Open Bar vs. Cash Bar

[kanne]

wow.

after reading this thread I need a glass of wine.

 

[lovelylulu]

i don''t mean to fan the flames, but to respond to a previous comment -- i don''t think providing alcohol to you invited guests, whether they be at your wedding or at your home means that "they are on the dole" or in doing so you are being "uppity" to me, it simply means i''m being a courteous host. but i suppose to each his own. i just think that on this thread/board we should try to steer away from insulting choices -- on all sides.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:55:31 PM
Author: lovey
wow.

after reading this thread I need a glass of wine.

Hear, hear! *Opens bottle of champagne*

 

[kanne]

bring on the champizzle!!

 

[Mara]

you know what is soooo funny .... this thread really brought out some heated arguments!!

there were comments and terminology like 'tacky'...'your habit'... 'selfish'....'uppity'...'higher standards'....!!

who would have known that something like cash bar vs open bar at a WEDDING could inspire such strong feelings...! seriously. i don't mind that it got heated because it was interesting but it was intriguing!

i gave it all of 2 seconds thought at our wedding. big deal, it's alcohol!!! like i say in so many other threads, people are there to see YOU...not drink your booze/eat your cake/eat filet mignon, etc etc etc....and if they ARE coming for those other reasons, i probably wouldn't want them there either!

someone else mentioned in a thread re: expectations, aka what people expect from you or what you *should* do. do what feels right, not because someone else says you should.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:55:49 PM
Author: lovelylulu
i don''t mean to fan the flames, but to respond to a previous comment -- i don''t think providing alcohol to you invited guests, whether they be at your wedding or at your home means that ''they are on the dole'' or in doing so you are being ''uppity'' to me, it simply means i''m being a courteous host. but i suppose to each his own. i just think that on this thread/board we should try to steer away from insulting choices -- on all sides.

I agree.....I think providing something (alcohol or whatever) is being a courteous host. My point wasn''t really about the alcohol or what''s offered, it''s about making assessments about others'' generosity without regard for what''s acceptable regionally for them or budget-wise.

 

[MissAva]

He he I asked my friend who is staying with me and helping me recover and her response was pretty funny to me….”Invite less people”.




****So far between FH and I think about it for two months we are under 50 and if I get my way about 20.

I think she may have been making fun of the fact that I want a smallish wedding.*****

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/17/2006 9:07:06 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 8:55:49 PM
Author: lovelylulu
i don''t mean to fan the flames, but to respond to a previous comment -- i don''t think providing alcohol to you invited guests, whether they be at your wedding or at your home means that ''they are on the dole'' or in doing so you are being ''uppity'' to me, it simply means i''m being a courteous host. but i suppose to each his own. i just think that on this thread/board we should try to steer away from insulting choices -- on all sides.

I agree.....I think providing something (alcohol or whatever) is being a courteous host. My point wasn''t really about the alcohol or what''s offered, it''s about making assessments about others'' generosity without regard for what''s acceptable regionally for them or budget-wise.

Ditto.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 3:49:10 PM
Author:SarFarSuperstar

What are y''alls thoughts and feelings about open bars vs. cash bars? What did you think about any weddings that you went to with either of these options? Would you rather go to a wedding where no alcohol was served at all? Just some things that I''ve been pondering since I''ve started planning. I appreciate any and all thoughts!

Getting back to your questions....

I am fine with either set-up; when I attend a wedding, I''m personally really there to celebrate in the occasion. Anything else is bonus!

I''ve been to both types of weddings; I''m also from Greater Boston, and I''ve seen it done both ways. Up here, either is acceptable.

I feel honored to be invited to a wedding, and I gladly attend regardless of the bride/groom''s meal choices or beverage provisions. I''m there to celebrate with them. If I were to be asked which I "preferred", I''d prefer the option of a cash bar over the "no alcohol" option. I''m a light drinker, but I like a glass of wine with dinner and sometimes, a cocktail afterward. I''ve attended two weddings that were no alcohol due to alcoholism issues in their families, etc., and I''ve respected their choice and attended gladly.

I''ve never attended a wedding with drink tickets; I''ve seen them at corporate events. I would respect someone''s right to go that route, but I agree with the earlier comment about feeling harassed by "ticket hounds". In that case, I''d really rather just purchase my own instead of going with drink tickets.

 

[njc]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:36:11 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/17/2006 8:26:14 PM
Author: heart prongs

Just to add...We were able to do open bar at our wedding because we purchased all the alcohol and hired licensed baretenders to serve it. For 160 guests during the 6 hour reception and at the after party that went on until 3 a.m....our bar bill was a whopping $900!!! I love sharing this information because it was the one area where the wedding industry did not screw us!!!

klr

prongs

Thank you for sharing your experience! I was wondering if bringing your own liquor in would be significantly cheaper, and it sounds like it was for you! I''ll definitely look into this option if my reception site allows it.

I agree, being able to purchase/bring your own liquor vs. getting it from the venue is a HUGE savings. We got everything at the local military base so we even avoided sales tax on it. A friend that got married 3 weeks after us had to pay for EACH shot of liquor in a bottle. Her cost was like 3-4 times more.

 

[Mara]

I thought of a funny analogy to the whole cash vs open bar kind of thing...

The other day Greg and I went to a really great hamburger place that is hugely corporate, so its busy during the days and sometimes for happy hour but not much on weekends. We normally go on a Saturday night when it's dead. Anyway, this time we went for a burger and fries on a Wed night. Well that is 1/2 off burger and appetizer night. It was PACKED to the gills with people getting 1/2 off burgers and appetizers. We had to stand around with about 5 other couples/parties looking like hungry hounds for a seat/booth to sit in for ~10 minutes or so.

At some point I turned to Greg and said, I would GLADLY pay full price or more, for the burgers if we could just be guaranteed a seat! He laughed and said he agreed. We didn't go there for the 1/2 price burger and fries, we didn't even know about it. We went there just to eat the best burger and fries around! Money wasn't the issue...but being comfortable and having a good time while eating our burgers was important.

Kind of a silly tangent but something that was said here reminded me of that story...I don't go to a wedding to drink or eat or whatever, and if mixing me up the drink I really want costs me $5 or $10, big deal, I would not expect my friends to foot that bill.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 9:27:18 PM
Author: Mara

At some point I turned to Greg and said, I would GLADLY pay full price or more, for the burgers if we could just be guaranteed a seat! He laughed and said he agreed. We didn't go there for the 1/2 price burger and fries, we didn't even know about it. We went there just to eat the best burger and fries around! Money wasn't the issue...but being comfortable and having a good time while eating our burgers was important.

But Mara...wouldn't it be the ultimate if not only were you reserved a seat, but the burgers were on the house?

I agree with all above who said guests should be gracious no matter what the wedding budget allows/couple chooses to do. It really does just come down to what you can do and are most comfortable with.

ETA: Yes, after reading this thread my thoughts have changed a bit...not so much my decision, but my outlook on the entire situation of ___ vs. ___. I'm glad everyone was able to share their opinions...we obviously had very different points of view and I learned quite a bit.

 

[Mara]

LOL eBree...sure burgers on the house would be fab!

There are just so many options to be had!

 

[moremoremore]

Ohh noo cash bar. These people want to be there for you but they also got you a gift, got all dressed up, went to the trouble, etc. then to charge them for drinks? Ew.

*** A great alternative is to serve only sodas and inexpensive wine and beer...that you can buyself....and at the dinner, cut off the beer to limit expense***

I skimmed so I hope I'm not offending anyone but the ticket thing is just about THE tackiest thing I've ever ever heard. Horrible. i'd rather have no booze....it's a classier alternative...

You're hosting an event. I think that some alcohol is part of the gig but it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. People will get over it...But i know I'd still be talking about "that" wedding where I had to pay or get ticket...


Don't ruin it with asking guests to pay for drinks or give tickets. Yikes.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:09:40 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 4:27:19 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Don''t do favors then. You are INVITING people. They come, get dressed up, watch your vows, give you a gifts (sometimes more than one) and you EXPECT them to pay for a glass of wine? Kind of selfish if you ask me.

If anyone coming to MY wedding felt this way, I''d happily accept their declination to my wedding. Stay home, I don''t need folks with that attitude there.

Sorry, but I can''t get put in the slammer because I furnished favors to someone, who then got in his car and creamed someone else with his candle. But it certainly can happen post drinking.

I have nothing against drinking; I drink socially as does my husband. It''s the idea that folks are *entitled* to alcohol that gets under my skin.

If you have a wedding at mealtime, you should serve them a meal and beverages. They don''t have to be alcoholic.

I go WAY the other way. If you are INVITED someplace, you don''t tell the host (or expect to have) what you want to eat/drink served to you upon your arrival. THAT is selfish. I think it''s tacky to tell people what you expect to have!

When I hold dinner parties at my house, I don''t POLL everyone attending to find out what they want. When I invite you, I prepare what I feel is appropriate to serve. Granted, a few of you don''t like shrimp cocktail, and I don''t expect you to eat it. A few of you do like baked brie, but that''s not what I made today. As long as there is SOMETHING acceptable for everyone, that''s fine. If you cannot live for an evening without having your every whim catered to, PLEASE decline my invitation.

Do I try to prepare things I know people will like? Sure. But do I feel OBLIGATED to serve caviar because a few folks like it? No, I don''t.

For me, the purpose of inviting folks to a wedding is to ask them to share in your happiness and your special day. In return, you share a meal with them and entertain them a bit. All this ''this is tacky, that''s tacky, this is how is SHOULD be'' is just really presumptuous. It should be how YOU are comfortable having it...it''s your wedding.

AWESOME POST!!!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/17/2006 9:47:37 PM
Author: moremoremore
Ohh noo cash bar. These people want to be there for you but they also got you a gift, got all dressed up, went to the trouble, etc. then to charge them for drinks? Ew.

And the bride/groom didn't? They're standing there in a thousand dollar dress and a hundred and fifty dollar tux and the bride just spent two hundred bucks getting her hair and makeup done! That's a little different than pulling out and blowing the dust off your favorite dress or suit from the closet and putting it on an hour before the wedding. And I've seen lots of people show up WITHOUT gifts. Definitely wrong IMO, but it DOES happen. Do you think they deserve that free top-shelf drink?

*** A great alternative is to serve only sodas and inexpensive wine and beer...that you can buyself....and at the dinner, cut off the beer to limit expense***

I skimmed so I hope I'm not offending anyone but the ticket thing is just about THE tackiest thing I've ever ever heard. Horrible. i'd rather have no booze....it's a classier alternative...

Apparently some people don't find it THAT tacky because I saw Michaels have pre-made tickets just for that purpose.

You're hosting an event. I think that some alcohol is part of the gig but it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. People will get over it...But i know I'd still be talking about 'that' wedding where I had to pay or get ticket...

IMO, if you're still talking about whether or not you had to pay for your drink or get a ticket, rather than how beautiful the bride was or the ceremony was, you really have some issues.

Don't ruin it with asking guests to pay for drinks or give tickets. Yikes.

Sorry I've been quiet, I've been driving to my mom's house the past few hours and spent another hour or so reading what I missed.

 

[moremoremore]

I feel honored that you felt the need to respond to each of my points.
Chill out. What's with the hostile tone? That's the only "issue" I have hon.
These are my opinions.
That's why people start threads, right?
Write your own thoughts and there is no need to address each of mine in such an argumentative fashion.
Peace out.

and p.s. Yes, I still think they deserve that top shelf drink. It's not a quid pro quo.

And now I'm back off to surfing the web for handbags. That's my new happy place.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/17/2006 11:45:37 PM
Author: moremoremore
I feel honored that you felt the need to respond to each of my points.
Chill out. What's with the hostile tone? That's the only 'issue' I have hon.
These are my opinions.
That's why people start threads, right?
Write your own thoughts and there is no need to address each of mine in such an argumentative fashion.
Peace out.

and p.s. Yes, I still think they deserve that top shelf drink. It's not a quid pro quo.

Hostile tone? I didn't use a hostile tone. I'm just saying there's two sides to the argument. And apparently is is quid pro quo because you say they brought you a gift and got dressed up and all that stuff so they deserve not to be charged for the drink.

 

[moremoremore]

not entering into a whole back and forth with ya here ...it sounded hostile to me...and I'm over this justifying my opinions at this point but I'll just say to me, it's about thanking guests for their effort with a fully catered affair...even if they were dumb enough not to bring a gift....whatever. no harm done.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/18/2006 12:03:50 AM
Author: moremoremore
not entering into a whole back and forth with ya hear aphis...it sounded hostile to me...and I''m over this justifying my opinions at this point but I''ll just say to me, it''s about thanking guests for their effort with a fully catered affair...even if they were dumb enough not to bring a gift....whatever. no harm done.

Sorry you felt that way. Maybe it was the bold print I used to show the difference between what you wrote and what I wrote. Totally not my intention. I''m just playing devil''s advocate a little bit. I like to point out both sides of an issue rather than fight one or the other.

 

[appletini]

I just saw this and don''t feel like reading through the whole thing, so this could be a repeat.

Our open bar is charged per person. When my FIs sister got married, they think the club lost money on the open bar b/c it was charged per person instead of per drink, and there were lots of big drinkers too. Something to keep in mind.

 

[Caribou]

My personal feeling is having no alcohol over a cash bar is better. Especially if you are really concerned about drinkers.

My MOH didn''t have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/18/2006 1:55:42 PM
Author: Caribou

My MOH didn''t have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

To me, that''s the same concept as a cash bar.

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:15:04 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/18/2006 1:55:42 PM
Author: Caribou

My MOH didn''t have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

To me, that''s the same concept as a cash bar.

I was thinking the same thing Aphis! If people are still paying for drinks, regardles of whether it''s at your wedding or down the hall, it''s still a cash bar. Not that I would MIND either way....but to me I didn''t see a difference either. If people have to fork out $$ to drink at your wedding or in ''close proximity'' then it''s a cash bar.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:26:07 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 2/18/2006 2:15:04 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/18/2006 1:55:42 PM
Author: Caribou

My MOH didn''t have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

To me, that''s the same concept as a cash bar.

I was thinking the same thing Aphis! If people are still paying for drinks, regardles of whether it''s at your wedding or down the hall, it''s still a cash bar. Not that I would MIND either way....but to me I didn''t see a difference either. If people have to fork out $$ to drink at your wedding or in ''close proximity'' then it''s a cash bar.

Also the problem with that is that people would be leaving the wedding reception just to go and get a drink. That would bother me.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:30:49 PM
Author: kaleigh

Date: 2/18/2006 2:26:07 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 2/18/2006 2:15:04 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/18/2006 1:55:42 PM
Author: Caribou

My MOH didn't have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

To me, that's the same concept as a cash bar.

I was thinking the same thing Aphis! If people are still paying for drinks, regardles of whether it's at your wedding or down the hall, it's still a cash bar. Not that I would MIND either way....but to me I didn't see a difference either. If people have to fork out $$ to drink at your wedding or in 'close proximity' then it's a cash bar.

Also the problem with that is that people would be leaving the wedding reception just to go and get a drink. That would bother me.

I agree with that point. At the CC, we had a large bar in a seperate room that people could use if they didn't want to have a bar at their wedding. I had some guests that would spend practically the whole night in my bar and only went back to the reception for the important stuff like the toast or cake cutting and whatnot.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/18/2006 2:26:07 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 2/18/2006 2:15:04 PM
Author: aphisiglovessae

Date: 2/18/2006 1:55:42 PM
Author: Caribou

My MOH didn''t have any alcohol at her wedding, but she choose a reception in a hotel that had a public bar in it so if guests really wanted to drink, they could go down there.

To me, that''s the same concept as a cash bar.

I was thinking the same thing Aphis! If people are still paying for drinks, regardles of whether it''s at your wedding or down the hall, it''s still a cash bar. Not that I would MIND either way....but to me I didn''t see a difference either. If people have to fork out $$ to drink at your wedding or in ''close proximity'' then it''s a cash bar.

Gee, gotta agree.....not only is that still people paying for their drinks (so how is that better than a cash bar), but they have to hike up or down to another floor to do it! Hard for me to see how that''s more thoughtful to guests than a cash bar, but that''s just me.

 

[SarFarSuperstar]

Whew...since I started the thread I figured it was only right for me to read the whole thing. It was a very interesting experience. I found the posts from the people in MA the most helpful, seeing as I am getting married here. It definitely seems to me that there is a "anything goes" attitude, especially among my family (at my sister''s wedding in TX, she had a dutch reception- everyone went to a TexMex restaurant and paid for their own meals- I''m not too sure I need to ask for anyone''s opinions on this!

) I''m still not sure what we''ll end up doing in the end, but I want my guests to have a great time and remember me most importantly as a beautiful bride and maybe if I''m lucky, a good hostess.

Thanks for all the thoughts and opinions!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

As a few other people have posted, open bars can be done in a more reasonable fashion. Ours cost only $800. We also saved by not having a champagne toast- people just used whatever was in front of them. Some people don''t even care for champagne either.

In my opinion, I don''t care for a cash bar (although, I''ve never been to a wedding where they had one), but my husband doesn''t see the need to provde alcohol for people.

 

[eks6426]

If you do a cash bar is there a polite way to indicate it on the reception reply cards? I hate going to weddings and arriving with no or little cash only to find out it is a cash bar?