Can the bridesmaid dress be the gift itself?

[ts44]

I am considering buying my bridesmaid''s dresses as their bridesmaid gift. Is this ridiculous? I just can''t wrap my head around the idea of forcing somebody to buy a dress they never would have bought in the first place.

On the up side, they wouldn''t have to pay for a dress they''d never wear again, yay!

On the down side, their gift would be a dress they''d never wear again, yay.

Also, I have three bridesmaids not including the maid of honor. Two of them, I was a bridesmaid for their weddings and I had to pay for my own dress. I am worried that they will think I am showing them up, or being passive-aggressive about having to buy my dresses for their weddings. I definitely don''t want to cause any problems, because that is so not my intention at all. I just want to do something nice for them.

Should I just do what everybody else does and have them pay for the dress and get them a nice bridesmaid gift? If I go that route, my plan was to show them the colors and say find a knee-length dress that you love and are comfortable in that matches either of these. Is that inappropriate or too much work for them?

My bottom line is that I want to make it as easy on these girls as possible, two of them are coming a fair bit of distance to be in the wedding and the other just bought a house and I don''t want to stress her financially. I am also going to be paying for their accommodations, if that helps at all.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Well, I think when most girls agree to be a bridesmaid, they know that entails buying a dress they may use once. I think it''s really nice that you''re paying for their accomodations. I think I would rather pay for my own dress, and then get a personal gift from the bride that I''ll actually use or enjoy.

I really like the idea of non-matching dresses. It drives some people crazy. Just as a warning, though. You may want to set some guidelines, like... pick "x" color with "x" length. My sister in law said "get what you want" for her wedding, and she had 4 girls with 4 different shades of color/lengths, and it looked pretty awful.

Would you consider telling them to go to David''s Bridal? Their dresses aren''t too expensive, and they have TONS of different dresses/styles that you can at least get in the same color and length.

 

[mrscushion]

Personally, I would be very happy if I didn't have to pay for the bridesmaid's dress and in turn didn't get a gift -- because who's to say I'd ever use the gift the bride gives me? I have so much stuff already!

Combined with the idea that you give them a color (and I'd give them the exact color) and length and they get to buy their own dress, I think it could be a nice gift. I don't think it's too much to ask to shop for a dress.

But that's just how I would feel. You know your bridesmaids best.

 

[Haven]

I''d love it if a bride gave me the dress as a gift.

Could you just ask your girls? Say something like "I was thinking of giving you the dress as your gift for standing up in the wedding, what do you think?" I know I''m close enough with my bridesmaids to say something like that.

On another note, I had non-matching bridesmaids dresses in my wedding, and they looked fabulous. I just told the girls to choose a color from a swatch of several options, and any tea-length dress. It actually looked much better than having six women running around in the same dress, in my opinion.

 

[LilyKat]

Yes, absolutely it can. Over here in the UK (or maybe it's just the people I know), it's not uncommon for the bride's family to pay for the bridesmaid dresses, without another gift being given.

If it were me I would much much rather have my dress paid for and not receive a gift which, let's face it, most likely isn't going to be to my taste and will end up in a drawer somewhere. But then, I'm fussy.

 

[FrekeChild]

I bought my MOH her dress. Then again, it was the only one of its style left, and its a size 2, which is fine for her, but a tiny bit too small on the hips, so it''s going to need some alterations. I''m going to pay for those too. And I''m paying for her shoes.

The one thing about the dress that was really important to me was that she would be able to wear it again. Once she got to see it, she thought it was great because, "I''ll actually be able to wear it again, since it''s a LBD!"

So yeah. We both win. She gets a dress that she''ll be able to wear again, and I get a happy MOH. And I don''t have to stress about what kind of gift to get her!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

We paid for all of our Bridal Party''s attire, hair & makeup and accomodations.

All of our BP is family (brothers and sisters), and I didn''t trust that everyone would go on time...and even to try it on, they didn''t!

So we bought all the dresses and pants and shirts and told them, "this is it, please have it altered to fit you"

We asked shoe sizes and two people didn''t respond, so we guessed and shipped them their shoes with return shipping paid so that they could exchange them if needed.

If ANY of them show up in clothes or shoes that don''t fit, it will be their problem, not mine...I''ve done everything I can.

That said, we are doing bridal party gifts the morning of the wedding while we get ready. BMs are getting a spa robe, necklace and earrings set, and a shawl (that is not for the wedding) and GMs are getting a leather toiletry case, designer sunglasses and cufflinks (that are not for the wedding).

 

[cocolaw]

i think that is a very nice gift. i am giving my moh a necklace to wear with the dress as her gift, but she is buying the gift on her own.

 

[cocolaw]

i think that is a very nice gift. i am giving my moh a necklace to wear with the dress as her gift, but she is buying the dress on her own.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/9/2009 12:54:52 PM
Author: mscushion
Personally, I would be very happy if I didn''t have to pay for the bridesmaid''s dress and in turn didn''t get a gift -- because who''s to say I''d ever use the gift the bride gives me? I have so much stuff already!

Combined with the idea that you give them a color (and I''d give them the exact color) and length and they get to buy their own dress, I think it could be a nice gift. I don''t think it''s too much to ask to shop for a dress.

But that''s just how I would feel. You know your bridesmaids best.

I agree, I''d be over the moon if the bride offered to by my bridesmaid dress.. I''d rather that than a trinket I would never use.

 

[jstarfireb]

I didn''t choose to do this, but I think it''s a great gift idea. I gave my maids matching necklaces (to wear on the wedding day), pajama/slipper/robe sets (to wear during the bachelorette pajama party, although most just wore regular clothes), tote bags in my wedding color (green) to hold it all, and makeup sets in origami boxes made by me. So when it was all said and done, I probably spent as much as I would have by buying the dresses.

 

[neatfreak]

Personally I think it''s a fabulous idea. Unless you get very personal gifts for each bridesmaid it''s likely they won''t use whatever trinket you''d get them anyway...so I for one would be psyched to have the dress paid for instead!

 

[JerseyGrl81]

I bought my bridemaid''s their dresses as their gift. I think they were very happy with it!

 

[Lilac]

I would LOVE if my dress were paid for by the bride as a bridesmaid gift.

 

[cindygenit]

YES!

This is what I am doing

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 8/9/2009 2:05:25 PM
Author: LilyKat
Yes, absolutely it can. Over here in the UK (or maybe it's just the people I know), it's not uncommon for the bride's family to pay for the bridesmaid dresses, without another gift being given.

If it were me I would much much rather have my dress paid for and not receive a gift which, let's face it, most likely isn't going to be to my taste and will end up in a drawer somewhere. But then, I'm fussy.

Yes, you're right. In the uk it's not common for the bride to buy the bridesmaids dresses AND a gift. But then we don't traditionally have bridal showers with gifts, baby shower with gifts.....

I assume you're close to your bridesmaids so why not just ask them whether they prefer the dress or a gift?

 

[soontowed]

I think that''s a really good idea. I may think of doing that.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Ha Ha... I guess I''m the only one that would want a gift. Of course, the only 2 wedding I was in, I got a REALLY nice BM gift that I just cherish! So my experince may be a little different. If you''re just going to get something generic (like a monogrammed bag or a bracelet), then I think I would shoot for buying the dress instead.

 

[ficklefaye]

oh definitely! i''ve had to pay for my bm dresses when i was a bm, but i''m not letting my bms pay for theirs for my wedding

 

[ts44]

Thanks for all the thoughts and opinions! I spoke with my bridesmaids last night (well, 2 of the 3) and they are both thrilled with the idea of me paying for their dresses as their gift. I told them that I would choose the color and give them an option of two styles and they could pick whichever one they feel most comfortable in. That way, I have some control over how much I will be paying rather than having them just pick whatever dress and send me the bill. I figure it''s a good trade-off, they don''t pay for it but lose some creative control.