anyone NOT want a bridal shower?

[DMBFiredancer]

my FI''s sister keeps saying that she wants to throw me a bridal shower.
yesterday one of my bridesmaids said that she wanted to throw one, too....

i feel so horrible - they both mean really well and are excited about having a shower, but i flat out do not want one. i always hated going to showers of any kind and i honestly just see it as one more ''thing to do'' before the wedding.

am i crazy or has anyone else felt this way?

part of it is also that my family is on the east coast and im on the west coast, so i dont feel that it is fair for me to have a shower here that my mom couldnt attend. she is already cool about me not having one out there. she is like me - not into that kind of thing.

so how do i tell my FI''s sister and my bridesmaid thanks, but no thanks without hurting their feelings?

 

[CJ2008]

I didn't want one either...

Hate those kinds of things...but my family knows that about me and I "reminded" my sister just in case...

I'm not sure how you could tell them without hurting their feelings other than to just be honest and say that you do not want one, especially because your mom wouldn't be able to attend. ETA: maybe just put the emphasis on feeling stressed w/all the things you need to do before the wedding, etc. - but at the end of the day, I think tactful honesty is your best choice if you really want to make sure they don't throw you one.

 

[Liane]

I declined a bridal shower too. It''s just not my style. I don''t like being the center of attention and it would feel weird to me. I love celebrating my friends'' engagements and marriages, but for me personally? Not my thing, thanks.

 

[CNOS128]

I don''t want one either, and they are trying to force it upon me!

My (admittedly immature) response is just to withhold any kind of guest list, so they won''t know who to invite...

 

[Clairitek]

Count me in there with you guys. My mother isn''t into those sorts of things either. Especially since we are now on the ultra small destination wedding track I would feel bad having women at my shower who wouldn''t be invited to the big day.

I personally feel sorta weird at these sorts of things though I have no issue with the fact that I have to plan two between now and the end of the summer.

 

[bee*]

We don''t do showers over here but I''ve always loved the sound of them! If you really don''t want one, then I''d definitely try and let them know. They might think that you really want one.

 

[KimberlyH]

Didn''t want one, didn''t have one. No one tried to force me, but if they had I would have been pretty adament about it and it wouldn''t have happened.

 

[blondebunny]

nope def do NOT want one

 

[diamondgirl4382]

I don''t really want one at work, because I feel like I barely know a lot of the people that would be there. I am on the shy side and wouldn''t like being the center of attention in that situation. I also don''t want everyone at work to feel obligated to buy me gifts. However, I do want one with family and friends.

 

[emelia]

I didn''t want one either, I HATE being the center of attention. Somehow I wound up with three.

In my case, each time I declined a shower I was confronted with a lot of upset. I realized that it was really important to the hostesses and decided that it would upset them more for me to decline than it would upset me to attend. In my case, it just wasn''t worth it to me to refuse and, in the end, I did enjoy them. The hostesses knew that I didn''t like games, etc. so all three showers wound up being fun shindigs where I got to spend some quality time with friends and family I don''t get to see frequently.

Not sure if this really helps you. I''d suggest that if you decide not to decline these showers you let your hostesses know what does and does not work for you. Good luck!

 

[neatfreak]

Didn''t want one, didn''t have one.

 

[elrohwen]

I *totally* didn''t want a shower, so I know where you''re coming from. My mom and FMIL wanted to do something though, so they set one up over Christmas when we were all together. They came up with the idea of an ornament shower, so everyone could buy us a few ornaments and not have to get expensive household items (that we don''t need anyway). In the end there were only 3 people other than our family there, so it was very small and nice.

So, maybe you could compromise, like I did, by letting them throw you a shower but asking them to keep it low-key with a small guest list? I definitely think it would hurt their feelings to not let them throw you a party, but that doesn''t mean you can''t ask them to throw one the way you would prefer.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I didn''t want one... My best friend insisted - so now I am having one! I told her not to bother - cause she is getting married soon after me and is probably so busy with her own planning - but you can''t really say no to a "gift" like that can you?

 

[panda08]

Count me in with the "no shower" crowd. I don''t have anything against them, I just don''t think they''re for me. I also don''t quite understand the tradition of it. You invite the same people who you invite the wedding, generally, and they give you a shower gift. Then they go to your wedding and give you another gift. Seems a bit much to me.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I like them but that''s besides the point of my post lol
Fi''s cousin and her now husband had a video shower where people would bring their favorite movies or movies they thought should be included in their collection and then had it be less of a wedding theme and more of a movie themed get together, it was really cool

 

[katamari]

I am trying to get out of one right now. I really, really don''t want one and I don''t think it is appropriate since we are semi-eloping. But, my mom and FMIL both think I should have one at least with family. I am trying to at least negotiate it so that it could be more of a lunch with families--no presents, no games, and certainly no hours of horrid gendered jokes where everyone sits around and laughs about how I will be cleaning, cooking, maintaining our home while FI does nothing (especially since this doesn''t apply to our, or probably any good, relationship).

 

[lala2332]

I really don''t want one!!! My mom doesn''t either, so she is telling her friends to save their money and buy me something nicer than they would have if they did double gifts (one shower, one wedding) from my registry. (these are really good friends!)

FMIL''s friends really want to have one or more for us, and since I can''t tell them not to. I think we will have a couple. Maybe we can just make it an engagement party instead of a shower. I like parties, not showers!

 

[trillionaire]

I hear you loud and clear. I resent any and all wedding traditions that are forcibly imposed on brides or grooms. If you want to do something, fantastic! But I don''t think people should get bent out of shape just because you are not doing what they or everyone else they know, did.

my .02

 

[Nocturnius]

My dilemma was this...

I only had two bridesmaids, and one lived in Ireland. So she wouldn''t make it. My to older sisters both lived in other states and wouldn''t be there. I don''t really have a lot of friends outside of my bridesmaids. So there was my mom. And she suggested inviting my in-laws. But honestly, I cannot stand to think about having to put up with my MIL, SIL, either of my GMILs or my AIL at a shower. I don''t even like putting up with them on holidays, much less at something that was SUPPOSED to be about me.

So just thank them for the offer and let them know you appreciate the gesture, but that you really aren''t a "shower" kind of girl.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

wow. its so great to see that i am not alone on this one. i did talk to my bridesmaid last night and luckily she totally understood, but she said she wanted to do SOMETHING special for me. she suggested just a nice time out with friends (my favorite restaraunt / bars or a day wine tasting) where they all just chip in to pay for me. i told her that i can handle that MUCH better than a traditional bridal shower, but that she had to stress to anyone going that its a "no gifts" get together. the economy is bad enough, and people are spending enough as it is for our wedding (travel,hotel, etc) that i dont think another round of gifts is necessary.

so we''re going to brainstorm some more on just something fun and cheap to do with a few friends.

now onto the FI''s sister. she LOVES showers and stuff, so she''s going to be a bit tougher. i have a feeling it will be "what do you MEAN you don''t want one? EVERYONE has to have one"

thanks for making me not feel nuts, ladies!

 

[elrohwen]

That''s so great that you were able to compromise! I think your friend will feel great to be able to put together something special for you, and you get a fun day out of it.

Good luck coming up with a similar compromise with FSIL!

 

[Haven]

I think you should look at the fact that people want to throw you showers as evidence that they care about you, and they want to show it rather than just "one more thing to do" before the wedding. If you''re not into showers, just be specific with your SIL about what you dislike about showers (e.g. the obligatory "showering" the couple with gifts,) and then tell her what you do like about them (e.g. Getting together and having fun with friends.)

I''ve been to showers that didn''t look like your typical shower at all--my favorite was a couples shower held in a public park, the menu was potluck, we played basketball and touch football and other sports (we''re all athletic), and just had a lot of fun in general. People brought gifts, but that''s just our social circle. You can do whatever you want.

I loved my showers, by the way. I had two, and they were both fun ways to have a more intimate get-together with the women in my life.

 

[musey]

I felt exactly the same way, but it was very important to my MOH that she get to plan one (it was one of the only ways she could feel ''involved,'' as she lives on the other side of the country from me). So I let her have her fun with it. I was actually surprised by how much fun I had

 

[honey22]

If you are not into showers, then try and politely explain to them that you really appreciate the thought, but you just don''t feel comfortable (rather than just saying you don''t want one). If they understand this is making you feel uncomfortable then they might just back off.

If they are really upset, maybe you could compromise. After all, they are just trying to do something nice for you and it''s really a nice gesture. Maybe you could suggest a quiet casual lunch at a relaxed restaurant, or even a casual BBQ at home. That way, they feel like they have given you an event of some sorts, and you are not stressed out by the whole thing.

They mean well I am sure, sometimes it hard when you don''t really want something. Good luck