Former brides: any funny/surprising post-wedding thoughts?

[musey]

I'm not sure the best place to put this, since BWW is mostly populated by brides-to-be, but I guess it's still the most appropriate forum.

So, I'm just wondering--for those who have been married (recently or not-so-recently) did you have any funny or surprising thoughts/revelations about your wedding and/or the planning process?

I'm finding myself laughing at how stressed over certain details I was. It's been less than two months since our wedding, and I'm already thinking back on the planning 'stress' and thinking how silly a lot of it was. Worrying over inviting (or not) certain people, caring about the specific color of the leaves scattered on our aisle, deciding whether or not to see the groom before the ceremony... in retrospect, now that it's all over, I can't even believe I thought such things were important! I really over-estimated the importance of... well, just about everything.

I was a relatively low-stress bride (I had my specific things that I was concerned with, which all came together perfectly), so it's funny to me to look back and realize that I was in fact over-worrying about some stuff.


Anyway, I thought it was funny today, reading through some BWW threads and thinking "You won't care about any of that after the wedding is over!" But I did it, too. We're silly, us women-folk

 

[doodle]

we were pretty mellow about everything the whole way through, so i don''t have anything that we fussed over that i look back on and go, "that''s so silly!". we DID stress a little over figuring out what to buy for the bar since we were bringing it in ourselves, but the booze was important to us, and our stressing paid off because we ordered pretty much the perfect amount of everything.

funny thing, though--when we ordered our wedding cake, we asked for a square cake with the layers askew, white fondant with white piping in a different pattern on each layer and blue ribbon detailing around the bottom of each layer (kind of like the pic below but with blue ribbon). WEEKS after our wedding, we''re looking through our pro proofs and realize that our cake is round, buttercream icing with no design whatsoever, no ribbon, no nothing, just flowers scattered on it courtesy of our florist. we never even noticed at the wedding, and we still don''t care now because it was YUMMY and still looked good. did i mention it was yummy?

 

[mrsv]

They misspelled my husbands name on the groom cake.....a number of things were not done the way I had thought they would be but at the end of the day we are married so what else matters?

 

[Elmorton]

The first voicemail I listened to when we got off the plane was a rental vendor telling me she was going to charge us $600 for speakers that hadn''t been returned - and that children were upset with us because they didn''t have speakers for their softball game. I thought I was going to burst into tears. We called and said that their guy picked them up with the chairs, and she said "Oops, we just did our inventory wrong."

I also stopped by the florist at some point to get a refund for the toss bouquet that never showed up. The florist''s assistant helped us out and apologized profusely. I mentioned that I didn''t care too much about the toss bouquet because we just used my MIL''s mini-bouquet (which had been my backup plan, for some reason I had a feeling that stupid bouquet wasn''t going to show up at the reception), but I was pretty ticked when I said "NO BIG BOWS!" about a million times during the consultation, and my bouquet and my BM''s bouquets were just giant bows. She responded "Yeah, the guy you worked with is really flaky and gives us practically uncomprehendable notes." Awesome.

We had a second wedding (church blessing) two weeks after the first, and right before the ceremony, my priest came to find my MoH and me as we were-tying my flowers in the church kitchen (somehow, I got the bows again - different florist). He watched for a second and then said "You know, most brides really freak out about something like this - those bows are really awful" I smiled and said "Eh, it''s no biggie..."

My parents, who acted REALLY strangely about the bar situation prior to the wedding (were terrified that they were going to be paying for one very expensive drunken/disorderly keg party) fell in love with DH''s crazy drunk roommates from college and thought that everything our inebriated friends did was hilarious. When I got back from the honeymoon, my parents wanted to know when they could party with DH''s friends again.

My SIL and my maid of honor LOVED each other (I was sure that their personalities would be 100% conflicting).

My most responsible friend got his ID taken by a bouncer during the post-wedding bar crawl, because he was trying to pass back to my godmother''s 35 year old son. I think the funniest parts of the wedding were hearing what all happened after DH and I retired to our suite. The party definitely went on, and we were getting stories for about a month after.

We were kinda shocked how the older folks responded to the music at the reception - DH''s aunt and uncle slow danced to 2-Paq and my mom danced with me to NKOTB.

We were supposed to have appetizers ready for the bridal party in a back hallway before the reception, but they showed up late (so DH and my plan to actually get to eat the apps was totally foiled, though members of the BP told me that they ran back there to get extra snacks after the meal was cleared and while they were waiting to be served). The next morning when we were tearing down, one of my BMs found the take-home boxes that the caterers had made for us of the apps (DH and I took the homemade chips and salsa but left the cheese and fruit). She kept on insisting that we take the cheese, and we all said "No, you can die from that or something." So my friend took it home herself. The next day, she called me just to say that the cheese was delicious. Bleccchhhh.

It was also kinda funny to see what people left when we tore the reception room down. I found a pair of bridesmaid shoes (I also gave them flip flops, so that''s understandable) and we laughed sooo hard when under one table, we found out that some friends brought a ton of smirnoff. We paid for beer, wine, and fountain drinks, and knowing that, my friends just brought their own booze.

OH! When we got to the reception site (a big theater), I couldn''t find the back door that would lead us upstairs to our reception room so we could make our "grand entrance" - so here I am, in my dress and veil leading my new husband and bridal party through the back of a theater (past these adorable little girls getting ready for a dance recital - they looked at us like we were from outer space) to the stairs. All of a sudden though, I realized I''d reached a dead end. At that point, a male dancer wearing green tights, no shirt, and full makeup comes out of his dressing room (I don''t know who was more surprised - us to see a grown up real dancer or him to see a wedding party) to ask if we need help. He led us to our room - if he hadn''t helped us, I think we''d still be in the gills of that theater.

 

[bootsiekin]

I was really obsessed with the guest book for some reason...my mom wanted me to get one at Hallmark and I was offended that she would want me to have such an ugly plain guest book...I made DH look at like 5 guest books I found online and of course he didn''t care about it. not that anyone even saw the cover and only like 4 pages got used anyway. I even got so mad when she was obviously laughing at me over it.

I''d like to think I was pretty relaxed through most of it, not freaking when all of my BMs were 45 min late to the rehearsal and some people missing the ceremony because they were from out of town and got lost. The only thing I really regret is not hiring a videographer. DH''s brother had originally agreed to make us a video (he is really into that stuff) and we reiterated that we weren''t going to hire someone if he was going to do it, and he said he understood. Naturally he didn''t bother to tape our first dance or our cake cutting or the best man toast and the video he compiled is like 8 minutes long and is too "artsy" to really use as a wedding video..he didn''t even keep the actual music that was playing during the reception when he taped people dancing.

 

[October2008bride]

Like Musey, I considered myself to be a pretty low stress bride. That may have been because I was off all summer so I had a tonne of time to plan and research and make decisions.

That said, I guess there were a few things that I can add to this list!

1. I bought the most amazing dress, but I stressed about the lack of support for my ''girls''. I spend countless hours and dollars find and buying a bustier that was cut and sewn and made juuuuuust perfect to fit in the dress. Yeah...so I threw my back out at the wedding and the FIRST thing I did when I arrived at the reception was rip that bustier off. I was ''free-boobin'' it the rest of the night!!

2. I also spent too many hours deciding on the cake design, only for the cake that showed up to be the one we decided AGAINST. It was still pretty, and I barely noticed it (or ate it for that matter!).

3. I also spent ONE YEAR planning a wedding so that everyone would have a GREAT time and feel like it was an intimate evening amongst friends, but didn''t take care of myself during that time and I spent most of the reception in the bridal suite with my husband or MOH while they rubbed my back. Yeah. Not fun. I''m still glad I put on a good night for everyone else, but it is funny how I never worried about whether or not I''d be able to enjoy it!

Other than that - I''m glad I didn''t stress out about many of the other things.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/21/2008 6:54:15 PM
Author:musey
I''m already thinking back on the planning ''stress'' and thinking how silly a lot of it was. Worrying over inviting (or not) certain people, caring about the specific color of the leaves scattered on our aisle, deciding whether or not to see the groom before the ceremony... in retrospect, now that it''s all over, I can''t even believe I thought such things were important! I really over-estimated the importance of... well, just about everything. Anyway, I thought it was funny today, reading through some BWW threads and thinking ''You won''t care about any of that after the wedding is over!'' But I did it, too. We''re silly, us women-folk

LOL!! You''ve joined the club!!! And you''re right, you were pretty low key ... but I do recall the "inviting people" biz being sticky.

Perspective is a wonderful thing. But its impossible to KNOW before you know, ya now? Slightly maddening, if you''re a BWW who sticks around ... watching the molehill mountain making consume otherwise level headed gals.

As for my own examples ... I semi-agonized over perfect shoes & ended up spending 90% of the night in Payless flats I''d picked up at the very last minute. Comfort won! I also had a mini-meltdown that my Mac & Cheese wouldn''t be homemadeie enough ... and it was delicious and no one cared, how bad can mac & cheese really be? I think I was a bit worried about being the center of attention -- ha! Its a party. People talk to each other. Its not a four-hour-long speech with all eyes on you! Piece of cake!

 

[Nocturnius]

I was FURIOUS that my husband was late the day of. I couldn't believe it. My blood was boiling. I was going to strangle him and ANYONE ELSE THAT GOT IN MY WAY.

...but looking back, it really wasn't that bad. And the number 7:21 means so much to me now.
The story on that: we had an awesome reverend. I was nervous about him, too, because I booked him literally five days before the wedding and told him "just do your thing." He sent me an outline of the ceremony, but the outline just gave a loose idea if what he was going to say. Like, he wrote, "(man and children playing in the yard)", which was a story he was going to tell. (That one was omitted for personal reasons.) But I really had no idea what to expect... and found out at the wedding he'd kept the best parts a secret!
He had coordinated with the best man before the ceremony (and no one else had ANY idea!) so that when he said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife at exactly...." the best man took out his cell phone, checked the time and announced "7:21pm!" Both my husband and I almost laughed; we were NOT expecting that at all! (He followed this up explaining that he wanted us to know the exact time so that "on this day next year, at 7:21pm, no matter where you are in the world, I want you to be together.")

I was really, really disappointed when two of the groomsmen were no-call no-shows. No joke! They didn't show at all. I was even MORE upset when the tuxedo shop tried to tell me I owed them the $200 balance between the two tuxes that weren't picked up. (I told them they got the deposit, so they could kiss my ...) But now, months after the wedding, I just don't care that they didn't show. I told my husband, "it just shows you who your real friends are."

Other than that, I wasn't a stressed bride, so I really didn't get upset about much, and what I did get upset about was justified (like my in-laws showing up with alcohol; our venue had a strict no-booze-on-premises policy, and had the coordinator seen the booze or found the bottles in the trash or anywhere else, I would have been fined $10,000. Luckily for the in-laws, my mother got to them before I did and told them to take it back to their car because it wasn't permitted on the grounds.)

 

[Sabine]

My silliest thought is that I would love to get to do it all over again in a million different ways. There are way too many fun ideas to do out there! I was happy with my choices and the way my wedding came together, but I would really love to try something totally different too!

 

[zoebartlett]

I was SO nervous while planning our wedding, because I don''t like being the center of attention at all. I cringed at the thought of that, and I was scared of walking down the aisle. Our wedding was much more formal than we had wanted (we wanted a simple brunch reception w/o dancing, and I had no desire to wear a wedding dress, but we ended up with a sit down dinner -- well, lunch -- and we had dancing AND I wore a wedding dress). I remember grinning ear to ear the whole day, and I wasn''t nervous at all. I spent so much time worrying ahead of time for nothing. That''s just how I handle things I guess. I never really worried about the details of the wedding though. If I could have a second wedding, I''d do a brunch reception for sure.

 

[HollyS]

The inn where we married has a sign board out front to direct wedding guests to the site . . . . they had me marrying someone named John. No, DH's name isn't John!

I startled the inn staff when I showed up just about an hour before the wedding, bringing more decorative items for them to use, and I was alone, and totally sans makeup. I worried the photographer, and the bridal salon owner who brought my dress to the venue for me, because it was an hour before my wedding and I was just getting there. I guess they weren't used to brides being so unstressed and casual on their big day!

I underestimated how much I would miss my older sister, who wasn't able to be there, especially in light of my mom being deceased.

It was a really windy day, (we were so glad we opted for the chapel instead of the outdoors), and they could not keep the chapel doors from banging shut two or three times before I entered to walk down the aisle.

But, funniest of all, and everybody roared with laughter, our priest pronounced us Mr. and Mrs. HollyS!!!!!!!!!!! We have photos of him clapping his hand over his mouth, as we turn around to look at him in surprise. DH announced "We're not walking down the aisle until he gets it right!" More hilarity. We are laughing in the picture of us coming out of the chapel.

 

[Haven]

I was a really low-stress bride to, but here''s what I would do differently:

- I let my FIL get to my far more than was necessary. He was being really mean during a lot of the planning process, but I wish I would have just let it all go.

- I probably would have chosen the cake myself instead of making my poor hubby do it while I was in Greece for two weeks a month before the wedding. It was really ugly, but it tasted great, so I''m not sure I totally regret it.

- Hmm, speaking of Greece--I loved the trip, but perhaps I wouldn''t have chaperoned an international trip with 40 high school students a month before the wedding. That added a bit of unnecessary last-minute stress. That, and moving in to our new house four days before I left for Greece, which was one month before the wedding, that didn''t help, either. I suppose our timing was a bit off.

- I would definitely have just chosen a dress and a color for my bridesmaids and said "This is it. If you don''t want to wear it, too bad!" That drama was a bit too much for me.

- I was snippy with my MOH (sister) after our reception because she was a bit drunk when she cleared out the room we used to get ready, and somehow a bag of my clothes and a pair of flip-flops disappeared. I never found any of it, but it doesn''t really matter. I feel badly that I was nasty to her. I apologized, of course.

- I did have one mini freak out. One of hubby''s groomsmen didn''t want to wear the rental shirt for his morning suit, and hubby found out because the company called him to tell him he rejected it. I was really upset about that, because he wasn''t going to "match". I wouldn''t have noticed it the day of, anyway, so I shouldn''t have made a big deal about it.

- This isn''t really amusing, but I wish I would have worn some of my husband''s mom''s jewelry on our wedding day. She passed away about six months before I met my husband, and it would have been nice to do that, but I forgot about doing it.

 

[MoonWater]

I'm with you musey, the planning stress was absurd and my wedding was tiny. Once it got started everything fell immediately into place. It was the most beautiful and most fun day ever. At dinner and after a couple glasses of wine, I was like...why the hell did I put myself through that? But then, I'm obsessive compulsive anyway, I suppose I could have never helped it! But really, I think as long as people surround themselves with the people the love on their big day, everything will be fine. No need to stress.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I feel a tiny bit opposite of many--I sometimes feel like I didn''t take the reception seriously enough. The ceremony was my focus and I loved it, but I just did not care about the reception. I wanted it to be very low-key, very casual. I didn''t want anything too "bride" ish. D kept pushing for it to be more formal and in the end, I''m really glad he did. I''m also glad I let my mom talk me into getting a formal wedding dress. Oh, and the cake. I hated the idea of having a white cake, then literally days beforehand I decided that maybe it should be white and ended up only making one tier white, haha. I think the cake is probably a good indication of how torn I felt between being a bride and being a low-key girl who was just getting married and didn''t want it to be a big fuss.

 

[ksinger]

The only real stress for me was the getting my mom there. I didn''t know the exact minute of course, but we all knew my mom was very close to death, which is why I pushed so hard to get the wedding DONE as soon as DH''s school was over. I think he wanted a bit more time, until July, but I said nope. We have to do it now. And it''s good we did, because my mom passed 3 weeks later....I''m glad she got to see us marry, and I''m glad she came around to my choice, which I''m sure just proved to her yet again how weird life is. Like me, she had known him for 28 years, and never thought he''d ever change, and here''s her daughter assuring her that he had. On the way to where we got married she said, "He''s nice...". High praise from her, after all our history.

On a less serious note, the day of was a true GALE, with gusts to 50+. And I had a lovely blue frock with a silk CHIFFON overlay. Yeah. I had NO intention of wearing that in that wind, whilst attempting to get my mom and her wheelchair wrestled into the car, so off we go to get her - him in his wedding duds and me in my truly grubbies. We walk into her independent living place to a lobby full of people who pretty much knew what was going on, but I''m sure some of them thought, Wow, SHE''S certainly marrying UP. LOL!

Anyway, we got to the boatclub and I run to get dressed, but it''s still blowing old boots. We had to shut all the doors, and this is JUNE. It''s a TAD warm. Anyway, long story short, on the seawall outside, were weasels running and frolicking. So we tell all, that WE had WEASELS at OUR wedding. They look at us like we''re cracked, which we are. But we figure with the blessings of the Weasel Gods upon us, we cannot fail.

Oh, and we wrote our own vows. Short and sweet. We were truly already married before any formal vow was taken, so while we were utterly serious, some parts of our vows reflected the lightness we feel at this point in the game, having burned all the dross off years ago, thank god. One of those vows was to "tease each other unmercifully when necessary". It is a credo we live by....

Having both been married before, I don''t think either of us realized that marriage could be so FUN!!