Should I ask her? (Bridesmaid Q)

[mjso]

Well I was inspiried by the "Oh no, she asked me to be a bridesmaid" thread and thought I''d ask you all your opinion on this...

My best friend is going to be my maid of honor (I haven''t finalized the whole wedding party, so there haven''t been formal invites yet, but we''re already talking about planning). Her sister and I are also good friends. But...at her sister''s wedding, I heard her sister specifically say that she would never want to be a bridesmaid in anyone''s wedding. For her own wedding, they each only had 1 attendant, her sister (my MOH) was her MOH and her groom had a friend as a BM.

The issue is that I would LOVE for her to be in my wedding, and I don''t really know if she actually meant what she said (and perhaps would be hurt if I didn''t ask her?). I don''t want to put her in the awkward situation of "OMG, I can''t believe she asked me to be her bridesmaid and now I have to come up with a way to tactfully decline", but I also don''t want to dismiss asking her just because of one random comment a few years ago.

What would you suggest?

 

[TravelingGal]

How about asking her with the understanding that you remember the comment, and would not be offended in any way if she didn''t want to do it, but if she didn''t mean it you''d love to have her?

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/7/2008 5:41:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal
How about asking her with the understanding that you remember the comment, and would not be offended in any way if she didn''t want to do it, but if she didn''t mean it you''d love to have her?

Great advice. A friend of mine said the same thing during her own wedding, yet I didn''t want to not ask her and thus risk offending her. SO, I asked her and then said that I remember her comment, and she said I was crazy and of course she wants to be in the wedding.

 

[swimmer]

I third the great advice, every time I say "NEVER AGAIN will i be a BM!" But then another dear friend asks and of course I want to be part of her big day, so say "yes!" with glee that she has found her love and wants her friends to celebrate with her. At least the high school takes my old dresses for their prom drive, though some are so unattractive I wonder if girls want them.

Yeah, nine times a BM and I vote that you ask her with the understanding of her previous sentiments.

 

[bee*]

I agree with the others, ask her, but also say that you remember her comment so you won''t mind at all if she doesn''t want to do it.

 

[gtn]

I agree with the rest of the posters. If you really want her to be a bm, I can''t hurt to ask, just make sure you give her a back door so she can decline politely if she really doesn''t want to do it.

 

[MMM]

ask you moh. she may know her true feelings.

 

[mjso]

Thanks for the advice. I did talk to my MOH about it and she pretty much said the same thing you guys did. Which is what I was leaning towards, but I didn''t know if it would be weird to be like "Hi...I want you to be in my wedding, even though I know you said you''d NEVER want to be a bridesmaid, so really, it''s okay if you say no"

But I''m sure I''ll come up with a better way of saying it!

 

[sap483]

I would ask her too, it won't hurt if she knows that you're ok with her declining.