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Kosher Wedding? Dairy Free Cake?

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BluePea

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My BF is Jewish, and he recently told me that it is very important for his family to have a kosher wedding. What do you think is best - go without dairy or without meat? Has anybody had a dairy-free cake? I guess it would be easier to just have fish and a regular cake, but for some reason I am very hung up on the idea of having meat because we are looking at wineries for the wedding, and I think fish would not be as appropriate for the setting.
 

jenwill

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Kosher doesn''t mean you have to give up either...it just means that you have to find a kosher caterer, who will prepare the dishes kosher, and supply 2 sets of china (check with your local jewish societies to see if they have reccomendations for Kosher caterers). The onlly real problem is if the winery has a set list of caterers to use...although you can usually use a non-approved caterer for an extra fee. Just going non-dairy or non-meat will not ensure kosher.....since to be truly kosher the utensils have to be certified by an approved rabbi as kosher. If they have ever cooked or served meat using the same cookware/dishes they are serving dairy on...not kosher. Perhaps check with your fiance to see how stringent he wants to be......
 

AmberGretchen

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Hey - if its a winery you could do Italian/Mediterranean food and no meat - fancy pastas and other Mediterranean dishes - I think that would be really nice at a winery, with lots of nice cheese and olives and stuff for appetizers. As someone who has been a vegetarian since I was 5, you''d be surprised what you can do without meat. Actually, when my FI proposed (this past Saturday), he took me to one of the nicest restaurants in the area and they designed a whole menu that was meatless and it was fabulous! I would be happy to share it if you PM me, or check out some web pages of really nice vegetarian restaurants to get ideas. Here is one in SF, where I live:

http://www.greensrestaurant.com/bigswitch.php3?

There is also a really nice one called Millenium:

http://www.millenniumrestaurant.com/menus/entrees.html

Just to give a sense of what is possible without meat. I find that a lot of people think that they will miss meat in a meal much more than they really do - I am an avid cook and often have people over for dinner, and I have some meat-loving and very blunt friends who have never once complained about whats missing at the meal. I think a cake is tough without butter - it just never tastes the same. But if the meat is really important to you then maybe you can do some research on different options for a cake that is essentially vegan but still tastes good. Ultimately, its totally your choice - but I would consider the no-meat option seriously. Hope that helps!
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BluePea

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My BFs family does not observe kosher in their home cooking, but they feel that since a rabbi will be present at the wedding they have to do everything right. I am not jewish, and I only know what I have been learning from my BF in the past couple of years (he is not very religious), but it is definite that it has to be either meat or dairy. Luckily the winery that we are looking at does not have any restrictions on the caterer.

I agree that the Mediterranean theme would work very well, and giving up the meat makes most sense, even though the most delicious chocolate cupcakes I''ve ever had were vegan!
 

fountainfairfax

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In my line of work I often attend Kosher functions & when observing Kosher laws in many sects there must be a 6 hour difference in the time between consuming dairy and meat, so they would not be served at the same function. Many dairy-free cakes are wonderful, usually not too sweet, so I wouldn''t be too concerned. Just like with any other caterer you''ll want a complete tasting beforehand to make sure everything is to your liking.
 

ammayernyc

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The Kosher ''rules'' state that you dairy and then have meat immediately (not at the same sitting), but you have to wait four hours (maybe more) hours after eating meat before you can have dairy. So all would be okay if you could have dessert first!
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I just went to a Kosher wedding where there was no cake but a ''fake'' chocolate fountain with lots of fruit and yummy cake bits. I totally forgot that it was not real chocoalte it tasted so good. However, there are tons of non-dairy desserts that you can serve.

One question though, if he''s not religious and his parents are not religious, why does the wedding have to be Kosher. 99% of the Jewish weddings I go to are not Kosher and the Rabbi doesn''t care. If there are only a couple of people who are observant, most caterers will provide special Kosher or vegetarian meals especially for them.

FYI -- I''m Jewish and can answer any questions you might have...
 

jenwill

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I agree about a person not eating 4-6 hours to mix, but isn''t it still kosher to serve 2 dishes at the wedding, one dairy, one meat? The person eating is the one to choose which to go with...and I totally agree on the not necessarily needing to be kosher at the wedding if the families are not keeping kosher.
 

ammayernyc

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Yes and no. Technically, one person could eat dairy and the other meat. But then you would have to ensure the meat eaters don''t get dairy cake. And you would need a lot more utensils or plastic ones to makes sure you don''t mix them up. You wouldn''t be able to ensure that the wedding as a whole was being Kosher.
 

jenwill

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Thanks. The one Kosher wedding I went to had both meat and dairy. Meat food on one color plate, dairy on the other. Distinct silverware patterns as well, so maybe that helped to keep it straight. I do know they offered 2 cakes......one dairy, one not. But in reading this I had thought perhaps they had not done something correctly.....

whew! So many rules to keep straight. And I thought buffet vs. plate service was going to be a tough call!
 

fountainfairfax

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another thing to consider- Kosher wine! since you are having it at a winery, that is something you will have to take into account...if the wines produced at the vineyard are non-kosher then what would be served??? Oy gevalt! Such tsuris makes this shiksa meshugge! (can you tell who got a copy of "Yiddish with Dick and Jane" from my boss for the holidays
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BluePea

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Hehe, fountainfairfax, I don''t know what "tsuris" means, but I can imagine
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.

The point about the wine is a good one; doesn''t the wine making process have to be supervised/approved by a rabbi for the wine to be kosher? In any case, I don''t think the winery we are considering makes kosher wine...

My boyfriend said that we might not have a religious wedding after all. Because we don''t live where the wedding will take place, not to mention that I am not Jewish, it may be hard to find a rabbi to marry us. This makes me a little sad, because I believe in God, even though I don''t practise (I am Christian).

If we do end up having a kosher wedding, I think I would like to go with the dairy to keep things simple. And also the only thing that I have already made up my mind about for the wedding is the cake: I want chocolate and raspberry cake
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; you can probably all tell that I love desert!
 
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