Tacky

[bobbin]

Apologies if this has been posted before, but I really like the sentiments in this link and I keep seeing the word tacky thrown around...

http://offbeatbride.com/2008/07/tacky

What do you think?

 

[MagsyMay]

"tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding"

SOOOO dead on! Thanks for posting!

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Thanks for sharing the link. I totally agree with the article.

 

[nkarma]

Love this article...thanks for posting it!

I am sick of the word as well. As long as the bride and groom does what they want and no matter how untraditional it is, it is not tacky to me. But like the article states, you can always find someone who thinks it is.

 

[amc80]

I guess I never use tacky in the way the article describes. I tend to think of something being tacky if it goes against general etiquette. If someone wants to wear a red dress while walking down the aisle to "Pour some sugar on me"? Whatever, I don't care. Not my style, but to each their own. But if they want to use swear words in their vows or get totally drunk and out of control? Tacky.

 

[sillyberry]

Eh. I'm with amc. I think there is a distinction between "things that might be tacky that only involve the kind of wedding I want to have" and "things I might do to my guests that are tacky." So, I don't really give a hoot if anyone thinks my ceremony wording or centerpieces or dress is tacky. I think we're recessing to a string version of Journey, and I'm sure some people will be agog, but whatever. But it is important to me that I follow appropriate etiquette when it comes to making sure my guests are comfortable. For instance, in my particular culture and social circles, a money dance is both tacky and inappropriate. Not inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner is both tacky and inappropriate. Insisting that bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done without paying for it is tacky and inappropriate.

Does that distinction make sense?

As someone who recently threw around the "tacky question", I do think things can be perceived as inappropriate by guests and I would like to avoid them.

 

[bobbin]

I do agree with you Sillyberry, but then that is using tacky in a different way. You are describing things that could be rude, or selfish. I agree with you that they should be avoided, and I like you am avoiding them as well as I can.

However, as far as general etiquette goes, there seems to be a whole host of new rules that apply purely for weddings and I often find them a bit strange. For example, apparently we have to invite plus ones for everyone? Well, I actually only want the people I really care about at my wedding, not random strangers getting drunk off the alcohol I am paying for. Or including reply cards? We are having phone or email RSVP's as I hate having to post RSVP's when I am invited to a wedding and the cost of printing reply cards would almost double our invitation costs. Or for example apparently it is against proper etiquette to suggest cash as a present, but fine to register for a million things and tell guests about that? What exactly is the difference? Both are suggesting gifts that you would like, taking into consideration that most people are going to give gifts (and ours stressed that gifts were not expected).

Who decides what is general etiquette?

It is those aspects of "general etiquette" that are usually called tacky and the ones that I disagree with, plus of course judgement calls on material aspects of the wedding such as the dress, music, venue etc.

 

[MissMina]

Tacky was one of my Granny's favorite words.
She used it to mean inappropriate for the situation.
I concur.
Grandad used it to mean the paint isn't dry yet.

 

[smithsmith]

I'll tell you what's tacky - at my relative's wedding this summer, his new bride said NOT ONE WORD of welcome or thanks to anyone who came to her out-of-the-way and expensive-to-get-to destination wedding reception. They also have not sent me a thank you note for the gift I sent them back in May (and yes, I know they did receive it).

I don't care if you wear leopard hot pants down the aisle and have your first dance to "I Touch Myself." But being polite and at least saying "hi, thanks for coming" to the people who took time off work and paid a lot of money to be at your event is mandatory.

 

[Diamondhalo]

Tacky was one of my Granny's favorite words.
She used it to mean inappropriate for the situation.
I concur.
Grandad used it to mean the paint isn't dry yet.

Haha! Aren't Grandads the best! Seriously though I agree we each might hold differing opinions on what exactly constitutes 'tacky' and those opinions may also change:

I have always thought a buffet, help-yourself-style dinner was tacky, but I've resoundingly changed my mind after seeing it at a recent wedding. Not only was it tastefully presented with excellent, attentive waitstaff nearby but the buffet's true value lays in the fact it forces guests to get out of their seats and mingle on their way to and fro.

Tacky is all in the mind I think, and it's a separate issue to good manners and consideration of your guests.

Let's not get started on the issue of a cash bar, I'm a social drinker but Mr Halo hasn't touched a drop since his 20's so we're having colourful discussions about our budget for that...