Breaking Tradition

[Tacori E-ring]

I have decided to break tradition and not to have a bouquet toss or garter toss. I am not even going to wear one. I was just wondering if anyone is doing the same or if I am just over reacting to what I think are uncomfortable and kind of tacky traditions? (Trying not to offend brides who love them)

 

[elephant]

No, I don''t think that''s a problem at all? I will for sure not be doing the garter toss -- just thinking about having my fiance (then husband) burrowing around under my dress in front of a crowd of people is just really embarassing to me.... And he feels the same way.... But, that''s just us? As far as the bouquet toss -- I''m sort of ambivalent. My friend who just got married didn''t do it and quite farnkly, I don''t think anyone noticed? Well, we may have been a little tipsy.... But, honestly, people aren''t coming to your wedding to catch a garter or bouquet.... Just my humble opinion? Hope that helps!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No, it does help. Thanks. I just know before I was engaged I timed a bathroom visit to coincide with the bouquet toss. Most girls I know do too. I have never been to a wedding where girls are excited to be "singled" out to catch a throw away bouquet. I was just curious about what everyone else was planning to do.

 

[rae]

I also will NOT be doing the garter thing or a bouquet toss.... I have never liked either tradition, and neither does +1, so it is an easy decision!

 

[elephant]

Tacori -- I couldn''t agree more with the whole bathroom hideout! Before my fiance and I were engaged, we went to several weddings. It was such a fine line between appearing "too cool for school" and "over-eager" -- plus, it was a HUGE reminder that my bf (now fiance) HADNT PROPOSED YET.

Very awkward for me....

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I didn''t do the whole garter/bouquet toss thing either. Didn''t do the something old, something new tradition. Had bridesmaids wear whatever black dresses they wanted (the horror! so funereal!

) and had an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsman. Didn''t do a unity candle. Didn''t wear my e-ring on my right hand for the ceremony- just wore it in its usual left hand finger. Had a great time!

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 8/17/2005 9:39:59 AM
Author: Logan Sapphire
I didn''t do the whole garter/bouquet toss thing either. Didn''t do the something old, something new tradition. Had bridesmaids wear whatever black dresses they wanted (the horror! so funereal!

) and had an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsman. Didn''t do a unity candle. Didn''t wear my e-ring on my right hand for the ceremony- just wore it in its usual left hand finger. Had a great time!

I''m right there with you! I''m not married yet but I''m not doing any of the traditional stuff. I only have a maid of honor and a best man, no other attendants. No unity candle, no garter, no bouquet toss, old/new/borrowed/blue--doubt it, I''m not even wearing a traditional wedding dress and my MOH (sister) is wearing whatever she wants.

I really think anything goes. It''s your day, do what YOU want to do, not what everyone says you''re "supposed" to do.

 

[BeaudryBabe]

It''s your day, make it as you want it.

We didn''t do the garter/bouquet toss either. Thought it was a little too much. The time was better spent with our guests, dancing and visiting.

 

[teebee]

We''re not doing the bouquet/garter toss either... I can only think of one wedding where any of the girls were eager to get up there - and it nearly turned into a brawl over the stupid bouquet... ridiculous! As a single girl, I''ve always hated that moment at a wedding & found it kinda insulting because I really loved being single & it''s one of those traditions that implies (to me) that as an individual, you''re just not enough or complete without being hitched. And yes, at this point in my life, I''m engaged and marriage is what I''m working towards and planning for, but when I wasn''t attached I was just as happy and complete - it was just a different phase in my life. I don''t mean to get all hostile & philosophical over something so trivial... but like I said, the concept was always just off the mark for me. And now, since I''m in my 30''s, most of our friends are married, and my 2 single friends would be horrified if I made them stand up in front of everyone.

 

[jcrow]

i hadn''t really ever ponder this before, but now that i think about it, i don''t think i would do either toss either. for one, i don''t think many singles would attend the wedding. most are married... so it would then be pointless.

 

[Anastasia]

I didn''t do the bouquet or garter toss at my 1992 wedding (old married lady here!). I was 29 years old, most of the women at my wedding were married, and we had 5 - count ''em - VERY pregnant women at the wedding! It just seemed inappropriate to me! I''m pretty sure no one noticed.

I got all of the "traditions" right out of the way - we did the first dance, and father daughter dance right after being introduced, and cut the cake right after dinner. Then, there were no more interruptions to the partying. We just danced for the rest of the night. I hate when the reception keeps getting interrupted - I think it can break up the party. Most of our guests stayed until the last song and danced all night!

 

[flopkins]

I''m not fond of either tradition, but FI likes the garter toss.. I''m kinda grossed out by the idea of him digging under my dress... plus, at one wedding we went to, when they had the garter toss, I swear... where the garter fell, it was like the parting of the Red Sea... all the guys were staring at it, going ''It touched You...'' No.. it touched YOU first... it was very embarrassing for all parties, IMO!

But one alternative I''ve seen (I think via martha stewart) for the bouquet toss is to make a bouqet with individual flowers or small bunches, each flower with a ''fortune'' or ''wish'' attached to it, so when you toss it, it separates into many flowers, and many girls each get a little cute fortune... could be anything - marriage related or not. I think this idea is really cute and I want to do it... if I have the time to make it!!!

 

[kanne]

oh flopkins..that is a cute idea!

We''re not doing the toss or the garter thing either. I think we may do the anniversary dance thing tho..and give the bouquet to the couple who has been married the longest. Might be fun...

 

[FireGoddess]

We didn''t do the bouquet toss, or the garter thing either. Most single women I know run shrieking from the room when the announcement for the bouquet toss comes, so I figured I''d spare them the trauma. As far as the garter thing goes...it was a tradition I was glad to leave by the wayside for our intercultural, interfaith wedding..where I think it would have been looked upon in horror!

 

[glaucomflecken]

One thing I read you can do if you want to do those traditions but not make the single people feel weird is to have all the women go up for the bouquet and whoever catches it gets a little gift card or something, and same for the men. FI insists we do these traditions so I thought that may be a way to not (no pun intended) single people out.

 

[ame]

I did both tosses and I wouldn''t have passed the bouquet tosses up for the world. Nothing makes me laugh more than watching my idiot cousins beat each other for a broken bouquet of flowers. My best friend''s mom ended up getting it. It was worth it.

The garter toss was a hoot. Only 2 people tried, my 12 year old cousin and my 4 year old cousin. The 12 year old got it and did this little "yea" cheer for himself and my 4 year old cousin was crushed that he didn''t get it. I love the photos of that.

It wouldn''t be horrible to not do either toss.

 

[IrishEyes]

I think it''s totally up to you, it''s your day! If you''re not feeling it, don''t do it. Personally, I always thought the bouquet toss was a pain in the butt, at least for the guest (women that is). Calling all the single gals out to the floor is kinda cruel IMO. The ones that are seriously awaiting their boyfriends to propose are just reminded of not being engaged. The ones that may be happy they are single and not married might not want to go out there because they don''t want to be viewed as "needy" or "unhappily single" perhaps. I always got the feeling that all the ladies out there waiting to catch the flowers really didn''t want to be there for some reason or another, but they had to oblige and make the bride happy. I actually went to a wedding a few years ago where, when the DJ called all the "single gals" out to the floor for the toss, NO ONE went out there!! He had to call twice to finally drag some of the single ones out there and they all looked kind of embarrassed and like they didn''t want to do it.

anyway, just my opinion and my observations! I''m sure there are many girls who find it fun, though I wasn''t one of them back in my single days. I say you omit it

 

[OldBride]

My wedding will be a second marriage and the books say that the garter and bouquet toss are not done. Goodie. Since I sprained my knee, I was thinking of tossing my knee brace, but it might seriously injure someone.
Deborah

 

[rfath]

I''m doing neither the garter toss nor the bouquet toss... but I''m having the florist make a small bouquet to be presented to my fiance''s grandmother as a tribute instead tossing the bouquet.

 

[fountainfairfax]

when I got married to my ex in 92 we passed on the garter thing (just icky) and I suprised everyone by pretending to get ready to throw my bouquet and instead ran over & gave it to the Best Man''s GF...I knew he was proposing shortly and she was just thrilled!

 

[jellybean]

We did the anniversary dance instead of the bouquet/garder toss.

We had all the married couples come onto the dance floor and slow danced. Then the dj announced "if you''ve been married for less than 1 year please leave the dance floor". The goal was to see who was married the longest. Then the dj would say "if you''ve been married less than 5 years please leave the dance floor". He kept going up in years until he got to the 50 year mark. It was so cute -- there were 3 couples left -- my two sets of grandparents, and a great aunt and uncle. The "winner" was my dad''s parents, who were married 60 years. When it turned out they were the last couple remaining, they got a huge round of applause. They got the garder and bouquet.

What was also really cool about it was that the entire crowd was totally into it. Everyone was at the edges of the dance floor to see who was married the longest.

I highly recommend it!

 

[IrishEyes]

Jellybean, that''s a real cute story and a great idea! I think that sounds much better than the toss and garter thing, IMO

 

[teebee]

Jellybean - I am considering doing the anniversary dance - it sounds so sweet!! And, I know for sure that it would be my grandparents that ''win'' because no one else that we are inviting has been married as long as they have (close to 60 years at the wedding). What song did you play for it? I thought about "Remember When" by Alan Jackson, but it kinda makes me cry...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

jellybean- I LOVE IT! That is so cute!

 

[gingerBcookie]

I think you should do whatever you wanna do!! I personally love the bouquet and garter toss and can''t wait to do mine! My friend has this awesome picture of my fiance leaping off the floor to catch the garter, captured him and another guy in a battle for the garter while two of the guys next to them (two groomsmen with long term GFs

) ducking to avoid it. then she had a pic of him rushing over to me and putting it on my leg with his teeth!!! it was hilarious and so much fun!!! My best friend caught the bouquet and there is the cutest pic of her curtsying to applause.

I do love the idea of the breakapart bouquet though, spreads the joy some, but i''m super traditional so i''ll have to think about it!

 

[onedrop]

i really like that anniversary dance idea. It seems much more meaningful than a bouquet toss. Having been literally dragged onto the floor too many times for a bouquet toss, I know that will not be a part of my wedding. I don''t really care for the garter toss either because the guys for the most part are just not trying to catch it.

I don''t think I saw this mentioned in the earlier posts, but there is a practice that I have seen at weddings where the guy who catches the garter puts it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet. Have you all seen this happen???? That seems even more embarassing than being called to the dance floor to catch the bouquet.

 

[jellybean]

Date: 8/18/2005 11:30:54 AM
Author: teebee
Jellybean - I am considering doing the anniversary dance - it sounds so sweet!! And, I know for sure that it would be my grandparents that ''win'' because no one else that we are inviting has been married as long as they have (close to 60 years at the wedding). What song did you play for it? I thought about ''Remember When'' by Alan Jackson, but it kinda makes me cry...

The song was called "When I Fall In Love" by Celine Dion and Clive Griffin. It was awesome! Actually, our DJ, who is a family friend, picked it b/c I didn''t know what song to have.

Here''s some of the lyrics:

Maybe I''m old fashioned feeling as I do
Maybe I''m just living in the part
But when I meet the right one, I know I''ll be true
My first love will be my last
When I fall in love, it will be forever
Or I''ll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it''s begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun
When I give my heart, it will be completely
Or I''ll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you

 

[teebee]

I LOVE that song JB, the original Nat King Cole version is really lovely too. DUH, I just thought of the perfect song for our anniversary dance!!! It''s called "Always" by Perry Como, and it was my granparents first dance at their own wedding (back in 1946 I think?). Awww, now I''m all excited about it - I''m such a sap for things like that....

 

[Odilia]

Hi,
Old thread and I didn''t read all of it but thought I''d comment on the bouquet toss question. First off, I don''t think it would be a bad thing at all to skip it. We skipped the garter toss for sure. (I did wear one, not that anyone would see it; it was in my mom''s wedding dress box and had some blue in it, so it was my "something blue"; I was the only one aware of it!) I didn''t really put much thought into the bouquet toss, so I did it. (We didn''t have a DJ or band, and thus no MC, and we had multiple rooms, so some people weren''t even around and didn''t see it.) I''ve since heard friends say they hate that and always make themselves scarce at that time, which made me think maybe I should have skipped it. (I am all in favor of skipping the "tacky" traditions, and we did skip a bunch.) But I know other girls who are excited about it. Personally, as a single, I never was and never made the slightest effort to catch it.

The main reason I wanted to post, though, is I thought it was funny how mine worked out. My husband''s niece, who is a tall, beautiful girl, caught it. One friend, who was in the front of the group, had a photo of herself and the bouquet coming right at her. Although she claimed she really didn''t want to catch it, she remarked (and to me sounded disappointed) on how this girl ''came out of nowhere'' to catch it, and it did look like that in the picture. It looked like she really aggressively (but having fun) went after it. Our niece, who is also athletic, said very casually, "I always catch the bouquet at weddings. No one ever seems to want to catch them, and I like flowers." The same year we got married, she joined the convent. I always get a chuckle when I think about that.

 

[MelissaSue]

I can totally see both sides of this one.. but I''m pretty sure that I AM going to do the bouquet toss and garter toss.. Its just something fun.. I''m not going to have TONS of single girls at my wedding, but there will be enough..and depending on where you are in life/relationships/how well you know others at the wedding.. it really CAN be fun (at friends wedding last year, another friend and I FOUGHT for it.. she got it.. but I''m getting married first by a few months..hehe. . Plus, my reception venue has an awesome staircaise/balcony.. how could i NOT use it?

But how does it work again?
First I toss the bouquet and the girl who catches it is the next to get married..
The he tosses the garter.. is the guy who catches that supposed to be the next GUY to get married? Or does it mean something different?

And then.. whats up with the part where the guy and girl who don''t know each other (or in one case I have seen.. are brother and sister.. lol).. the guy has to put it on the strange girls leg? And something about how many inches above the knee=something?? I think I need this reexplained to me.. That whole part doesn''t make any sense to me.