help! need gift advice!

[smiles]

Hi Everyone!
I am hoping you girls will be able to help me out! I am going to a wedding Monday night and need to deal with the gift! here is the situation:
I am 22 and in grad school (a.k.a. young, still a student etc...) The Bride and Groom are a young couple (around my age). The Bride''s family is EXTREMELY close with my boyfriend''s family - they are basically family. I know the bride fairly well since I have been with my bf for a number of years and have only met the groom once (at the engagement party) though this is not that strange since she has been away in another country for school and they did not date too long before the engagement. Though I know the bride has lived on her own I think it has been in more of a dormitory style way so I doubt she has very much "stuff" that she would bring into the marital home with her.
I generally speaking do not like to give cash and would rather give a gift however I just found out that they will be staying here where we live for just a few months before moving overseas for an undetermined amount of time. I beleive at this point they do plan on coming back to Canada but nothing is certain. I don''t want to get them something for the home that will either end up in storage or be difficult for them to bring to the other country. I thought about a giftcard for a main store where they will be moving but I don''t know exactly where in the country they will be living making this difficult. So I am stuck with thinking I have to give cash but am not sure what an appropriate amount would be. I realize that noone can tell me how much money to give and it depends what I am comfortable with but would love to hear a) what you generally give/have received b)if you have any other ideas aside from cash.

(p.s in case it matter for anyone, there will be a buffet reception I think a sort of cocktail hour) that everyone (a.k.a. all 800 guests) are invited to and then a sit down dinner for immediate family only (which my bfs family is going to but which I will not be going to) so I am not sure that there is a "cover your plate" amount here... but maybe brides can enlighten me?)

THANK YOU!! (sorry for it being so long!)

 

[missy]

Hi there,
My dh and I usually give $300 for wedding gifts as most couples appreciate cash in our circles. Of course as you said it does depend on many things such as the area you live in and what is usually done amongst your friends. That is what we do.

For very close friends we give $500 and for very close family (ie my sister) we give $1000. That is very few and far between though and in general we give $300.

If you do not want to give cash/check why don't you give them a gift certificate to a store you know they love? That is always a useful and appreciated gift. Very thoughtful because it allows them to decide exactly what they need and it shows you were thinking of their preferences by choosing a store they enjoy.

Best,
Melissa

 

[havernell]

A few thoughts:

1. Do they have a gift registry where they''ve indicated gifts they would like to receive? If you''re not sure, perhaps ask your boyfriends mom, as it sounds like she''s close enough to the family to know. If they don''t have a registry, perhaps your boyfriends mom could ask the brides mother for gift ideas on your behalf.

2. What are your boyfriend''s parents giving the couple for a gift? Could you "go in" on a gift with them (and get them a larger gift than either of you would get individually)?

3. If all else fails, could you get them a gift certificate for a local restaurant or a spa or some other type of service that they could use before they leave the country? Or tickets to a concert, or a gift certificate to a bed and breakfast so they can have a romantic weekend getaway before they leave the country? Anything that is an "experience" rather than a material gift.

4. I know YOU don''t want your houseware gift to sit in storage until they come back from overseas, but the fact is THEY will need housewares (whether they need them now or in a few years when they settle for good). As long as they use housewares eventually, I''m sure they''d still appreciate getting them as gifts now (so they don''t have to buy everything all at once when they return home, as that could be a major cash outlay all at once). I guess what I''m saying is to look at it from their perspective, not yours. If you were moving overseas, would you want to come home to a storage bin of housewares that you could use right away, or would you want to start with no housewares and have to scramble around to buy everything in your first day or two back from living abroad? I''d certainly prefer the latter if it were me. Does that make sense?

5. If you do end up giving cash, just give what you can *comfortably afford*. The poster above me is clearly in a financial position to give very generous cash gifts. I (as a grad student) cannot afford to be that generous. Most wedding gifts my husband and I give are around $100 because that is what we can afford (and I certainly don''t thing $100 is anything to sneeze at in any situation!!)

Anyway, sorry for all of the random thoughts! Good luck deciding what to give!

 

[smiles]

Thanks Missy and Havernell for the responses!

Havernell his mom said that they do not have a registry and your third point about the storage makes perfect sense!!
I am still thinking cash may make the most sense.

You guys have definitely helped and got me thinking so thank you!

 

[smiles]

p.s. his mom did mention that they hadjust found out that they were likely moving overseas and were now also re-thinking their gift (a.k.a from multiple things to money) and indicated that she thought what they really needed now was money. I think in this case I would rather give my own gift for two reasons: 1. I was invited seperately (as in received my own invite not as bfs guest) and 2. The gift they give will likely be ginormously generous since they are like secondary parents to this girl. I am not sure I feel comfortable attaching my name to his family''s in this instance.

Again thank you!

 

[missy]

You are very welcome smiles!

I would just like to add that I absolutely agree with Havernell and you should only give what you are *totally* comfortable with giving in terms of amount. Not to worry about "covering" your plate. When I was a student I would not have been able to afford what we are able to give to friends and family now.


Enjoy the wedding and have a great time! I just love weddings. They are such happy occasions. I wish we had more of them to go to but now that we are older there are less weddings.

 

[Gypsy]

You are a student honey. Cover your plate is... well... I''m not a fan. Give what you comfortably can 50 dollars, 75... They will be thrilled no matter what is in the card. I promise.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

When I was a medical student, my friend asked for cash. I think I gave her $80. She considered that more than generous.

 

[laine]

When I was a student, my FI (then BF) and I usually gave $50. Now that I''m employed, we generally give $100.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 6/21/2010 9:08:31 AM
Author: laine
When I was a student, my FI (then BF) and I usually gave $50. Now that I''m employed, we generally give $100.

This is generally what we did/do as well. For closer friends we have spent $150-$200 on a gift.

 

[MissMina]

Give what YOU can comfortably afford
I generally give $50
$100 for close friends or family
In my circle that''s generous