For those eloping with a reception following...

[fieryred33143]

Just wondering what is the justification for it so that I can understand the difference?

I get eloping because you don''t want to deal with the drama of a big wedding or the costs or you rather get married alone and don''t need a big reception. But, the biggest cost of a wedding is not the ceremony its the receoption. So those eloping with a reception following aren''t really saving money.

So wanted your comments on why you would choose to do it that way (mostly because we still don''t know what we want to do and are looking at different ideas).

TIA!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''m not doing it that way, but I can think of a few reasons people would choose to do it and even save some money.

1. They want a destination wedding on a beach somewhere, but still want to celebrate with everyone - best of both worlds.

2. They want a very private ceremony with immediate family only.

3. They can get married in the office instead of spending 1000+ dollars on the church and ceremony decorations and music.

4. If they are throwing the reception only, then they can actually be there to coordinate the event (save money on having a day-of coordinator). I know for me, I don''t need a planner to help choose vendors and all that, but I am going to have to hire someone to be at the reception site to let the caterer and DJ in and make sure everything is set up. If I weren''t getting married that day, I would be able to set up the place myself, let the vendors in, and be there when the guests arrived.

5. If you''re not in a big white poofy dress, coming from a church ceremony where everyone is dressed up, you can probably feel a lot better about having less expensive food, using a keg of beer and a cooler of drinks instead of a bartender, going without fancy flower arrangements, and a lot of other things that make the reception expensive. It''s easier to have an informal party if it''s not on the same say as the ceremony.

 

[neatfreak]

We ended up getting away with not having a reception at home yet (We haven't made it out to So Cal since we've been married), but the reason we were going to have a home reception and probably will still have to? Because my MIL was really upset that we weren't having a big wedding where she could invite all her friends that have invited her to their kids' weddings.

So it wasn't a cost issue for us, it was a compromise. We get the small intimate wedding we wanted and my MIL gets to have the celebration with her friends that she wants.

 

[fieryred33143]

I responded and it gave me an error

I see the reasons why. We are considering this as well only not with a reception following. It would be more of a dinner and cake.

 

[Structenggirl]

We are having a destination wedding in Hawaii. So maybe this doesn''t qualify as an "elopement," but it''s only going to be about 15 people. Not everyone that we would want to be there is able to make it to Hawaii, so we opted for just family. We are going to have a "reception" when we get home that we''re inviting everyone to...We still want to be able to celebrate with those that couldn''t make it to Hawaii....and we''re going fairly low key with the party - we''re just catering lunch in a park.

 

[gtn]

my friend eloped, but the moms wanted a big reception to invite their friends and family so they had a reception afterward.

 

[katamari]

Date: 10/31/2008 9:47:51 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I'm not doing it that way, but I can think of a few reasons people would choose to do it and even save some money.


1. They want a destination wedding on a beach somewhere, but still want to celebrate with everyone - best of both worlds.


2. They want a very private ceremony with immediate family only.


3. They can get married in the office instead of spending 1000+ dollars on the church and ceremony decorations and music.


4. If they are throwing the reception only, then they can actually be there to coordinate the event (save money on having a day-of coordinator). I know for me, I don't need a planner to help choose vendors and all that, but I am going to have to hire someone to be at the reception site to let the caterer and DJ in and make sure everything is set up. If I weren't getting married that day, I would be able to set up the place myself, let the vendors in, and be there when the guests arrived.


5. If you're not in a big white poofy dress, coming from a church ceremony where everyone is dressed up, you can probably feel a lot better about having less expensive food, using a keg of beer and a cooler of drinks instead of a bartender, going without fancy flower arrangements, and a lot of other things that make the reception expensive. It's easier to have an informal party if it's not on the same say as the ceremony.

These are certainly all reasons we are choosing to do it this way. Our main reasons are:

1. We really want to do two different things with the wedding and the reception. We want the wedding to be about us. We feel no need or desire to declare our feelings/vows to our friends and family. These are promises we are making to each other, so we want to do this alone. It would really rather it be just the two of us, but after seeing how much this honestly disappointed our parents, we conceded that they would be invited to our ceremony but no one else.

The reception, on the other hand, we see as a chance for us to announce our commitment to our family and friends and to celebrate it with them. We don't want to make it about just the two of us (by having things like dances, toasts, etc. that focus on us). We have heard too many stories about couples not eating, seeing key guests and the like, so we want to *try* to do something much more relaxed and non-scripted to try to avoid those things.

2. Having a wedding and reception not immediately following one another opened up a lot of opportunities for us to personalize the events. Since they aren't happening back to back, we can be much more involved with the set up and have to rely less on vendors who have no personal connection to us or our guests. (Much like GuiltyPleasure suggests in point 4).

3. There are several things about mine and FI's situation that make the "traditional" wedding (using quotes, because I know there is no way to actually define this beyond stereotypes) unappealing to us. For instance, neither or us belong to a church, and our personal belief is that you should be if you are going to marry in it; my father passed away when I was young and my mom never remarried, so even though I could change the walking down the aisle/father dance traditions, I don't want to and it is easier to just skip them; and so on.


Also, just as something to consider, we are still in the 'looking into things' stage of planning--not making any real decisions. However, we think it is very possible to have an elaborate party for way cheaper than a wedding reception. For instance, in talking to vendors, most charge less for the same services if it is a party versus a wedding reception. Plus, you have a lot more opportunity to DIY (again, as GuiltyPleasure said). But, it is an issue of preferences and paying for conveniences. If you want the exact same reception either way, it won't be cheaper. But, if it would change what you want, you could feasibly do it cheaper.

ETA: Sorry for the super-long post. I guess I had a lot to say.

Hopefully it was helpful.