Cash bar at wedding

[turboflgrl]

Ok, before I get jumped on (hehe) let me clarify that I am only talking alcoholic beverages as the cash bar - not sodas, juices, coffee, tea, etc.

My fiance and I very rarely (if ever) drink. His entire family does not drink and mine doesn't either for the most part. However, most of our friends do (we are all in our early to mid 20s). Since my wedding is going to be on the smaller side (about 100 guests total) with about 20 of those guests being friends, I feel very uncomfortable shelling out almost $4,000 for an open bar. To me, that seems insane and in no way would it ever cost $4,000 for my 20 friends to drink - ever. lol

My idea was to do a cocktail hour and then have it switch to a cash bar afterward. I also thought about allowing beer and wine but it doesn't make the cost go down much at all unfortunately.

I sort of feel like, since drinking is not something that we necessarily enjoy, that it should not be my responsibility to provide my guests something that I do not partake in - that and I worry about people leaving my wedding loaded.

I just don't know what to do... I feel like offering a cocktail hour is enough as is considering I won't be taking part in it and 80% of the guests won't be either. Does anyone have an opinion on this?

 

[that_someone_special]

It''s your wedding, you don''t owe your friends alcohol at all!

Honestly, I am struggling with this same thing right now. I have decided to do alcohol as cash bar and it seems everyone that I''ve mentioned it to understands and doesn''t expect anything!

I think It''ll be ok. $4k just for drinks that you''re not even going to drink yourself (or much) seems ridiculous!

 

[Haven]

I would not do a cash bar for the wedding at all. Only provide what you can afford and nothing else, and that means don''t offer "upgrade" options for your guests to subsidize things you can''t afford to provide as host. You wouldn''t pay for a catered chicken meal and then offer guests a lobster option for cash, would you? A cash bar is essentially the same thing.

Can you offer the cocktail hour, and then maybe have wine at the tables or something? Or what about beer and wine only? Those are *much* nicer options than a cash bar.

 

[swingirl]

For 100 people they would charge $40 a person to serve been or wine? Yikes! I agree with Haven. If you and your families don''t drink you shouldn''t feel obligated to offer your friends something you really don''t want at your wedding in the first place. Offer the food and beverage that suits your taste and invite your guests to join your celebration. That''s it! You don''t need additional alcohol just because some people drink.

 

[honey22]

I guess I am more practical and less into what etiquette dictates. If I didn''t drink and 80% of my guests didn''t, I wouldn''t be paying that kind of money for other to drink.

However, I do understand that some people like a drink with dinner. I would provide the option for them to purchase their drinks at their own cost. If I were a guest at your wedding, I would much prefer the option of being able to pay for my own drink (which I would more than happily do at anyone''s wedding) rather than not being able to buy one as it was a ''nicer'' option.

Have you spoken to some of your friends that are drinkers and got some feedback from them? Just throw it out there and ask their opinions, after all it''s them who it would affect.

 

[doodle]

I personally HATE cash bars, and while I''m quite the drinker, I''ve never thought anything whatsoever of being at a wedding with no alcohol at all, but being at one where I''m expected to pay for my own drinks tends to rub me the wrong way. If you and most of your family doesn''t drink, then just have a dry wedding. For the partiers, there''s always the option of an after-party where they can get tanked on their own money and without you having to worry about it either way. Keep in mind that you''ll hear opinions all over the place regarding cash bars, and a great deal of that has to do with where you''re from and your personal social circle. A cash bar in my circle would be seen as an absolute insult to the guests, but I know that, for some, they are quite the norm.

 

[lucyandroger]

Do you have the option of a consumption bar? This would be my option.

Basically, you only pay for the actual drinks your guests order, but you as the host take care of the bill instead of the guests.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I would go for the consumption bar as well. If your friends don''t drink as much as you say they don''t it shouldn''t cost you too much, and you could always put a limit that you are comfortable with on the bar too, and once it is gone, your guest can buy their own.

 

[Amzizzle]

I know you may not be drinkers,but technically none of those people have to bring you a gift either and most likely will.

I''m sure there are also people traveling to come to your wedding.I have always felt you should be a good host to all these people

who are spending to come to your big day as well.

I also though agree with other people who say you should try to get a consumption bar,either that or just beer and wine is great.

I will however say that my best friends parents wedding which was over 25 years ago had a cash bar,and people started taking money

out of the envelopes they brought as gifts to pay for it

.Like I said before do the best you can and find the most affordable option.

 

[Erinleigh]

I agree with the consumption bar. Unless a cash bar is being advertised (which I doubt would happen?), many guests would likely not bring money for drinks anyways (I personally never bring extra cash to a wedding). IMO, it''s nice to provide what you can for the people you invite to a party... while full open bar might not be in the budget, drink tickets or paying by consumption might be!

 

[elrohwen]

First, I will say that it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want! I do see where you're coming from. Especially with the amount of money your venue is asking for - I certainly wouldn't want to pay $4k for alcohol I wouldn't drink.

Second, I will say that, as a guest, I really dislike a cash bar

Is there any way you can cut down the bar options enough to make it affordable and allow you to offer a mostly open bar? Maybe only offer one type of beer, one red wine, and one white wine? No hard alcohol unless people want to pay for it. I think this would be more than enough to please your guests and may get you a significant discount.

Also, if you do decide to go with a cash bar, consider how much the drinks will cost. I was recently at a wedding where a simple beer was $5. Now, I can go to a bar and get a beer for $5 and the bar is making a profit. Why is the wedding venue trying to profit off of my alcohol purchase? I assumed they would just charge enough to cover the cost of the alcohol itself, but apparently not. I really didn't feel that was an appropriate price, know what I mean? If the beers had been even $2-3 I would've been a happy camper. So I would look into how much they'll be charging your guests and make sure it's a reasonable amount.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''ve never heard of a consumption bar- but it sounds like the perfect compromise

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/7/2010 2:23:48 AM
Author: honey22
I guess I am more practical and less into what etiquette dictates. If I didn''t drink and 80% of my guests didn''t, I wouldn''t be paying that kind of money for other to drink.

I don''t think it''s a matter of being practical versus being proper.
The practical option here is to provide only what the hosts can afford.
You *can* do that with grace, which would be to have only what you can afford and nothing else.

I like to have a drink or two at a wedding, but I''d never bat an eye if the hosts didn''t provide alcohol. I would be shocked, however, if I was asked to pay for my drinks at a party that was *supposed* to be hosted by someone else. I''d much rather not drink at all than be asked to subsidize the alcohol for a wedding.

 

[Haven]

Turbo--I''m sure you''ve asked already, but is there any way your venue will allow you to provide your own alcohol? That''s what we did for our wedding. Our friends and family aren''t big drinkers, and with providing our own alcohol (our caterer provided the service and garnish) it cost us less than $1,000 total.

 

[neatfreak]

Why don''t you just pick up the tab for the "cash" bar? If the venue allows you to do a cash bar, then they''ll let you do a consumption bar which is the same thing but the host pays. That way you only pay for what your guests drink but you then are not in the sticky cash bar situation. As a guest I hate a cash bar. I''d rather have no booze than a cash bar personally.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/7/2010 12:54:05 PM
Author: neatfreak
Why don''t you just pick up the tab for the ''cash'' bar? If the venue allows you to do a cash bar, then they''ll let you do a consumption bar which is the same thing but the host pays. That way you only pay for what your guests drink but you then are not in the sticky cash bar situation. As a guest I hate a cash bar. I''d rather have no booze than a cash bar personally.

Agreed. Also agree with Haven and Elrohwen. This would be a great compromise.

I''m really not a fan of cash bars. Your guests are already spending plenty of time and money on you.

 

[turboflgrl]

Unfortunately, I just got off the phone with the venue and they will not allow me to pick up the tab for a consumption bar which is originally what I had wanted to do

Also no way of providing my own alcohol - tried that route as well. I wish more venues around here allowed that!

I'm at my wits end with this... to me, a dry wedding is more of an insult than a cocktail hour. I guess where I'm from, I feel more comfortable with a cash bar since every wedding I have gone to has had one with the exception of one. But I feel like I'm pushing my lifestyle on them if it's a dry wedding I guess. I don't know. I seriously can't believe how much I dislike wedding planning. I'm about to run off and elope..lol

But thank you for all your responses. I'm not sure where I'm going from here - it's not really an affordability issue as much as it is a shock to pay $4000 for alcohol. Insane!! lol

 

[meresal]

Date: 3/7/2010 2:48:14 PM
Author: turboflgrl
Unfortunately, I just got off the phone with the venue and they will not allow me to pick up the tab for a consumption bar which is originally what I had wanted to do

I'm at my wits end with this... to me, a dry wedding is more of an insult than a cocktail hour. I feel like I'm pushing my lifestyle on them I guess. I don't know. I seriously can't believe how much I dislike wedding planning. I'm about to run off and elope..lol

That is absurd.

I would tell them you are either paying for consumption or you aren't paying for alcohol at all... see if their tune changes.

My opinion... people still in college and close to that age won't care for paying because they just want alcohol. However, they will live without it for a few hours. I do not think that a cash bar is ever a good option. IMO, when you invite guests, it is assumed that you will cover any expense they could possibly need for the entire night.

If they won't give you the consumption bar option, then I wouldn't have any alcohol.

I also like Haven's idea of a bottle of wine on each table to be served with dinner. Maybe one white and one red. Is that something that your venue might work with you on?

 

[honey22]

Date: 3/7/2010 2:53:18 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 3/7/2010 2:48:14 PM

Author: turboflgrl

Unfortunately, I just got off the phone with the venue and they will not allow me to pick up the tab for a consumption bar which is originally what I had wanted to do

I''m at my wits end with this... to me, a dry wedding is more of an insult than a cocktail hour. I feel like I''m pushing my lifestyle on them I guess. I don''t know. I seriously can''t believe how much I dislike wedding planning. I''m about to run off and elope..lol

That is absurd.


I would tell them you are either paying for consumption or you aren''t paying for alcohol at all... see if their tune changes.


My opinion... people still in college and close to that age won''t care for paying because they just want alcohol. However, they will live without it for a few hours. I do not think that a cash bar is ever a good option. IMO, when you invite guests, it is assumed that you will cover any expense they could possibly need for the entire night.


If they won''t give you the consumption bar option, then I wouldn''t have any alcohol.


I also like Haven''s idea of a bottle of wine on each table to be served with dinner. Maybe one white and one red. Is that something that your venue might work with you on?

Ditto! Once they realise you are happy to have a dry wedding, they will be begging you to take up the option of a consumption tab. Totally crazy - they are just trying to force you into forking out the $4k. Call their bluff!

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/7/2010 12:54:05 PM
Author: neatfreak
Why don't you just pick up the tab for the 'cash' bar? If the venue allows you to do a cash bar, then they'll let you do a consumption bar which is the same thing but the host pays. That way you only pay for what your guests drink but you then are not in the sticky cash bar situation. As a guest I hate a cash bar. I'd rather have no booze than a cash bar personally.

This is an excellent idea!

Also a big ditto to the suggestion to call them up and tell them that it's a consumption bar or no bar. Venues are all hurting these days, they'd be fools to turn down the consumption bar revenue.

Sorry they're being so difficult. My best friend works as a catering sales manager for a major hotel chain, and I know for a fact that they will negotiate all details of the contract, especially if it will mean they'll make more money.

There's also nothing wrong with a dry wedding. This is a wedding, not a frat party. If people can't go without a drink for a handful of hours they have bigger things to worry about than your hospitality. If you can't afford it, don't offer alcohol. Your guests love you, they'll understand.

It's *always* better to live graciously within your means than to ask other people to subsidize a lifestyle you can't really afford.

 

[mayachel]

What! This is crazy talk. What are they thinking that they aren''t willing to do a consumption bar? Isn''t it the same as say..."running a tab?" I agree with seriously siding on consumption bar or dry wedding and see what they say. Your friends can go out to a bar for the after party.

Considering that you and your fiance and the majority of your wedding do not drink, I would not expect you to serve alcohol at all and wouldn''t miss it.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Yeah, I don''t understand why they would refuse to keep a tab...

I did a consumption bar, had about 100 guests (including about 40 "experienced" drinkers), and after a 7 hour dinner and dance reception, the tab was under 3k.

My hubby and I didn''t drink anything ourselves (too busy!) But we had a great time seeing our friends enjoy themselves! And only one person was really "loaded" at the end, but she was a small asian gal so it didn''t take much to get her quite tipsy.

If it''s a formal evening wedding then I think not having any alcohol would be weird, and to be perfectly honest there probably would be guests who would think it was "cheap". At the same time, I think a cash bar at a formal event is kind of icky...

Is the venue really insisting on Open bar at 40$/pp or dry? That seems unreasonably extreme.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/7/2010 5:08:49 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Yeah, I don''t understand why they would refuse to keep a tab...

I did a consumption bar, had about 100 guests (including about 40 ''experienced'' drinkers), and after a 7 hour dinner and dance reception, the tab was under 3k.

My hubby and I didn''t drink anything ourselves (too busy!) But we had a great time seeing our friends enjoy themselves! And only one person was really ''loaded'' at the end, but she was a small asian gal so it didn''t take much to get her quite tipsy.

If it''s a formal evening wedding then I think not having any alcohol would be weird, and to be perfectly honest there probably would be guests who would think it was ''cheap''. At the same time, I think a cash bar at a formal event is kind of icky...

Is the venue really insisting on Open bar at 40$/pp or dry? That seems unreasonably extreme.

Do "asian gals" get drunk faster than other types of "gals"?

turbo, I think you should do anything you can to try to get them to agree to a consumption bar!

 

[megumic]

Consumption bar all the wayyyyy! I''d just go along with the vendor and be like "yeah okay cash bar all the way baby" and then day-of, hand a credit card to the bartender and tell him everything goes on there. I doubt it would go that smoothly, but who''s stopping you??

 

[caribqueen]

I don''t know if this is a decent option, but would it matter if you changed the time of day. If I attended an afternoon or lunch time wedding/reception, I''d be less inclined to expect a bar at all. If that''s not feasible, I like the idea of a bottle or two of wine at each table and no bar at all. I don''t like the cash bar option.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

don't have alcohol if you don't want it! this is your party, and not providing alcohol doesn't make you a bad host at all! We didn't have alcohol even though both of our extended families drink (very very heavy social drinkers) my immediate family doesn't drink, our friends are 50%, DH doesn't drink, and I am a very light drinker--occasional cocktail or glass of wine--we didn't want to deal with people drinking and driving, loosing enough inhibitions to say some really offensive things, and/or getting wasted. Plus, we didn't want to pay the excessive bar bills our venue was trying to charge. No one cared that there wasn't alcohol and a few people really liked it b/c everyone had fun, but it wasn't out of control

A consumption bar is great (and I agree if that's what you want you should play hard ball with the venue--they are being ridiculous!)

but...if you don't want to have alcohol, don't feel like you have to to have a great wedding.

 

[turboflgrl]

Just wanted to say thank you for all the "comfort" you all have given me - I kinda feel like I have my next plan of attack with showing them I''m ok with a dry wedding and seeing how they react.


I''ll let ya know how it goes

 

[NY Princess]

I totally understand where you are coming from. My wedding was a dry wedding. I don''t drink, neither does my husband nor our immediate families. Our friends know that. I had my wedding at a reception hall and we opted for a mocktail bar which was an upgraded option where guests could order virgin pina coladas and margaritas in addition to your standard juice, soda, coffee and tea. As it was a afternoon wedding, the pina coladas were a huge hit. I had 340 guests. They still came and as far as I can see in my pictures, had a blast.

 

[turboflgrl]

Oh I love that idea NY Princess! In case my plan doesn''t work out, I think I will go that route as an alternative. Thanks for the great idea!!

 

[purselover]

I really hate the idea of a cash bar, providing your guests with refreshments is all part of being a good host. If you absolutely cannot afford it I would have it be a dry wedding. DH and I have people over almost every weekend and we certainly do not make people pay for drinks when they're in our apartment it is the same thing with a wedding. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean others don't I don't touch seafood but we still had it our wedding because others feel differently than me.

ETA: I like the idea of handing over your card to the venue to cover any drinks ordered