Open Bar vs. Cash Bar

[aphisiglovessae]

Ok, I''m lost now. How did this get changed to food?

 

[ellewoods]

Because I''m of the opinion that

1) If a bride and groom decide to have a cash bar, it is appropriate to somehow inform guests of this beforehand so they can bring cash if they desire.

and also

2) If a bride and groom decide to have their reception in a timeframe that is a traditional meal time (i.e. 12-2pm or 5-?pm), and they decide to serve less than a full meal, it is also appropriate to inform guests of this beforehand so they can prepare (eat something before hand, plan on having a meal afterwards, etc.).

-In terms of cash bars, of course I bring my wallet with me to weddings and have some cash on me. But I don''t carry a lot of cash, and at least at the weddings I''ve been to in my area, drinks usually cost $6-$8. If I''ve got $20 on me, that may get me 2 drinks + tip. If my boyfriend and I only have $20 between us, then that''s an annoyance because there''s no way we''d only want 1 drink each the entire reception. Most reception venues don''t have ATMs and its also hard to leave the reception once you get there. So I think its proper to inform guests beforehand that there will be a cash bar.

So while I don''t agree with cash bars (for me and my situation), if there will be a cash bar I think the bride and groom should inform the guests of this. It doesn''t have to be tacky, just something like "cash bar" written underneath "Reception following the ceremony" or whatever you put on your invites, or the direction inserts if you use those.

**And just a note: whenever I get married, my fiance and I will be paying for the wedding entirely ourselves. There isn''t any parental or family involvement in that way. So my opinion isn''t based on the fact that someone else is paying for the wedding/alcohol expenses.

 

[Mara]

hehe lucky for me i don''t carry any cash, hubby is the one with all the $20s in his wallet!

IMO most cash bars are used as supplements to wine and beer which are supplied at most weddings if there is alcohol, most of this discussion seems more centered around should you have a huge open all liquor bar for your guests and pay for it, OR is beer and wine and soft drinks sufficient and if they need other more fabulous drinks, they can go to the bar. so if you don''t want to drink wine or beer, then yes your $20 would have to suffice you at the cash bar with the martinis.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I understand your logic ellewoods, but just like a cash bar makes some people cringe, so does the thought of putting that on my invites. I can understand a reception card saying "We would love for you to join us for hor d’vores and cocktails immediately following at such and such place," but "cocktails will not be hosted" or even "cash bar" or something like that is not to my liking. You might as well say "Bring plenty of money!" I'd rather just tell everything by word of mouth beforehand. That's what me and my fiance have been doing, but most of our friends and family have already said they were prepared for a cash bar so it was no surprise. They were actually a little surprised we're hosting beer and wine.

ETA: I guess you could say that I'm of the opinion that you should never expect anything from anyone. My mom always told me to be prepared for whatever may happen, so I would always bring plenty of cash anyway, just in case.

 

[ammayernyc]

Again, I think it''s what you''re used to and where you live.

I''ve been to wedding that were open bar and the bartender who had a tip jar out. My bf and I thought that was extremely tacky. Not because we wouldn''t tip, just that we were asked to do so. Same for cash bar. Sure, we would be willing to pay, but it''s not what we''re used to.

But... we have nine weddings this year so I''ll let you all know what they''re like!

 

[ellewoods]

Just to clarify, I''m against having cash bars at weddings period. I don''t think it makes it better by offering free beer and wine. I''m not saying you absolutely must offer a full bar to your guests, but I think you should offer what you can afford, and not have a cash bar to supplement the extras. If you want to offer sodas, wine and beer only, I think that''s perfectly appropriate. Or offer whatever combination of drinks you want. But if you don''t have the money for additional alcohol (or don''t want to spend the money on it), then I don''t think you should offer it at all.

APhi: The thought of a cash bar makes me cringe as well. Having "cash bar" written on my invitations, preserved for years in a frame or album, also makes me cringe. But if you''re already going down that road, I think its only proper to inform your guests of it somehow.

Word of mouth can be good, but its hard to get the word out everyone if you''re having a large wedding. An easier way would be to indicate something on the invitation, or better yet, on the directions insert most people seem to include. Something like "Directions to Reception, 7pm, New York County Club" and then underneath have "cash bar," and then the directions and map.

Amanda: I agree with feeling that the tip jar is tacky. At a wedding I expect to tip and I am prepared to tip the bartender. But putting out a actual tip jar is tacky to me. The bride and groom are already paying a lot of money to the reception venue, so to see the bartender put out a tip jar is disrespectful to them, I feel. A wedding isn''t the same thing as a bar, and most bartenders are paid a flat fee by the venue to serve at the event. The tips are theirs of course and I do tip, but for them to blatently ask for it via the tip jar is rude. Has anyone ever seen a tip jar in a bar even? I wouldn''t think so.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/24/2006 1:50:50 PM
Author: ellewoods
Just to clarify, I''m against having cash bars at weddings period. I don''t think it makes it better by offering free beer and wine. I''m not saying you absolutely must offer a full bar to your guests, but I think you should offer what you can afford, and not have a cash bar to supplement the extras. If you want to offer sodas, wine and beer only, I think that''s perfectly appropriate. Or offer whatever combination of drinks you want. But if you don''t have the money for additional alcohol (or don''t want to spend the money on it), then I don''t think you should offer it at all.

APhi: The thought of a cash bar makes me cringe as well. Having ''cash bar'' written on my invitations, preserved for years in a frame or album, also makes me cringe. But if you''re already going down that road, I think its only proper to inform your guests of it somehow.

Word of mouth can be good, but its hard to get the word out everyone if you''re having a large wedding. An easier way would be to indicate something on the invitation, or better yet, on the directions insert most people seem to include. Something like ''Directions to Reception, 7pm, New York County Club'' and then underneath have ''cash bar,'' and then the directions and map.

Amanda: I agree with feeling that the tip jar is tacky. At a wedding I expect to tip and I am prepared to tip the bartender. But putting out a actual tip jar is tacky to me. The bride and groom are already paying a lot of money to the reception venue, so to see the bartender put out a tip jar is disrespectful to them, I feel. A wedding isn''t the same thing as a bar, and most bartenders are paid a flat fee by the venue to serve at the event. The tips are theirs of course and I do tip, but for them to blatently ask for it via the tip jar is rude. Has anyone ever seen a tip jar in a bar even? I wouldn''t think so.

Well, then we''re back to the debate of why having a cash bar is acceptable to some and not others, and what its real purpose is. This is a never-ending debate with no right or wrong answer. Wonder if it''ll be the next big lecture at the University? ha ha.

As for the tip jar thing, they''re everywhere in my area. The only places I haven''t seen them in front of the customers is in acutal restaurants because they keep it behind the bar. They''re still easily visible though. At the CC we had tip jars, but they were just pretty vases that sat on top of the bar. It didn''t actually say "tips" or anything. All the other weddings I''ve been to that had cash bars, also had pretty tip jars. So I guess tip jars are the norm around here, even at weddings.

 

[Caribou]

Are you sure the tip jar wasn''t put out by the bartender? I''ve been to several weddings that had a tip jar but I always assumed it was for the bartender.

I got an invitation recently, the main invite was the typical ''So & So wold like to invite you blah blah blah...'' then they had the response cards, the directions, and an extra card that read ''reception to follow'' . I think that would be a good way to tell people it was a cash bar or there wasn''t going to be a full dinner.

My main invitation will have on it that the reception is to follow and then a response card.

I honestly used to think that cash bars were tacky but not anymore. The bride and groom should do what they want to do and not worry about what someone might think. Because ultimately people are going to find something to complain about.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I''ve NEVER seen a tip jar set out by anyone other than the bartender. I don''t know who else would put one out?

When working at the CC, I did not get paid a flat fee to bartend. I bartended on an hourly wage which was less than minimum and then I shared the tips with the servers. Everyone working the event ended up getting paid the exact same amount (hourly plus gratuity plus bar tips) if they worked the same amount of hours (beginning to end). If you left the event early, you didn''t get the extra bar tips.

However, the bartenders I hired for my wedding will get paid a flat fee, I think. It depends on the vendor or venue.

 

[galeteia]

The most recent wedding I attended had an amazing, multi-course meal for select attendees (your invitation specified whether you were being asked to attend the banquet and reception after the ceremony or just the reception, and what times they were so people could arrange things) that had to be astronomically expensive. Red and white wine bottles were on the table, and at the reception, red and wine wine and beer were available. It was a cash bar. Few people were tempted, simply because the alcohol was there to accompany the celebration.

Personally, I thought it was an elegant solution beause there were TONS of people there, many of them young enough to be so rude as to get hammered at a wedding. I think it is the height of rudeness to go to a wedding expection to get trashed on the host''s tab. Not to mention that drunk people are obnoxious and tensions will explode if you have people all blotto and ruining the party.

And I know LOTS of people who have agreed to go to a wedding just BECAUSE it was open bar. Can you imagine?! One''s reasons for attending a wedding should be to congratulate the couple, not to scoop free liquor.

I''m not offended by the idea of drink tickets, especially if they were prettily done and discreetly placed at your seating.

I''m all for the idea that if you are offended at the idea of a cash bar for hard liquor, do away with it entirely and serve wine and beer.

 

[beandiva33]

So I''ve been reading the postings on this because I have had the same issues. Everyone was telling me that it is tacky to have a cash bar and that people would prefer to just not have alcohol at all, others are telling me it is my wedding and i can do what I want. So here is my final opinion. We are hosting beer, wine, and champagne. If my guests want hard alcohol they can buy it themselves. Why? Because in the end, it is my wedding and that is what I want to do. And if there are going to be people who think it is tacky, then they don''t need to come. In the end the people that are going to be at my wedding are those that love my fiancee and I and understand us and the reasons we do things. If people dont want to pay for hard alcohol, then they can stick to the beer, wine and champagne that are provided.
In the end, I seriously doubt there are going to be people that go home and are like, OH GEEZ, we went to the wedding and we had to pay for our OWN drinks!, but rather, I am pretty sure the comments will be it was beautiful and the bride and groom looked really happy.

 

[larussel03]

A decision for my wedding regarding this very issue has been reached: We're only doing open bar for cocktail hour, having wine on the tables with dinner (comes with the package) and then it's going to be cash bar. Unfortunately at our venue, only doing beer and wine open is not an option, it's all or nothing (which is how it was everywhere else I looked also, unless we want to do a tally bar, which I'm not really comfortable with).

I live in the Boston area, and while it seems as though open bars would be the norm, I have not yet heard of anyone going to a wedding where there was an open bar, but then again, most of the people I know getting married are my age, mid-20's. I simply don't have the extra 5,000 to spend (at 23.00 per person), but if I did, I honestly would love to do the open bar. Cocktail hour open bar can also most likely be written on the invitation in a non-crass sounding way like "open bar from 6:30-7:30 with hors d'oeuvres" or something like that so people know to bring cash without saying "cash bar" although writing cash bar on the invite isnt really a big deal to me either, better to be informed.

Having no bar is out of the question though, I know that most of my friends and family would rather pay for their booze than not have any, and at the wedding I just went to they only did beer and wine for cocktail hour and no one complained at all.

Honestly, what it comes down to is you do what you can and what you are comfortable with. If you try to accomodate everyone, you will go crazy and if anyone gets upset about anything little like that, they'll never say anything to YOU, so you wouldn't know anyways : ) Either way, if booze makes or breaks a wedding, then that says something about the attendees.

 

[bee*]

In Ireland, the usual deal is that for the reception you have an open bar for the meal and for all the guests that were invited to the reception and then at about 8 in the evening, you have the "afters" where all the people that you know fairly well but not well enough to come to the reception arive and from then on its a cash bar.

 

[JessaJS]

Hello,
I''ve been in 4 weddings and attended countless weddings in the past and only one wedding out of them all had an open bar. The wedding was the fanciest I had ever attended and the family was extremely well off financially.

Tacky or not, I''d say the cash bar (with beer and/or wine hosted) is more of the norm these days.
We will be having a destination wedding and a reception upon our return. We''ll have kegs of beer and wine and cash bar for the rest.
Now that I know the astronomical amounts of money that most venues and caterers charge for alcohol (and everything else) I wouldn''t dream of being ticked off if I had to pay for a couple of my own drinks. I''m there to celebrate - not comment on the "tackiness" of the couple for not buying me booze.
Touchy subject, yes, but just do what feels right for you and your situation.

 

[tanyak]

I can't remember if I answered this earlier, but we're having hosted beer and wine. That's typical around here with our circle of friends.

I agree you can't please everyone. This subject came up on another board I used to visit. One poster said she hated hosted limited bars of beer and wine. Why? Because she didn't drink beer and wine, and she didn't think it was fair she had to buy her liquor while others got drinks free. So her answer was to be totally open bar or completely alcohol-free to be fair to all the guests. Of course, cash bars were beyond tacky.

Because SHE didn't like beer or wine, the other 90% of the guests who would be happy with either of those choices should go without. It was one of the more ungrateful and bitchy things I think I've ever read on wedding boards (and there have been a lot!

).

Oh, and the other 10% or so who also didn't drink beer or wine would probably have the decency to shut up and drink tea or Coke or something.

 

[lilmaria]

I think I''ve only been to one cash bar. My family would die if I had a cash bar and lucky for me all of the venues i visited had full top shelf open bars included in their price. I fear for some people who will get too drunk, but it''s their life - they can do what they want with it. Personally, I don''t drink much...especially when I''m emotional! You don''t want to see me with a drink at the wedding cause I''d start crying and ruin my mascara...lol..anyway, do what you can. you know your family situation. Personally, I''d rather avoid the cattiness and go the traditional route. As my dad told me recently, "eh, what''s two or three thousand dollars when you spend this much (30K) for the wedding? add the viennese hour, they gonna like it." (broken english accent and all!) It''s his money, so what he says goes.

good luck!

 

[diamondlove]

this seems to be such a frequent debate amongst brides but I think it is a personal preference depending on your social circle and what people are used to from their area.

I attend numerous weddings a year and have never seen a cash bar. My family and friends would probably be a bit horrified if I did that. Secondly, I personally wouldn''t do it because I view a wedding similarly to having friends over to dinner or any other social event that I host. I don''t expect my guests to shell out any money and I want to HOST my friends so I provide food and drinks, etc.

Granted, alcohol is one of the priciest aspects of a wedding sometimes and I understand if people can''t budget a nice top shelf open bar for it (again, my friends would be disappointed so this is not negotiable for us) but some people do go with creative routes such as wine, beer and a signature cocktail drink, etc and I think that''s nice if budget is tight. Another option like some PSers have mentioned is to have a shorter open bar time so that you have an hour here or there and just not do a 4 hour block of open bar.




DL

 

[MINE!!]

Well.... after thinking about the tickets and thinking about the cost effectiveness of the tickets... and the fact that there were some there would collect other tickets and eventually get hammered anyway...

Went decided and went with~
Red or White wine at dinner... no second fills... One glass per person.. period. Then we offered the cash bar, Soda, domestic and international beers and wine.. no hard liquor. Some used the cash bar, others did not. It went well and everyone enjoyed themselves.

I am willing to bet that no one found it tacky... AT ALL.. matter a fact some where very happy that we provided wine and others did not give a crap.

Besides, people came to celebrate with us, we did not need to have the liquor flowing to have a beautiful reception.

 

[MissAva]

I am not a fan of them, but it does come up often. In Martha Stewart’s Wedding Planner it says that they are never all right, and several bridal magazines I have read say the same thing. But I have seen little tickets saying things like "This one is on us". Whatever works for the couple seems best to me, but I will most definitely not be having a cash bar.

 

[galeteia]

I would just like to pipe up and say I am in that 10% of people who don''t/can''t drink wine and beer (can''t handle the yeast) and I didn''t mind one bit. I was there to congratulate the couple and their families, and didn''t mind in the least that I didn''t get to booze it up.

I still think that weddings are not the place to hit the bottle hard. It''s kinda scary when that happens. Has anyone seen 28 Days, the Sandra Bullock movie? I think I might have those pre-wedding nightmares with that scene in it...

 

[plantationcatt]

All I have to say about this thread (after tediously reading it in entirety) is:

Gracious! When did alcohol become so monstrously important at a wedding?

Isn''t a wedding supposed to be about the bride and groom and their loved ones, alcohol or not? Goodness.

What''s the world coming to?

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I agree plantationcatt, very well said.