Siblings for bridal and groom party

[pannini]

so this may be a question often-asked, but i wanted to know what to do regarding my bridal party.

i have my half-sister as a bridesmaid and my best friend since 12 as my MOH. then i have 3 close friends as the other bridesmaids. that totals in 5 for my party.

my fiance has three close friends for his party, and he is considering asking my brother to make it more thoughtful and inclusive of my family.

issue is, my fiance has an older sister, married with two kids now. should i ask her to be a BM as well? that would rack it up to 6 in my party, and 5 is already really too much for me. should i ask her to be my matron of honor? if i do that, then one of my close friends who is also married now, may feel offended that she isn''t the matron of honor. after all, i am closer to my friend than to my fiance''s sister. we''re not that close!

what should i do, or what have you done or would do?

 

[shertz1981]

If it was my bridal party, I would ask his sister if my FI asked my brother, because it''s reciprocal. But I would stick with the original MOH.

FI and I have a brother each. Both are groomsmen, but even if FI Brother was a girl ... my MOH would still be the woman I picked.

 

[pannini]

thanks shertz, to clarify:

i was hoping for a maid of honor and i''d add a matron of honor as my fiance''s sister.
issue is one of my BMs is also married, so not choosing her as a matron of honor would be a bad move you think?

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I did not ask my FIs sister to be in my wedding. It was a personal choice. I already had 4 girls (my sister and 3 best friends) and I wasn''t planning to do a lot of "wedding activities" and I didn''t feel that I needed 5 bridesmaids for a 100-150 person wedding. I feel that I *may* have let her down, and in hindsight, I probably would have asked her to be in the party to please her b/c I feel guilty about it. I did ask her to do a reading at our ceremony so that she would be more included. She is not married and has no children. Your FI''s sister may have a different perspective, as she''s got her own life & family to take care of. Her brother''s wedding is likely not her main priority. Ask your FI how you think she would feel about it.

 

[Haven]

I did *not* ask DH's SIL to stand up in our wedding. I know it's a bit different because she isn't DH's sister, but a SIL, but I just wanted to share in case it helps.

At the time, SIL was married with two kids, who both stood up in our wedding. Her husband, DH's brother, was the best man. SIL and I are not and have never been close, so I knew the last thing she wanted was to have to run around with my sisters and best friends as a member of our BP.

DH *did* ask my sister's then-BF to stand up in the wedding, which is the closest thing I can think of to asking a brother of mine. DH and the then-BF weren't close, but the then-BF is now my sister's FI, and he's been a "member" of our family for nearly eight years now. He's like a brother to me, at least.

What's your read on your FI's sister? Does she want to stand up? If so, I wouldn't worry too much about the titles. I'd just name your dearest friend your MOH and call it a day. I named my next oldest sister as my MOH, and neither of my other sisters, nor my two best friends were offended.

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 3/23/2010 8:23:55 PM
Author: shertz1981
If it was my bridal party, I would ask his sister if my FI asked my brother, because it's reciprocal. But I would stick with the original MOH.

FI and I have a brother each. Both are groomsmen, but even if FI Brother was a girl ... my MOH would still be the woman I picked.

We will also have our two brothers in the bridal party. There was no question whether my brother would be a groomsman, regardless of who I married.

If you're not close to your FI's sister can't you just make her a bridesmaid? She may be married, but she can still be one (I think).

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I asked my sister to be in the wedding. She is against all that is girly, so her response was "yeah I will do it, but I am not wearing a dress, and I am not sure not going to have fun with the shower and all that other girl stuff!" Well I didn''t want to give up my traditional bridal party, and it was clear she was going to be miserable. So she will be doing a reading for the wedding instead.

I did put my FI''s sister in the wedding, and she is thrilled. I think she would have been hurt if I hadn''t asked her. I did not make her a matron of honor, I asked my closest friend to do that.

I guess as Haven said, it would probably be best to do some uncover work to find out if she would be hurt is she wasn''t up there. I don''t think you need to make her MOH.

 

[cara]

I don't think you need to make her a MOH. Unnecessary. But, for reciprocity, its probably best to ask her to do something, a reading or BM, if your brother will also be standing up. But whether or not you need to ask her to be a BM does depend a little bit on the person. I know women from big families that, by the time they are married and have kids, have done enough weddings and would just as soon skip the matching dress and all that that entails, if they could do so without offending the bridal couple. Other women might be slighly hurt not to be included, hence a little bit of context and evaluation of the person might be warranted.

 

[yssie]

I don''t think you have to do anything, but if she felt strongly one way or another I''d probably consider it. Would FI know more about how she feels, perhaps?



My BMs are going to be my two best friends, FI''s sister, and FI''s SIL (his brother''s wife).
FI''s groomsmen will be two friends, his brother, his sister''s longtime bf, and my little cousin (jr groomsman

).


We chose these people because they''re important to us and because they want to be included.

 

[iheartscience]

I think it really depends on how close you are to her and if you think she''d even want to do it. I see no reason to make her a Matron of Honor if you''re not even close, though. She can still be a bridesmaid even though she''s married.

My 2 sisters (older sister and twin sister) were in my bridal party and my twin sister was my maid of honor. I also have 2 brothers but we didn''t ask them to be groomsmen. I''m not close to either of them, so obviously my husband is even less close to them. My husband is an only child so I didn''t have to worry about asking any of his siblings.

I did have my one brother act as a semi-usher-all he did was walk my mom down the aisle. My mom wanted me to have my brothers be ushers or do readings or something, so I asked them to do the usher thing, and then one of them said he didn''t want to do it. (He has 3 young kids and didn''t want to make his wife wrangle them alone before the ceremony.) I didn''t particularly want them to do readings because like I said, we''re not close at all, so my older sister and my husband''s best man did the readings. They were up there anyway so it seemed easy enough to have them do the readings.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Funny you should ask this because I just asked my fiance''s sister to be a bridesmaid after initially deciding against it. Right after I got engaged, I asked my two sisters to be my maid of honor and matron of honor because I have always preferred small wedding parties. My sisters picked out the dress, and we ordered them. But I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I should ask my fiance''s sister. She is my fiance''s younger sister, but she is still 7 years older than me and has two children. (My fiance is nearly 10 years older than me but has never married). After reading a recent thread on here about a bride-to-be who was insulted about not being asked to be in her brother''s wedding, it really made me think. I am getting to know my fiance''s sister better and I like her a lot, and it just felt like the right thing to do. I did feel a little sheepish asking her at this point because she knows it was obviously an after thought, but she was completely gracious and seems genuinely happy to be included. My fiance has now asked my brother to be a groomsmen, so all of our siblings will be in the wedding as well as their children (except for the two babies).

I think it would be a nice gesture, but certainly not necessary. If you do decide to have her in the wedding party, I do not think it is necessary to make her a matron of honor. My future SIL won''t be. You can just have your maid of honor and the rest be bridesmaids. Whatever you think is best.

 

[sunnyd]

Don''t feel obligated to have people you''re not close to in your wedding party. I''m not close to my sister, so we asked her to officiate. DH is not close to my brother, so he did a reading. I am, however, very close to his 3 sisters, so they were in my bridal party.

 

[ts44]

Ditto those who said it''s your choice. I am not close to FI''s sister, so I didn''t ask her. She told me she was relieved she wasn''t in my bridal party as she is 10 yrs older than us, has 3 kids, lives in NY and did NOT want to have to drive to Ohio for fittings, events, etc. She did however ask to plan a shower for FI and I in NY, so we agreed to that even though we originally only wanted to have one shower. It evens out.

 

[megumic]

Since he only has one sister, I think it''s respectful to ask her. She is a part of your new family and although she may decline, I think it''s an important step to let her know her support is meaningful to you, despite the fact that you don''t know her well. I don''t think you need to ask her to be a Matron of Honor - bridesmaid is sufficient.

I have asked FI''s sister to be in my bridesmaids party even though it will make 6. I was not asked to be in my brother''s FI''s bridal party and am still very hurt.

 

[Sabine]

At first I was going to say that since she is older and with kids, she might actually be grateful to be spared the bridesmaid hoopla and you could ask her to be involved in the wedding some other way like being a reader or something.

But then I realized...I had my dh''s sister as a bridesmaid. I''m at that age where almost all of my friends are married now. My last friend is getting married this summer, and I''ve made the comment to dh before that this will be the last wedding I''ll be in unless/until his sister gets married. So at this point, I''m older and have a kid, but I would still really like to be in her wedding as a bridesmaid. At the same time, I would understand if she explained that she wanted to honor me in a different way though, but I''d still be a bit disappointed.

 

[ts44]

I''m sorry, I just don''t get the invite to be the bridesmaid just because you''re going to be related by marriage. My brother just got engaged and I think it would be totally bizarre if his fiancee asked me to be in her bridal party. We don''t hang out, I''m 7 years older than her and her friends, and I think she''s a wonderful person and I''m super happy they''re getting married but I would not give it a second thought if she didn''t ask me to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn''t turn her down if she asked, but I still think there would have to be SOMEBODY else out there better than me for the job, unless she has literally no female relatives or friends. If somebody expected to be in my bridal party for the sole reason that they were related to my fiance, and was disappointed/upset to not be asked, I''d tell them to put their big girl pants on and get over it. Especially to be somebody like a maid/matron of honor.