bridesmaid down!

[mimzy]

This is sort of a bummer.

i had only been planning having a MOH and two bridesmaids - my sister, FI's sister and my best friend. well, as of 2008, best friend is no longer anything that even resembles that and after sorting out the emotional wreckage, i'm faced with the task of finding another bridesmaid.

i'll preface the rest of this by saying that i know that i don't have to add to my WP, but i want to take the opportunity to reach out to some other ladies in my life, and am not really considering not replacing her.

the thing is, i really don't have many friends. i've narrowed it down to two choices:

1) E: E and i have been friend since elementary school. we had sort of a weird on again off again friendship until high school and while we never ran with the same crowd, we were always really tight and had a really great understanding. We haven't seen each other much since college, and she lives in san francisco now. she has a million new friends and i'm not sure she is overly concerned with me anymore, but she is still really important to me AND it was her response that was the best of everyones and that made me feel the best when i told her FI and i were engaged (if that counts for anything!). I'd like to ask her because she's been a good friend and i know that even if we fall out of touch that we will always have each others back, so to speak. the downside is that she is in san fransicsco and would be unlikely to attend any prewedding activities or anything. i would pretty much just ask her to put on the dress and show up!

2)S: S is my cousin that i grew up with. she is really great - high energy and a really caring, loving person. i lived with her and her sister for a year during my undergrad and we get along great. we don't see each other that often now that we aren't living together, but i still count her as a good friend. the only downside would be that i wouldn't want her to feel pressured to have me be in her WP just because she was in mine. She is also really busy, as she is the MOH in her twin sisters wedding coming up, as well as her older sister about to have her first baby, and she has a sort of new job. (granted the wedding would be a ways in the distance, so that might only be a factor for a little while). also, i have six other girl cousins that we are all pretty close with, and i might feel weird asking her and not the others (not that they wouldn't understand or anything...)

i'm nervous about asking either one because i feel like i would get a "wow, you didn't have anyone better to ask than me?" response, even if it is internal. i almost feel embarrassed because they will know that i don't have any other friends!

anyways, i guess my question is, who would you choose?

also, how long can i wait to ask them before it is considered rude? i dont' want them to feel like an afterthought - but it is taking a little while to get adjusted to the idea of having someone other than my former best friend up there with me.

 

[MMM]

my first reaction would be to recommend your cousin. when choosing my bridesmaids, i wanted to know my bridesmaids would be girls that would be people i would know for the rest of my life, that would know my children, etc. it seems your friend that moved away may always be a friend to you, but not necessarily a part of your life. you may keep the friendship you have, but it seems unlikely to grow. your cousin will be someone with whom your friendship can continue to grow your whole life.

as far as having 6 other girl cousins i think that they will understand (as you said). it would be more of a sticky situation if you only had 1 or 2 others because then it could seem like, why not include them all? but with that many, you are safe to just pick the one you feel the closest to.

lastly, i''m sorry you feel nervous about asking them because of what they could think. i completely completely understand the feeling. i''m lucky enough to have known my best friends my whole life but outside of them i am completely awful at making new friends. its always the joke that my mom made my only friends i have for me (since i met my 2 best friends in 3 yr old preschool and at that age you are just friends with whoever your mom sets up play dates with).

 

[MMM]

i just thought of something else... does your fiance have any girls in his family that he feels very close to that he would like in the wedding? maybe this would be a way to start a close relationship with one of his female relatives? maybe a dumb idea...? i dunno, just thought i''d throw it out there.

 

[mimzy]

thanks MMM. i think you are right, i''m probably going to go with my cousin. FI doesn''t have any close girl relatives, or else i would have considered that too.