engaged, then party... but how?

[pannini]

hi everyone! engaged for only 4 weeks now, and my parents have suggested to throw an engagement party/dinner over winter break.

what is the etiquette and background on an engagement party/dinner? who to invite, how to invite, who to pay, what happens during, who is the host, etc?

also, i am trying to understand how to setup the parents meeting for the first time (preferably before the engagement party), and curious as to what the protocol is for that part too. do we introduce them to setup a place and date for the meeting (over lunch or dinner), or do we (the couple) setup the meeting ourselves as if we were the hosts? i''m so baffled.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Hmmm...I don''t think the parental meeting has to be so formal, unless that is what your culture dictates...or if your family is more formal. I think it would be fine for them to meet at the engagement party...or, if you want something more intimate, maybe do a family dinner at one of your parents'' houses.

And, I think the same goes for the engagement party...I think it both cases it should fit you and your families style. All the engagement parties I have been to have been hosted by the couple themselves - but I haven''t been to many. For my group, they don''t seem to be all that common. I think if your parents suggested it, why not ask them to host it, if they can.

For the ones I can remember, one was a backyard BBQ and very small...the other was a martini party with appetizers. It was a lot of fun, and I''m sure the couple spent quite a bit - they had bartenders mixing an assortment of martinis all night.

For us, we are very casual...and neither of our parents have "officially" met, but mainly because there is quite a bit of distance between them. Also, we didn''t...and don''t plan to...have an engagement party.

So...after all that...my opinion is that anything goes - and it should fit your style as a couple as to how you want to do it.

 

[MagsyMay]

I believe the tradition is for the groom''s family to host the engagement party. At least that''s what my friends who''ve had one say! (I didn''t have one). Although, I really think anything goes. Whatever fits your personality and style. Most engagement parties I''ve attended have been pretty informal, cocktail hour/appetizer type get-togethers at a bar or at someone''s house/condo/apartment. The only one I''ve attended that served a full dinner was a friend whose parents part-owned a restaurant/bar. I''ve also been to ones "hosted" by the couple''s friends where it was mainly friends and less family in attendance. As far as the parent meeting, I also think you can do whatever feels most relaxed and comfortable. Just do what feels like "you" and I''m sure it''ll all fall into place!

 

[Haven]

There is no formal etiquette for an engagement party that is thrown *after* the engagement has been announced, because traditionally an engagement party is a party hosted by the bride''s family, during which the father or parents of the bride announce their daughter''s engagement.

SO, the good news is that you can do whatever you want (of course, as that''s always the case, anyway) and call it an engagement party, because people seem to be redefining what an engagement party is these days.

I''ve been to engagement parties thrown by the couple themselves, by the bride''s parents, the groom''s parents, etc.

It sounds like your parents have already suggested that they host the party, so I would imagine that they would be paying for it, as well. (That''s what it means to host a party, after all.) If they host, you should work with them on the guest list.

Congratulations!