situation with the RD, my parents paid for it, but for a different reason... my MIL said she would pay for it until we told her who we wanted to invite and where we wanted to have it. Then she decided she wouldn''t pay for it, so my parents did. I understand that she didn''t feel it was fair to pay for such a disproportionate party, but we wanted what we wanted and in the end, she accepted it, kind of. If your are willing to pay a portion, that''s fair, but just be up front about what you want.
 

enfianced

Shiny_Rock
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Oct 18, 2007
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Doodle-we have uneven numbers at our wedding too, and we''re not spliting the two sides of seating with "groom" and "bride" b/c people on each side know each other, and I don''t want my side to look sparse ;-)

One thing you might consider,which I am doing and have ran into a couple other brides who are trying it out, is having "Guests of Honor" instead of the traditional huge wedding party of people in matching clothes. Only my fiance''s brother and my best friend are "standing up" for us (and this way, I could buy her a super-great Jenny Yoo bmaid dress that''s to die for, but too $$ if I had 6, 7, 8 girls). All of our other dear friends get "VIP" seating at the ceremony (front rows) and special tables at the reception and none have to buy a matching dress that they will DEFINITELY NEVER WEAR AGAIN! I''ve been in all their weddings, as has my fiance with his friends, and we just couldn''t ask them to stand up in yet another weddiing.

Everyone really loves the idea and is welcoming the wedding weekend without all of the sanctioned wedding activity stuff...think about it.
 

doodle

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 22, 2008
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the "every guy friend he''s ever had" comment, well...that could''ve been a bit of a stress-related exaggeration...
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in actuality, his "groomsmen" are his three best friends, his son, my brother, and a female friend of both of ours with whom he is very close and who is partially responsible for us having met in the first place. my only real regret out of reducing the number of bridesmaids is that one of my sisters won''t be one, but she was really sweet about it. unfortunately, family ties and whatnot are a big deal in the south especially, so there''s a lot of pressure from the elders to include EEEEEVERYBODY. i appreciate all the suggestions, and i really like the idea of having ushers seat everyone evenly. how do you let them know who SHOULD be seated on a particular side?
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 17, 2006
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Date: 4/7/2008 3:23:30 PM
Author: doodle
i really like the idea of having ushers seat everyone evenly. how do you let them know who SHOULD be seated on a particular side?

For us, it was the people wearing corsages... but you could just tell those people to let the ushers know, or you could have a list for the ushers.
 
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