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Engagement party (..am I invited?)

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,429
Hi ladies,

I have an etiquette question, as I did not have an engagement party. My husband's close friend is getting married. He is an old high school friend, who I know in passing (He was one of the groomsmen at our wedding) Yesturday, he told my husband he was getting married (YEAH!) and that he wanted my husband to be a groomsman. Now I know that I'm invited to the wedding because they briefly discussed where to seat me because I don't know anyone.

Today my husband got this e-invite. And both of us can't figure out if I'm invited or not!

I'm copying and pasting:

REPLY HERE
Will you attend?
Yes No Maybe

Total guests 1 (including you)

I mean it says 1, so I assume that's my husband. That 1 was filled in, but you can change it to a 2.

And I REALLY, REALLY don't want him to ask his friend, because I think that's rude, because then he'll be put in the position to say yes, even if it's no. And there might be all sorts of space/budget constraints that I don't know about.

Added, I don't know the girl well (only met her once) and the guy, only casually.

And I really don't mind either way. If I'm invited OF COURSE I will go because he was a big part of our wedding (and bring appropriately generous gift), and if I'm not invited, then I am completely understanding. I will not be offended in any way.

ETA: The e-invite was only sent to my husband and addressed not to him but to his e-mail address.

Thanks ladies!


 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
I had two eVites sitting in my inbox so I went and checked them both. They are both events where DH is invited and they both automatically had a 1 in the "Total Guests" box. I can''t imagine that you aren''t invited. You''re his wife, after all!
 

megumic

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2009
Messages
1,647
I agree - I think once you''re married you typically come as a pair and I would assume you''re invited.
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
3,617
Evites always say 1, with the option of adding more by the person invited (because it's a mass e-mail, it's not catered to each person individually). So yup, you're definitely invited.
 

Natylad

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
2,661
Allycat, i don''t know where you''re from, but where i come from (Europe) it is considered totally unacceptable, unthinkable, irrational and...insulting to invite a married man to such an event without his wife...And i don''t think that things are sooo much different at the other side of the world...
27.gif
I believe that you''re definitely invited...
1.gif
 

Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
Yes, you are definitely invited. "1" is the default number for evites, and you can change the number of guests accordingly. The reason I am sure you are invited is that you're married, the guy knows you, and if they weren't inviting people to bring their spouses due to costs or space, they surely wouldn't have sent the invitation by evite which gives you no clear control of how many people your guests bring with them.

Have fun!
 

choro72

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
1,867
Yes, you''re invited. The way Evite works is, if you weren''t invited, the organizer wouldn''t include the option to change the number of guests. Don''t think of "1" as the number of people invited. The purpose of that box is so that your husband can change it to 2, and it will let the organizer know how many people are coming, so that they can plan accordingly.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,429
I don''t know that much about married etiquette. In all honesty, I think it''s 50% of the population where I live that DON''T get married, so it''s pretty lax around here in terms of what is socially acceptable. I really wouldn''t be angry to not be invited! I guess she did mean to invite me so I''m going to add the +1 (to make 2 total). It seems so horrible presumptuous though. Like those people that call you up at a wedding assuming that they can bring a guest or just penciling in an extra guest on a reply card.

Thanks ladies!
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
Date: 5/13/2010 8:03:28 AM
Author: allycat0303
I don''t know that much about married etiquette. In all honesty, I think it''s 50% of the population where I live that DON''T get married, so it''s pretty lax around here in terms of what is socially acceptable. I really wouldn''t be angry to not be invited! I guess she did mean to invite me so I''m going to add the +1 (to make 2 total). It seems so horrible presumptuous though. Like those people that call you up at a wedding assuming that they can bring a guest or just penciling in an extra guest on a reply card.


Thanks ladies!

Don''t worry, it definitely isn''t presumptuous. Have fun at the party.
 

Lilac

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
1,926
I''ve never heard of a married person being invited to an engagement party or wedding without their spouse. Evites always say "1" and you have to add the number of people - I think you''re definitely invited (especially if it was also made clear that you''ll be invited to the wedding).
 

PumpkinPie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2010
Messages
2,841
I would find that confusing too - but the general consensus among PSers who know such things is that you`re invited.. and given that you`re married, I would agree that you probably are :)
 

Cupcake*Muffin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
351
Date: 5/13/2010 9:39:02 AM
Author: Lilac
I''ve never heard of a married person being invited to an engagement party or wedding without their spouse. Evites always say ''1'' and you have to add the number of people - I think you''re definitely invited (especially if it was also made clear that you''ll be invited to the wedding).

Agreed! It would be really weird if you weren''t. Especially if your husband is a groomsman.
 
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