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opinion vs. support

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lala2332

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this was a topic in hangout that I stumbled across and commented on, but I am pretty bad about just sticking to this board, so I thought I would pose the question here:

Do people want opinions or support for their actions when they post?

I think people want the "opinion" that supports what they wanted to do anyway.

I keep thinking about the movie version of "He''s Just Not That Into You." I think a lot of us when we post here are looking for the excuse of the exception to the rule, not the rule. Like the girls in the movie always knowing of a friend of a friend where it turned out happily ever after, so that justifies whatever action they want to take.

Just my .02
 

Lanie

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I think people want both. And sometimes you see "Be brutally honest please" and then they get mad at the posters. I think some post on here for affirmation, and aren''t looking for critique.
 

Blair138

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Date: 6/25/2009 11:29:26 AM
Author: Lanie
I think people want both. And sometimes you see ''Be brutally honest please'' and then they get mad at the posters. I think some post on here for affirmation, and aren''t looking for critique.

Ditto
 

Lynnie

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I think you can usually tell by the post if a person wants support or opinions. Some people make it loud & clear ie. "please post your HONEST opinion... my feelings won't be hurt!"

Vents = support, most of the time.

Sometimes, a poster will ask for honest opinions, and get upset if they don't agree with them. Makes for an interesting thread, lol. I can think of a name or two that I consider famous for this kind of reaction, but I WILL NOT say them!!
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ETA: I just saw luckystar's post... How'd I miss that thread???
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luckystar112

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Honestly Lala, I think you need to get over it.
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This is obviously toward Nebe, AGAIN, and you already got your point across multiple times in her thread, as well as the other opinion v support thread, and now this one. Good for you!
 

lala2332

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it was a legitimate question. I haven''t commented on the nebe thread in days. I don''t check hangout very often, so I thought I would pose the question here. wasn''t trying to get a point across other than the one I made...no underlying, read-between-the-lines intended.
 

JerseyGrl81

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I know when I post I am looking for opinions. I have gotten a lot of really great ones from you girls. I also like how when people post pictures of rings and dresses that people are considering buying people on this forum always give their opinion. But when someone posts a picture of their ring or dress they own everyone always offers support. I think that is really cool.

I know with my own journey to find my wedding dress a lot people posted their opinion about dresses I was considering. I am really, really glad they did. I ended up buying a dress I love. When I look back at my other contenders I know that I ended up with the right one and I owe a lot of that to the girls on pricescope!
 

LilyKat

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There are plenty of ways to give a 100% honest opinion in a kind and tactful way. I find very few posters ever object to that.
 

lucyandroger

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Date: 6/25/2009 1:52:50 PM
Author: LilyKat
There are plenty of ways to give a 100% honest opinion in a kind and tactful way. I find very few posters ever object to that.
Ditto. Well said, LilyKat.
 

NuggetBrain

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I know I personally want opinions. I''m glad people in my particular thread didn''t all agree with what I did, because it helped me to see things from a different viewpoint and probably ended the issue earlier and better than if people had of just agreed with me. I do think that some people want to be reassured, but you can usually tell from the posting if that''s the case or not.
 

merrymunky

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There have been some answers that nail it on the head for me here.

In my own experience, I have looked for both opinions and support I think. When I was planning on handmaking some simple invitations cards, I posted photos here asking for opinions and boy, did I get honest opinions. I have to admit that I was a little sad about some of the opinions but at the same time I was ever so grateful to get those opinions because it made me realise I needed something much better. In the end I had some done professionally and although it cose much more money, I have had comments about how nice they were from recipients.
 

Dreamgirl

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Speaking for myself, I usually want support or supportive opinions. Sure honesty, but polite honesty. I never say "lay it on me, be brutally honest with me, beat me down" because I know I'll get upset. If I get opinions, I always appreciate all of them even if it might not seem like it to some.

But I don't like the one's who tend to want to TELL me how I'm always wrong in their book and then show me the ways. That really ticks me off. Especially if I never asked for support or opinions to begin with. Sometimes harsh opinions are just volunteered out of nowhere. Then the whole PS community reading usually doesn't appreciate what I have to say after that point...
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Sometimes I guess it makes me look bad but I'm usually that person who stands up and has gotta put "the bad guy" in their place at risk of my own character.

IRL, I'll always speak up when I feel its necessary. I'm one to fight for the "underdog" however, everyone surrounding me thinks I'm just a sweet doll, so I try and stick with that and I know who I am
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whitby_2773

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Date: 6/25/2009 5:12:53 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Speaking for myself, I usually want support or supportive opinions. Sure honesty, but polite honesty. I never say ''lay it on me, be brutally honest with me, beat me down'' because I know I''ll get upset. If I get opinions, I always appreciate all of them even if it might not seem like it to some.


But I don''t like the one''s who tend to want to TELL me how I''m always wrong in their book and then show me the ways. That really ticks me off. Especially if I never asked for support or opinions to begin with. Sometimes harsh opinions are just volunteered out of nowhere. Then the whole PS community reading usually doesn''t appreciate what I have to say after that point...
11.gif
Sometimes I guess it makes me look bad but I''m usually that person who stands up and has gotta put ''the bad guy'' in their place at risk of my own character.


IRL, I''ll always speak up when I feel its necessary. I''m one to fight for the ''underdog'' however, everyone surrounding me thinks I''m just a sweet doll, so I try and stick with that and I know who I am
4.gif

DG -

in my experience of disputes (and it''s broad, but i wont go into that here), ''putting the bad guy in their place'' is virtually impossible. people often take this tack with an overly optimistic sense of their own abilities. it takes a very clever person, an astute and often brutal arguer, a lot of peer support, some kind of upper hand, and an antagonist willing to step down to put ANYone ''in their place'', so to speak. and even then, antagonists often have a rather firm view on what ''their place'' is, and it''s rarely one we, as protagonists, might think they should occupy. in fact, there are often multiple camps as to who the bad guy even IS.

what is much more likely to happen is that, instead of delivering the intended coup de grace, it inflames the antagonist - and then their support network also. rather than being ''the final word'', it then opens a dialogue of a spiraling nature which goes on and on - often until the central point is lost and both parties are confused and simply enraged. support networks get drawn in - some people often existing in BOTH support networks. if you do a venn diagram of this sort of thing (and i have, many, many times), you''ll see how rapidly it disintegrates into a mish mash of criss-crossed loyalties and subtexts.

so my suggestion is that it''s normally wisest to UNDERestimate one''s abilities, and keep one''s opinion neutral, cheery and shallow. in other words.....zip it.

i shall now lead by example.......

....................................................................................................................................................................................
 

honey22

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If you open a can of worms, can you have to expect good and bad.

However, I don''t think that gives you the right to attack people, and wrongfully accuse them of anything. Just because you don''t agree with something, or have had bad experiences of you own, doesn''t give you the right to be rude to others.

What really gets me, is some people can be downright bitchy! Too many posters hide behind their computers, and it''s very easy to say things when you are anonymous. A little kindness and diplomacy wouldn''t go astray sometimes.

Be tolerant and accepting of others, and don''t put people down. PS should be a friendly place.
 

Sharon101

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Date: 6/26/2009 12:14:01 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 6/25/2009 5:12:53 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Speaking for myself, I usually want support or supportive opinions. Sure honesty, but polite honesty. I never say ''lay it on me, be brutally honest with me, beat me down'' because I know I''ll get upset. If I get opinions, I always appreciate all of them even if it might not seem like it to some.


But I don''t like the one''s who tend to want to TELL me how I''m always wrong in their book and then show me the ways. That really ticks me off. Especially if I never asked for support or opinions to begin with. Sometimes harsh opinions are just volunteered out of nowhere. Then the whole PS community reading usually doesn''t appreciate what I have to say after that point...
11.gif
Sometimes I guess it makes me look bad but I''m usually that person who stands up and has gotta put ''the bad guy'' in their place at risk of my own character.


IRL, I''ll always speak up when I feel its necessary. I''m one to fight for the ''underdog'' however, everyone surrounding me thinks I''m just a sweet doll, so I try and stick with that and I know who I am
4.gif

DG -

in my experience of disputes (and it''s broad, but i wont go into that here), ''putting the bad guy in their place'' is virtually impossible. people often take this tack with an overly optimistic sense of their own abilities. it takes a very clever person, an astute and often brutal arguer, a lot of peer support, some kind of upper hand, and an antagonist willing to step down to put ANYone ''in their place'', so to speak. and even then, antagonists often have a rather firm view on what ''their place'' is, and it''s rarely one we, as protagonists, might think they should occupy. in fact, there are often multiple camps as to who the bad guy even IS.

what is much more likely to happen is that, instead of delivering the intended coup de grace, it inflames the antagonist - and then their support network also. rather than being ''the final word'', it then opens a dialogue of a spiraling nature which goes on and on - often until the central point is lost and both parties are confused and simply enraged. support networks get drawn in - some people often existing in BOTH support networks. if you do a venn diagram of this sort of thing (and i have, many, many times), you''ll see how rapidly it disintegrates into a mish mash of criss-crossed loyalties and subtexts.

so my suggestion is that it''s normally wisest to UNDERestimate one''s abilities, and keep one''s opinion neutral, cheery and shallow. in other words.....zip it.

i shall now lead by example.......

....................................................................................................................................................................................
Truer words have never been spoken! Well said, something for us all to think about and take to heart both here on the internet and equally valid in our real lives!!!!!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 6/26/2009 12:14:01 AM
Author: whitby_2773

DG -

in my experience of disputes (and it''s broad, but i wont go into that here), ''putting the bad guy in their place'' is virtually impossible. people often take this tack with an overly optimistic sense of their own abilities. it takes a very clever person, an astute and often brutal arguer, a lot of peer support, some kind of upper hand, and an antagonist willing to step down to put ANYone ''in their place'', so to speak. and even then, antagonists often have a rather firm view on what ''their place'' is, and it''s rarely one we, as protagonists, might think they should occupy. in fact, there are often multiple camps as to who the bad guy even IS.

what is much more likely to happen is that, instead of delivering the intended coup de grace, it inflames the antagonist - and then their support network also. rather than being ''the final word'', it then opens a dialogue of a spiraling nature which goes on and on - often until the central point is lost and both parties are confused and simply enraged. support networks get drawn in - some people often existing in BOTH support networks. if you do a venn diagram of this sort of thing (and i have, many, many times), you''ll see how rapidly it disintegrates into a mish mash of criss-crossed loyalties and subtexts.

so my suggestion is that it''s normally wisest to UNDERestimate one''s abilities, and keep one''s opinion neutral, cheery and shallow. in other words.....zip it.

i shall now lead by example.......

....................................................................................................................................................................................
Whitby, this is very true. I''ve also personally learned that speaking on behalf of others can easily backfire. Keeping opinions ''neutral, cheery and shallow'' is your best bet with people that don''t know you very well (and reversely, those you don''t know very well). No matter what your intentions.
 

whitby_2773

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 5, 2009
Messages
2,655
Date: 6/26/2009 3:34:45 AM
Author: honey22
If you open a can of worms, can you have to expect good and bad.


However, I don''t think that gives you the right to attack people, and wrongfully accuse them of anything. Just because you don''t agree with something, or have had bad experiences of you own, doesn''t give you the right to be rude to others.


What really gets me, is some people can be downright bitchy! Too many posters hide behind their computers, and it''s very easy to say things when you are anonymous. A little kindness and diplomacy wouldn''t go astray sometimes.


Be tolerant and accepting of others, and don''t put people down. PS should be a friendly place.

honey - tiny little threadjack here....

speaking of opinions...

my opinion on your channel set yellow gold ring is.....

i love it.
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and congratulations on having it named after you at WF! gorgeous :)

(end of threadjack - sorry all!)
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
5,070
This is true...
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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Date: 6/26/2009 11:04:59 AM
Author: whitby_2773
Date: 6/26/2009 3:34:45 AM

Author: honey22

If you open a can of worms, can you have to expect good and bad.



However, I don''t think that gives you the right to attack people, and wrongfully accuse them of anything. Just because you don''t agree with something, or have had bad experiences of you own, doesn''t give you the right to be rude to others.



What really gets me, is some people can be downright bitchy! Too many posters hide behind their computers, and it''s very easy to say things when you are anonymous. A little kindness and diplomacy wouldn''t go astray sometimes.



Be tolerant and accepting of others, and don''t put people down. PS should be a friendly place.


honey - tiny little threadjack here....


speaking of opinions...


my opinion on your channel set yellow gold ring is.....


i love it.
30.gif
30.gif
30.gif
30.gif
30.gif
30.gif
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and congratulations on having it named after you at WF! gorgeous :)


(end of threadjack - sorry all!)

Aww, thanks darling, you are too kind. I am in love with it too!! Only 5 more months until I get to wear it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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