Okay brides...I have a question for you...

[Lilac]

I wouldn''t be offended at all. She might be inviting you out of obligation (not trying to offend, I''m only saying that because if you haven''t spoken much to her and aren''t close, she might just be sending the STD and invite because her mom told her she must do that). My only concern would be offending the SIL or BIL, but you shouldn''t have to go to something far away just to avoid the possibility of offending them. Hopefully they will understand.

You said nobody "bothers" to come to you and your DH for a visit, so I''m wondering if you would feel comfortable declining to come to the wedding but throwing something in like, "We would love to have you and your new husband over sometime for a visit!" I know you said you aren''t close with her though, so if you would not feel comfortable doing that then I think you should just send a nice card and a gift. I really don''t think she would be offended at all.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 10/9/2009 11:15:59 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
My SIL married my BIL a few years ago. I''m 26, and so is the bride. We don''t know her well at all, a few words exchanged hear and there...but we don''t have a ''relationship'' with each other.

I know that my husbands family has taken the ''children'' in (and they do call them ''the kids'')...and they do refer to them as my BIL''s children. My MIL considers herself a grandparent to them and so on. However, it''s awkward for me because we are the same age...there isn''t much that makes me an ''aunt'' other than the fact that my husbands brother married their mother.

I don''t know my SIL will be offended. They all attended our wedding in 2007.

with that, i would say i would not be offended. My (blood) aunt did not come to my sisters wedding, and i do not except her to come to mine as well.
were we offended? eh... grand scheme of things, no. My mom and her sister are not close at all.

 

[tlh]

They may have just been fishing for a gift.. or thought that you were obligitory invites. I don''t think they''ll be offended at all. I wouldn''t have been had I had a similar situation turn up. Sometimes life events just prevent people from coming, even when you send the save the date FAAR in advance.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think we''ve decided not to go...we''ll send a gift that would be the equivelent of what we would have spent on travel plus gift....so they''ll get something really nice, and we hope they''ll see that it wasn''t a "flake out" but more of a time issue.

We just don''t want to hurt anyone. That''s the big hang up here. The year I got married, 2007, two weeks before our wedding we did travel to NY for my DH''s cousins wedding. We did it because I was in the process of building a relationship with M...she and I had actually never met before her wedding, but we talked all the time--they were cutting their honeymoon short so they could come for our wedding. We exchanged gifts, card...we bounced ideas around and I did her hair and makeup on the day of. She and I have remained great friends, and I count her amoung my best. So, I don''t want that to "haunt us" now...like we traveled for M & D but not for K & J. Meanwhile, my relationship with K isn''t like that...nor is my DH with K like that. She and I are always friendly...but she kind of irks me (I find her terribly immature). DH doesn''t know her any more than I do. And we certainly don''t know J. As a matter of fact, on our wedding video, we have this scene of them dancing where he has the worst face on...like he''s pissed off or something. Anyway...the point is...we don''t want the two weddings compared, and we don''t want to hurt anyone''s feelings...it just is the way it is for us.

Anyway...I think we''ll be noncommital during the holidays...wait for the formal invite and then proceed as we see fit.