Strip Clubs VIP Rooms

[freckles127]

Hi all,

I know that the topic of bachelor night strip club escapades has been beaten to a dead horse on forums here but after going through a few threads here, I noticed that some ladies mentioned that their ground rules have been:

- no hotel rooms with strippers
- no touching
- no VIP rooms

I wanted to start this thread because I have a huge problem with any these and am sensitive particularly about the VIP rooms. While FI has been to bachelor parties and I expect him to have the typical fun (including lap dance/s), there is something about seeking that "exclusiveness" and "extra privacy" that makes my blood not just boil, but rocks me emotionally.

Personally, I have been to these clubs for fun before and don't see the big deal about it - you pay an arm and a leg to have a girl scantilly clad rub herself on you for nothing... you get to see but nothing else.

With the VIP rooms, you pay even more to get the girl to give you a lap dance for a bit longer and try to swindle more money out of you.

WHY?

I am totally for going to the strip clubs to have fun and hang out with the guys, but I find it so disrespectful when my FI seeks that extra attention. To me, it means that he likes a certain girl and needs more attention from her. Is it considered cheating? Sure, it may not totally be physical, but what is he thinking?

I'd like to know if the roles were reversed; would anyone's FI be upset if there was a private room that the man could tease them and they would be perfectly fine with it?

Please, help me understand this...

Many Thanks

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 7/23/2009 8:51:55 PM
Author:freckles127



I am totally for going to the strip clubs to have fun and hang out with the guys, but I find it so disrespectful when my FI seeks that extra attention. To me, it means that he likes a certain girl and needs more attention from her. Is it considered cheating? Sure, it may not totally be physical, but what is he thinking?

it sounds like you started off the thread as a general "why do guys want the private attention" and then it turned into "when my fiance seeks the attention" so are we talking about your fiance specifically?

first of all, i don''t think that is ok...i do see how that takes it to a different level. a lapdance, with guys around is one thing. but a private room seems like a sexually intimate experience.

i don''t know what to say-does he go to the private rooms when you are there or only when he goes to strip clubs with the guys? either way, have a talk with him since it is bothering you!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I am opposed to all strip clubs in general. I''ve explained this in detail to FI and he knows that if he ends up at a strip club, we are not going to have any intimacy until he is tested and re-tested 6 months later.

I don''t care that people SAY that nothing happens because they are just teasing them, but it''s not true. You can spread herpes and warts among others without having sex. If someone has something and doesn''t wash their hands after using the bathroom or "teasing" themselves and their hands touch someone else...that is NOT sanitary or hygenic!

And don''t they always try to touch their arms, and legs and hug them? ...NO THANKS!

I worked as a bartender at a club in college and saw some of the most disgusting things ever! I don''t think I will ever recover from that.

 

[katamari]

I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

 

[4ever]

Date: 7/24/2009 12:27:24 AM
Author: katamari
I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

I disagree. I don't have a problem with strip clubs because a womens sexuality is hers to exploit as she wishes. If a women is happy to take her clothes off for lots of money, good for her. If a man is happy to pay lots of money to see women take their clothes off, that's up to them.

My feelings towards the VIP rooms differ depending on the clubs policies. One Local club has a "thouching by invatation only" policy which I don't agree with, but most are "look but don't touch". Looking is fine but touching is crossing the line.

Many women exploit their sexuality to get what they want, wheather it be for money or love or attention or new things.

 

[NuggetBrain]

Date: 7/24/2009 12:44:26 AM
Author: 4ever

Date: 7/24/2009 12:27:24 AM
Author: katamari
I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

I disagree. I don''t have a problem with strip clubs because a womens sexuality is hers to exploit as she wishes. If a women is happy to take her clothes off for lots of money, good for her. If a man is happy to pay lots of money to see women take their clothes off, that''s up to them.

My feelings towards the VIP rooms differ depending on the clubs policies. One Local club has a ''thouching by invatation only'' policy which I don''t agree with, but most are ''look but don''t touch''. Looking is fine but touching is crossing the line.

Many women exploit their sexuality to get what they want, wheather it be for money or love or attention or new things.

I have to agree with 4ever - the idea of "My body, my choice" also goes for women who choose to take thir clothes off for people. Women are sexual and sensual beings and there''s nothing wrong with that - some prefer to keep that exclusively to their husbands or boyfriends, some choose to flaunt it for all the world to see. I also never see anybody talk about how male strippers are exploited - just because someone is a woman, doesn''t mean that she''s not completely and fully capable of making the choice to take her clothes off for money.

My FI will end up in a strip club for his bachelor party because his groomsmen have already told him that. He will probably end up getting a lap dance. I''m not bothered by it, because I know he''s not attracted to strippers. And even if he was, being attracted to someone and taking action on that attraction are two separate things, and I have enough trust in my FI not to worry about him getting with some chick in the VIP room at the club.

 

[House Cat]

Date: 7/24/2009 12:44:26 AM
Author: 4ever

Date: 7/24/2009 12:27:24 AM
Author: katamari
I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

I disagree. I don''t have a problem with strip clubs because a womens sexuality is hers to exploit as she wishes. If a women is happy to take her clothes off for lots of money, good for her. If a man is happy to pay lots of money to see women take their clothes off, that''s up to them.

My feelings towards the VIP rooms differ depending on the clubs policies. One Local club has a ''thouching by invatation only'' policy which I don''t agree with, but most are ''look but don''t touch''. Looking is fine but touching is crossing the line.

Many women exploit their sexuality to get what they want, wheather it be for money or love or attention or new things.

I agree with this, BUT I feel single men should be the only men participating in the VIP room experience.

I think all of this boils down to, what are your personal limits? It doesn''t really matter what anyone else''s limits or opinions are because everyone has their own personal line in the sand. You haven''t given any indication as to whether or not you''ve talked to him about this. Have you?

You asked us to help you to understand. I''m not sure that I can do that. I''m not a man who frequents strip clubs. I could speculate and it wouldn''t be favorable. I''m not even sure this is the place to ask for true understanding on this matter. Your FI is the place to ask for true understanding. Maybe he can provide a soothing answer?

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 7/24/2009 12:27:24 AM
Author: katamari
I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

I agree. As much as I''m ok with strip clubs existing and ok with my friends going to them if they want, I would not be particularly happy if FI was into them. Once or twice in a lifetime isn''t a big deal, but I don''t think I could be with someone who really enjoyed doing that for regular entertainment. It just doesn''t sit well with me.

 

[ficklefaye]

my FI''s never been to a strip club, the bachelor parties he''s been to in the past have just been at regular bars, if his does end up at a strip club (which by the way is not his cup of tea at all), i know he would definitely not be comfortable with the idea of a VIP room

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 7/23/2009 9:26:55 PM
Author: cocolaw

Date: 7/23/2009 8:51:55 PM

Author:freckles127




I am totally for going to the strip clubs to have fun and hang out with the guys, but I find it so disrespectful when my FI seeks that extra attention. To me, it means that he likes a certain girl and needs more attention from her. Is it considered cheating? Sure, it may not totally be physical, but what is he thinking?

it sounds like you started off the thread as a general ''why do guys want the private attention'' and then it turned into ''when my fiance seeks the attention'' so are we talking about your fiance specifically?


first of all, i don''t think that is ok...i do see how that takes it to a different level. a lapdance, with guys around is one thing. but a private room seems like a sexually intimate experience.


i don''t know what to say-does he go to the private rooms when you are there or only when he goes to strip clubs with the guys? either way, have a talk with him since it is bothering you!

Ditto. I''m totally fine with DH going to strip clubs but I draw the line at private lap dances.

 

[jcarlylew]

to the freckles - why do guys need the special "extra" attention? becuase they are guys, and like a womans body. thats the only explanation i can offer.

regarding strippers/strip clubs - i know E will have a stripper at his party. do i like it? eh, not really, but these are the guildlines (of trust) we set up.
E clothes stay on the WHOLE TIME.
No Private rooms
No kissing

Whe we first started dating, E went to a bachlor party thrown by his cousin (for a friend) and there was a stripper there. and from the photos (

) it was actually a tame party. there were more guys playing pool/darts then watching the stripper.

So, am i worried? not really.

 

[LitigatorChick]

I have one rule - NO TOUCHING!!! Stripper doesn''t touch you, you don''t touch stripper!!!!

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 7/24/2009 10:05:11 AM
Author: NuggetBrain

Date: 7/24/2009 12:44:26 AM
Author: 4ever

Date: 7/24/2009 12:27:24 AM
Author: katamari
I would have severe problems being with any man who could feel comfortable enough with the exploitation of sexuality to actually enjoy going to a strip club.

I disagree. I don''t have a problem with strip clubs because a womens sexuality is hers to exploit as she wishes. If a women is happy to take her clothes off for lots of money, good for her. If a man is happy to pay lots of money to see women take their clothes off, that''s up to them.

My feelings towards the VIP rooms differ depending on the clubs policies. One Local club has a ''thouching by invatation only'' policy which I don''t agree with, but most are ''look but don''t touch''. Looking is fine but touching is crossing the line.

Many women exploit their sexuality to get what they want, wheather it be for money or love or attention or new things.

I have to agree with 4ever - the idea of ''My body, my choice'' also goes for women who choose to take thir clothes off for people. Women are sexual and sensual beings and there''s nothing wrong with that - some prefer to keep that exclusively to their husbands or boyfriends, some choose to flaunt it for all the world to see. I also never see anybody talk about how male strippers are exploited - just because someone is a woman, doesn''t mean that she''s not completely and fully capable of making the choice to take her clothes off for money.

My FI will end up in a strip club for his bachelor party because his groomsmen have already told him that. He will probably end up getting a lap dance. I''m not bothered by it, because I know he''s not attracted to strippers. And even if he was, being attracted to someone and taking action on that attraction are two separate things, and I have enough trust in my FI not to worry about him getting with some chick in the VIP room at the club.

I agree with you, Nugget! You and I are in the same boat, since his friends have already told him that they''re going to a strip club and I trust him wholeheartedly and I''m not worried.

 

[freckles127]

Well I started this thread because I''ve been battling with myself to fnd some type of closure with this topic. I was hoping that the bridal forum would be the best due to most of you having FIs that will be participating in b-parties.

As for it being a general question, it is a bit that and a bit personalized. I don''t have a problem with women stripping because it''s their choice to exploit their own bodies for money. It''s the choices that guys make that bothers me, the disrespect and the connotation that we should be perfectly fine with our bfs or FIs going to strip clubs.

I wound up questioning myself so much; whether or not I was being unreasonable and asking for too much.

 

[ficklefaye]

freckles, you have every right to feel how you feel, i don''t like the idea of FI going to a strip club for his bachelor party, but that''s where his friends may take him whether he likes it or not, but at least i know it''s just a one night thing, he''s never been to one and i doubt he''s going to start frequenting one after we get married

one of my friend actually got mad at her bf for going to hooters, now that to me is a bit much

 

[princesss]

I''m about as laid back about strip clubs as anybody I know, but I reacted pretty strongly to the idea of my BF going into a private room. It does seem like an intimate experience, and it takes it from a sexually charged public atmosphere to a red alert, sexually charged *private* atmosphere, and that makes a difference to me. So I would request that my SO not go into a private room. But I wouldn''t question him after the fact - I trust him to not push my boundaries, and I know that once I explained how I felt and he understood the impact it would have on me, he wouldn''t dream of crossing that line.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

This doesn''t relate to the OPs question, exactly... but...

How can males even ENDURE lap dances or private room encounters?? If a strange man or woman stripped naked in front of me, I would feel SO awkward and uncomfortable looking at them (let alone touching!) My eyes would be closed the whooole time.

FI has gone to strip clubs before, and once, a few years back, he paid for a lap dance during a spring break trip. We were taking a relationship-hiatus then, thank goodness...

Each time I ask him about strip clubs he says the same thing- the women aren''t that attractive and it isn''t really fun and he feels like he wastes a ton of money. If it isn''t fun, and it''s awkward, and the dancers say things like, "I have three kids at home!" (TRUE STORY- and major guilt trip), WHY do they go to these clubs?!

 

[ficklefaye]

i have no idea, i had the same reaction when i went to a friend''s party where they hired a stripper, it was so awkward and my eyes were pretty much closed the whole time, i swear i was wishing i was elsewhere

 

[freckles127]

It just doesn't make sense. If the strippers aren't attractive and our guys don't have fun, what's the point in going? I honestly believe if guys didn't want to go, then they would really limit it to when they absolutely had to go (to participate in a close friend's bachelor party). However, there should be limits to what they can/can't do...

I understand that FI would not sulk in the corner to respect me and I wouldn't want him to. He of course has his pride with his boys. It's also fair game at that point - if he is allowed to go into a VIP room, I don't see it as much different as paying a sum of money to have a private room with a guy that I AM attracted to and want more with. It is after all, fair game. This is a lot of my anger talking but I do wholeheartedly think that I should be allowed to do what he has done.

Human nature is to start wanting what you can't or aren't allowed to "have" even more once denied. I say have fun but lay off the touching, the exclusivity of strip clubs and respect your significant other - because I know that I would respect his feelings in the same manner.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 7/24/2009 9:04:19 PM
Author: freckles127
It just doesn''t make sense. If the strippers aren''t attractive and our guys don''t have fun, what''s the point in going? I honestly believe if guys didn''t want to go, then they would really limit it to when they absolutely had to go (to participate in a close friend''s bachelor party). However, there should be limits to what they can/can''t do...

I understand that FI would not sulk in the corner to respect me and I wouldn''t want him to. He of course has his pride with his boys. It''s also fair game at that point - if he is allowed to go into a VIP room, I don''t see it as much different as paying a sum of money to have a private room with a guy that I AM attracted to and want more with. It is after all, fair game. This is a lot of my anger talking but I do wholeheartedly think that I should be allowed to do what he has done.

Human nature is to start wanting what you can''t or aren''t allowed to ''have'' even more once denied. I say have fun but lay off the touching, the exclusivity of strip clubs and respect your significant other - because I know that I would respect his feelings in the same manner.

Hmm.. maybe you should tell him that this is what you will be doing for your bachelorette party just to see what his reaction is? And then maybe he might understand a little better how you are feeling about the VIP room thing?
(Personally it wouldn''t work for me because my FI would probably just say something along the lines of "cool, then we both get to have fun" just to annoy me)

 

[bee*]

Date: 7/24/2009 12:36:40 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 7/23/2009 9:26:55 PM

Author: cocolaw

Date: 7/23/2009 8:51:55 PM


Author:freckles127





I am totally for going to the strip clubs to have fun and hang out with the guys, but I find it so disrespectful when my FI seeks that extra attention. To me, it means that he likes a certain girl and needs more attention from her. Is it considered cheating? Sure, it may not totally be physical, but what is he thinking?

it sounds like you started off the thread as a general ''why do guys want the private attention'' and then it turned into ''when my fiance seeks the attention'' so are we talking about your fiance specifically?



first of all, i don''t think that is ok...i do see how that takes it to a different level. a lapdance, with guys around is one thing. but a private room seems like a sexually intimate experience.



i don''t know what to say-does he go to the private rooms when you are there or only when he goes to strip clubs with the guys? either way, have a talk with him since it is bothering you!

Ditto. I''m totally fine with DH going to strip clubs but I draw the line at private lap dances.

ditto HH. I would draw the line at a private lap dance.

In terms of men saying the women are unattractive and they don''t have fun, I''m not sure I believe them 100%. If they go in a group, I can see some men going just cos everyone else does, but if they go quite often, then they obviously do enjoy it. I think they go as they find it nice looking at an attractive woman and if that woman is going to be in her underwear, then all the better for them. It''s not that they don''t fancy their girlfriends. I would draw the line at touching though. Over here, the women or the men are not allowed to touch at all and a club was shut down when it was found they were in violation of that.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 7/24/2009 5:42:48 PM
Author: princesss
I''m about as laid back about strip clubs as anybody I know, but I reacted pretty strongly to the idea of my BF going into a private room. It does seem like an intimate experience, and it takes it from a sexually charged public atmosphere to a red alert, sexually charged *private* atmosphere, and that makes a difference to me. So I would request that my SO not go into a private room. But I wouldn''t question him after the fact - I trust him to not push my boundaries, and I know that once I explained how I felt and he understood the impact it would have on me, he wouldn''t dream of crossing that line.

Ditto to that.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 7/24/2009 5:41:03 PM
Author: ficklefaye
one of my friend actually got mad at her bf for going to hooters, now that to me is a bit much

i''d be mad too, after all he knows B-dubs (i almost used the other abbreviation until i remembered i''m in the BWW forum) has far superior wings with a wider variety of sauces.

not to mention the thursday wing specials. i hear hooters does have good burgers though.

RE: (i''m in love with a) stripper: (sorry that song''s been stuck in my head ever since i started reading this)

he wouldn''t want me anywhere near an all male revue, so he stays away from scantily/unclad females that aren''t me. his bachelor party will more than likely be the guys sitting around playing poker and drinking beer. no getting trashed, nothing we wouldn''t do if the other wasn''t there, for his party and mine. we try our best to hold each other to the same standards.

as for being unreasonable, no. this is an issue that''s important to you, apparently on a very deep level, and whether or not he agrees with your point of view, as your FI he should respect the fact that this is something that is important to you. Even without that, this is causing you emotional turmoil. I bet if this wasn''t seen as an issue challenging his ''manhoodlinesswhateverhecallsit'' he wouldn''t continue doing something that is causing you this much grief.

i think you should try talking to him about it again. i know when something like this happens with M it''ll eat at me and just get worse until i figure out how to get him to realize that the issue is important to me and we come to some sort of compromise/consensus. good luck!

 

[FrekeChild]

Why do they do it?

Because it''s a male socialization thing. The "traditional" bachelor party is going to a strip club, and because of social pressure, they, even if they don''t enjoy it, will go anyway and endure it. It is a "masculinity" pressure thing for most men, not a "Oooo, I wanna ____ her!" type of thing. They are proving their manhood to their buddies. That''s about it.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 7/26/2009 2:14:12 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Why do they do it?

Because it''s a male socialization thing. The ''traditional'' bachelor party is going to a strip club, and because of social pressure, they, even if they don''t enjoy it, will go anyway and endure it. It is a ''masculinity'' pressure thing for most men, not a ''Oooo, I wanna ____ her!'' type of thing. They are proving their manhood to their buddies. That''s about it.

Totally agree.

the VIP room can be sort of innocent, or it can be a not so good thing, it depends on how far your future DH wants to let it go. I refuse to tell you that things don''t happen in VIP situations....it''s definitely not an innocuous place to be. However, if you trust your man and he''s shown control already, a bach party wth him going out with his friends to a strip club in which they have some "extra" fun doesn''t have to mean much. It probably just means that they''re seeing nudity as opposed to pasties and g-strings instead. VIP rooms, when paid for, to me, mean that the gal does far more for more tips...and i I were a future bride that would make me kinda nervous. I''d definitely be inclined to have a talk with future DH.

 

[noelwr]

I think for me it''s more of a trust issue.

in the past I used to be very against it... but then again I thought that if there was a chance that the stripper was also a hooker, that my exes would actually be easily seduced.

I don''t have that with FI at all. if he has a stripper rubbing up against him and putting her boobies in her face - I don''t care! she doesn''t feel anything for him, that''s just her job, and let him enjoy it. and if she did end up being a hooker I know he wouldn''t sleep with her. and it helps that he doesn''t frequently go to strip clubs - only for bachelor parties, which is once every 5 years.

 

[House Cat]

FI said he knew a guy who got kicked out of a club for touching a stripper''s butt during a VIP room experience. He said all no touching rules still apply and that there is a bouncer present. It seems to me that if you can get kicked out for touching her butt, then the VIP room isn''t too much different than the actual club.

 

[merrymunky]

I have a female friend who used to enjoy going to strip clubs. She even paid for her husband (then fiance) to have a lap dance. Apparently the poor guy didn''t know where to look.

I would feel uncomfortable if I knew my partner were attending strip clubs full stop. I have a poor body image and would hate that my fiance were looking at slim, toned women writhing around in stilettos and underwear.

As for a VIP room I would feel like he was mentally cheating on me.

Luckily he is quite reserved and finds strip clubs quite base!

 

[NuggetBrain]

I still think that strip clubs are no big deal. I don''t think its disrespectful, and some women really ARE perfectly fine with their FIs or husbands going to strip clubs. VIP rooms, yes I can understand how ladies would be "WTF" about that. Even I would be a little "WTF" about that. If you feel very strongly about strip clubs, you completely have a right to ask your husband not to go to them. You should never be forced to deal with something that makes you that uncomfortable. But honestly, are you okay with him going out with his buddies clubbing for the bachelor party? Because I can go to downtown Minneapolis and see girls dancing and slinking around in the clubs that might as well be naked. It''s kind of the same thing. I was out last night and a bachelor party was there, and guys kept getting girls to come dance on the bachelor. In some ways, I''d prefer that he go to a strip club because for those women it''s strictly business, whereas girls out at the bars or clubs have a completely different vibe.

And I totally agree with Freke, for most guys it''s just a rite of passage for being a dude. You get a bachelor party, you go to a strip club, you drink and hang out with the guys.

 

[allycat0303]

Are lap dances only done in private rooms? I don''t know a lot about strip club etiquette. I think it''s wrong to have a lap dance. It''s very private and intimate to have my SO touching someone else...In Montreal, at strip clubs during a lap dance your allowed to touch/grab, breasts, but not lower down. That''s the standard. So obviously, if my guy is grabbing someone''s breast, this is a dealbreaker to me. As for a VIP room. Well that implies to me that things are being done in private which can''t be done in public (I don''t know, my feverish mind works overtime here), so I have a total problem with that.

You are allowed to have a problem with whatever aspect of strip clubs makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to justify the way you feel. I am always bothered when women try to convince themselves that something which is *socially acceptable way for men to behave* is acceptable to them, eventhough it is not within their comfort zone. You don''t even need to name a reason for it, or try to understand it. I get really annoyed when people say, "Oh why does it bother you? Are you insecure because he''s going to cheat, I trust my man". Well good for you. I feel disrespected, and I''m not going to justify that to anyone.

Incidently, BIL has for years been planning the bachelor party. Teasing me endlessly about the private stripper etc. I worried about it endlessly, fought with my husband on serveral occasions LOOONG before the bachelor party happened. In the weeks leading up to it, I was pretty zen (he had his way before mine). And all I said was that, "What is good enough for you, is good enough for me. There is no double standard in this relationship" My brother and cousin were invited to this party, and they didn''t go to the strippers. But my husband has gone in the past (I think twice? which was a MAJOR issue for me). For my bachlorette party, my girlfriends talked endlessly about *Nathan the hot stripper that was coming to the hotel room, dressed as a fireman to give me a very private show* I think my husband didn''t sleep the whole night of my bachlorette party because he was so worried. Obviously, this did not happen. I would rather jump out of a plane then be in that total awkward situation, but the way he felt when he *thought* that was happening was enough.

A few weeks after our wedding, some friends came down from the US, really excited to go to the contact Montreal Strip clubs. In any case, he declined the invitation to go to the strip club. He said he realized how I felt, because the thought of having a naked man rub himself all over me, was not ok with him. AT ALL. Problem solved.