Did anyone elope? Just the two of you?

[Babyblue033]

My FI and I got engaged mid June and thought we won''t get married for another 2-3 years. But more I think about it, the reason for waiting to get married has nothing to do with the two of us not wanting to do it. Money (we don''t want money from our parents) is one thing, but more importantly my current estrangement from my parents makes me shudder just at the thought of family drama our wedding can stir up

They currently don''t even know that we''re engaged.

So it got me thinking about just running off and getting married somewhere, just the two of us (and maybe some very close friends and my sister), no family drama, no stress of big wedding planning, and focusing on our love and our future together. I tend to over-stress about everything so I''m afraid big wedding can bring out the worst in me and have me lose sight of what''s really important.

Did anyone do this? Where did you go and how did you do it? How did you make it special? Did you announce it to everyone afterwards and how did they react? Did your family/friends think it was selfish of you to do this without them? Did you have a reception afterwards?

Ironically, even though I''m thinking about doing this so that this day can be just about us and no one else, I''m also worried how people will feel about it?

 

[surfgirl]

Yes we eloped. It was a mini wedding with all the trimmings but only the two of us. We didn''t tell anyone except my sister and some close friends that we were doing it. Nobody was pissed, just very happy for us. We sent out wedding announcements afterwards to everyone we would have invited, had we had a big wedding. It was indeed all about us and our commitment and nothing else. And it was incredibly romantic. It was the perfect thing for us.

However, if you are worried about what other people will think, I''ll say right now that eloping probably isn''t for you. We didn''t care what anyone else thought because it''s our wedding, not theirs. But if you''re not strong in your convictions about eloping, it might not be right for you. You really have to want it to be a very private thing. If you have any niggling that you''ll regret not having some people there, then consider a DW with a few people.

 

[musey]

If I were in your situation, I would do it without a second thought!

However, I''m sure surf is right that it''s something you need to do only if you''re sure.

 

[saltymuffin]

We had a very similar elopement to surfgirl. I told only my best friend, and no one else that we were going to do it.

I haven''t had a single regret, ever. We both have some family issues, and didn''t need to deal with those things. Also, we had been together for 15 years prior to getting marrired. By the time we did, it was definitely for (and about) us, not our families and friends.

As for making it special, that is the easy part! What is special to you? I bought myself a dress that I loved and I picked some beautiful flowers for a bouquet. We chose a small resort where we had an amazing dinner, intimate ceremony on the beach, delicious cake, and deluxe suite! Afterwards we sent out beautiful announcements (including photos from the ceremony). I emailed and called very close family and friends in advance of the arrival of the announcements. I was thrilled with everything. I never had to make tough $ decisions either. We were spending so little (compared to a big wedding), that I never settled for less than exactly what I wanted.

No one said to my face that they had issues with it. I think my parents were just releived we finally got married!

 

[trillionaire]

I really want to elope, I just hope my FF will agree when the time comes! I know my family will be disappointed/mad, because I told them my plans, thinking that it would give them time to adjust to the idea

. I thought that was only considerate. As a consequence, I get a lot of grief and guilt from them, but I still want to elope. Frankly, I don''t want to be miserable for months of planning so that they can have their "dream wedding". However, if FF wants a wedding, he gets one, since I am not the only one in this relationship. But I told him he has to take the planning lead if he wants one, and I don''t think he was a little mortified at the thought

. I just laughed and reminded him that someone would have to plan the wedding, and why would he assume it would be me?

(he loves me!)

So if you two are on the same page about it, go for it. A wedding and a marriage have different meanings to different people. Celebrate what it is to you in the fashion that you deem most appropriate! Good luck! I say run off tomorrow, I can''t imagine waiting 2-3 years!

 

[joflier]

I didn''t, but certainly thought about it (many times) during the planning stress....

I could see how eloping would make sense for you with your side of the family.....how would his family feel? Have you brought up the idea to your FI?
I had a friend do a location wedding and it was just them, and her 2 siblings and parents. That was totally low key and worked out really well for them......it was in St Lucia I believe.

 

[surfgirl]

salty, it sounds like we were in a very similar situation! With the same fabulous results...One thing I should say is that on the entire trip from home to our wedding location, I was carrying a big wedding dress bag so everyone knew we were getting married so they''d ask at airports, on the plane, at hotels, car rentals, etc. "So is everyone meeting you up there for the wedding?" and we''d explain that "Nope, it''s just the two of us..." and every single person got this wistful look in their eye and said they''d wished they''d done the same thing. I''m not saying people who have weddings wish they''d done anything different but many people we spoke with along the way said they''d wished they had eloped and how romantic it was (it is!).

 

[Babyblue033]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:27:37 PM
Author: surfgirl
However, if you are worried about what other people will think, I''ll say right now that eloping probably isn''t for you. We didn''t care what anyone else thought because it''s our wedding, not theirs. But if you''re not strong in your convictions about eloping, it might not be right for you. You really have to want it to be a very private thing. If you have any niggling that you''ll regret not having some people there, then consider a DW with a few people.

I appreciate what you''re saying here. It''s hard to explain, but coming from a family where everyone takes everything personally, whether or not it''s really about them in the first place, I guess I''m concerned about possible confrontation with them if we chose this route. But it has more to do with me hating confrontation of any sorts, than me not being certain about having a wedding that is just for us.

I''m an extremely private person and eloping the way Surfgirl and Saltymuffin did sounds absolutely PERFECT to me. I don''t think I''ll regret not having a big wedding, especially if we go all out and make it into a very special and romantic event the way you two did. I suppose even the potential of family disappointments afterward is nothing compared to family drama we''d have to deal with if we were to have a big wedding

I brought up the idea to FI and he basically said he''s ok with it if that''s what I want to do. We would have to talk about it further of course if we really decide to do this but he''s definitely not opposed to the idea.

Surfgirl and Saltymuffin, where did you guys go and how long were you there?

 

[wishful]

BF and I are totally going to just go off and have it be the two of us when the time comes.
I''ve got a mother who won''t get on an airplane, a sister who tips the bottle a tad too much for my liking and I just don''t want to have to pick and choose the guest list, deal with the drama and the stress of having to pay for it all.
Taking everyone out of the loop makes it so no one''s feelings get hurt and our day is "our day."
I''d rather us spend the money on a fantastic honeymoon and get married at the same time.
I''m glad BF agrees!

 

[Miranda]

We didn''t but I wish we had. There was too much drama from DH''s side of the family. My parents and grandmothers would have been really hurt not to be there though.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:28:06 PM
Author: Babyblue033
Surfgirl and Saltymuffin, where did you guys go and how long were you there?

We eloped to Orcas Island because it is a place that is very special to us and has significance to us as a couple. We were there about 4.5 days. We plan to take a proper honeymoon but at that moment, a minimoon was more appropriate workwise.

I would suggest beginning the process by selecting places that are special to the two of you, either as a couple, or someplace one of you just adores - like a childhood place where you vacationed or something like that. That "place" is different for each couple but I think the selection of somewhere special to the two of you is the best way to start the planning process. After you select a couple of places, start looking into weddings there. You usually can google "Monterey CA wedding officiants" and stuff like that, and start finding your vendors that way. Officiants are plugged into photographers, florists, etc. since it''s what they do for a living and they can be a real help in giving you some names to start off with. The other way to go is to simply select a wedding location that has a nice resort/hotel where they can give you a package deal so you dont have to do much legwork. For our elopement, I pieced together all the elements but I found that each person I spoke to referred me to other folks so I ended up getting a fabulous team of vendors for my flowers, cake, dinner, officiant, ceremony venue, photographer, and accommodation. Also, dont be shy to let vendors know you''re eloping and could they recommend a good florist/cake baker/officiant/venue location, etc. I found once people knew this was for an elopment, they all seemed to go overtime to assist me in putting together what was really my dream wedding. Good luck!

 

[akw94]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:21:56 PM
Author:Babyblue033
Did anyone do this? Where did you go and how did you do it? How did you make it special? Did you announce it to everyone afterwards and how did they react? Did your family/friends think it was selfish of you to do this without them? Did you have a reception afterwards?

Ironically, even though I''m thinking about doing this so that this day can be just about us and no one else, I''m also worried how people will feel about it?

Hi Babyblue,
We sort of eloped. We had a small wedding planned initially, about 50 guests. Things happened (won''t bother with the details) and that ceremony did not happen. Since I had planned that ceremony, I knew, when planning the second one, I didn''t want the same thing. I didn''t want to go through the same planning issues or try to re-create the first idea. So, to make a long story short, we decided to do something much, much smaller. We chose Puerto Rico for the location and stayed about a week. There is paperwork to be done and medical tests and such so we wanted to have enough time to get it down and still relax a bit. A friend of mine got married in a particular hotel, on the beach and absolutely loved it. We went with the same hotel, it was on the beach at sunset and absolutely wonderful. My parents were there and our children were there. I found vendors through recommendations and they all turned out to be extremely reasonable in cost and did a fantastic job. We did a lot of the traditional stuff, regular wedding dress although his attire was more casual but perfect for the beach setting. I wore blue flip flops on the beach for my something blue (which no one could actually see), and it was perfect. I did my own hair but we had a vendor for flowers and a photographer. Not one single thing went wrong and not one single thing could''ve gone better. It really was perfect.
All of our immediate family and very close friends knew we were doing this so it wasn''t a huge shock.
The following weekend, we had a reception back home at one of my favorite restaurants. Most out-of-towners couldn''t come and we couldn''t invite everyone from the 1st list but it turned out great. We were able to serve my Grandma''s cake as our wedding cake (which was always my first choice but not possible before) and still made the same cookies that I originally planned to make as favors. We sent out announcements after for all of those who couldn''t make either event or wasn''t aware of them. Given our particular situation, no one treated us bad for our decision. Yes, some close friends would''ve liked to come and his parents weren''t able to come to the ceremony but they understood. I have no regrets.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[surfgirl]

So...you could do a mini DW like dixie and just have your FIs family there, if you''re close to them..though I suspect you want it to be just the two of you, dont you???

 

[Dee*Jay]

We eloped in Vegas -- on a New Year's Eve no less! The only person we told was my boss because I used her printer to print the announcements and I needed something "borrowed" from her. The only thing I would do differently is to have brought my own flowers because the ones I got with my package were rather grim. We're going back this year for our 10th anniversary so we can renew our vows with Elvis (he was all booked up the night we got married

). Hope I fit into that dress!!!

ETA: I just realized I didn't answer the rest of your questions. We sent out announcements (I had pre-printed them before we left) and called our parents from Vegas a day or two after we did it. We planned on having a "reception" some time afterwards but we never really got around to it. No one was mad about it; the only hard feelings at all were on the part of my MOTHER making sure my FATHER did get to be there an she didn't (they had been divorced 24 years at that point and it just gets uglier every year. That is one of the main reasons I eloped in the first place.).

 

[Babyblue033]

Date: 8/5/2008 9:23:53 PM
Author: surfgirl
So...you could do a mini DW like dixie and just have your FIs family there, if you''re close to them..though I suspect you want it to be just the two of you, dont you???

That would be my preference, we''re not very close to either side of our families (at least he still talks to his

).

I think FI might want to invite a few guests, but FI has a group of 6 friends he''s close to which means with their girlfriends/wives it''ll actually be 12 people we''d have to invite. Plus, if we were having any guests at all I would like my sister and her SO to be there so that''ll actually make 16 people total which means a lot to me and sort of defeats the purpose... I would have to discuss the details with FI to see what we both can live with.

 

[Beth]

We eloped - just the two of us to Fiji. We told both sets of parents just beforehand. We sent out engraved announcements afterwards. The logistics of a traditional wedding would have been a nightmare with my side in the US and his in Australia. We reaffirmed our vows in the church a year later with the big dress and photos etc. Eloping was extremely romantic. If I had it to do over I would do the exact same thing. It was very special and our focus was on eachother and our commitment, not a production and that is partly what made the day.

 

[Babyblue033]

Date: 8/5/2008 10:10:19 PM
Author: Babyblue033

Date: 8/5/2008 9:23:53 PM
Author: surfgirl
So...you could do a mini DW like dixie and just have your FIs family there, if you''re close to them..though I suspect you want it to be just the two of you, dont you???

That would be my preference, we''re not very close to either side of our families (at least he still talks to his

).

I think FI might want to invite a few guests, but FI has a group of 6 friends he''s close to which means with their girlfriends/wives it''ll actually be 12 people we''d have to invite. Plus, if we were having any guests at all I would like my sister and her SO to be there so that''ll actually make 16 people total which means a lot to me and sort of defeats the purpose... I would have to discuss the details with FI to see what we both can live with.

I meant to say that 16 people SEEMS a lot to me...

I could care less if FI''s friends are there. LOL.

 

[saltymuffin]

Surfgirl and Saltymuffin, where did you guys go and how long were you there?

We were married on the beach in Tofino, on Vancouver Island, British Columbia. We picked Tofino because it is one of our favorite places, which we first visited together. Also it is in Canada (we are Canadian), so there were no issues with marriage licences etc.

Rather than piecing everything together myself like surfgirl did, we chose to get a package from the resort we stayed at. It included the officiant, indoor venue in case of rain (VERY important in the pacific north west!), 3 night stay in an ocean view room, a dinner, basic photos, a bouquet, champagne, and even a cake. As we had stayed and eaten at the resort before, I knew what to expect quality wise. I don''t think I would have committed to a package like that without first staying at the place.

The package was also quite flexable, they basically gave us an allowance for each item from local vendors, and I was free to discuss and upgrade with the vendors directly. The included dinner was a five course ''off the menu'' meal of our choice from their fantastic restaurant. I really liked being able to order "what I felt like" that day. We even chose to have our cake the following day, we were too stuffed after our dinner that night! We had it in the afternoon with a cup of tea overlooking the ocean.

We stayed 3 or 4 nights in Tofino, and also visited Victoria and Seattle in the same trip. It was a really great trip and something we joke about being "obliged" to repeat for future anniversaries!

It is funny that you mention hating confrontation. I too am like that, but honestly found "dropping the ball" after the fact, far easier than the whole process of wedding planning would have been.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[saltymuffin]

I just wanted to add, that the only reason I told ANYONE before hand, was because like surfgirl, I too wanted "something borrowed". If you do elope, go all out, and don't tell anyone, it makes it that much more exciting. AND it means no explainations afterwards of why one person knew and someone else didn't.

Also, I got WAY more gifts than I expected (so people couldn't have been that insulted they weren't invited). I sort of figured that no one would send gifts for an elopement, but most everyone did - you might want to consider registering if you don't want all sorts of gift cards!