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Feeling down about the wedding..

Dannielle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 8, 2008
Messages
1,308
*vent/rant*

We are 6 months out from the wedding and I just don''t want to do it anymore. Don''t get me wrong, I can''t wait to marry FI.. but I am just so over the wedding itself.

I am so sick of planning, and organising, and saving.. we are seriously saving every penny we earn for this wedding and I am feeling so stressed and frustrated it is driving me mad! Our garage was broken into on Sunday, our car windown was smashed and a GPS and a pair of expensive sunglasses were taken aswell as all our CD''s.. the window cost $250 to repair so that had to come out of our savings and we both seriously cried because we have worked so hard and we don''t need anymore set backs..

I don''t know if I am feeling this way because we have been engaged for so long and we have been planning for almost 2 years but I am just at breaking point. I still have a florist to organise and invites and I am getting worried because I just can''t motivate myself to do it
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Is anyone else feeling this way? How do you keep motivated?
 

ilovesparkles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 13, 2006
Messages
2,389
This is where I have been for the past 2 months. Parts have been enjoyable, and other pieces have just been so draining! I am less than 3 weeks out and the director at the synagogue still hasn''t gotten back to me about food. Now, part of this is my own fault, I should have been more on top of things a while back, but seriously dude, 3 weeks away! FI has been at the breaking point for quite some time now. Every weekend he has asked if we could spend an evening where the wedding as a topic/activity is banned. I look at him as if he is a lunatic, NO there are only 3 weeks left to finish all of this!

I think it is normal to go through what you are, especially if there are circumstances outside of your control that are seriously about to burn your last nerve! Like my MIL. I am sorry you are feeling so down. I don''t know that I have any advice to give you, I just plowed through it and made sure I did something enjoyable each night. I have tried to balance my favorite with the not so favorable portions of wedding planning. But I definitely got stuck with the things I dislike planning all at the end here.

Good luck! And remember, at the end of the day you two will be married and that is all that matters!
 

EyeElle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2008
Messages
251
Sorry to hear you are feeling down.

I have to admit that I have had that feeling many times. Just like you I feel like my engagement is never ending.
I got engaged last year, wedding is to be next year, so still a while to go.

All I can tell you is that you have pushed so far, and with only 6 more months to, don''t stop now.
What helps me is when I do something wedding related and it actualy gets accomplished, or I get info, or something that I can say I can cross off the list or I am working on doing that.

Go to your finace, take some time to yourselves, and just connect. Once you both feel relaxed and happy you can truly see what the wedding is for - for you guys to be husband and wife, and just think of that.

good luck with everything!
 

RaiKai

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
1,255
I would probably be tired of planning too after 2 years of planning...and 6 months to go! There is a reason we only had a 10-week engagement!

I would really stress not worrying about every detail...things will not go all as planned but if you can learn to expect the unexpected and embrace, rather than fear, it and be flexible it will be a much more enjoyable experience!

I really would also encourage you and your FI to have wedding free days, weekends, even weeks, to just have FUN and reconnect together without wedding details involved at all. After all the wedding is just one day...you do not want to wake up the day after and realize you have become strangers! Take time for *you* for the same reasons! I know a few women who have had the post-wedding blues from getting too wrapped up in planning!

Also, figure out what is at root of stress - is it finances, family, etc - and figure out ways together to ease that stress (adjust budget, stop telling family details that they create drama over).

And if it is that much...a wedding planner may be more than worth it.

Hope you feel better soon!
 

PumpkinPie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
2,841
I''m sorry you''re feeling frustrated - you should be proud of yourself for saving so hard! :)
 

Prana

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 30, 2009
Messages
1,321
Big hugs to you! When it rains, it pours...and sometimes thunders and lighting''s as well, and then sometimes there are hurricanes and tornadoes.

I''m sorry for your setbacks. You have worked very hard and long towards the wedding of your dreams, and that will make it so much more important and special to you. 6 months compared to the 2 years you have already been planning will be over with the blink of an eye!

Wedding planning gets the crazy out of everybody, but it will be here and gone before you know it! I hope everything turns around for you!
 

pancake

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
1,500
Dannielle, I'm sorry you are going through this!

What has happened is really crap and I can't blame you for feeling tired and crestfallen after it. Maybe you need to take a break from wedding planning for a while, spend some relaxing time with your partner and try to process the setbacks as just something that happened, and not something that signifies that the whole thing is bad/wrong/too hard? Don't allow the stress of wedding planning overtake the fantastic-ness of your relationship and what your impending marriage really means.

I know that is easier said that done. Spend some time with your girlfriends, too. Remember that even if your wedding eventually lacks a couple of the things you wanted for it, it will still be a wonderful day - that is almost guaranteed!
 

Lozza

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 10, 2009
Messages
123
I feel the same way. I''m exactly 6 months out and very over it.

We have no money. FIs family are on the one hand trying to add people to the guest list left right and centre, and on the other hand are telling us we shouldn''t be spending so much money on the wedding and have ''strange priorities''. Our budget is getting more and more out of control by the minute. I am nervous that people will be bored, because we can''t afford a band or DJ. I keep falling in and out of love with my dress.

I''m really hoping this is just a phase, because I''ve been looking forwar to this since I was a little girl.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
25,534
I debated posting this, but I want to be honest - and maybe share your vent, just a little. I totally understand where you're coming from: I'm not so much feeling down as totally fed up at this point, but then I was fed up after the first two weeks of planning.


I think there are two parts to the problem, the first is me. I'd never envisioned my wedding as a child, when I started to think about it (a year into the engagement, we'd planned for two or three) I wanted fifty of our closest, now we're up to 180 (you probably know exactly how that works!
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). I'm not a planner and the details of organising two ceremonies, two receptions, food, entertainment, transportation, dealing with three different languages... Every time I think about getting married it's the 'being' married that excites me - wearing two rings, calling FI my husband, signing up for our first family phone plan, buying our first house together, starting a family (
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) - I still have only a very hazy picture of the ceremonies/receptions themselves (and our wedding is in September!). Our families are helping us with the costs, which I'm very, very thankful for.


The second problem is others' expectations. I think as a bride-to-be people are expecting someone who wants to try on a dozen dresses, debate between linens and china and have a complete picture of every floral arrangement in the room, and when I come in flexible and ready to settle they're flummoxed - and judgmental: somehow the fact that I legitimitely don't care about the font on our invitations somehow translates into not caring about being married, and that annoys the cr*p out of me.


It's being married that's the most important thing!


That helps me motivate myself: this is just the last dance before I get what I've wanted for years now - to be married to my best friend (and the hottest guy around
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). Doing these things, much as I don't particularly care to, will make my loved ones happy, and making them happy makes me happy. Is your FI involved? Can you talk to your vendors and see what you can compromise on? Take some time for yourselves, just you and FI, away from all the wedding madness. Take some time for just yourself and go out with some friends
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Remember that it's okay to feel what you feel, not being excited about planning a wedding doesn't make you a "bad" bride to be. And, eye on the prize
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CasaBlanca

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
461
I just viewed your thread about your earring choice and got to see the model pic of your dress, along with the elegant hairstyle, and I thought WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE she is going to be.

I realize that is not what this thread is about, but the chance of your loosing sight of it is. I just wanted to let you know from this vantage point it will be all worth it. Hang in there.

Give yourself two weeks of no wedding talk, no planning and just breathe. This Sunday you both got violated. Stupid senseless unavoidable curve ball was thrown at you. The anger takes a lot out of you and you are both in a state of stretch anyway. Perhaps the time off will give you a new perspective and a new angle. I encourage you to do it. You need a refreshing.

My point is with THAT dress and YOU! , and your FIANCE!, the romance and the elegance is already going to be in place. The other things the details and decor can be simplified. With a new perspective, perhaps you may be able to see that.

My intention is to shore you up with support. Hugs.
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stephbolt

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 11, 2008
Messages
1,072
Date: 5/25/2010 7:09:10 PM
Author:Dannielle
*vent/rant*

We are 6 months out from the wedding and I just don''t want to do it anymore. Don''t get me wrong, I can''t wait to marry FI.. but I am just so over the wedding itself.

I am so sick of planning, and organising, and saving.. we are seriously saving every penny we earn for this wedding and I am feeling so stressed and frustrated it is driving me mad! Our garage was broken into on Sunday, our car windown was smashed and a GPS and a pair of expensive sunglasses were taken aswell as all our CD''s.. the window cost $250 to repair so that had to come out of our savings and we both seriously cried because we have worked so hard and we don''t need anymore set backs..

I don''t know if I am feeling this way because we have been engaged for so long and we have been planning for almost 2 years but I am just at breaking point. I still have a florist to organise and invites and I am getting worried because I just can''t motivate myself to do it
8.gif


Is anyone else feeling this way? How do you keep motivated?
Dannelle, I''m so sorry you''re dealing with the crap situation of the break in. *hugs*

I totally went through a stage where I was just...tired of planning our wedding. It felt like there were a million things to do and and I couldn''t get motivated to do them. I broke out of it by admitting to one of my bridesmaids that I was in a rut, and didn''t know what to do next. She researched florists and sent them to me, giving me the jump to make some calls and get back into it. So maybe ask some of your bridesmaids/frieds/family for help getting back into the swing of planning?

From the other side I can tell you that even with all of the stress and frustration along the way, I wouldn''t undo it, because the actual wedding was so wonderful. Good luck!
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,565
I know just how the budget can get you down! Maybe to put things into perspective for you, I can let you know that when SO MUCH money is being thrown around at a wedding, $250 isn''t a big sum. It can be made up somewhere, especially in the flower department. You just need to be a bit more flexible. Ask for fewer roses (or whatever flower you''re going with) and have them throw in a bit more filler. No one will notice and your flowers will be just as beautiful as they would have been with $250 extra. Let''s face it, flowers are gorgeous no matter what. No one is going to notice that kind of budget cut!

I hope this can ease the burden a bit. Your wedding is going to be beautiful. Also, is it possible just to take a break for 2 weeks and gather your strength? Take that time to breathe deep, let the wedding go, and shed no more tears. Just enjoy life a little bit?
 

monkeyprincess

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
2,873
I think what you''re feeling is completely normal, or at least I hope it is, because I sometimes feel the same way. There are so many decisions to make, it''s the biggest party you''ll ever throw and you know people are somewhat "judging" you, everything costs more than it should, and it is a really EMOTIONAL time in your life. I have had a lot more highs and lows these past 6 months than I''ve ever had in my life. My poor fiance has proven to me what a really great guy he is for putting up with some of my craziness :)

At 6 months out, I think you have time to take a breather from wedding planning for awhile. When you get closer, things start to pile on again, so try not to make it your entire focus right now. I keep having to remind myself of that. Take care.
 

Dannielle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 8, 2008
Messages
1,308
Thank you everyone for your kind words, I really do appreciate it
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I am feeling a lot better today, FI and I made plans with some friends on Saturday night, so that will be nice. I can''t remember the last time we went out to dinner because we are just saving so much money.. on a side note FI thinks we should keep up this saving habit after the wedding because we are saving so much in so little time.. he doesn''t seem to understand that a woman needs to have a little money to spend here or there..
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CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2004
Messages
7,007
I got bored after the first month. I have accomplished nothing but booking a photographer and a wedding planner. I get worried emails from my planner once in a while saying I need to book my venue and my fiance''s parents freak out all the time because we haven''t booked a church and we won''t find anything.
 
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