bachelorette or no bachelorette?

[lala2332]

FI and I were planning a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in vegas b/c all of our law school friends are joint friends and it just seemed fun to celebrate with both. Well, I sent out an email inviting about 12 girls, and so far 1 can come, 1 is a maybe, 6 can''t come, and I haven''t heard from 5. And out of that 5, I see 2 of them every day and they haven''t said anything. Granted one of them is the lovely friend that acted like a crazy person around graduation. (thread here: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/friend-bm-drama-long-story-sorry.116788/ )

I 100% understand about economy and other various factors: school, babies, work. FI''s friends are all making it work though, so it just makes me kind of sad that my friends can''t. I don''t know if I should try again with something less ambitious...maybe my parent''s beach house, or if I should just go with the one that can go and maybe the other few will end of coming. I hate to not celebrate with my guy friend''s from law school, but I feel a little embarassed that FI will have 20 guys there and I will have 3-4 girls max.

I think guys are maybe better about expecting and going to bachelor parties. I don''t know. I''m not having any showers, which I feel like is usually when girls do something.

any advice on how to re-group and try again, call it quits, or just go to vegas and have fun anyway?

 

[Blair138]

Sorry-I don''t have any advice but I wanted to give you a hug because my friends flaked out on my bachelorette party. I have a ''good'' group of friends, there are 7 of us that are sorority sisters and NOT ONE is coming to my b-party. I have other friends going but it upset me that they all conveniently had other plans that weekend even though I told them about it WAY in advance.

I hope you get everything figured out! Maybe everyone would be able to go if it was in your hometown (or wherever you are located) instead of Vegas?

 

[Haven]

I''m sorry about this situation, lala.

As for what you should do now, maybe take some time to think about what would make you happiest. Would you prefer a low-key, local party with all your friends present, or the Vegas trip with only a few friends?

I can tell you that I only go on trips like these for my very closest friends, and I only have a few of those. We''re also in the thick of wedding season, and I know that I''m feeling like we''ve been constantly buying and buying and buying gifts (bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings) so maybe your friends are feeling a bit too squeezed to commit to a trip right now?

Some of the loveliest bachelorette parties I''ve attended were very low-key affairs in a private home with good food, good drinks, and good company.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I would try and have a bachlorette close to home so people don''t feel obligated to spend a ton of money to fly to vegas for a weeked. If I did that I am sure none of my friends would come hahaha!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My daughter is in a wedding in August, and there is no way she could afford a bachelorette party in Vegas on top of the other expenses. They are having a local one, which I think is much more reasonable. I think the beach house idea sounds great!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 6/16/2009 9:50:46 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I would try and have a bachlorette close to home so people don''t feel obligated to spend a ton of money to fly to vegas for a weeked. If I did that I am sure none of my friends would come hahaha!

Ditto, my friends can hardly afford to chip in to get a suite at the local night club which includes cab rides home (15 bucks a person, yeah i know...)so i couldn''t even imagine them being able to afford vegas! good luck to you

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I agree, a local party might get a better attendance.

I think another aspect is that guys look forward to attending bachelor parties more than girls might look forward to attending bachelorette parties, lol. I don''t think it''s a big secret that guys like bachelor parties, especially if it''s not theirs and they can party it up.

 

[lala2332]

thanks for the advice. Unfortunatly my friends are from and live everywhere....California to New York, Virginia to Florida, so the idea of a local one being better attended isn''t going to happen. Almost everyone would have to fly no matter where I had it. I''m not asking my bm''s to buy dresses/shoes/ect... nor am I having any showers. I just thought more people would be more willing considering how little am I am asking as far as usual bm duties....nothing but showing up to the wedding.


oh, well. I may go anyway and just party it up with the few girls that can come, or just meet FI out there after his party and get a little 1 on 1 time.

 

[oobiecoo]

I would probably cancel all together. I decided not to have a bachelorette party- I didn't want to make my maids travel an extra weekend since they lived out of town and I honestly didn't think I could count on many others to come. I also figured I could do any bachelorette party activities AFTER the wedding anyway... its not like I'm changing my lifestyle or attitude or anything like that. So instead of the party, I just told my maids I'd love a spa day so they bought me a gift certificate so I could go relax! I definitely wouldn't have traded it for a party!

 

[Gypsy]

I skipped one. Just one more thing to plan myself (I know BP is supposed to do it, but my BP was one person, out of state and in the middle of defending a disertation). If you have to exert any effort. Not worth it. LOL>

 

[DMBFiredancer]

i had a Vegas trip with the girls planned for the beginning of July but one just lost her job and the others told me money was an issue so we decided to cancel. We decided to just do it sometime after the wedding - still a bachelorette party- just when things arent so crazy.

 

[LilyKat]

Would you be happy going to Vegas with all your fiance''s guys and just 3-4 girls? If you think you''d enjoy it, go ahead. But if it would make you uncomfortable/not be enjoyable, I would honestly just skip it. A bachelorette party isn''t a requirement, and lots of people just leave them out, especially if their good friends are too far to make it. I doubt I''ll have one when my time comes.

It''s just a pain your friends live in such different places, but what can you do

If you would still like a party, I suggest calling up your friends and asking them if they would be more inclined to come to a hosted house party/beach house, where the pressure to spend isn''t as much as in Vegas (ie just the cost of plane tickets rather than hotels, spending money etc). My guess is that quite a few probably would.

 

[Kelli]

Go to Vegas, baby! I might get some flak here.... I LOVE my girlfriends, but if I''m looking for a PARTAY, I''d rather be around the boys anyway. At least the ones I know. They are usually more relaxed, always have a good time with funnier stories, and there is always way more shenanigans going on. And isn''t that the point of bachleor/bachelorette parties? You and your 3/4 friends could end up having the craziest time of your lives!

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

I''m not a bride, but I was a MOH a few weeks ago at my best friend''s wedding.

The majority of her friends live out of state so she decided that she didn''t even want to bother having a party if not many people could make it. So I surprised her with a quick surprise b-party right after the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. We just got all the bridesmaids and female friends together in my hotel suite. Popped a couple bottles of champagne, gave her naughty gifts, etc. The whole thing only lasted about and hour, maybe more. I think she was really glad we did that for her.

The other thing I did was drive up and visit her one week before the wedding. I helped her with her last minute DIY projects, ran some wedding related errands, took her out to dinner. We grabbed some beers and hung out in a hotel room together, just talking till about 4 in the morning. Like a mini slumber party for just the two of us. Maybe you could do something similar with a few of your girlfriends. Just a low-key, low cost girly night.