Calling all married women!

[Mashira]

FF and I are in the process of slowly piecing wedding things together although we are not engaged yet. We have already booked the caterer and we are thinking of booking the reception hall soon. Before we dive head first into this planning thing, I have a few questions for those of you who are already married.

FF and I are on a rather strict budget because we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. We expect to have anywhere between 50-65 guests. That being said, I am trying my very best not to get caught up in the, "It's YOUR day, you MUST have yadda yadda.." I don't believe just because it is 'my day' I should pay an arm and a leg for something I won't care about a year from now anyway.

So the question is: What parts of your wedding do you regret spending on? Did you pay hundreds of dollars for invitations, and looking back, think you could/should have saved that money? Did you get an ornate five tier cake and later wish you had gotten something smaller? Did you pay thousands of dollars on video and photographs and then realized a smaller package would have been just fine?

Here are things I've already decided on:

Skipping 'Save the Dates' all together
DIY Invitations
DIY make-up
No videography

Please let me know! I'm very interested in your opinions!

 

[Upgradable]

Mashira, congratulations on your relationship and asking those who have "been there, done that" what really made an impact on them down the line.

I'm coming from a 25 year marriage looking back on a wedding that truly marked the advent of our life together. Hubby and I have now been together longer than we were alive before marriage. When looking back, the things that mattered in the scheme of things were including the people that mattered to us, friends and families, including some people that may not have been important to us but were to our parents (older relatives). Although I did make the unpopular decision not to include children at the wedding, no flower girl and no ringbearer. I didn't want wailing children to detract from the wedding. The only exception was hubby's 3 yr old nephew.

We were married in the church I grew up in, that was important. Customizing the traditional ceremony a bit to be significant for us was important. Our ceremony was held at 5:00 pm in April. Weather was perfect! Pictures were only the day of the ceremony. Myself and bridesmaids together before. Groom and groomsmen before. All pictures together (including family pictures) were after the ceremony. I still regret the feeling of "missing some of the celebration" by trying to coordinate pictures after the wedding, but I don't think I would have given up the moment my husband-to-be saw me start down the aisle on my father's arm. Twenty-five years later I can still remember that look and that feeling. So, that's really an important moment. We had professional pictures, but prepurchased only a moderate package. We have plenty of moments captured while not regreting taking too much time away from the celebration. Had it been an option, we would have done disposable cameras on each table.

We had a violinist at the reception... waste of $$. Decided upon a buffet meal. Since our ceremony was at 5:00, I didn't want people to be starving. We had vegetarian lasagna, roast chicken, and a carving station for roast beef included. Our receiving line was set up just a bit in front of the buffet, so people came and greeted us and then got right in line for food. We were actually the last to eat. Didn't matter a bit to me. Bar tab was wine, beer, and soda, with a bottle of champagne for each table for wedding toast. My only big regret after the fact was not taking more time shopping for cake. I wanted something simple, so I thought that equated to easy. Our cake was a joke! A small three tier with piping that didn't match our colors and loose flowers just scattered around the base on the great big round table on which it was placed!

The only other thing I wished we would have spent money and time on: limos and/or rented transportation for ALL of wedding party from ceremony to reception location (we only had limo for us and bests, others apparently had their rides leave before pictures done, etc.). To wrap up other issues that can be a money pit.... flowers are flowers, dresses are dresses (has there ever been a bridesmaid in the history of the world that can meet your eye and say they are going to wear the dress again), shoes are shoes, tuxes are rentals. My aunt did all our hair and makeup. Invitations were budget conscious, but nice. Food was good, but not extravagant. DJ did a fine job.

We had a limo pick us up after the reception and drive us to Chicago O'Hare airport where we stayed at the Hyatt (bridal reservation, which included a bottle of champagne and basket of fruit and cheese in a regular king room). Probably the best spent money was a week long honeymoon at a remote location neither of us had been before! We went with an all inclusive resort, which was perfect for us because there was nooooo worry about money at all during the week. It was a great adjustment from being single to being married (soapbox alert: even if you've been living together and think that piece of paper won't change a thing, IT DOES!).

Thanks for putting up with my really long tale. I'm justifying it by saying "you asked" and the fact that DH and I have been happily married since April 18, 1987, and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat!!

Over the years I've sung in roughly 100 weddings and have seen the best and the worst, mostly due to the bride's state of mind on the big day. So I'll wrap with one last bit of advice.... don't ruin your own day by stressing! If it hasn't been taken care of by the time the rehearsal wraps, let it go!! Nothing is so important that you have to be a wreck or a control freak on your wedding day. It is YOUR day, so make the committment to yourself and your fiance to enjoy it! May you have a long and happy life together!!

~uppy

 

[onedrop]

Uppy gave a really wonderful narrative of her wedding experience, so I will not attempt to compete with her! I'll add my two cents very briefly. We've been married for three years and we decided to do a destination wedding. We spent a lot of $$$ on the photog and videographer and in hindsight I have NO regrets! Our photographer was awesome and the video was a great expense because I remembered nothing of the ceremony after the fact!! So it's nice to be able to play back the video and see what was really going on that day.

A few months after we returned from the DW, we had a post-wedding reception which was a bit more formal than our actual wedding. I was one of those people who poo-pooed the expense of getting your makeup done by a professional, but I think that was money well spent because I think it added to our pictures and made me feel more confident that night. Actually I feel all of the expenses of the wedding reception were well worth it now that I look back. The only thing that I wouldn't have spent money on were the cameras we had a each table. I don't think the cameras cost much, but the problem is that we never got the pictures developed and those cameras are still sitting in our closet three years later.

We did not spend money on a luxurious expensive photograph album for our post-wedding reception. And I don't really regret that. It wasn't a conscious choice, because the photographer kind of disappeared when it came time to talk with him about the album. But I can't say I miss having an album from that part of our wedding. We do have a printable CD that was part of the package so we can make our own album if we choose to.

To tell the truth I have very few money-related regrets regarding our wedding/reception.

Good luck with your wedding planning Mashira!!!

 

[Mashira]

Thank you for your lovely stories Uppy and Onedrop! I very much appreciate that you took the time to write out a novel, and I loved reading it! Both of your stories are exquisite!

Onedrop, I agree with you in that I would like a video of the ceremony as it takes place. We will have a video, it just won't be professional. I'm going to set up a tripod hidden behind a floral arrangement so that it is not visible and I'm perfectly happy with that!

As for photos,I am a photoshop whiz, and so I am not getting the major packages that include editing and all that jazz. I would much prefer to do the editing myself, the way that I like it, from the CD that they provide.

Uppy, I was thinking about a violinist! Thank you for the input! I also agree it's a very nice touch... but probably not necessary/ particularly memorable. I'm also not having a flower girl/ ring bearer due to simple lack of young children in the guest list. We are allowing children, but there are very few, not even enough to provide for a flower girl that is young enough

 

[betty6333]

It is easier to say the stuff I was happy I spent money on,

ring of course, no regrets there, big cake, pictures, and my unbelievable dress. Everything else I left up to family who all had "opinions" and wanted to have a say in the wedding.

 

[stephbolt]

We just got married 3 months ago - budget was around 23K for 115 people.

Honestly there is very little that we think was was a waste of money. We splurged on our venue but got so many compliments and the food was amazing. We also splurged on a photographer but our pictures are awesome and I definitely wouldn't want to downgrade those. We paid for the photos only and will do albums ourselves. DH wrote our processional and his one big wish was to have a string quartet perform it, so that splurge was also worth it to me.

I adored our flowers but had we been on a tighter budget I might have cut back there and done non-floral centerpieces. And we splurged last minute adding an extra hour to our reception, that honestly, we didn't need. I was worried about people feeling like things would be too short, but most people started leaving around the time we had originally planned to end. I enjoyed every second of the reception though!

Good luck planning.

 

[Upgradable]

Thank you for your graciousness Mashira. I rarely find myself replying in LIW, BWW, or Honeymooners since it's been such a long time since I was one of you. I respect you looking toward the longterm gain on your $$. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to keep an eye out for your future posts. I wish you all the best!!

 

[Octavia]

I regret getting a new dress without at least looking at preownedweddingdress.com and our local wedding dress consignment shops. I feel like I spent way too much on my dress.

I don't regret how much we spent on photography, but I felt like our photographer wasn't up to her usual standard when I got the photos back -- not sure whether this is true, or if it was just me. Either way, I should have been clearer about some specific shots I wanted.

I definitely do NOT regret what we spent on the venue, food, and drink. It was all totally worth it.

We DIY-ed our save-the-dates, invitations, flowers, and some of the music. It probably would have been worth it to get a DJ, but we were over-budget by that time and a friend with awesome professional equipment offered it, so we went with it. The flowers (centerpieces and bouquets) weren't "perfect" but I wanted a loose, organic look, so it worked. The BEST thing was my fauxligraphy on the invitation envelopes -- I printed them in a light color with a script font and traced with a calligraphy pen, and it ended up looking awesome if I do say so myself.

Honestly, I don't even remember what we spent all the rest of the money on, so it probably wasn't too important. I think the crucial thing is deciding what's really important to you (for us, it was feeding everyone well), making a good decision about that, and then adjusting the rest accordingly.

 

[Clairitek]

I had a 35 person dinner and cocktails reception, no dancing. We splurged on the restaurant, food, and drink. Absolutely NO REGRETS there. The reason we chose this restaurant was because of their wine list, reputation of the menu, and cocktail list.

I don't feel like we splurged on a photographer, becuase we managed to find exactly what we wanted for 1/2 of our budget. Had we paid twice as much for him, I don't think I would regret it. Though, I do have a friend who spend almost $6000 on her photographer and was underwhelmed with the result. Make sure you're truly comfortable with spending the amount you settle on for the photographer so you're not saying to your MOH that you regret spending the money on it after its all said and done.

I love my gown and would spend the cash on buying it again but I wish I hadn't spent so much on alterations. I bet had I dont more homework I could have found a capable seamstress for less. I wish I had not bought a second dress to wear out to the afterparty, since I was so tired I didn't even make it to the afterparty.

I had a very simple cake- I went with the basic frosting and piping. No fondant or special designs and I have received numerous compliments on it here on PS. The only decoriations on it were a stem of hydrangea that my BMs broke up and put in the cake cascading down it right before the reception started.

I did DIY invitations (super labor intensive but I could have made them a bit more simple), centerpieces, and the rehearsal dinner cost a grand total of $400 and was at my parents' house. Our BP and parents havd a BLAST the night before our wedding. They still talk about it. I am glad we didnt spent 3-4 times that amount on a more proper (but probably stressful) RD. We lucked out that our parents could fit everyone in our dining/living room.

I'm happy to sprang for nicer BP gifts. I love seeing them being worn.

We didn't do Save the Dates (then again, we invited a grand total of 32 people so we just called people to check that the date was OK with them) or have a videographer (though DH's uncle did tape the eremony for us, unsolicited but I'm glad he did it). No regrets about missing out on those things.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

It's my one month anniversary today so I come to you with just buckets of knowledge and wisdom.

Honestly? I think it completely depends on what kind of bride you are. I thought I'd be a crazy bridezilla but by the last month of planning, my attitude was very much "screw it." I just completely lacked motivation at the end of the planning and I think it's because DH and I didn't really want the big wedding we were planning.

When we first got engaged we were trying to decide between small DW on a tropical beach or formal affair in our home state. We were swayed by our families to do the big event. Though there were certain things we refused to do (ie. hold the ceremony in a church), we still made comments throughout our engagement that "we should just be doing this barefoot in the sand."

Two days into our honeymoon, I asked DH "So? Was it worth it?" While we both admitted that it was probably the best day of our lives, if we could do it again, we would have gladly slashed our budget and done it barefoot on a beach like we originally wanted. The part that made it special was that we were married, and sure, it was nice to have my parents neighbors that I grew up with in attendance, but it would have been just as special to do it with immediate family and close friends.

So I guess I'm not really answering your question. Just think about what's important to you. You know yourself better than anyone else and if you're the type of person who just loves going back through photos time and time again, then I don't think you should skimp on the photog. If you're the type of gal who doesn't really eat desserts, don't worry about spending a lot on your cake (or skip the cake all together and do a candy bar). Do whatever you think it's going to take to make you look back and not regret your purchases.

For me, I value things that live on after the wedding. So I'm glad I ponied up for the photog, our invitations and our programs. My mother has held onto every wedding invitation she's ever received. Same with programs. So I knew that not only would I look back on these, but my guests might as well.

Oh, here's something I didn't care about and saved money on: SHOES! No one saw them under my dress so I was very thankful I went with cheap Colorific wedge heels! Comfortable and I saved money by not buying expensive ivory heels I'd never wear again.

I apologize for writing a novel.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Not married, but wedding coming up in 6 weeks from today so most of the decisions have been made. I was aiming for the same number as you. We ended up inviting 87 people, but I have 1/2 of my RSVPs back and 14 people have declined (our family is scattered across the country, so a lot of people are just having 1-2 family members come instead of the whole clan). With the unofficial "no list" it looks like I won't even have 60 people. So I am happy with that.

I think you have to figure out 2-3 things that are important to you, put as much as you can into those things, and than budget everything else.

I wanted a designer dress. I know it is one day, but it is something I always wanted.

I wanted nice photos. I found a photographer who is at the top of our budget, and after getting my e-pics done, I do not regret that choice. She did give me a discount since my wedding is a Friday night (as did the venue and DJ). I also asked her to make our guest book using our engagement pics.

I wanted a pretty venue, so I spent money on that.

Everything else was up for compromise

Caterer - mid priced, chicken dinner. There was no price difference between buffet and sit down so we are doing sit down.

Alcohol - It was kind of nice that the venue does not have a liquor license. So we are having beer and wine only. Our hotel has a full bar if people want to drink after the wedding

Music - DJ for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. Did not see the point in paying for live musicians.

Cake - kind of expensive, because I wanted it done from scratch and wanted a baker with a good reputation. But it is buttercream with flowers and a simple design that mimics our invites

Invites - I got a deal on letter press invites. My FI was really picky about invites, and wanted super expensive engraved ones. The letter press was a compromise. I didn't do a printed return address on the envelope and bought an embosser on Amazon (saved about $100). I also skipped inner envelopes. I do regret doing RSVP post cards. My return address is getting scrapped off in the mail. That is a problem. I did my own calligraphy, but I know how to do that. That was my only DYI.

BM's gifts, I spent about $100 on each BM, but that is the least I can do to thank them

Flowers - the Groom's mother offered to pay for those, otherwise I would have totally skimped.

Transportation - our rental cars, our hotel is 1.6 miles away, I think a limo is overkill

Videographer - not having one. My photographer ate the budget, and I hate watching myself on TV.

Hotel - simple upgraded room. Nothing fancy.

If you are still interested in a couple months, I can let you know how I feel.

 

[yssie]

FF and I are in the process of slowly piecing wedding things together although we are not engaged yet. We have already booked the caterer and we are thinking of booking the reception hall soon. Before we dive head first into this planning thing, I have a few questions for those of you who are already married.

FF and I are on a rather strict budget because we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. We expect to have anywhere between 50-65 guests. That being said, I am trying my very best not to get caught up in the, "It's YOUR day, you MUST have yadda yadda.." I don't believe just because it is 'my day' I should pay an arm and a leg for something I won't care about a year from now anyway.

So the question is: What parts of your wedding do you regret spending on? Did you pay hundreds of dollars for invitations, and looking back, think you could/should have saved that money? Did you get an ornate five tier cake and later wish you had gotten something smaller? Did you pay thousands of dollars on video and photographs and then realized a smaller package would have been just fine?

Here are things I've already decided on:

Skipping 'Save the Dates' all together
DIY Invitations
DIY make-up
No videography

Please let me know! I'm very interested in your opinions!

We're not married yet either - 33 days according to our registry

In any case, we were definitely careful not to get caught up in the "it's your day" hoopla - we wanted a certain type of wedding, and to keep it in budget some things just had to go! We've invited about 170 guests. So...

1. We skipped paper STDs.
2. We did (GASP!!) online invitations - I'm a programmer, and FI and I had a fun day taking photos. Some huge pros to this - it's free! The invites are free, and with invites going all over the place, in-country and internationally, we saved a real boatload on postage. Also we had almost half our guests rsvp within 2 days and the vast majority soon afterward - apparently it's easier to click five buttons than to mail something out
3. DIY makeup. For sure. I just priced it out last week, and almost gave myself a heartattack, I swear
4. Check with family and friends, you might get lucky and have a string trio of cousins who could help with ceremony music, or a friend with a friend in the music business who knows a great DJ, or a cousin whose husband is trying to start his own photography business and could help with wedding photos...
5. When pricing flowers I found that DIY would be just as expensive as getting it done professionally in my area, as flowers on the market are just that expensive - so my last tip, always check both DIY and vendor prices - you might be surprised!

Good luck Mashira! It CAN be done, on any budget, it just takes a bit more work and a bit more time

 

[Mashira]

Thank you for all the replies ladies! Firecracker and Yssie, I definitely want to hear your opinions after the wedding!

Travel goddess, I agree that it depends on what sort of bride you are. I've always been 'Disney Princess' kinda girl, but when it comes to reality, I want a small wedding that is reasonable. It's one day. The most important day of my life, but still... just one day. I realize everything won't go as planned, I realize that I'm probably going to be anxious, and I realize that in the end, none of it will matter aside from the fact that we're married. Based on these things, I'm not allowing myself to go bat-poop crazy over it. So long as it's pretty and a reflection of the two of us, it's aces in my book!

Uppy, thank you for that, and I don't mind at all, I take it as a compliment!

Octavia, I can really understand what you mean by 'the rest must not have been important'. I am willing to spend on the 'big' things... but I doubt I'm going to remember if I had silk, linen or paper napkins!

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Ditto Yssie regarding asking friends or relatives to help out.

At the last minute I decided that maybe I should have hired a videographer but I really didn't want to spend a lot. My dad was going to give us a camcorder as a wedding gift, so I just asked him if he wouldn't mind giving it to us a day before the wedding. Then, I asked my MOH's husband if he wouldn't mind filming the ceremony and parts of the reception. It was free, he didn't mind doing it at all, and now I have some video of our vows to each other, the first dance, etc etc. I even edited it together on my computer and made a little wedding video with music and such (I posted it on here a couple weeks ago if you're interested).

 

[Haven]

Hi, Mashira! I think it's really wise of you to ask these questions before you get in too deep. (I also think there was a great thread that discussed these things in the Newlyweds forum, but I can't find it because the search engine isn't working for me.)

Here are my thoughts . . .

Things I would have done differently:

- We held our ceremony and reception at my family's synagogue. It wasn't my favorite location because it isn't the most beautiful space, but I really caved and ended up having it there because it was so important to my parents. Now, that decision wouldn't have been a big deal IF having it at this location hadn't cost us so much extra money, but it did. We had to rent the dance floor, the tables, the chairs, the linens, the silverware, the dishes, the lighting, EVERYTHING. Had we held our wedding at the local country club, or hotel, or other such place we would have saved so much money. AND, I would have been happier because I secretly wanted an outdoor wedding the entire time, but kept my mouth shut and told myself that I was happy with the location to please my parents.

- We hired a very inexpensive photographer to please my father in law. Our photos turned out awful. So awful, in fact, that we don't have an album from our wedding and never will. Big regret. Huge.

- I guess the moral of this story is: Make choices based on what YOU want. Duh, right? Well, DH and I caved in when it came to our wedding.

Things I'm glad I chose to do:

- We had engraved invitations from Crane's and I love them.
- I wore a gorgeous Melissa Sweet gown and felt amazing in it.
- We hired a videographer who wasn't fabulous, but I'm very grateful to have the video.
- We played music from an iPod during our ceremony, no need to splurge there.
- We hired a great band for the reception, they did a fabulous job.
- We didn't hire limos to take us anywhere because our wedding was in town, saved big money there.
- We may have had the ugliest cake in wedding history, but I didn't really care about it and only cared that DH loved it, so he picked it out and says that it was amazing. I don't think it was very expensive.
- I wore a pair of gorgeous green heels that I've worn so many times since our wedding. I bought them at Nordstrom and they cost less than $70. So worth it.
- The ONLY thing that we saved money on by choosing to have our wedding at my synagogue was the alcohol. They allowed us to buy our own, and our caterer served it.
- I hired a MUA and a hair stylist to put in extensions day of. I really wanted to look and feel beautiful, and it was worth the money to me.
- My parents and sister made our chuppah for us, my mom did all the calligraphy for our invites and our place cards and favors. It looked beautiful so totally worth it there.

All that being said . . .

If we were to do it all over again I would have a completely different wedding, and here's how:

- My parents paid for our wedding. I wouldn't accept their generous offer if we had a do-over. It would be hard to turn down because they were very adamant about it, and I think it meant a lot to them because they didn't pay for my education or very much at all when I was growing up, so I think this was their way of making it up to me. Even so, it was hard for me to accept their money and not honor every single wish they had for our wedding. They weren't pulling strings, but it was still hard to deny them what they wanted.

- We would have had an outdoor wedding in a park or on a beach somewhere. It would have been low key, with about half as many guests, if not one third as many guests. I still would have had the MUA and hair stylist, and the engraved invites. Instead of the band we would have hired a group of students from my former school who play acoustic guitar and drums. The food would have been catered but less fussy. We probably would have spent closer to $10,000 rather than the $30,000 plus that our real wedding cost.

If I learned anything, it's that involving other people in your wedding planning process definitely adds to the complications, and the cost. As I said earlier, it would have been a sticky issue to turn down my parents' offer to pay for the wedding, but it would have been worth it because we would have been able to have the wedding we really wanted without the pressure to please anyone other than ourselves.

WHOA, sorry for the novel.

I really like your name, Mashira. It's so purdy.

 

[Mashira]

Thank you Haven! I loved your lists (I'm a bit type A ) and I'm so sorry to hear about your wedding photos

My FF's parents are divorced, and he has been married before, so they really are not involved in the planning process at all. My mother is not paying, and the only involvement she really has is in expanding my guest list (she has 23 brothers and sisters!). She has told me that she doesn't like my colors (Black and Red) but isn't making a big to-do about it. I really do agree that the fewer people involved, the smoother it goes.

Thank you again! It's not really my name, just something I came up with for different book-based forum.

 

[panda08]

I echo a lot of what the other wise women here have said. Think about what your priorities are and spend your money on things that matter most to you and FI. Try not to get too entangled with others, as you cannot make everyone happy.

I actually don't have any regrets on what we spent our money on. We paid for it ourselves, although my oldest brother generously rented the private estate where the wedding was held and where our immediate family stayed for the week. DH wanted to elope and we compromised on an intimate destination wedding last year in Maui with 18 guests. We were both a bit older and just wanted to keep things simple. Our laid back approach really saved us a ton of money.

We didn't have: a wedding party, save-the-dates, wedding favors or a videographer.

We DIY'd: the invitations, the 2 table center pieces, the fans, the organza baggies filled with petals, the place cards, the candle holders.

We bartered for our photographer. She was an up and coming photographer from NY who wanted to expand into destination weddings. We paid for her and her assistant's plane ticket, hotel stay and car rental for 3 days in exchange for an engagement session and 8 hours of coverage on the wedding day. I think we paid about a 1/3 of what it would have really cost.

I bought my entire wedding ensemble on the internet: dress from eBay, flip-flops from Zappos, earrings from a seller on etsy, veil from gosh, I can't remember!... all for about $450.

We splurged on the caterer. DH and I are big foodies and since we were having such a small wedding, food was a huge priority for us. Our caterer was AWESOME, hands down the best vendor we worked with.

Hope all goes well with the wedding planning!

 

[rhbgirl24]

We paid for our wedding ourselves too. And even though it was considered expensive by most people, we kept what we thought was important and cut where we didn't. No matter who said what. Our invites were professional printed, but I assembled them. Our centerpieces were made by my husband and I. But we went all out with the food/cake/location, and photographer and I dont regret that at all!!!

I dont think I regret spending money on anything we did. I think maybe I would cut down on the price of the favors we gave, but people seems to love them and I see them all in their houses, so I guess it was a good thing.

Just do what makes you and your future husband happy!

 

[zipzapgirl]

We got married in Italy with 50 people.

We spent pretty well on the venue, catering and photographer, but we got amazing vendors who were both friendly and professional and totally overdelivered. Our photos are absolutely stunning--the two photographers worked continuously both taking pictures from 1pm - 1am. Very glad we spent the money for these things.

The cake was included in the catering. Otherwise, we wouldn't have gone to too much trouble.

DH wore a black suit, as did the groomsmen. It seemed like a lot of extra trouble to try to buy or rent tuxes--too pricey and difficult to coordinate across three countries. They all had matching ties that matched the bridesmaids dresses, so that pulled it all together. The bridesmaids dresses were on sale from Ann Taylor's Celebrations line--$65 each and made of silk. My dress was from a bargain bridal shop. I did a lot of legwork tracking down bridal lines and finding less expensive options. My shoes were $60 and that was perfect.

We went easy on the flowers. We did simple peach/pink rose centerpieces, bouquets for me and the girls, bout. for the guys and Dad, wristlets for the mothers, and splurged for an archway of flowers at the ceremony. Altogether 750 euros. The scenery of the villa was so stunning that you didn't really need flowers.

My brother played the music. We had a DJ for the dancing and spent a lot of time picking out a playlist. We didn't provide transportation.

We went simple and understated on the invitations. It was thermopress I think and I believe we spent about $3 per invite including inner envelopes, postage, etc. Most communications with our guests were via email for all the info, so the invite was really a formality. We did an email Save The Date. I made the programs myself with resume paper, card stock, satin ribbon and free fonts online. It was time intensive, but turned out beautifully.

We gave our attendants small gifts and accessories for their wedding attire (freshwater pearl jewelry and pashminas for the girls, flasks and matching ties for the guys). We gave the minister (an uncle) and the ringbearer small gifts. Otherwise, we skipped gifts to each other, parents' gifts etc.

My tip is to keep your bridal party small and your expectations of other people (whether it's their help, their money, or their attitudes) very low. This is the recipe for less drama. And remember, there are always going to be people around you who have an existential crisis as a result of your wedding. Sometimes who they are will surprise you. Just remember that whatever they are going through is not about you, it's about them.

Overall, I'd say we worked pretty hard to save where we could and spend on what we felt was important. We still turn to each other pretty much every week and say, "We really had the most awesome wedding, didn't we?"

 

[NewEnglandLady]

We paid for our wedding ourselves and if I remember correctly, our original budget was something like $25K. We came in around $15K including everything (rings, rehearsal dinner, etc.) and to be honest, I didn't splurge on anything. There isn't anything I wish I'd paid more for, either.

We had fewer than 40 guests, rented an estate on the ocean for several days during the off-season to save money (September is my favorite month, anyway, and it allowed us to pay for guests' lodging), got married on a little bluff overlooking the ocean and just had a clam bake dinner afterward that was a lot of fun. It felt like a laid-back, oceanside dinner party and we talked, ate and drink into the wee hours of the morning.

Having our own venue helped us save a lot of money since we had a lot of flexibility with caterers (read: lots of negotiating!) and could buy our own alcohol. I bought a wedding dress I loved, but wasn't a top designer, so I cut the dress budget in half. We hired an acoustic guitar player from a local music college and he was inexpensive and awesome. We hired a landscape photographer who was really familiar with the estate instead of a typical wedding photographer. I made our save-the-dates and ordered invitations from wedding paper divas. The backdrop was beautiful, so we didn't need a lot of flowers.

I think you can have a great wedding on any budget, it's just a matter of priorities. I loved our wedding and the fact that we came in under budget was just icing on the cake.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

DH and I paid for our wedding ourselves (really DH paid for the bulk of it...I would say he paid 80% and I paid 20%) so we decided from the very beginning that we were going to choose items that were really important to us that we weren't going to settle on and let the rest take care of itself.

REGRETS:

Only 2 and only one is financial, the other was very much emotional.

1) The Wedding Coordinator that we spent over $1000 on was completely useless. They were supposed to facilitate the travel for us and our wedding guests, create STDs, a wedding website and liase with the resort coordinator. They screwed up the travel so badly that we had to pay American Express to first dispute the deposits for THIRTY of our guests who had already paid at that point and then asked American Express Travel to coordinate the clean up and the remaining 14 guest travelers. Our STD were so ugly and generic that I almost wanted to ask them for our money back except they were supposed to be a Freebie! We had a friend of DHs design new STD's that we then had printed for FREE at a business partner of DHs and our wedding website was also just as generic and dumb that we ended up shutting it down within the first week and just added a page to our already up and running family website. Finally, their idea of liasing with the resort coordinator was to forward all of my requests to the resort coordinator and copying me! I finally just dealt with the resort coordinator myself and they were so freaking AMAZING!

2) I shouldn't of asked one of my sisters to be in the bridal party. I did it to please my parents and she honestly brought me nothing but heartache that entire week. I still cry when I think about it and I honestly wish I had chosen someone who WANTED to be there for me.

THINGS I DON'T REGRET SPLURGING ON:

1) INVITATIONS - We had a semi-DIY and they were still pricier than most peoples, but I LOVE our invitations! We have one framed in our living room and ours were delivered in a wooden box with a starfish on them, I have one of the boxes in our room as a jewelry box/valet.

2) SHOES - I still love them, and I still wear them at least once a month when DH takes me to dinner for our monthiversaries. I've also worn them for a couple of other occasions.

3) PHOTOGRAPHY - We had our photographer travel with us for the wedding and I have so many photos and not one regret! I love looking at them and we have several framed around the house and in our offices (well, before I left my job) as well as our parents homes.

THINGS I DON'T REGRET SCRIMPING ON:

1) OUR ATTIRE - my dress cost $150 on ebay and while it was beautiful and I felt gorgeous and classic in it, I am never wearing it again. DH spent about $400-450 on his suit, but he wears it for work and that is on par to what he spends for his suits.

2) CEREMONY/OFFICIANT/FLOWERS/CAKE/FOOD/RECEPTION - they were part of our wedding package and everything was really beautiful and tasted great. I could have stressed over it but I still wouldn't have had better flowers or food or location or DJ or officiant on an island in the middle of the ocean.

 

[jjdav]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I totally agree with the posters who said pick a few "must haves" and focus on those.

Here's a little about our wedding, we also had a smallish wedding with a total of 48 people (including the two of us), we also had budget constraints (our parents offered to help, but we tried to pay for everything ourselves as much as possible). My husband didn't much care for the wedding itself, he said he "just wanted to marry me"

So the things I chose were:
1. Food (we had to have great food, both of us are foodies)
2. Photographer - we opted for a lower package, as I knew I could make my own photo books, I used My Publisher and the quality was really good, I was also able to snag some coupons, and when I gave my in-laws a copy, they were astounded by how it turned out
3. Make up - I'm terrible at it so I left it to a professional (she was great and really experienced, I didn't even have to touch up)

Where I felt we saved money:
1. Location - we had the ceremony in a restaurant, the owner was great, he actually had a separate area set up for us
2. Alcohol - we tailored our package to the guests, quite a few people didn't drink or very little, so having a unlimited drinks per person would not have made sense
3. Flowers - only had very small vases on the tables because the restaurant had great silver ware and plates and general presentation
4. Printed our own invites and had a website giving updates and for the guests to RSVP
5. We asked a judge who is a friend of a guest to officiate since neither of us is religious, he had a good time hanging out with his friend and having great food
6. Bought my dress online after trying it on in a store

I don't regret anything except the hairdresser who showed up 40 minutes late Our day did not go according to plan at all, but we had a good laugh about how we had the plumbers out for our wedding!

All the best to you and your planning!

Cheers

 

[rosetta]

Thanks for all the info ladies. Very useful for me also.

 

[deorwine]

Married 4 1/2 years (wow!)...

We spent a lot (relatively speaking) on food/location and photographer. I don't regret the photography at all, as I love the pics. I am of two minds about the food. The rational part of my brain understands that it's a lot of money for one meal that most people probably don't even remember, but the irrational part is STILL happy at not serving the guests rubber chicken, and that the reception site was as as beautiful and serene as it was.

Everything else was cheap, nonexistent, or DIY. I got a David's Bridal dress with super cheap fabric that was still gorgeous. I wore sneakers underneath (not just to save money, I also have flat feet issues and a wedding is a Long time to spend on one's feet!) We did not have alcohol or dancing or limos (DH rented a convertible to pick me up in, though, which was awesome; everyone else coordinated their rides-- when my sister got married, she had DH be the "chauffeur" and used a large SUV to cart her and all the bridesmaids around, which was also awesome), and that was just fine. I semi-DIY'd the invites. My aunt did the flowers. A techie friend DJ'd the reception. My sister did the makeup. Two friends performed a song at our reception which is one of the most treasured memories I have of the day. My best friend made wedding cupcakes, another of my most treasured memories. Sister-in-law videotaped the ceremony. We have watched it exactly once... we're not video kinds of people.

I guess the moral of my wedding is that the things I had friends do meant SO much more to me than paying some stranger to do it, and personalized it. And I don't regret anything we didn't spend money on. My sister did a lot of the same thing (though she had alcohol and dancing, haha) and she also feels the same way -- her talented-makeup friend C. did her makeup, which was one of the day's highlights for her (and as well meant she could spend some extra time with C. on her wedding day, which otherwise she wouldn't have gotten to do since C. wasn't in the wedding party), and my DH was the chauffeur as I have already mentioned.

Oh, one more thing we did splurge on. My mom insisted that our rehearsal dinner invite ALL out-of-town guests. So we also had a "wedding luncheon" with only the wedding party at a really really nice expensive restaurant, and bought silly (but thoughtful) gifts for the wedding party which we distributed at the lunch. (For example, my math geek bridesmaid got a little geometrical sculpture.) That was THE highlight of the weekend for us; ran about $1500.

 

[Tuckins1]

We did not pay for our wedding, but we really didn't want our parents to pay too much either. We did not have videography, we didn't decorate too much (just some floating candles/votives/rose petals on tables- we were married at a yacht club so the water was a perfect backdrop), We chose a place that we could have the wedding and reception so we didn't have to rent and decorate two places... I feel it's most important to spend the money on things that people will all enjoy- booze and food.

ETA- we had his aunt do our photos- she has a super fancy digital camera and really did a wonderful job of documenting our day!

 

[septsparkle]

Not married, but wedding coming up in 6 weeks from today so most of the decisions have been made. I was aiming for the same number as you. We ended up inviting 87 people, but I have 1/2 of my RSVPs back and 14 people have declined (our family is scattered across the country, so a lot of people are just having 1-2 family members come instead of the whole clan). With the unofficial "no list" it looks like I won't even have 60 people. So I am happy with that.

I think you have to figure out 2-3 things that are important to you, put as much as you can into those things, and than budget everything else.

I wanted a designer dress. I know it is one day, but it is something I always wanted.

I wanted nice photos. I found a photographer who is at the top of our budget, and after getting my e-pics done, I do not regret that choice. She did give me a discount since my wedding is a Friday night (as did the venue and DJ). I also asked her to make our guest book using our engagement pics.

I wanted a pretty venue, so I spent money on that.

Everything else was up for compromise

Caterer - mid priced, chicken dinner. There was no price difference between buffet and sit down so we are doing sit down.

Alcohol - It was kind of nice that the venue does not have a liquor license. So we are having beer and wine only. Our hotel has a full bar if people want to drink after the wedding

Music - DJ for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. Did not see the point in paying for live musicians.

Cake - kind of expensive, because I wanted it done from scratch and wanted a baker with a good reputation. But it is buttercream with flowers and a simple design that mimics our invites

Invites - I got a deal on letter press invites. My FI was really picky about invites, and wanted super expensive engraved ones. The letter press was a compromise. I didn't do a printed return address on the envelope and bought an embosser on Amazon (saved about $100). I also skipped inner envelopes. I do regret doing RSVP post cards. My return address is getting scrapped off in the mail. That is a problem. I did my own calligraphy, but I know how to do that. That was my only DYI.

BM's gifts, I spent about $100 on each BM, but that is the least I can do to thank them

Flowers - the Groom's mother offered to pay for those, otherwise I would have totally skimped.

Transportation - our rental cars, our hotel is 1.6 miles away, I think a limo is overkill

Videographer - not having one. My photographer ate the budget, and I hate watching myself on TV.

Hotel - simple upgraded room. Nothing fancy.

If you are still interested in a couple months, I can let you know how I feel.

Most of my thoughts are in par with this...we did a few things differently that aren't necessary, like hiring a Trolley to pick up guests from 2 nearby hotels and transport them to/from the wedding venue. We had to invite almost 150 people and are praying for closer to 80. Fiance has a huge extended family that we invited and I'm assuming since he hasn't seen most of them in 20 years they won't want to come...and I'm secretly hoping so, too. It will be matter of 1,000's of dollars for us. So...first and foremost, I'd suggest keeping your guestlist down to your closest friends and family if you want to keep costs down. That helps tremendously. Buying flowers that are in season...I told the florist our colors and that I wanted low sitting simple centerpieces and am leaving the rest to her. Her prices were also very reasonably in comparison to DIY. I did our invitations and bought a cricut machine which is a major help for DIY projects including the invites.

We did splurge on top-shelf open bar, but that's mainly because most of our guests are older since we are in our 30's and everyone is having to travel for our wedding. We wanted every one to have a great time and for it to be a big fun party after the few formalities at the beginning of the reception. That's why we also hired the Trolley company so we didn't have to worry about drinking and driving.

I'm also getting married in about 6 weeks so I can provide more insight afterwards.

 

[sillyberry]

Thanks for all the info ladies. Very useful for me also.

Agreed!!!

 

[oobiecoo]

We had a small budget because we paid for almost everything ourselves and we were both students.

Invitations:
I bought invitations on super clearance at Walmart of all places and had them printed at Kinkos. They were a simple and classic design and the kit included reply cards, thank yous... all that. The paper was maybe a little bit more lightweight than custom invitations would have been but it was fine and we got alot of compliments on them. Looking back, it would have been *nice* to have something a little more custom or stylized but I am happy with what we got and probably would have purchased the same ones even if they weren't as incredibly cheap as they were.

Ceremony Music:
I looked into a string quartet or something similar but nothing ended up working out for various reasons. We ended up with a solo violinist and it was PERFECT and much less expensive than having a quartet. I worried the songs we chose for the ceremony might sound strange with just one instrument playing them but it was great and added a really intimate, sweet feeling to the ceremony.

Dress/Tux:
We decided against a tux and formal gown since it was summer and we wanted more of a daytime garden party feel anyway. We bought a really nice new suit/shirt/etc for DH and I purchased a long bridesmaid dress in white silk dupioni. It was a really simple style(no beading,etc since I wasn't really interested in that), passed as a wedding gown, and I LOVED that I got a real silk dress instead of the polyester that so many wedding gowns are made of. It was about 1/4 the price of most bridal gowns I had tried on.

Hair:
I paid to have my hair done and LOVED it. I didn't go anywhere super expensive though.


Regrets:
We got a great deal on the reception site/food/service but I would have liked to be more hands on with that... do my own centerpieces, that sort of thing. Not necessarily to save money but to put more of my touch on things.



My whole mindset when planning the wedding is that its a CELEBRATION... not a performance/production/recital/etc. If something wasn't perfect... it was ok. I wasn't going to be graded on it.

 

[Lauren8211]

We put our money in our food/wine and our photographer. Best decision we could have made. People STILL talk about the awesome food and wine they had at the wedding, and its been nearly a year. I love my wedding photographs, and still look at the wedding pictures constantly.

I barely even remember anything else... including my dress!

 

[FrekeChild]

I think the two most memorable things about our wedding? Bacon fries and silver dress.

The food was probably more than half of our budget, but every cent of that was well worth it.

The dress? $450, bought off of Bluefly, I didn't fit into it when I got it, but I made it happen. Alterations for it? $20 for a hem.

Regrets?

I wish we had been able to take a honeymoon after the wedding, or just stay in Vegas longer, while everyone else went home. We were alone for ONE night during the whole wedding trip. That sucked.

Otherwise? Pretty happy with what we did.