Help! Is DH invited??

[robbie3982]

I got a wedding invitation in the mail today from a coworker (well, former coworker since my last day was yesterday). The outer envelope was addressed just to me and there was no inner envelope. Do you think this means that DH isn''t invited?

Former coworker (FC from here on out) has never met DH, but she knows he exists since we were both wedding planning around the same time. We each were only able to invite 2 or 3 people and their SOs from work to our wedding.

Another thing that has me confused is that the invitation kind of gives the impression that we''re only invited to the ceremony. There''s no mention of the reception. DH thinks we''re both invited and that the invitation extends to the reception because there was a response card included. He thinks we wouldn''t need a response card if she wasn''t taking a headcount for food.

Here''s the invitation wording:

Together with their families
FC
and
FC''s FI
invite you to share in the joy
and celebration of their marriage
on Saturday the twelfth of April
two thousand eight
at two thirty in the afternoon

Summit Assembly of God
Church address here

DH and I will have just moved out of town a week before the wedding. I''d like to come back for it (it''s only an hour and a half drive and we''ll still have the lease on our apartment), but I don''t want to come back if only I''m invited and/or the invitation''s only for the ceremony. In that case I''ll just send a gift or a check.

I know that it''s not proper etiquette to invite someone to just the ceremony, but FC listed her registries on her shower invitations (she also listed herself as someone to RSVP to), so I''m not sure that going against etiquette would be completely out of the question for her.

 

[Sabine]

Oh geez...to me, the way it is worded, it does seem like she is only inviting you, and only to the ceremony. But I don''t think there''s any way to tell for sure since she may have just not known that that is what her wording would imply. I would say, as awkward as it might be, you will have to ask her to find out for sure.

 

[Rhea]

Based on the wording, no, your DH isn''t invited as it should only be people listed on the invitation. But it''s so crazy to invite someone without their spouse that I imagine that she thought that you either assume that DH was invited...or she forgot your partner''s name and didn''t want to embarrass herself by asking you.

Why not just call her and ask? I had a couple of people clear up things on my invitations that they didn''t think were clear. Yes, some were stupid questions, but I was glad I was asked rather than someone just assuming. If you''re close enough to her to be invited to the wedding I imagine that she wouldn''t mind a phone call from you to clear up those two issues.

 

[ladyciel]

Yikes, either that is atrocious invitation wording/addressing, or she''s taking great liberties with guest etiquette. (newlywed friend WITHOUT the new hubby?? only the ceremony??) Is there any chance the reception is being held at the church? Maybe she assumed people would understand and thought a separate reception card was unnecessary because there was no new location information to add? I agree with everyone who has suggesting calling and asking her.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 3/15/2008 2:45:41 PM
Author: ladyciel
Yikes, either that is atrocious invitation wording/addressing, or she''s taking great liberties with guest etiquette. (newlywed friend WITHOUT the new hubby?? only the ceremony??) Is there any chance the reception is being held at the church? Maybe she assumed people would understand and thought a separate reception card was unnecessary because there was no new location information to add? I agree with everyone who has suggesting calling and asking her.

I was thinking the same thing, maybe everything is at the church. And it certainly sounds like he isn''t invited...the only thing I can think of is that maybe she didn''t want to embarass herself because she didn''t know his name? Possibly? I''d find a way to ask or skip the wedding.

 

[zoebartlett]

Even if the reception was at the church, wouldn''t you expect to see something like "Reception to follow" at the bottom of the invitation? Also, if you''re inviting people to the ceremony only, why would there be a response card in the envelope?

If the envelope was only addressed to you (and not Mr. and Mrs.), I''d assume that your husband isn''t invited. I don''t understand that, but maybe she was thinking "I know Robbie but I don''t know Robbie''s husband, and I''d only like to invite people I know." I have no idea obviously if your former coworker is thinking along that line but that was one other possibility I thought of. As others have stated, maybe she didn''t remember your husband''s name (was the inner envelope addressed to "Robbie?").

I agree with the others and call your former coworker to ask her to clarify. It''s kind of a sticky situation but then you''d know for sure.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure but you are married, so it would be odd if she did not invite you with your husband.

 

[Haven]

Oh boy, this is a difficult situation.

By the looks of it, I''d say that your DH is not invited, as unfortunate as that is. I''d also say that the reception is likely at the church immediately after the ceremony and they just neglected to mention that on the invite. I can''t imagine they''d want response cards for the ceremony.

As difficult as it may be, I think the best way to deal with this is to call your friend. I''d begin the phone call by saying something like "I was so excited to get your invitation in the mail, it''s just lovely. I hope you don''t mind but I want to clarify some things just to make sure I understand." If that offends her, well, then she should have been more clear in the first place.

 

[bee*]

It definitely sounds like it''s just you that''s invited. I would suggest as others have, that you just call her to clarify. What strange wording on the invites!

 

[Pandora II]

Difficult - especially as the invitations should be addressed to the wife in a married couple on the outer envelope, and the names of both people written on the top of the invitation.

However, it seems that she is not that up on etiquette, so it probably is just to you...

 

[robbie3982]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

FC and I really aren''t close friends. We used to chit chat at work, but have never done anything outside of work together.

Sabine and Addy, I don''t even know her phone number. It was listed on her shower invite, but I don''t have that anymore since it was a few weeks ago. I could call her at work I guess. The weird thing is that FC and I really aren''t that close! I was really surprised when I got my shower invitation. At that time we were still working together and I felt really special that she''d invite me. Then I found out that every other female in my department (she works in a different one) was invited as well.

Ladyciel, I think there''s a good chance that the reception is in the same place, but my ceremony and reception were in the same place and we included a line that said "reception to follow" so that people would realize.

Neatfreak, hmmm, maybe you''re right, maybe she just felt embarrassed that she didn''t know his name. I definitely wouldn''t have expected her to know it though. I''m thinking it might just be less uncomfortable for me if I just skip the wedding and send a gift. I hate awkward conversations!

Zoe, I''m confused about the same things! There was no inner envelope, so no additional clue as to what she meant there.

Diamondfan, I think it would be weird to invite me without DH too, but I''m just not sure if that''s what she was trying to do or not.

Haven and Bee, I hate making phone calls like that! Agh!

Pandora, that''s what I''m thinking too.

Maybe I''ll ask another former coworker what she thinks. She''s lived in this town her whole life. Maybe it''s just a local thing?

 

[LegacyGirl]

Good idea to call her. That should clear things up

I would hate to think she expects you to come without your husband.