alli_esq
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2008
- Messages
- 909
Hi, everyone! I am sorry that I have not commented in such a long time, but I assure you I have popped in and out checking up on everyone''s weddings and it seems like there have been some exceptionally beautiful PS weddings lately!!!!
I am writing because I would like some advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly quite lost and I don''t want to ruffle any more feathers than I already may have. Sorry in advance for the novel, but I want to be clear about what is happening.
I consider myself to be a pretty low-maintenance person--I don''t require a lot of fuss, I don''t expect much from others...I try to be thoughtful of others and to be friendly in general. As a bride, I was hoping to be the same way, and certainly not to be seen as someone who expects everyone else to bend to my every whim. To be clear: I would be fine paying for my own hair and makeup for my wedding (OF COURSE), and because I can''t afford to pay for everyone else''s hair and makeup in my bridal party, it is entirely up to them if they do want to get it done.
So. Here''s the thing. My FI is a great guy, and of course I love him to pieces...he loves his family and all...but he is, for some reason, SO defensive when it comes to them, it''s bizarre. I don''t attack them (in fact, aside from his father--which is another story--I really love his entire family a lot), I don''t complain about them, I get along with everyone (in fact, I knew his sister long before I even knew FI)...so I don''t know why he gets so defensive...but, that''s how he is so I''ve learned to live with it.
The situation is thus:
1) FSIL is a hairdresser. She does everyone''s hair in the whole family for free (including her husband''s family). I have NEVER asked her to do mine for free--I go to her salon and pay to have my hair cut by her when I need a trim, and she gives me hair advice.
2) A long time ago (close to a year ago), she told me that I absolutely needed to get this keratin treatment done to my hair because it''s so frizzy. However, the treatment cost over $300 at her salon, and there was no way I could afford that, so I told her that it was okay--I didn''t need it. Well, without even really asking me, she bought the material for me to do it at her house and insisted that since she bought it, I had to come over and have her do it. So, of course, I paid for all the material (it was about $90 instead of $300) and was extremely grateful that she did it, and it was very nice for my friend''s wedding in August.
3) She also insisted that she do my hair at her house for my friend''s wedding in August (I was in the wedding). I told her that it was fine, that I would either do it myself or have someone else do it (I was out of work at the time), but she was absolutely insistent that she would do it and that it would be like a practice session for my own wedding (which is in November). My hair turned out great and I was, again, very appreciative.
4) FSIL has been in several weddings over the course of the last 5 years (at least 4-5 weddings), and for each of them, she has told me that she has done everyone''s hair for the weddings for free--including her own, her mother''s, her aunt''s, her grandmothers, the brides, and the entire wedding parties. FI therefore has told me to expect that she would do the same for our wedding, though I did not plan on that because she never formally offered and that is so much work!
5) She has talked about doing my hair for the wedding, though she never formally offered. About 2-3 months ago or so, FI spent a time with her, and he told me that she DID formally offer to do everyone''s hair (me and the entire bridal party; 4 girls besides herself) for the wedding, but she never told ME that...however, when I asked FI why she didn''t tell me, he got INCREDIBLY defensive and said it was ridiculous for me to worry about whether or not she would do it for her BROTHER''S wedding when she did it for EVERYONE ELSE''S wedding. Um, okay, dude. Chill out.
6) Now, FMIL and my mom have become good friends, and my mom mentioned something to FMIL about FSIL doing everyone''s hair and how nice it was for her to offer, and FMIL freaked out and said it would be IMPOSSIBLE for FSIL to do everyone''s hair, so FMIL asked FSIL if she was really planning on doing everyone''s hair, and FSIL said absolutely not. So apparently I got misinformation from FI, who now says he didn''t remember what she said to him (but claims that she told him whatever it was that he told me months ago)...?
7) So now I seem like a jerk, and to be honest, although I loved the way she did my hair for my friend''s wedding, I would rather pay to get it done by someone else so that I don''t have to deal with any more drama--and so that I can have another practice run to go to my dress fitting (which I obviously can''t ask FSIL to do since she already did a practice and isn''t getting paid...and won''t accept $$ from me). BUT, I know that she will be offended if I don''t have her do my hair (and probably so will the rest of the family).
UGH I feel SOO awful about this, especially since, after FI told me FSIL offered to do everyone''s hair, I told everyone that she offered, and now I have to tell everyone that no, she isn''t, and if they want it professionally done, they have to pay for it.
Please tell me what you would do at this point
I am so upset about all this. I HATE that I seem so presumptuous now!
I am writing because I would like some advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly quite lost and I don''t want to ruffle any more feathers than I already may have. Sorry in advance for the novel, but I want to be clear about what is happening.
I consider myself to be a pretty low-maintenance person--I don''t require a lot of fuss, I don''t expect much from others...I try to be thoughtful of others and to be friendly in general. As a bride, I was hoping to be the same way, and certainly not to be seen as someone who expects everyone else to bend to my every whim. To be clear: I would be fine paying for my own hair and makeup for my wedding (OF COURSE), and because I can''t afford to pay for everyone else''s hair and makeup in my bridal party, it is entirely up to them if they do want to get it done.
So. Here''s the thing. My FI is a great guy, and of course I love him to pieces...he loves his family and all...but he is, for some reason, SO defensive when it comes to them, it''s bizarre. I don''t attack them (in fact, aside from his father--which is another story--I really love his entire family a lot), I don''t complain about them, I get along with everyone (in fact, I knew his sister long before I even knew FI)...so I don''t know why he gets so defensive...but, that''s how he is so I''ve learned to live with it.
The situation is thus:
1) FSIL is a hairdresser. She does everyone''s hair in the whole family for free (including her husband''s family). I have NEVER asked her to do mine for free--I go to her salon and pay to have my hair cut by her when I need a trim, and she gives me hair advice.
2) A long time ago (close to a year ago), she told me that I absolutely needed to get this keratin treatment done to my hair because it''s so frizzy. However, the treatment cost over $300 at her salon, and there was no way I could afford that, so I told her that it was okay--I didn''t need it. Well, without even really asking me, she bought the material for me to do it at her house and insisted that since she bought it, I had to come over and have her do it. So, of course, I paid for all the material (it was about $90 instead of $300) and was extremely grateful that she did it, and it was very nice for my friend''s wedding in August.
3) She also insisted that she do my hair at her house for my friend''s wedding in August (I was in the wedding). I told her that it was fine, that I would either do it myself or have someone else do it (I was out of work at the time), but she was absolutely insistent that she would do it and that it would be like a practice session for my own wedding (which is in November). My hair turned out great and I was, again, very appreciative.
4) FSIL has been in several weddings over the course of the last 5 years (at least 4-5 weddings), and for each of them, she has told me that she has done everyone''s hair for the weddings for free--including her own, her mother''s, her aunt''s, her grandmothers, the brides, and the entire wedding parties. FI therefore has told me to expect that she would do the same for our wedding, though I did not plan on that because she never formally offered and that is so much work!
5) She has talked about doing my hair for the wedding, though she never formally offered. About 2-3 months ago or so, FI spent a time with her, and he told me that she DID formally offer to do everyone''s hair (me and the entire bridal party; 4 girls besides herself) for the wedding, but she never told ME that...however, when I asked FI why she didn''t tell me, he got INCREDIBLY defensive and said it was ridiculous for me to worry about whether or not she would do it for her BROTHER''S wedding when she did it for EVERYONE ELSE''S wedding. Um, okay, dude. Chill out.
6) Now, FMIL and my mom have become good friends, and my mom mentioned something to FMIL about FSIL doing everyone''s hair and how nice it was for her to offer, and FMIL freaked out and said it would be IMPOSSIBLE for FSIL to do everyone''s hair, so FMIL asked FSIL if she was really planning on doing everyone''s hair, and FSIL said absolutely not. So apparently I got misinformation from FI, who now says he didn''t remember what she said to him (but claims that she told him whatever it was that he told me months ago)...?
7) So now I seem like a jerk, and to be honest, although I loved the way she did my hair for my friend''s wedding, I would rather pay to get it done by someone else so that I don''t have to deal with any more drama--and so that I can have another practice run to go to my dress fitting (which I obviously can''t ask FSIL to do since she already did a practice and isn''t getting paid...and won''t accept $$ from me). BUT, I know that she will be offended if I don''t have her do my hair (and probably so will the rest of the family).
UGH I feel SOO awful about this, especially since, after FI told me FSIL offered to do everyone''s hair, I told everyone that she offered, and now I have to tell everyone that no, she isn''t, and if they want it professionally done, they have to pay for it.
Please tell me what you would do at this point
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