Registry Etiquette...

[ringbling17]

Hi guys,
I was just wondering what the proper bridal registry etiquette is.

I was invited to an engagement party for my cousin about a year ago.. It was given by her mother and sisters, in fiance''s parents home. The food was not catered, it was cooked by her mother and there were at least 200 hundred people at the party.

In the invitation they put that they had registered at Target''s and Fortunoff''s. I decided to purchase them a 5 pc. place setting from Fortunoff''s that cost about $150.

I have now recieved an invitation to the bridal shower. Again, there is a little card that says they registered at Fortunoff''s. I spoke to my mother about it and she told me to just get her nice lingerie since I already spent a lot on her engagement party gift and plan to give her money for the wedding.

So, my question is twofold-

1- Is it proper etiquette to register for an engagement party and how many of you did?

2- Is it okay if I just get her lingerie for her bridal shower?

 

[FireGoddess]

A friend of mine, whose wedding party I am in, had an engagement party. I asked her where I could send the gift, since I couldn''t attend (I don''t live near her and couldn''t take the trip for the engagement party). She told me that all etiquette says that there are no gifts expected at an engagement party, and not to send anything. I know that people do bring gifts to engagement parties, but they are usually not on the order of how much you spent on your cousin''s gift. Those types of gifts you usually see more at the bridal shower.

Soooo....I think it would be fine for you just to give the bride lingerie at the bridal shower. I didn''t have an engagement party...and even if I had, I wouldn''t have been registered that early!!

 

[Munchkin]

I am a mere LIW, but considering I was raised by a woman who is a cross between Emily Gilmore and Emily Post, I feel well-qualified to answer your question!

Ok. First, your cousin''s family committed a faux pas by including registry information on the engagement party invitiation. Why? 1) an engagement party is not a "mandatory" gift-giving occasion. While most people will bring a present to an e-party, it is completely at the discretion of the guest. Putting registry info on the invite clearly insinuated that a gift was expected.
2) The party was given by her family. Now, engagement parties are often thrown by parents of the bride and/or groom, while showers are a different story. Per tradition, showers (where the whole point is to "shower" the bride with gifts) are not to be thrown by a sibling or parent of the bride. The reason being, that at such an event, where gifts are expected, it would seem as though the bride''s family was simply trying to get cool stuff for their bride to be. (Holy run-on sentence Batman.) So, likewise, at an event where it is expected that immediate family will be hosting (e-party) overt gift solicitation is not considered acceptable.

However, it is completely acceptable to register for an e-party, just (please

) spread the news by word of mouth. I would suggest taking extra care to include lower-priced items on your registry, since people often wish to spend less on e-gifts.

You were really generous with the e gift. As long as you are close enough to give/receive lingerie from each other (sorry, I just got a mental image of one particular cousin buying me lingerie for a shower - and I had to put in the above disclaimer

) I think that would be a lovely and generous gift.

Stepping of my soapbox now

Munchkin

 

[flopkins]

this thread covered a few ppls opinions on the issue... i think the conclusion was, depending on how fancy your eparty is, you might register.

It''s not as common from my experience to have eparty registries, and I didn''t register for my eparty. That said, I don''t think it''s necessarily bad or good etiquette to register for an eparty (although I draw the line at registering at your bank)... just slightly tacky to put the registry info in the eparty invite.

I would give lingerie or something small, whatever you''re comfortable with, bc you were very generous w/the eparty gift. I''m sure they understand.

 

[sparklish]

I think it''s fine to register for an e-party; but generally people I know had either a party or a shower, not both; seems a bit rich to register for both. If I were having both, I would not register for an e-party.

Additionally, the purpose of the registry should be (though some people tend to forget things) to make things easier for YOU as the guest. It shouldn''t be about expecting or demanding gifts. This goes for the shower, the wedding, the party whatever. $150 was a lot to spend, and I certainly wouldn''t think a gift is required for the shower since you already spent that much, but if you want to give something, lingerie, or even something thoughtful in a much lower price range, that would be fine.

 

[njc]

Friends of my parents are throwing an e-party for us at the end of the month. They did not send out registry info in the invites, but we are already registered for the wedding, and that is listed on a website i created (again, not in the invite). I dont expect any gifts, but i feel some of my parents freinds will give one.

A little history to put it in perspective:
Engaged early Dec
Wedding in Aug
So while i didnt intend to register for the e-party, its just happened that way because of time.

I agree since you were so generous in your e-party gift, you could give something smaller or more personal (the lingerie), but agree with Munchkin, dont give the lingerie if yall arent that close, or at least not something risque!

 

[elepri]

Having spent way too much time on wedding boards, it appears that it''s appropriate to register shortly after your engagement so that people have the option of getting your registry gifts for all wedding-related parties, including your engagement party. However, the only one where mentioning your registry in the invite is ok is the shower, where gifts are expected. I think it''s fine to get lingerie for the shower but i know some women put a lot of inexpensive stuff on the registry specifically for shower gifts.