Big $$$$ wedding OR $$ island wedding & extra receptions?

[hopefulheidi]

No, I'm not engaged, yet. I'm simply a planner to the very core of my being and since there isn't a lot left for me to plan in the way of an engagement, I'm just going to push onward and start dreaming of the wedding.

I came across an interesting thread in Diamond Hangout: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-many-of-you-have-gone-into-debt-or-are-going-into-debt-for-your-wedding.29189/ The topic is something I’ve given a lot of thought lately and I’m hoping to get some opinions on my current idea for a wedding/reception plan.

Originally I fell in love with a “castle” 1.5 hours between my hometown and HIS hometown. It’s beautiful and elegant and a bit special because I first learned of it while traveling between his house and mine. Every time we’d journey between the two places, I’d mention the sign for the castle, always vowing I’d look it up on the Internet when we got home. Eventually I did and I was thrilled to find that it was well known for hosting weddings. I’ve priced the entire day there a number of times and it always exceeds $20K (of course there is an $8000 min on sat. and $3000 on sun). I’m sure it would be a fairy tale day but I’m beginning to feel like it’s a bit of a wedding factory and a lot of money to spend for a few hours of enjoyment. This past fall I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my parents and I barely got to talk to a handful of people so I can imagine our wedding reception would be even more hectic and tedious. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s really worth spending all that money to throw a party for so many people that we honestly won’t have the time to really visit with.

One of my coworkers escaped the US and was married on Grand Cayman the year before last. Every time she speaks of her beach wedding she just glows. Not only does she describe it as a relaxed and intimate experience, but she and her fiancé were also able to save a ton of money. Granted, money isn’t my only motivation, but I honestly like the idea of spending such an important day bonding with my new husband and my nearest and dearest friends and family. It would certainly be a memorable experience and quite different from the typical wedding you’d experience in our small hometowns. My biggest concerns with going this route are 1) Upsetting those guests who wouldn’t be able to afford such a trip to see us married 2) Not having enough control over the details (since I am a bit of a planner hehe) 3) Experiencing a wedding day that doesn’t quite live up to the dream I’ve always had in my head of that special day.

My current plan is to have an island wedding and invite anyone and everyone that we know. I understand not everyone will be able to attend but I know we’ll be able to spend much more quality time with those that do. It will be a great vacation for us and our families and we’ll be able to afford it much more easily since we’d be selfish and only pay for our stay. After the fact, I’d really like to do a small reception in my hometown and one in his for anyone that wasn’t able to join us on the island (or anyone that feels like celebrating with us again hehe). I *think* it would be a lot more convenient for our relatives and friends if they aren’t forced to drive across the state to attend one big reception. For my parent’s birthday party I was able to rent a hall, hire a caterer & DJ, and decorate for a little over $1K and it was a lot of fun. I have no doubt we could do the same in my boyfriend’s hometown. Granted our extended families wouldn’t have the opportunity to mingle, but breaking the guest list into 2 halves would leave us a little less overwhelmed and allow us a lot more one on one time with our guests.

Castle Wedding (or local park wedding) = ~$20,000-$26000

Island Wedding + 2 small receptions would cost under $10,000 thereby saving us $10,000-16,000. That’s certainly not chump change!

Sooo…what do you think of this as an option?

For those that had island weddings, was it different from what you had always imagined/were you disappointed?

Do you think 3 receptions is overkill?

I honestly appreciate absolutely ANY feedback you have on this…just be gentle

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hey Heidi - I wanted to reply because my FI and I had a similar set of issues. Here is our decision and thought process, which I hope might provide some insight for you:

We decided to have an intimate wedding, with about 50 people who, in FMIL''s words, we "can''t imagine getting married without them there." We did this because we feel that it will truly allow us to enjoy our day and spend time on it with the people who are most important in our lives, and think it will be a better memory than a larger party would. Also, it will allow us to have a nice wedding without blowing the money we are saving for a house downpayment somewhere down the road. Honestly too, I think that while for some people a big party wedding is right, for us it just wasn''t. We will be having at least 2 additional receptions/parties afterwards, in his home town and mine, which will allow us to celebrate with a larger group of people. I don''t think that its unreasonable to have more than one reception - I might draw the line at 5, but I think its really just about what''s right for you. This is a wonderful occasion, however, it is just the one day and down the road the money might be spent on other important financial goals. That was certainly a big part of our decision as well - if we were older and already owned a house, were out of school, had no other major purchases we were saving up for, etc... I might feel differently, but for us at our stage of life this just makes sense.

Anyway, that''s my $0.02, feel free to PM me if you want any more info or thoughts, and good luck with your decision

 

[royalasschergirl]

Hey there! I thought i would chime in since my boyfriend and i are going through the same thing. We are going to get married next April (the ring is picked out and paid for, just ain''t on my finger yet!) and we plan to get married on the beach in Hilton Head, where we met a year ago this weekend. He wants to do it where we met as opposed to where we live since it is the most special place to us -- our families are both within 4 hours driving time of the location, so we think its totally reasonable for anyone to get there, and being somewhat off peak season, it will be cheaper than may-august, etc. etc.

As for the large wedding vs. small wedding, here''s our story: My parents said that they hated to see us spend all this money on one day of our lives and in order to encourage us to save the money, they said they would take the money a larger wedding would cost an give it to us as a wedding gift. That made our decision 100 times easier! We live together, and I own a house and he owns a house, but we want to pick up another property for investment purposes, and this would give us the means to do it next year as opposed to just ''sometime down the road.'' The reasons we want a small wedding: 1). we want those people who we couldn''t imagine not being there, and no people we simply feel ''obligated'' to invite. In so many weddings people get trapped having to invite coworkers, distant relatives, etc. etc. and we feel that would be a HUGE waste of money, and more importantly add to our collective stress levels. 2). Cost 3). manageability of the process. i feel like i''ll be reducing my stress level immensely by just having a small affair and being able to control the details myself and not worry about who else wants to have a say in my big day! 4). Wedding party -- we don''t plan to have a wedding party with lots of bridesmaids and groomsmen. we may or may not have a best man and maid of honor, but i don''t think we''ll even do that. We want it to be about us, and I don''t want to have to worry with a whole set of people''s details such as dresses, gifts, parties, travel arrangements, etc. I think we should just get married without any of that extra stuff, and then go hang out with our family and best of friends.

I didn''t know at first if i would be able to do it, but two things changed my mind and have made me 100% certain its the right thing for us as a couple: 1). My girlfriend had a very intimate wedding with about 30 people, and her pictures were the most beautiful i''ve seen. They were concentrated on them as a couple, and only their immediate family and closest friends -- that sort of intimacy is what we are about, as I don''t really want a wedding book filled with people i hardly know, i want to look at each photo and beam with happiness and pride of that day. 2). Everyone who i have told that we''re optin to take the money has said GREAT CHOICE< I WISH I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT. or, they''ve said, i wish i only had those closest to me at the wedding, it was a blur, i hardly saw anyone. Not one person has been offended by our decision, and by keeping a really tight guest list you can avoid upsetting folks by saying immediate family and lifelong friends only. This for me is ideal because i''ve made tons of friends in the last 5 years i''ve lived here, but none of them that i feel i couldn''t tell them that they won''t make the list. The other great thing is being able to avoid inviting people from work that i wouldn''t truly want there but would feel obligated to invite. The same goes for 2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins, where if you invite one you have to invite them all. (not that i don''t love them, but i don''t see them on a regular basis, and its just not something i feel i need to do!)

The final thing is the party -- we plan to have a party in our hometown after the wedding that would include all of our friends and any family that didn''t get to the wedding, as well as my coworkers. I figure it''ll cost $1-2K to do that, but I want everyone to feel included and to celebrate with us, but i don''t feel like we should pay off one day for 5 years! I''m so excited, and can''t wait to get married on or near the beach with 40-50 of our nearest and dearest. I think of how happy that day will be, and how glad i will be to only handle the details that are most important and to leave a stack of stress behind!!

Hope this is helpful, and no matter what it''ll be great -- a great wedding is one that is personal, celebratory and meaningful -- and that is different for every couple!

 

[Tybee]

I am 100% for going to an Island!

FI and had the same idea after going over our budget and our guest list...There were too many people who we felt obligated to invite.
I''d much rather get married on the beach than a formal affair anyhow. We are laughingly shopping for "dress flip flops,"
The best thing about it is that we are going there next month to scope it out! So I get two Caribbean trips out of this deal.

When it really comes down to it, you do what your heart wants to do. I just cannot imagine spending all the money that a wedding costs when I so desperately want us to be able to buy a house.

Best of luck for whatever you decide. Your wedding is for you two, don''t forget that!

 

[mazzy]

I AM HAVING THE SAME PROBLEM!!! TORN AS WELL, I AM FROM NEW JERSEY AND HE IS FROM CALIFORNIA. IF WE HAVE IT IN NJ WHERE WE NOW LIVE THEN ALL OF HIS SIDE HAS TO FOOT THE BILL TO GET HERE AND VICE VERSA. WE WOULD OBVIOUSLY MUCH RATHER GET MARRIED IN CALI BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE WE SPENT THE FIRST 2 YEARS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, WHERE WE MET AND HAVE VERY SPECIAL MEMORIES, NOT TO MENTION THE SCENERY IS A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER. I HAVE A BIGGER FAMILY AND PEOPLE THAT ARE EXCPECTING ME TO MARRY HERE BUT IT IS OUR WEDDING DAY RIGHT? OR AM I BEING SELFISH

 

[Morticia]

Uh, Hopeful Heidi, I just read my reply and realized I put it in the wrong post!

This is what I get when I have people hovering over me all the time, trying to see what I'm looking at over the internet!

Anyway, I am in the same boat as you. I have no idea what to do. My FI and got engaged in April and we can't decide, big wedding or eloping.... We don't want to go into debt, but at the same time, I always dreamed of having something fun and nice.

Good luck to you!

 

[hopefulheidi]

The more I think about it, the more I think we have absolutely every right to be selfish

The idea of a wedding is to join 2 people together for the rest of their lives. In this day and age, the ceremony is *more* for the couple than for the friends and family. I believe it''s important to accomodate those nearest and dearest but not at the expense of sanity or happiness.

The more I think about the idea of spending my special day with the people I''m closest to, the more at peace I feel about this decision. The wedding shouldn''t be an opportunity to show off for/impress people that come around only at funerals and weddings, it should be about joining ourselves and our loved ones into one tightly woven family. That''s not to say that it shouldn''t be beautiful, but are those 150 extra guests, overflowing centerpieces, handmade wedding favors, really an integral part of the process?

My biggest concern now is the cost for those guests wanting to journey with us to an island for the big day.

How much would you, as a guest, be willing to fork over to take a short vacation to an exotic locale to attend the wedding of someone you''re very close to? I want people to enjoy themselves, but I don''t want them to have to deplete their life savings to attend.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to cut costs for our guests?